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Old 07-04-2010, 03:18 PM   #101
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Originally Posted by truebebeblue View Post
I think it is interesting how you RARELY see this from women...they tend to more easily accept physical changes in partners.
Necropostacular.

Disagreeing with you there.

There's been plenty of FFAs lately having a moan about bfs bodies on here, for a start.
If you've ever visited (and I strongly recommend you don't bother) the fat-hate-fest that is myfatspouse.com, then you'll see LOTS of women kvetching about their newly fat husbands.

There's a couple of artefact issues too, some of which (while we're playing the Swinging Generalisation game ) are:
- The physical things women tend to dig about men are often non-labile e.g.: tall.... Lotsa girls are very big on the tall.
- Where women are dissatisfied with men's bodies they have often been taught not to vocalise this as part of the whole good-girls-must-be-submissive-supporters thing.
- Where women DO choose to voice their dissatisfaction re. some aspect of their blokes appearance, this is "lack " is often swiftly corrected (where possible ) by the bloke whether or not under pain of withdrawl of sex.
Men have not been taught that any criticism of their physical body is verboten and a rejection of their essential self.
Maybe they should be taught that?

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Do women have a greater capacity to evolve in a relationship?Is their love more enduring?
Not in my experience, no.

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I like dating men who like me... If my weight fluctuating 50 or 100 lbs(I've gone from 300 to 500 and back down) is gonna be a deal breaker then you are not the one for me. I like men who are a bit more complex than that.

If this is an issue of yours guys you should very clearly state it early on in the relationship,it's only fair to the other person.


True
^Yeah, already been discussed to the nth degree upthread.
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Old 07-04-2010, 03:31 PM   #102
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Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
I think you hit the nail on the head. My experience is that women tend to love in a more enduring way than men do. From my experience, the women in my life have all adjusted to the physical changes in me over the years, and the result of that has been for me to reciprocate. The point is that I've learned how the women in my life have loved me, and can see the difference in how most men enter relationships.

Yes, in my opinion, it's more superficial, since they are quick on the trigger to bail when something major changes in the physicality of their "partner" in their relationship.
When I was dumped from two of my LTRs, it wasn't due to physical "changes"...
Rather, respectively:
1 - I didn't fit in with her plans - for money/wedding/house/kids.
2 - She had met someone else she wanted more, and lied about it.

I'm not seeing how those^ are somehow less "superficial" than dumping someone due to extreme physical changes. They're just different reasons. Neither better nor worse, neither shallower nor deeper.

I think there's another artefact at play in all this judging:

The language of relationships has largely been put together BY and FOR women. Men are not raised to think/talk/discuss/concern themselves with relationships. In the absence of active male input to relationship debates the things that women, generally, want are generally characterised as good/deep/meaningful and the things that men, generally, want are generally characterised as bad/shallow/meaningless.
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Old 07-04-2010, 03:35 PM   #103
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i think it would be very easy for an FA to end up being shallow but not just because he may be naturally a shallow person. i think an FA who is shallow is many times made that way by his environment and the type of ideas that surround him and shape him. regarding FAs socially, there is very little that encourages him to notice more in women than what their bodies look like. unlike other women BBWs have almost absolutely no romantic energy or attention centered on them. everything is sexualized to a large degree. so its very easy for an FA to overlook or ignore other things that BBWs might have to offer in a social environment that focuses mainly on a fat persons physical appearance and very little on who they are as a person. so maybe if a guy is shallow its because he is a product of his environment. instead of totally blaming FAs alone for being shallow maybe we need to examine what fat society can do to help him be less so.
^I think you're making a HUGE leap there in assuming that FAs ONLY "notice" what their gfs look like.

Certainly in my LTRs, I have loved my gfs for their personalities, their attitudes, their quirks and foibles - all the things that made my lovers WHO they are. As well as their physical beauty.
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Old 07-04-2010, 04:44 PM   #104
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^I think you're making a HUGE leap there in assuming that FAs ONLY "notice" what their gfs look like.

