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Old 10-04-2010, 12:48 PM   #76
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Just wanted to say I absolutely *love* this poetry slam and the poem itself. America puts so much pressure on women to look a certain way, to be classically "pretty". It's not even just the pressure we put on our celebrities but also on average every day people. Case in point, my cousin married one of the most awesome women I've ever met. She's funny, sweet, owns her own house, has an adoring husband who's always holding her hand and putting his arm around her (but not in a gross way), and a fantastic job at nasbico despite the fact that she's only 26. Yet, every time she comes up my dad feels the need to say "but she's fat" as if her not being the accepted definition of "pretty" somehow takes away all her success in life. If she wasn't a plus size women, well then she'd be allowed to embrace her success but until she drops 100 she's not entitled to these things. It makes me so angry and I correct him on it constantly but it's ingrained in his mind. As far as my mother goes, who's a plus size women herself she shares the same values as my dad. It's a shame that society can't recognize that your weight or your physical appearance does *not* define your success in life.

As for me, this is pretty much how society views me and I've come to terms with it. To my girlfriends I'm "pretty". They *always* call me "pretty" which I'm ok with but very rarely say "God Juli, I wish I had your boobs, legs, ect" but sometimes "I wish I had your eyes or blonde hair or awesome sense of humor " To normie guys I'm "cute" but never hot which once again I'm ok with because I wouldnt want to date a guy who didn't get my FAness anyway. And to Fa's I'm "beautiful, sexy, gorgeous," and one time I even got gotten "perfect". And I love these men for acknowledging what I see when I look in the mirror and for giving me some of the confidence I have today.
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Old 10-08-2010, 10:17 AM   #77
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I don’t see “cute,” “pretty,” and “beautiful” in terms of degree, with “beautiful” being the highest standard of attractiveness. To me, they’re distinctly different subjective qualities that can just as easily be based on character, mood, or relationships as on physical appearance.

And, heck, I often wonder why people are lambasted for having so-called low self esteem if they say, “I’m plain” or “I’m not pretty.” What’s really so horrible about that? Why do we find it so offensive and threatening? Labeling oneself as non-pretty, with no baggage ascribed to it, can be a powerful feminist statement – a way of saying, “I refuse to let you define my self worth in terms of physical appearance. I’m opting out of your beauty-judgment cycle.”

In my 20s, I wanted to be alluring, but I was always a Cabbage Patch kid rather than a Barbie. But today in my 40s, I embrace being more of a “character actress” in the looks department – being comfy and quirky – not shackled to some need to be perceived as sexy. That’s not who I am. And that’s perfectly okay with me.
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Old 10-08-2010, 10:41 AM   #78
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Originally Posted by Cynthia View Post
I don’t see “cute,” “pretty,” and “beautiful” in terms of degree, with “beautiful” being the highest standard of attractiveness. To me, they’re distinctly different subjective qualities that can just as easily be based on character, mood, or relationships as on physical appearance.

And, heck, I often wonder why people are lambasted for having so-called low self esteem if they say, “I’m plain” or “I’m not pretty.” What’s really so horrible about that? Why do we find it so offensive and threatening? Labeling oneself as non-pretty, with no baggage ascribed to it, can be a powerful feminist statement – a way of saying, “I refuse to let you define my self worth in terms of physical appearance. I’m opting out of your beauty-judgment cycle.”

In my 20s, I wanted to be alluring, but I was always a Cabbage Patch kid rather than a Barbie. But today in my 40s, I embrace being more of a “character actress” in the looks department – being comfy and quirky – not shackled to some need to be perceived as sexy. That’s not who I am. And that’s perfectly okay with me.
Totally agree, great post. It's really annoying to me when, if I am talking with others about how we describe our looks, and I say that I'm not really "pretty" that people find the need to correct me and fawn all over me and tell me how I'm so pretty and blah blah blah. I know what a "pretty" face looks like, and I don't really have one. I'm not at all saying I'm ugly, I like the way I look and can ascribe other complimentary terms to my appearance - but "pretty" is just so not it.
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Old 10-17-2010, 07:19 PM   #79
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Totally agree, great post. It's really annoying to me when, if I am talking with others about how we describe our looks, and I say that I'm not really "pretty" that people find the need to correct me and fawn all over me and tell me how I'm so pretty and blah blah blah. I know what a "pretty" face looks like, and I don't really have one. I'm not at all saying I'm ugly, I like the way I look and can ascribe other complimentary terms to my appearance - but "pretty" is just so not it.
I've had the same experience, too. I wouldn't describe my face as 'pretty,' either, by the standard definition of the term. I have a misshapen nose and, when not smiling, I can look downright sullen and kind of scary. When I first started substitute teaching at the middle school level, I used to have kids ask me if I was mad all the time, simply based on my facial expression. It was a neutral expression - I wasn't mad; that's just how my face looks when I'm not smiling. So...'pretty'? Nah, not really how I'd describe myself. Intense/dramatic looking? Maybe. Kind of sullen? Yeah, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Pretty when smiling? Yeah. But I'm not pretty all the time because you're not going to catch me smiling 24-7. That's just ridiculous.
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