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Old 03-21-2010, 09:09 PM   #26
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Well, I'm not interested in personally gaining weight, but you did ask for a girl's opinion... of course, I also do not question your right to do with your body as you wish as long as it doesn't harm anyone else... so if I want to add something to the convo, looks like I'll have to make assumptions about what other people are thinking... and I'm a little toasted.

All right.

I realize this most likely isn't the case for everyone who has questioned your choices, but... There are significant negative aspects to being fat, and I think every fat person here has experienced that on some level, and arguably even every FA (if just on a peripheral level). This forum wouldn't exist if that wasn't the case; people wouldn't need a specialized space in which to work through those experiences. I think for people who experience fatness as an unpleasant enough way of being that they feel the need to change that-- which is fine, gain weight if you wanna, lose weight if you wanna-- there is no separating the emotions caused by fatness with the physical state. And that gets projected onto other fat people; the idea of someone pursuing weight gain just seems wrong. If I have experienced unhappiness in this state, surely you will too.

I've noticed a similar mindset in myself regarding a different kink... women who pursue extreme levels of submission in their relationships raise my hackles. Now mind you, I keep my opinions to my damn self, I realize they have a right to conduct their personal relationships however they want, and I don't presume to know what's right for them (she added smugly), but my emotional reaction to their choice is . The reason is a simple one, however illogical: I felt very (involuntarily) powerless for a long time in my last relationship, and when I think about another woman actively pursuing a state of being that caused me pain, I equate that person with myself, and feel upset at the thought of being in that state. I can imagine someone with an unhappy experience of being obese going through the same mental process.
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Old 03-21-2010, 09:13 PM   #27
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Well, I'm not interested in personally gaining weight, but you did ask for a girl's opinion... of course, I also do not question your right to do with your body as you wish as long as it doesn't harm anyone else... so if I want to add something to the convo, looks like I'll have to make assumptions about what other people are thinking... and I'm a little toasted.

All right.

I realize this most likely isn't the case for everyone who has questioned your choices, but... There are significant negative aspects to being fat, and I think every fat person here has experienced that on some level, and arguably even every FA (if just on a peripheral level). This forum wouldn't exist if that wasn't the case; people wouldn't need a specialized space in which to work through those experiences. I think for people who experience fatness as an unpleasant enough way of being that they feel the need to change that-- which is fine, gain weight if you wanna, lose weight if you wanna-- there is no separating the emotions caused by fatness with the physical state. And that gets projected onto other fat people; the idea of someone pursuing weight gain just seems wrong. If I have experienced unhappiness in this state, surely you will too.

I've noticed a similar mindset in myself regarding a different kink... women who pursue extreme levels of submission in their relationships raise my hackles. Now mind you, I keep my opinions to my damn self, I realize they have a right to conduct their personal relationships however they want, and I don't presume to know what's right for them (she added smugly), but my emotional reaction to their choice is . The reason is a simple one, however illogical: I felt very (involuntarily) powerless for a long time in my last relationship, and when I think about another woman actively pursuing a state of being that caused me pain, I equate that person with myself, and feel upset at the thought of being in that state. I can imagine someone with an unhappy experience of being obese going through the same mental process.


I <3 you; especially since you're toasted! lol

You made more sense than me; thank you!

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Old 03-21-2010, 10:47 PM   #28
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You know, i stay out of the weight gain board, because it is your body your choice, but as someone who weighs what i weigh, i tend to be one of the people who asks "are your eyes open, is my life what you want"?

what people fail to understand, is this is not a comment based on judgment or a belief of a lack of intelligence on your part...this is on me saying i had my big bad blinders on when i was younger and age and the natural progression of weight made me this size...

i ask out of concern...concern for my sisters and yes, when i spoke up i got both flack and support, but that is how it is here lately, and if you want to voice an opinion the popular dont share, then that is the way it is...

i dont judge those who want to gain, i just want you to sit with me, talk with me and say you know what is going to come your way. But dont make the assumptions of what my motives are, or make judgements that i am judging you (the societal YOU, not a specific YOU) when i repeatedly say i am not...i dont judge my friends that drink too much or that smoke to much or that drug too much, but i also talk to them....same with the crazy daredevil friends, guess what i talk to them too...

i think so many people have a knee jerk reaction to this, all they see is "here we go again" not the true words or the motives behind them.

I had to take a break from dims for a while, because it gets old defending an opinion...i have to listen and be respectful of yours...why is mine ANY different..

i am a nurse, i am a nurse in both critical care for adults and peds...have you ever had to watch someone die merely because they were too fat for a heart transplant....at 16?? guess what, i did...do you think i have strong opinions, when we as fat people can't even DONATE organs....you betcha...

but dont judge me, just cause i have an opinion and it differs from yours...we are adults and supposedly, we can have different opinions and survive...or so i have heard.
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Old 03-22-2010, 03:05 AM   #29
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I've held back from this thread, and I think "battle-fatigue" covers the reasons for that pretty well (thank you AFG). Also, given recent events, I'll probably really regret even getting started on this, but here it is anyway.