Certainly in my LTRs, I have loved my gfs for their personalities, their attitudes, their quirks and foibles - all the things that made my lovers WHO they are. As well as their physical beauty.
i think you misunderstood what i'm getting at. i never said they only notice what their gfs look like. what i'm saying is that in general the culture around the community is mostly focused on what someone looks like. what shape are they, how big they, how much they may or may not eat or weigh etc... are all a central topic of conversation. there are hardly any if any BBWs out there playing romantic leads. probably 99.99% of the things online are about BBWs sexuality not how beautiful their hearts minds and personalities are or how basically lovely or graceful they might be. a lot of it isn't even what most people would call sensual. its generally pretty sexual porn or pandering to fetish. there is hardly any that is just all about a lovely girl a man might just like to get to know. he has to be looking for that on his own anyway and basically create it in his own mind from whats available. a guy like that already has it in his personality.


if a guy needs to be introduced to that way of thinking about fat women he has very little to rely on. it would be nice if an FA could also have those things spelled out for him totally sometimes. i have too many FA friends who've admitted to me that they weren't even led to believe it was possible to feel more deeply about fat women in a community setting because thats wasn't what any of it was about. it was all about getting an itch scratched.

i think a guy who was always exposing himself to that would have to be a superman to not be affected by all of that in some way or form. an inexperienced person can be and often is influenced by the atmosphere they are in. i don't feel FAs have the opportunity to get the type of varied experiences related to women that other guys can get.

it doesn't make an FA bad if he is influenced by all of that. who wouldn't be. look at how many fat girls are influenced by people saying that a fat body isn't pretty even when they don't want to believe it. FAs even rightfully believe a BBW is sexy. but sometimes thats all he gets help to notice. if you haven't really had relationships i think it would very easy to focus on just the hot sex you could have--because you could! lets face it, just how often do you see guys on here write long expositions on a fat girls beautiful face, luminous eyes, luxurious hair or how she smells. fat women have that stuff too but it gets ignored a lot.

so in the end it is probably not so much that they are naturally shallow but that they are made shallow by their environment. i guess its sort of a nature v nurture argument in a way. i think any FA has a potential to be loving, caring, romantic and thoughtful. but what if thats not what he is seeing around him. how is he going to learn how to appreciate it if he needs a little nudge?
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Old 07-04-2010, 05:10 PM   #105
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i think you misunderstood what i'm getting at. i never said they only notice what their gfs look like. what i'm saying is that in general the culture around the community is mostly focused on what someone looks like. what shape are they, how big they, how much they may or may not eat or weigh etc... are all a central topic of conversation. there are hardly any if any BBWs out there playing romantic leads. probably 99.99% of the things online are about BBWs sexuality not how beautiful their hearts minds and personalities are or how basically lovely or graceful they might be. a lot of it isn't even what most people would call sensual. its generally pretty sexual porn or pandering to fetish. there is hardly any that is just all about a lovely girl a man might just like to get to know. he has to be looking for that on his own anyway and basically create it in his own mind from whats available. a guy like that already has it in his personality.


if a guy needs to be introduced to that way of thinking about fat women he has very little to rely on. it would be nice if an FA could also have those things spelled out for him totally sometimes. i have too many FA friends who've admitted to me that they weren't even led to believe it was possible to feel more deeply about fat women in a community setting because thats wasn't what any of it was about. it was all about getting an itch scratched.

i think a guy who was always exposing himself to that would have to be a superman to not be affected by all of that in some way or form. an inexperienced person can be and often is influenced by the atmosphere they are in. i don't feel FAs have the opportunity to get the type of varied experiences related to women that other guys can get.

it doesn't make an FA bad if he is influenced by all of that. who wouldn't be. look at how many fat girls are influenced by people saying that a fat body isn't pretty even when they don't want to believe it. FAs even rightfully believe a BBW is sexy. but sometimes thats all he gets help to notice. if you haven't really had relationships i think it would very easy to focus on just the hot sex you could have--because you could! lets face it, just how often do you see guys on here write long expositions on a fat girls beautiful face, luminous eyes, luxurious hair or how she smells. fat women have that stuff too but it gets ignored a lot.

so in the end it is probably not so much that they are naturally shallow but that they are made shallow by their environment. i guess its sort of a nature v nurture argument in a way. i think any FA has a potential to be loving, caring, romantic and thoughtful. but what if thats not what he is seeing around him. how is he going to learn how to appreciate it if he needs a little nudge?
Wow.
Not every FA has his or her attitudes to their lovers built on porn.
Maybe only the dumb ones who think porn is real?

