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Old 03-01-2010, 11:49 PM   #26
TheKayDee83
 
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Well ladies, I am getting ready to go to the airport to fly down and get my man. Thank you all so much for giving me the courage to do this! Maybe not tuesday night because I am tired as all hell, but wednesday night I think I just may be able to pull this off! All of your encouraging and kind words and sound advice really helped me and I will report back pronto on the outcome, good or bad!

Wish me luck!!
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:00 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by TheKayDee83 View Post
Well ladies, I am getting ready to go to the airport to fly down and get my man. Thank you all so much for giving me the courage to do this! Maybe not tuesday night because I am tired as all hell, but wednesday night I think I just may be able to pull this off! All of your encouraging and kind words and sound advice really helped me and I will report back pronto on the outcome, good or bad!

Wish me luck!!
Good luck!!!!!
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:55 PM   #28
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I have an experience that is somewhat similar. I was with someone for 5 years who was definitely not an FA but still found me attractive. I was "the exception". I know women here have dated men like that. They love your face, your overall look and personality, but they want you to be thinner because that's what they -usually- go for. This is why I prefer an FA now. No more being "an exception" for anyone.

My ex was never embarrassed to be with me in public and he never hid me from his family and friends (in fact I got to know his family well over the years), but he always had a big problem with my extra weight from day one. That was bad enough and I always felt the need to try to lose weight.

He had hoped that I would lose weight to fit more of his ideal. He admitted that when he first met me, he figured I'd eventually lose some weight and everything would fall into place. He would do things like pay close attention to what I'd eat, not caring for my big love of food, or he'd make suggestive comments in the guise of being helpful. He had a sly way of doing things but his disapproval and attempt to control was still very obvious and very hurtful.

He always expected me to be comfortable around him intimately, but due to his issue with my weight, I never was and he never seemed to understand his part in why I was like that around him. I always felt awkward and distrustful, definitely not comfortable naked.

Now before I met him, I already struggled with body image and appearance issues, so he made things much worse by playing on those struggles.

In the last couple of years, I have become more comfortable with being a BBW. My ideal of what is attractive on myself has become healthier and different although there are still times of struggle. I have come to really enjoy my roundness and curves in ways I never had. But I definitely had help and support in this transition.

My current partner is an FA (a member of the board as well: Edens_heel) and has played a key role in helping me to gain more body confidence and body acceptance, even if at first I had difficulty accepting his appreciation as sincere. It was a stark contrast compared to my other relationship, so I had conditioned doubts which had to be worked through.

Before you take off the clothes and walk around naked (which are good ideas), if you haven't already I think your partner needs to admit, in a heart to heart, how his actions played a role in making you feel more uncomfortable with yourself and with being sexual and intimate with him. This is not a time to scold him or anything so he can feel bad or more guilty, it's just to open up and let him know how this made you feel and that you truly want and wish to be comfortable with him, but need to hear some things from him. It's important to have this release...this purging.

He needs to take some responsibility in the matter. He can't just start expecting you to release yourself as if everything happened negatively in your relationship in a vacuum. He helped to create this insecurity. His inability to stand up to his family, be bold and be proud about you at the time was destructive to you feeling trust and much-needed vulnerability with him. He might not have said you were too fat for him himself at the time, but he might as well have since he let his family dictate and control, essentially making you this source of embarrassment.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:59 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by TheKayDee83 View Post
Well ladies, I am getting ready to go to the airport to fly down and get my man. Thank you all so much for giving me the courage to do this! Maybe not tuesday night because I am tired as all hell, but wednesday night I think I just may be able to pull this off! All of your encouraging and kind words and sound advice really helped me and I will report back pronto on the outcome, good or bad!

Wish me luck!!
Woo-hoo! You go girl. Rock that fat sexy body. WORK. IT. It'll be great!
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Old 03-03-2010, 05:06 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Candy_Coated_Clown View Post
I have an experience that is somewhat similar. I was with someone for 5 years who was definitely not an FA but still found me attractive. I was "the exception". I know women here have dated men like that. They love your face, your overall look and personality, but they want you to be thinner because that's what they -usually- go for. This is why I prefer an FA now. No more being "an exception" for anyone.

My ex was never embarrassed to be with me in public and he never hid me from his family and friends (in fact I got to know his family well over the years), but he always had a big problem with my extra weight from day one. That was bad enough and I always felt the need to try to lose weight.