Honestly, I don't begrudge anyone their concerns over gaining. I also don't think it's unreasonable to voice them. I think it generally comes from a place of concern and caring. I don't feel judged by people like SocialbFly because I think she honestly has my well-being in mind in posts like the one above.

My problem, however, begins and ends with assumptions: that I don't know what I'm doing or what can and will happen as a result of gaining, that I just don't care about any of these consequences, that I can't separate fantasy from reality, that I am doing this for anyone but myself, and on and on and on.

Believe me, I KNOW gaining extreme amounts of weight is unhealthy and potentially dangerous. I'm already really really fat and I know how that limits me. I know that, if I get fatter, the obstacles only get bigger and that, as I age, things that aren't such a struggle now will get harder. I care about my health and my body. I think about it every day. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Sometimes I think that this is all really, really stupid. I think everyone who has an interest in gaining experiences that same struggle, whether it be concerning his or her own body or that of his or her partner (or potential partner).

The bottom line, though, is that I want to be this fat. I want to get fatter. Whether I choose to do so or not is no one else's business. I said this elsewhere, and it's the best way I can explain myself because it's the only thing I know for certain: I'm doing what I can to be happy, and that's all any of us can do in this life.
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:04 AM   #30
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think so many people have a knee jerk reaction to this, all they see is "here we go again"
That's because 99 times out of 100 it is "here we go again"...

Look, Dimensions, in my mind anyway, is suppose to be an oasis for the fat and the FAs who love them; against all the negative assumptions that has been programed into people for the last 30 years or so (and not out of some kind of caring either but for marketing and money reasons).

The 'concern' message as well as the 'hate' message is EVERYWHERE out there for us to see, absolutely everywhere, so to come to Dimensions and have to hear it YET AGAIN is beyond old and tiring for many.

Fat women and FAs have always existed, but today genes (and personal choice) are ignored and too many assumptions (I saw a fat person who was very sick and now I feel compelled to warn others) are made.

Even though I have been labeled a "picture-less FA" (I need to get a camera- there are pictures of me on the 2009 Dimensions Bash thread) I agree with Kriss, I am sick of it too.

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Old 03-22-2010, 07:29 AM   #31
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The bottom line, though, is that I want to be this fat. I want to get fatter. Whether I choose to do so or not is no one else's business. I said this elsewhere, and it's the best way I can explain myself because it's the only thing I know for certain: I'm doing what I can to be happy, and that's all any of us can do in this life.
Very well said Ashley, this smiley is for you

I often wonder what people think our lives are for. The message for many seems to be hide away, don't take risks, security over happiness, all of which 'might', that's might, tack on a year or two at the end (and honestly those years aren't very good or soul enriching anyway ) but the experience of their lives won't have been as happy or carry as much meaning as they could have.

I just think too many people waste a whole lot of time AND MONEY trying desperately to be something they're not- all because of what they've been told, and then they set about to recruit others for the same.
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Old 03-23-2010, 07:33 PM   #32
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My problem, however, begins and ends with assumptions: that I don't know what I'm doing or what can and will happen as a result of gaining, that I just don't care about any of these consequences, that I can't separate fantasy from reality, that I am doing this for anyone but myself, and on and on and on.
Emphasis mine, QFT.

I direct readers to my own sig to further emphasize this point.
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Old 03-23-2010, 08:01 PM   #33
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I've held back from this thread, and I think "battle-fatigue" covers the reasons for that pretty well (thank you AFG). Also, given recent events, I'll probably really regret even getting started on this, but here it is anyway.

Honestly, I don't begrudge anyone their concerns over gaining. I also don't think it's unreasonable to voice them. I think it generally comes from a place of concern and caring. I don't feel judged by people like SocialbFly because I think she honestly has my well-being in mind in posts like the one above.

My problem, however, begins and ends with assumptions: that I don't know what I'm doing or what can and will happen as a result of gaining, that I just don't care about any of these consequences, that I can't separate fantasy from reality, that I am doing this for anyone but myself, and on and on and on.

Believe me, I KNOW gaining extreme amounts of weight is unhealthy and potentially dangerous. I'm already really really fat and I know how that limits me. I know that, if I get fatter, the obstacles only get bigger and that, as I age, things that aren't such a struggle now will get harder. I care about my health and my body. I think about it every day. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Sometimes I think that this is all really, really stupid. I think everyone who has an interest in gaining experiences that same struggle, whether it be concerning his or her own body or that of his or her partner (or potential partner).

