Internet Dating: Crazy First Messages

[LovelyLiz]

Originally Posted by littlefairywren

That there - the "I am working far from home, dead wife (always cancer), and I have a child or children to support"........drives me insane. I have had so many of these that is is laughable. I finally lost my patience with the last one, and told him that I get so many messages from scammers with the same story. He got aggro then, and offered to show me pictures of his dead wife. YES, dead wife in her coffin...from the funeral. Classy!

HA! See, I'm glad to know there are a whole lot of us dealing with the international, grieving men and providing them with all the comfort and support they need. You do send him cash when he asks for it too, right? I mean he NEEDS it! For his sad little child!

Originally Posted by Carrie

Or maybe he wanted to tapioca.flan. them?


I thought of titty fuck immediately, too.

Don't knock the tapioca-flanning until you've tried it. Badass. (And yeah, I knew was tf was right away too...high five!)

[Jes]

Originally Posted by mcbeth

Don't knock the tapioca-flanning until you've tried it. Badass. (And yeah, I knew was tf was right away too...high five!)

well with me, it's more like low ten, but that's gravity's fault.

anyway, i think he wasn't even local to me. Now how you gonna TF me from upstate NY? I mean, it's not like he was planning on actually meeting me. That's the weird part. It always seems like flashing, to me. The shock value. They want to pull their dicks out and make us look, but that's it. It can feel like an assault.

I wish I'd kept some of the crazier stuff...I'll have to take a look.

[Carrie]

Originally Posted by Jes

anyway, i think he wasn't even local to me. Now how you gonna TF me from upstate NY? I mean, it's not like he was planning on actually meeting me. That's the weird part. It always seems like flashing, to me. The shock value. They want to pull their dicks out and make us look, but that's it. It can feel like an assault.

I agree with you there. I get the very strong sense that most of the men on the dating sites I've used were not there looking for an actual date, but more of a cyber playmate/pen pal/peepshow participant. In fairness, I can't comment on the women, so who knows? They may be just the same.

[LovelyLiz]

Originally Posted by Jes

well with me, it's more like low ten, but that's gravity's fault.

anyway, i think he wasn't even local to me. Now how you gonna TF me from upstate NY? I mean, it's not like he was planning on actually meeting me. That's the weird part. It always seems like flashing, to me. The shock value. They want to pull their dicks out and make us look, but that's it. It can feel like an assault.

I wish I'd kept some of the crazier stuff...I'll have to take a look.

If he can TF you from upstate NY, that dude is a KEEPER with a capital K.

[Jes]

Originally Posted by mcbeth

If he can TF you from upstate NY, that dude is a KEEPER with a capital K.

and yet somehow still a CREEPER with a capital C!

[Webmaster]

Punctuation, capitalization, and breaking text into logical paragraphs appear to be lost arts. How will some of those folks ever get a job?

[Jes]

I made contact with a guy through the Dims Matching System. He sent me this nutty diatribe about what he wanted in a woman, and what he thought relationships should be like, etc. etc. And it was ... a manifesto. It was SCREENS long with parts EMPHASIZED LIKE THIS and about 400 parenthetical qualifiers (like this, explaining everything he said down to the a super granular level) and on and on. He was a MARINE and he felt it was IMPORTANT (in that this is how it should be) for the MAN to be the MAN (namely, the head of the household) and the WOMAN to be the WOMAN (namely, important in her own right, but not more important than the husband) and blah blah blah blah blah. It went on like that for PAGES.

I was honestly frightened of him. He did veer into the 'I am trained to use weapons' and 'I will not be pushed around' rhetoric that's NOT charming. The whole thing screamed Michigan Militia and I was sad he had my email address.

[CastingPearls]

Originally Posted by Jes

I made contact with a guy through the Dims Matching System. He sent me this nutty diatribe about what he wanted in a woman, and what he thought relationships should be like, etc. etc. And it was ... a manifesto. It was SCREENS long with parts EMPHASIZED LIKE THIS and about 400 parenthetical qualifiers (like this, explaining everything he said down to the a super granular level) and on and on. He was a MARINE and he felt it was IMPORTANT (in that this is how it should be) for the MAN to be the MAN (namely, the head of the household) and the WOMAN to be the WOMAN (namely, important in her own right, but not more important than the husband) and blah blah blah blah blah. It went on like that for PAGES.

I was honestly frightened of him. He did veer into the 'I am trained to use weapons' and 'I will not be pushed around' rhetoric that's NOT charming. The whole thing screamed Michigan Militia and I was sad he had my email address.

ROTF--did he mention that he knew 200 ways to kill people and one of them was being a colossal bore?

[Gingembre]

"hey red is your hair natural i mean do you have ginger pubes?"

What a charmer!

[CastingPearls]

Originally Posted by Gingembre

"hey red is your hair natural i mean do you have ginger pubes?"

What a charmer!

These guys ooze class.

Any BHM's have any good ones?

[Littleghost]

I don't think guys get the "romantic" ones so much as "encouragement". I got this baffling message to a standard profile:

"wow ur weird lol well good luck!"