Yeah, there's fewer chances for FAs to meet BBWs than for most blokes to meet most women, but even so...
There's meet-ups and discos and there's facebook and myspace etc...
And you won't read about eyes/hair etc.. on DIMS so much cos that's not fat specific and the site is... but that doesn't mean that FAs aren't into all that, and it doesn't mean we don't say so to our lovers!

I know you're trying to defend FAs from the accusation of being shallow, but I'd rather be painted as shallow than a clueless, porn-obsessed, horndog.... Which seems to be the get-out-of-jail card you're offering....
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Old 07-04-2010, 05:27 PM   #106
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I have to agree with Joswitch.

The guys that have been interested in me have more often commented on my eyes, hair, or smell, than on my size or what they'd like to do to me in bed.

I don't like the excuse of "they're porn driven, so they can be excused" because I know that to not be true.
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Old 07-04-2010, 05:30 PM   #107
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
Wow.
Not every FA has his or her attitudes to their lovers built on porn.
Maybe only the dumb ones who think porn is real?

Yeah, there's fewer chances for FAs to meet BBWs than for most blokes to meet most women, but even so...
There's meet-ups and discos and there's facebook and myspace etc...
And you won't read about eyes/hair etc.. on DIMS so much cos that's not fat specific and the site is... but that doesn't mean that FAs aren't into all that, and it doesn't mean we don't say so to our lovers!

I know you're trying to defend FAs from the accusation of being shallow, but I'd rather be painted as shallow than a clueless, porn-obsessed, horndog.... Which seems to be the get-out-of-jail card you're offering....
i don't think i used the word every. and this doesn't reflect on you personally. i'm just speaking to the fact that how the community is approaching the issue of fat people might have something to do with the perceptions people have about FAs. it may even be a kind of self fulfilling prophecy at least temporarily for some FAs. haven't you noticed all of the posts written by FAs themselves where they talk of getting lost in that environment before they discover more.

its not so different from what happens to other guys except that FAs don't have as many varieties of choice and influences when it comes to how fat women are presented to them. if the only thing you are given where you can see a fat woman is porn then thats where you might go to look because your eyes are starved or that kind of beauty. it doesn't make you a horndog if no one is making much of anything else available to you. you are just trying to make do with what you've got. don't you ever think that you may look at a lot more porn websites than you might if SSBBWS were more personally available to you?
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Old 07-05-2010, 12:15 PM   #108
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
Wow.
Not every FA has his or her attitudes to their lovers built on porn.
Maybe only the dumb ones who think porn is real?

Yeah, there's fewer chances for FAs to meet BBWs than for most blokes to meet most women, but even so...
There's meet-ups and discos and there's facebook and myspace etc...
And you won't read about eyes/hair etc.. on DIMS so much cos that's not fat specific and the site is... but that doesn't mean that FAs aren't into all that, and it doesn't mean we don't say so to our lovers!

I know you're trying to defend FAs from the accusation of being shallow, but I'd rather be painted as shallow than a clueless, porn-obsessed, horndog.... Which seems to be the get-out-of-jail card you're offering....
take a look at post #2. i think an FA explains it much better than i could: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...25#post1492725
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Old 07-05-2010, 05:58 PM   #109
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take a look at post #2. i think an FA explains it much better than i could: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...25#post1492725
Yeah, I've read that before. I don't really agree with it.
Maybe cos I've had actual, RL, LTRs with women, including, especially BBWs.

And ftr, yeah I look at porn. Cos, y'know, I'm a grownass man.
But probably nowhere near as much as you seem to think*....
I never thought it was in anyway real.
And I always assumed that BBWs would have the same range and depth of emotions and emotional needs as other women.
And in my experience = I was right.

If there are people out there who build their idea of the opposite sex from porn?
Their FAness is not their issue(s).
Their issue(s) is / are waaaay more fundamental than that.


(*I was on the computer all day yesterday - reading about.... micronations :P )
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