He had hoped that I would lose weight to fit more of his ideal. He admitted that when he first met me, he figured I'd eventually lose some weight and everything would fall into place. He would do things like pay close attention to what I'd eat, not caring for my big love of food, or he'd make suggestive comments in the guise of being helpful. He had a sly way of doing things but his disapproval and attempt to control was still very obvious and very hurtful.

He always expected me to be comfortable around him intimately, but due to his issue with my weight, I never was and he never seemed to understand his part in why I was like that around him. I always felt awkward and distrustful, definitely not comfortable naked.

Now before I met him, I already struggled with body image and appearance issues, so he made things much worse by playing on those struggles.

In the last couple of years, I have become more comfortable with being a BBW. My ideal of what is attractive on myself has become healthier and different although there are still times of struggle. I have come to really enjoy my roundness and curves in ways I never had. But I definitely had help and support in this transition.

My current partner is an FA (a member of the board as well: Edens_heel) and has played a key role in helping me to gain more body confidence and body acceptance, even if at first I had difficulty accepting his appreciation as sincere. It was a stark contrast compared to my other relationship, so I had conditioned doubts which had to be worked through.

Before you take off the clothes and walk around naked (which are good ideas), if you haven't already I think your partner needs to admit, in a heart to heart, how his actions played a role in making you feel more uncomfortable with yourself and with being sexual and intimate with him. This is not a time to scold him or anything so he can feel bad or more guilty, it's just to open up and let him know how this made you feel and that you truly want and wish to be comfortable with him, but need to hear some things from him. It's important to have this release...this purging.

He needs to take some responsibility in the matter. He can't just start expecting you to release yourself as if everything happened negatively in your relationship in a vacuum. He helped to create this insecurity. His inability to stand up to his family, be bold and be proud about you at the time was destructive to you feeling trust and much-needed vulnerability with him. He might not have said you were too fat for him himself at the time, but he might as well have since he let his family dictate and control, essentially making you this source of embarrassment.
I'm definitely glad I could be a positive influence in this respect.
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:04 PM   #31
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good luck! and believe him when he tells you how beautiful you are!
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Old 03-11-2010, 03:14 PM   #32
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Well, KayDee - have you done it? How did it go? Enquiring minds need to know!
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Old 05-08-2010, 06:33 PM   #33
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Ok, ok. Yes, I did. We took a shower together. I was COMPLETELY uncomfortable and nervous. Breathing was hard for me (haha) But I did it. And honestly, I'm not sure if he thought I didn't think he was important or what, but after that night he has been over the moon into me. We haven't had sex yet, but it's coming (no pun intended). And all of you lady's were right. I should have done it a long time ago. I was just a chicken and could never find the inner strength to do it. But I have each of you who commented and gave me support. I couldn't have done it without you! Thanks you all from the bottom of my heart. I look forward to communicating with each of you in the future. <3
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Old 05-08-2010, 07:04 PM   #34
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Hugs Kay Dee I do hope that this is the start of your journey to self acceptance as that is what will totally transform how you see yourself.
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Old 05-09-2010, 06:06 AM   #35
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Yeeeeaaah!
So glad things are going well for you, KayDee
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Old 05-09-2010, 08:55 AM   #36
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TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!TallFatSue has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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That's wonderful. Great to hear things are moving along fine.

You never know what this might lead to. Wayyyy back in 1977 I fell in love with a certain guy who had never dated a fat girl before. Now what do I have to show for it? Almost 28 years of happy marriage, that's what! Art had no idea how to deal with so much fat, so it was a romance out of a screwball comedy. After I worked up the courage to put my fat into his hands (both literally and figuratively), he sure learned.

And another thing. My mother had kept telling me I was wayyyy too fat ever to find a good husband. On our wedding day it was fun to see her beam with pride while trying not to admit she was just plain wrong. Art & I are taking my parents out to dinner for Mother's Day, so I might just remind her of that.

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Originally Posted by TheKayDee83 View Post
Ok, ok. Yes, I did. We took a shower together. I was COMPLETELY uncomfortable and nervous. Breathing was hard for me (haha) But I did it. And honestly, I'm not sure if he thought I didn't think he was important or what, but after that night he has been over the moon into me. We haven't had sex yet, but it's coming (no pun intended). And all of you lady's were right. I should have done it a long time ago. I was just a chicken and could never find the inner strength to do it. But I have each of you who commented and gave me support. I couldn't have done it without you! Thanks you all from the bottom of my heart. I look forward to communicating with each of you in the future. <3
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