I have it printed out with an inspiring photo on my wall.

[thatgirl08]

okcupid - You accepted my Facebook friend request today.

(I hadn't.)

another okc - wow u have so many poercings that turns me on

I also this beauty on ff today - my name is claes from sweden i like to sea your fat body can you be fatter how many pizzas can you eating

[Your Plump Princess]

I don't remember what site I was a part of.
But I kept getting messages from guys saying they want to have sex with my rolls.


I was like "....Wow. "

[truebebeblue]

I thought being pregnant would calm the pervs down... Not so much.


"Would you be interested in a hung boytoy?! "

"you are sexy "


"i wish u was closer i love bbw "

"Hey whats up, just wanted to say that your sexy and I would like to meet you sometime, Ill pay a plane ticket to come see you sometime Iv'e never been in arizona before Iv'e heard its hot as hell and alot of fun. You have nice tits, so what do you like to do? whats your favorite foods and your sexual fetishes? hit me back..."

"i like your profile and pic do you like cowboys with big ***** i have a * and ahalf inches long call me 1-222-***-**** my cell bob"

And this one I actually responded to!


"Are you a midget?
You look cute in your pic so I’m wondering why you haven’t met a guy in the real world. I’d like to talk to you more to make sure you’re not a rabbit boiler."

[Proner]

Originally Posted by Gingembre

"hey red is your hair natural i mean do you have ginger pubes?"

What a charmer!

Originally Posted by Your Plump Princess

I don't remember what site I was a part of.
But I kept getting messages from guys saying they want to have sex with my rolls.


I was like "....Wow. "

These guys are future George Clooney!
"Charm.... What Else?"

[spiritangel]

hmmm love these guys who appear out of the blue on fb

you look so nice,i found you on bbw site,i am not bbw but dont like 0 size women,you look perfect

followed by

i have a foot fetish,do you think its weird?


and my answer delete delete delete lol, and crack up with laughter ironically he isnt an aussie thank goodness

[Lamia]

I used to be on AOL back in the mid 90s some of my favorite lines were

"I like big girls they bruise easy"

"I want to bury you next to my trailer"

"I'd like to pretend to eat your flesh while we F#$"

oh and there was always some guy in dims chat who would say

"Hi I just ate dinner...my pants are a little tight mind if I undo them" or something like that. He sent it to me everytime. I'm like how times a day do you eat dude!

[LovelyLiz]

Originally Posted by Littleghost

I don't think guys get the "romantic" ones so much as "encouragement". I got this baffling message to a standard profile:

"wow ur weird lol well good luck!"

I have it printed out with an inspiring photo on my wall.

HA! At least it's nice to see that the lack of helpful punctuation is not a gender-specific phenomenon.

[TallFatSue]

I'm married amd not looking, but I get some interesting pick-up lines anyway. My all-time favorite:

He: Hey baby, you have all them fat curves, you are so fine, can you help me?
Me: What's the problem?
He: I have this pressure and I need to release it.
Me: Go ahead and burp.
He: No it's lower than that.
Me: Then maybe you'd better open all the windows.
He: No it's in front.
Me: Sounds like you have more pressure than bubble wrap.
He: Yeah can you help me?
Me: Well, when I need to take care of bubble wrap I usually run over it several times with my desk chair.

[Gingembre]

Originally Posted by Lamia

I used to be on AOL back in the mid 90s some of my favorite lines were

"I like big girls they bruise easy"

"I want to bury you next to my trailer"

Sliiiiiightly unnerved by these two!

[calauria]

Originally Posted by CastingPearls

Ummmm....it's been a few years but I recall a few:

Marry me.

I am working on an agricultural project and need financial support and you have beautiful breasts and can you help me with a visa? (one sentence)

I'm really not into big women but you intrigue me (then what are you doing subscribing to a BBW specific personals mag?)

I have to be up front that I am married but my wife is totally understanding of my 'special' needs. (special?)

good golly day!!! there are some true idiots in this world!! i think i got a message just like tht one, by the way...i think i've gotten alllllll the ridiculous come on's there ever were!!! lol!!

[calauria]

Originally Posted by CastingPearls

OMG one guy conveniently FORGOT he had a wife until midway through our first coffee-date. I knew he had kids so I asked him if he had any pics and he handed me one of the ENTIRE FAMILY. I said, 'Oh....is this your ex?' and he said, 'Oh.....um.....'

Yeah. I got a million of 'em.

you know, we really should stop meeting and dating the same guys...maybe we should invest in some really potent idiot repellent!! lol!!!

[calauria]

OOOHHHHHH!!! i forgot this one!! i got this one like 2 weeks ago..this guys tells me he wants to put his wee wong between my tits with some hot oil....i quietly purred my response, "mmmmmmmm.....that sounds nice." then i yelled really loudly, "WHAT THE HELLS WRONG WITH YOU? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!" lol!!!

[CastingPearls]

Pitiful. His first mistake was describing it as 'wee'. After that it was the Titanic.

[CastingPearls]

Idiots are clogging the gene pool. LOL