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Old 01-13-2010, 11:28 PM   #201
calauria
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Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
Yes.

I honestly think so many women are truly lonely. Some of those women are in relationships and some are not. Some of us really hate being single because we think it says something negative about us or it could be that we don't like being in the company of ourselves much so having someone else to focus on kinda puts a bandage on that gaping wound. Alot of women think that once they're in a relationship magically they'll become happy or a big source of their discomfort will disappear. I don't think we do our homework when it comes to getting to know ourselves and figuring out what we really want. A romantic relationship isn't a cure all or salve for our issues. I think that's why when things don't work out or when idealized versions of our partners come crashing down, we find ourselves so upset. I know some women who think once they find a partner their lives will finally begin and honestly, I feel sorry for them. Its a grave mistake to put that much stock into a relationship like that and frankly, I'd never want to have to live up to being my partner's everything. It would only be a set up for failure and huge disappointments. Growing and learning has taught me that even if I didn't have my partnership, I can and do derive pleasure from the other close relationships I have with friends and family.

My relationship gives me a great deal of satisfaction because its something I work at everyday. I don't think of my partner as my knight in shining armor or any of that. We share a life together, but we still make an effort to keep pieces of our individualism in tact. And its worked for us.
Do you think that is why a lot of guys "screw up?" Because of the pressure of knowing that they are their SO's everything it is overwhelming and scary for them??
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:13 AM   #202
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I have had good and bad dating experiences, like we all have

but I am not looking for someone to complete me, and often look at a date as meeting a new person, who I may make a friendship or something more, hope they are the way they have been when we have talked ect

but the cookie annalogy explains the whole person thing best for me I think

In this world we have whole cookies (whole people who are complete within themselves) and half cookies (always searching for someone to complete them never realising they are complete within themselves)ok so two half cookies may not work together oh they might for a time but ultimately you can’t put a half a cornflake cookie with an Anzac biscuit just wouldn’t work in the long run and a cookie and a half isn’t good for much either but if two whole cookies get together then they can be sandwiched together to make say a monte carlo, so if and when they do split they take away what they have learned rather than leaving crumbs and crumbling

I try not to have any expectations because expectations only lead to dissappointment an open mind and heart will rarely be dissappointed on the other hand, even by a bad date because that is one less may be person but that is just my view
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:10 AM   #203
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I have had good and bad dating experiences, like we all have

but I am not looking for someone to complete me, and often look at a date as meeting a new person, who I may make a friendship or something more, hope they are the way they have been when we have talked ect

but the cookie annalogy explains the whole person thing best for me I think

In this world we have whole cookies (whole people who are complete within themselves) and half cookies (always searching for someone to complete them never realising they are complete within themselves)ok so two half cookies may not work together oh they might for a time but ultimately you canít put a half a cornflake cookie with an Anzac biscuit just wouldnít work in the long run and a cookie and a half isnít good for much either but if two whole cookies get together then they can be sandwiched together to make say a monte carlo, so if and when they do split they take away what they have learned rather than leaving crumbs and crumbling

I try not to have any expectations because expectations only lead to dissappointment an open mind and heart will rarely be dissappointed on the other hand, even by a bad date because that is one less may be person but that is just my view
Good analogy- I'm glad you shared it
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Old 03-06-2010, 07:20 AM   #204
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thanks, it is something I strongly believe, goes with the happiness comes from within thing we need to be happy within ourselves before someone else can enhance that happiness

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Old 03-06-2010, 10:30 AM   #205
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thanks, it is something I strongly believe, goes with the happiness comes from within thing we need to be happy within ourselves before someone else can enhance that happiness

hugs

Have to learn to love ourselves before someone else can
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Old 03-08-2010, 03:54 AM   #206
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It's not just fat women.
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Old 03-08-2010, 08:20 AM   #207
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in regards to the OP, yes some fat women expect too much, but as other posters have said, most women in today's society do. dreaming up a perfect guy who exist only in their imagination or on episodes/pages of chick drivel

in regards to men liking someone despite their fat. i laugh at this all the time. men are usually always physically driven, at least when it comes to initial contact. if he does not find you attractive or appealing visually, chances are there is no way to convince him otherwise. no matter how much of a great friend, confidant, one of the boys, or how pretty your face is. if a man is not inclined to be attracted to fat women, your awesomeness will not change his nature. stop falling for your male bff and misinterpreting friendship for a relationship. men rarely have awesome banter and full disclosure, these dynamics are more indicative of a friendship

i really dont understand why more fat women dont present themselves as viable dating options, versus taking the back door and "convincing" a man that she worth more than friendship or a roll in the hay. sadly, once you fullfill a certain role in a man's life, its really hard to change positions. and i am not insulting men, i am just familiar with their limitations LOL.

i personally dont even mess with dudes that arent fat admirers, or men who "do both" , there is alot to be said for a man who enjoys women at any size. and i wont share my body with anyone who simply tolerates fat. who focuses on lips and vagina and ignores rubbing my tummy or really embracing my ass. haha. it might make my pool of candidates smaller but that is what we should aim for, quality.
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Old 03-08-2010, 04:57 PM   #208
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Hmmmm....I feel as though being an African American woman, BBW, educated, multifaceted with a goofy sense of humor has made my dating pool very, very small to nonexistent.....

