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Old 09-15-2010, 07:13 AM   #26
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I hope I'm not telling a family secret here, but last night, The Orange Mage (feels weird calling him that) and I were chatting about you Alicia. He was at work and I'd tagged along. He said, "You know who's cute?" I said, "Who?" And he said, "Alicia." And I was like "Yeah, I know and she has a crush on me." and then I stuck my tongue out at him.
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:17 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Rebecca View Post
I hope I'm not telling a family secret here, but last night, The Orange Mage (feels weird calling him that) and I were chatting about you Alicia. He was at work and I'd tagged along. He said, "You know who's cute?" I said, "Who?" And he said, "Alicia." And I was like "Yeah, I know and she has a crush on me." and then I stuck my tongue out at him.
Oh my dog... are you serious?? I don't know what to say, you just totally made my day *melts*
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Old 09-15-2010, 03:57 PM   #28
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Well, one thing I always wondered:

When you become a transgendered person, what's your sexual orientation? Like if you were a dude and now you're a girl, does that mean that you're a homosexual since you like guys or are you heterosexual since you're now a female? And vice versa for the ladies into dudes? And what about the person you're with?

This has really confused. Sorry if I offended anyone with this question.
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:09 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by bmann0413 View Post
Well, one thing I always wondered:

When you become a transgendered person, what's your sexual orientation? Like if you were a dude and now you're a girl, does that mean that you're a homosexual since you like guys or are you heterosexual since you're now a female? And vice versa for the ladies into dudes? And what about the person you're with?

This has really confused. Sorry if I offended anyone with this question.
Gender and sexuality are two different things, so a transgendered person can be straight, gay, bi, asexual, or any other sexual category that are available to non-trans identified people.
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:11 PM   #30
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Butch you nailed it perfectly well done!
That's the one Q I have gotten the most.
Most people have no clue and are very confused with the whole idea.
Bmann that was an honest Q now you have the honest answer.
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:29 PM   #31
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Oh my dog... are you serious?? I don't know what to say, you just totally made my day *melts*
aye, serious
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Old 09-15-2010, 09:42 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by bmann0413 View Post
Well, one thing I always wondered:

When you become a transgendered person, what's your sexual orientation? Like if you were a dude and now you're a girl, does that mean that you're a homosexual since you like guys or are you heterosexual since you're now a female? And vice versa for the ladies into dudes? And what about the person you're with?

This has really confused. Sorry if I offended anyone with this question.
What they said. Also, you don't become transgendered... either you are or you aren't.
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Old 09-15-2010, 10:20 PM   #33
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Do you believe in some kind of Creator type god/God, and if so, how do you see the relationship between the gender you were born into (created with), and the one that you sense you truly are? How do you personally think about your own body as created by the Creator god/God you believe in? (Obviously this question isn't too relevant if you're agnostic/atheist, or don't believe in a god who doesn't have intentional powers of creation.)

(I hope this question is okay, I didn't mean it in an offensive way at all - just with genuine curiosity as to how these beliefs mesh together or not in your life.)
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Old 09-16-2010, 01:54 AM   #34
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When pursuing someone (dating wise) how long do you wait to tell them that you are trans? and has it ever caused problems? My friend is FtoM, pre-OP and he never really seems to tell the girls, at least unless it gets sexual, and hes had a few back fires. i was always curious how others handled that.
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Old 09-16-2010, 01:58 AM   #35
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When pursuing someone (dating wise) how long do you wait to tell them that you are trans? and has it ever caused problems? My friend is FtoM, pre-OP and he never really seems to tell the girls, at least unless it gets sexual, and hes had a few back fires. i was always curious how others handled that.
At this point, I'm completely open about it. That's part of why I don't pursue people though... :\

Once I'm post op and all that, no reason to tell them until things get serious.
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Old 09-16-2010, 09:00 AM   #36
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When pursuing someone (dating wise) how long do you wait to tell them that you are trans? and has it ever caused problems? My friend is FtoM, pre-OP and he never really seems to tell the girls, at least unless it gets sexual, and hes had a few back fires. i was always curious how others handled that.
Yeah I was kinda curious about this question, too, especially for those who are MtF, pre-op, in particular, as some are very passable. I've never been one for the club & bar scene anyway, and I'm sure there are other transgendered individuals that aren't either. And I don't know if there are bars that are geared towards the transgendered community, so please pardon my ignorance in this area. So let's say a co-worker asks you out on a date -- how soon do you let a guy know about being transgendered? Has it ever affected things at work to the point where you would feel pressure to quit working because of harassment and mean comments?
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Old 09-16-2010, 03:33 PM   #37
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Yeah I was kinda curious about this question, too, especially for those who are MtF, pre-op, in particular, as some are very passable. I've never been one for the club & bar scene anyway, and I'm sure there are other transgendered individuals that aren't either. And I don't know if there are bars that are geared towards the transgendered community, so please pardon my ignorance in this area. So let's say a co-worker asks you out on a date -- how soon do you let a guy know about being transgendered? Has it ever affected things at work to the point where you would feel pressure to quit working because of harassment and mean comments?
Answering one bit at a time...

