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Old 06-28-2010, 05:45 PM   #26
NYCGabriel
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I don't focus on the woman's weight. What draws me in are their personalities, how their eyes look when they smile, things they say, their interests and the like. Beauty is on many levels goddamnit.

I never quite understood how some men & women are always like "Wow, I love how big you are! You're so beautiful!" or "If only you weighed more and/or ate more, you'd be perfect for me."

bla bla bla FREAKING bla.

What, if they were weighed less they wouldn't be attracted to them? I find women of almost any weight range attractive provided there's something of substance in them. Humor, wit, life and compassion.
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Old 06-29-2010, 06:16 PM   #27
Bron82
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I hate to admit it, but I have totally been "that" girl. I hope this will give you a little insight on what you're possibly up against...

For me, it is all in how the guy approaches me: his body language, what he says and how he says it. THAT determines how I will react.

I also agree with the previous posters who commented on not bringing up her size. I am creeped out when guys make comments to the effect of "big girls are my thing." But, I would argue that it doesn't have anything to do with the forwardness of that comment, so much as the fact that it is objectifying. No self-respecting woman, skinny or fat, wants or likes to be objectified. We don't mind be desired, but if the only thing you like about us is our body, then nothing you say can ever be taken as a "compliment."

For instance, while I am both smart and sexy, the last guy that tried telling me that as a pick up line left mad because I refused to give him my phone number.

The best approach would be cool, casual, and friendly. I'm big on personality. Looks are good, but I would much rather be with someone who can carry a conversation and can make me laugh. If a gentleman approached me like that, engaged me in a good conversation with a few laughs, and made it apparent that I was his focus - me, not my body - I would go out with him in a heartbeat.

If you've tried that, but she still has a chip on her shoulder or thinks you have ulterior motives, and are trying to make her the butt of a joke, then she's the one with the problem.

It's unfortunate that a lot of us (larger gals and guys) don't get the positive reinforcement that we need to be comfortable in our own skin. Very little in life is positive for people of size, and there are many of us who have been so brow-beaten by family, friends, or society, that we believe the lies and propaganda. We are told that we are worthless and unlovable so much and for so long that we eventually buy into it; and like the fable about the lion with the thorn in it's paw we refuse to allow anybody to get close enough to try to get it out. The thing we want the most, is the thing we fight the hardest - all under the misguided, though well intentioned notion of self-preservation. (Wow, that got kinda deep and philosophical.. Sorry. Back on point...)

Don't give up. I know it's frustrating, but there is a lady out there for you. Good guys are a rare commodity these days, and if you are truly one, then you won't be on the market long.
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Old 07-13-2010, 02:33 PM   #28
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Thank-you all! You all have provided me some great tips, that I can really use.

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Old 07-25-2010, 10:49 PM   #29
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So you have an intense attraction to fat women, right? When you meet one, instead of confusing lust for love, try to get your heart rate under control and use your intuition to feel the situation out. What sort of cues are you getting from her? Is she loud? Quiet? Modest? Insecure? Bubbly? Try to look in her eyes and find out who she is. Ask her questions about her. Do NOT say anything about her size. By keeping quiet about your attraction to her size you will create a much more intense sexual experience in the future.

Any woman who will let herself be objectified is typically not great relationship material. Sure, it can be fun for a few years but eventually the passion will fade. Think of a foundation built on sand... you want a foundation of stone.

Also, look inside yourself and be honest... are you relationship material? Have you taken responsibility for attitudes and behaviors that may not be conducive to an honest and fulfilling relationship? Do you have baggage that needs to be dealt with out in the open? I am talking to you as much as to myself but honestly, Surfer... if you're goal is to find a marriage partner please be careful and tread lightly. You sound kind of disorganized in your approach.
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