Most if not all, of the African American men I have dated say I act too much like a silly "white girl", and I don't act like a "real" Black woman. WTF does that mean? Hell, they insulted white women and me!!!

And the other "Men of Color" and White men, just want to have sex with a Black girl or fat girl or both Black and fat girl or some dumb shit like that.

And, I rarely meet many Bisexual or Lesbian women. Especially any who are attracted to me. I always get knocked in the "friend zone." I have noticed that a lot of bisexual or lesbian african american women prefer butch or stud and I'm way too girly girly.....

I've never had much luck with dating, anyway. I'm probably one of those women who aren't meant to be coupled with anyone. But, I love sex, I don't know how that's gonna work.......
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Old 03-08-2010, 05:16 PM   #209
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Hmmmm....I feel as though being an African American woman, BBW, educated, multifaceted with a goofy sense of humor has made my dating pool very, very small to nonexistent.....

Most if not all, of the African American men I have dated say I act too much like a silly "white girl", and I don't act like a "real" Black woman. WTF does that mean? Hell, they insulted white women and me!!!

And the other "Men of Color" and White men, just want to have sex with a Black girl or fat girl or both Black and fat girl or some dumb shit like that.

And, I rarely meet many Bisexual or Lesbian women. Especially any who are attracted to me. I always get knocked in the "friend zone." I have noticed that a lot of bisexual or lesbian african american women prefer butch or stud and I'm way too girly girly.....

I've never had much luck with dating, anyway. I'm probably one of those women who aren't meant to be coupled with anyone. But, I love sex, I don't know how that's gonna work.......
My mom's side is from the south and I noticed the east coast is just really different than the west coast in regards to how someone is supposed to act.
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Old 03-09-2010, 01:56 AM   #210
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Hmmmm....I feel as though being an African American woman, BBW, educated, multifaceted with a goofy sense of humor has made my dating pool very, very small to nonexistent.....

Most if not all, of the African American men I have dated say I act too much like a silly "white girl", and I don't act like a "real" Black woman. WTF does that mean? Hell, they insulted white women and me!!!

And the other "Men of Color" and White men, just want to have sex with a Black girl or fat girl or both Black and fat girl or some dumb shit like that.
the comments you recieve from the AA males about acting like a white girl are totally idiotic and it says more about the type of men you choose to associate with versus the overall quality of men that actually exist.

i think your observations are similar to alot of women, but dont discount men of other races as just trying to test the waters. some do and some dont. again one has to be selective.

i advise any woman who believes her dating pool as too shallow to expand. raise your age group, or try different races, look on other continents, etc.
i mean outside of the US there are men who put black bbw's on a pedestal as some sort of goddess mother earth LOL. but of course you have to find him, somehow

back in the day when there was only 10 million people in the world, the chances of finding your perfect match were pretty good. now we have to be a bit more resourceful and inventive. complex problems call for complex solutions
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Old 03-09-2010, 11:41 AM   #211
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i personally dont even mess with dudes that arent fat admirers, or men who "do both" , there is alot to be said for a man who enjoys women at any size. and i wont share my body with anyone who simply tolerates fat. who focuses on lips and vagina and ignores rubbing my tummy or really embracing my ass. haha. it might make my pool of candidates smaller but that is what we should aim for, quality.
Bolded for truth. A woman can tell when her body is being "tolerated" over being "enjoyed" and that is a BAD feeling. Wanting someone who fully enjoys my body is the absolute barest minimum of requirements.
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Old 03-09-2010, 12:14 PM   #212
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Bolded for truth. A woman can tell when her body is being "tolerated" over being "enjoyed" and that is a BAD feeling. Wanting someone who fully enjoys my body is the absolute barest minimum of requirements.
Of course! I want to be physically attractive to the person I'm dating. I was once told my most attractive feature was not my eyes, nor my legs or belly or boobs but it was my HAIR. I know I have nice hair, but I also knew he had nothing better to say, so thats what came out.
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Old 03-09-2010, 01:21 PM   #213
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Most if not all, of the African American men I have dated say I act too much like a silly "white girl", and I don't act like a "real" Black woman. WTF does that mean? Hell, they insulted white women and me!!!
It's not like black guys don't get the same thing.
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Old 03-11-2010, 04:50 PM   #214
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It's not like black guys don't get the same thing.
She didn't not say black men didn't get the same kind of treatment. She's just talking about her experiences. Heck, I've had the same experience she has. It just is what it is.

But if you'd like to start a thread to discuss black dating, feel free to start one in the lounge.
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