Well, I have been told that I am very passable. Considering nobody at work besides the managers knows I'm not a cisgendered woman, I am starting to believe that. I don't really do the club/bar thing either, I tend to meet people online more than in person. There aren't trans-specific bars, but trans people generally are accepted at gay/lesbian bars...

If a coworker asked me out I would most likely say no. Even with "normal" people, dating coworkers is a very bad idea as there can be all sorts of drama involved, and I flat out say that I do not date coworkers for that reason. No disclosure necessary.

If someone asked me out, I would make sure they know - and most who have asked me out have known to begin with (not that that's many people...) due to it being on a site where I have it listed in my profile or whatever.

I did have it affect my previous job. A manager decided I was an affront to her beliefs and did everything she could to get me in trouble... which wasn't that hard, as I didn't really deal well with being walked on by management to begin with. At my new job, I learned my lesson - talked to the managers, made sure they knew beforehand that I am trans and that I would be trying to be 'stealth...' it also helped greatly that the branch manager knew me from working together before and has my back with HR, the other managers, and my coworkers if they find out.

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Old 09-17-2010, 07:00 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by HayleeRose View Post
When pursuing someone (dating wise) how long do you wait to tell them that you are trans? and has it ever caused problems? My friend is FtoM, pre-OP and he never really seems to tell the girls, at least unless it gets sexual, and hes had a few back fires. i was always curious how others handled that.
Basically, when sex is going to happen. You have a good idea of whether or not someone may be accepting.

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Yeah I was kinda curious about this question, too, especially for those who are MtF, pre-op, in particular, as some are very passable. I've never been one for the club & bar scene anyway, and I'm sure there are other transgendered individuals that aren't either. And I don't know if there are bars that are geared towards the transgendered community, so please pardon my ignorance in this area. So let's say a co-worker asks you out on a date -- how soon do you let a guy know about being transgendered? Has it ever affected things at work to the point where you would feel pressure to quit working because of harassment and mean comments?
Honestly, the "don't s*** where you eat" principle applies here. Honestly, my work has a policy that harassment is not tolerated at all, and immediate termination will occur. I haven't dated at work and won't.
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:31 AM   #39
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Default re: mcbeth's question about God

Great question!!

Alas, I haven’t much time for Dims. But my wonderful Butch told me about this thread and question, and as she knew I couldn’t resist.

I’m an interfaith transgender leader, so as you might imagine, I believe that there is a positive relationship between God and transgender people. God makes and love transpeople; always has, and always will.

God made me female, and transgender, and someone whose life’s work is transgender social justice, specializing in faith / religion / spirituality. I am so happy, grateful and proud. I wouldn’t change if I could. I am made and remade btzelem Elohim, in the image of God. My body and my spirit are bashert – meant to be. Gifts and blessings, meant to be shared and used to practice tikkun olam, the healing of our world.

At the same time, I have had issues with my sex, gender, sexuality, work, and other aspects of myself and my life. And I have made changes.

I know that there are some transpeople, allies and others who don’t think that they have or should have faith. And I know that there are people in each group who have faith but don’t think transpeople are or should be part of it. And I know that some of the faith community has been extremely hurtful to the transgender community. And I understand all of this, and want to understand it better.

My job isn’t to tell transpeople, their allies or anyone else how to experience or express their faith. My job is to let them know how people and communities of faith are and aren’t welcoming and inclusive, and to help them connect if they want. And to help people and communities of faith become more welcoming. And to help everyone work for trans social justice. And to let them know that God has always been, is, and always will be welcoming.

My job is to share a special kind of “good news”. God loves transpeople and trans allies. Many people and communities of faith are welcoming. Others are in the process of becoming so. Others are close to beginning the process. Many are working for transgender social justice. If and when you’re ready, come and see. “Taste and see” (Psalm 34:8).

I have similar beliefs about God and fat people and fat admirers/allies, and I’m writing my first sermon about that.

: - ) Mycroft

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Do you believe in some kind of Creator type god/God, and if so, how do you see the relationship between the gender you were born into (created with), and the one that you sense you truly are? How do you personally think about your own body as created by the Creator god/God you believe in? (Obviously this question isn't too relevant if you're agnostic/atheist, or don't believe in a god who doesn't have intentional powers of creation.)

(I hope this question is okay, I didn't mean it in an offensive way at all - just with genuine curiosity as to how these beliefs mesh together or not in your life.)
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:50 AM   #40
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Mycroft! Thank you so much for responding to my question; I really appreciate it. What you said is really helpful and clarifying for me, particularly about your understanding that God created you as transgendered. Maybe my question was too binary. I guess it was partly about the physical body tho...but I think I see where you're coming from. Thank you for sharing that.

And I'm also encouraged to hear about the work that you do, pointing people who really want to be connected to faith communities to those where they can go and feel fully included. My own work also has to do greatly with inclusiveness of faith communities and openness to certain groups of people, but not specifically about issues of gender or sexuality. But I sure know how saddening it can be to confront the hypocritical exclusivity of some faith communities, and this is why I'm glad there are people like you who exist!!!
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