The bottom line, though, is that I want to be this fat. I want to get fatter. Whether I choose to do so or not is no one else's business. I said this elsewhere, and it's the best way I can explain myself because it's the only thing I know for certain: I'm doing what I can to be happy, and that's all any of us can do in this life.
Why caint ah REP yew? (Because I just did somewhere else, but you know...)
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Old 03-23-2010, 08:03 PM   #34
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Also, the same goes for feeders. We are not entitled to happiness, only its pursuit. And engaging in that pursuit with someone who is aware, enthusiastic and sensible? It's pretty great.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:07 PM   #35
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Gaining is serious bidness. I am so into it; as you know from my membership on Fantasy Feeder. I haven't really had anyone "warn" me. I've learned to keep my fetish under wraps, though. It's my personal tastes and it's the same as any other fetish. There is no need to display it to the world. Over 4 years I have gained over 80lbs and it was so liberating!!

What I don't like are the creepers that try to encourage you to gain weight and only see you as a tub of lard. That's what really puts a damper in gaining, for me. I prefer to gain alone at this point. Someday I will find a guy that's into gaining and capable of being normal lol
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:33 PM   #36
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What I don't like are the creepers that try to encourage you to gain weight and only see you as a tub of lard. That's what really puts a damper in gaining, for me. I prefer to gain alone at this point. Someday I will find a guy that's into gaining and capable of being normal lol
You wanna talk about creepers? I think we should have a thread about creepy encouragers.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:51 PM   #37
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as long as you truly know what you're getting into and why, its your own business and you don't have to justify anything you do to anyone. i definitely feel women who feel second guessed and judged at every turn as it regards their own body. as long as she is actually doing it because its for her and its actually her own drive she should be fine with anything she decides and the repercussions just as in anything else she wants to do in life. a woman's journey is hers and no one else's.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:55 PM   #38
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Gaining is serious bidness. I am so into it; as you know from my membership on Fantasy Feeder. I haven't really had anyone "warn" me. I've learned to keep my fetish under wraps, though. It's my personal tastes and it's the same as any other fetish. There is no need to display it to the world. Over 4 years I have gained over 80lbs and it was so liberating!!

What I don't like are the creepers that try to encourage you to gain weight and only see you as a tub of lard. That's what really puts a damper in gaining, for me. I prefer to gain alone at this point. Someday I will find a guy that's into gaining and capable of being normal lol
a big me too on the creepers thing. i think they are the ones who really give people the impression that women are just doing it for them. they are really control freaks and make it seem as though women who are feedees are their own creations. i think their attitudes hurt what some women might like to do more than anything the women themselves would want to do. i think being into being fat would seem much more of a normal relaxing and loving thing if people like that didn't turn it into a freak show.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:27 AM   #39
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I'm here to say that whatever women do with their own bodies is fine with me. You want to gain, it's fine with me. The same way for girls who want to lose weight. I just have to say that whatever you want to do with your body, it has to be for YOU. You have to live with the results of your actions. I know that's what the thread is about, but I might as well put that out there anyway, because I can be anal-retentive that way.

Anyway, I just hope that if you do decide to gain, or lose, I just hope you're happy.
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Old 03-26-2010, 09:52 PM   #40
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I'm here to say that whatever women do with their own bodies is fine with me. You want to gain, it's fine with me. The same way for girls who want to lose weight. I just have to say that whatever you want to do with your body, it has to be for YOU. You have to live with the results of your actions. I know that's what the thread is about, but I might as well put that out there anyway, because I can be anal-retentive that way.

Anyway, I just hope that if you do decide to gain, or lose, I just hope you're happy.
I approve this post
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Old 03-27-2010, 10:32 PM   #41
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I'm here to say that whatever women do with their own bodies is fine with me. You want to gain, it's fine with me. The same way for girls who want to lose weight. I just have to say that whatever you want to do with your body, it has to be for YOU.
There are those out there who would say that it does not matter whether you think it is "fine" or not.

Personally, I don't think positive messages such as the above are a bad thing, but your words do matter.
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Old 03-28-2010, 09:08 AM   #42
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Originally Posted by Wagimawr View Post
There are those out there who would say that it does not matter whether you think it is "fine" or not.

Personally, I don't think positive messages such as the above are a bad thing, but your words do matter.
Paradoxically, that's the point of the thread. As it's a thread, it follows that a response is wanted, but it's also an "I'm sick of these people's opinions up in my bizness" thread, one which usually carries a "Support me if you've been here, but otherwise zip it" caveat.
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I should really learn about what people are talking about when they give these numbers. i will guess i am a 69 69 007. - Mergirl
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