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Old 10-03-2010, 09:44 AM   #26
exile in thighville
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and a little more nasal
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Old 10-03-2010, 10:32 AM   #27
Emma
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Originally Posted by mercy View Post
Just to put a different spin on things: If a non-FA said "my partner has gained weight and if I don't dump her I'm not being honest with myself" then they'd be hailed as an asshole by all and sundry.
Yes, but what if someone posted a thread that said 'my partner has gained weight, how can I support her in feeling better about herself?'
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Old 10-03-2010, 10:55 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by GTAFA View Post
I really like this post precisely because it's problematic. One of the great things about categories are the exceptions to the rule. Categories are ultimately mental constructs, right?

I found myself having twinges of recognition reading this. I married a SSBBW who dieted. I supported her through her weight-loss. And we eventually got a divorce even though we're friends to this day. The fictions in my own mind --concerning love or otherwise-- are what I find myself contemplating to this day. Did I fail, or did we fail somehow? I dunno. Is marriage a test, where going the distance =success, and divorce = failure? i don't think so. I prefer to think that we were right for one another at one time, my FA-ness being exactly what she needed to validate her and make her feel loved; and once she felt loved she got busy changing her life in several key ways.
Ah, yes, been there:
"You love me as I am!? great! Now I feel validated enough to change myself!"
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Old 10-31-2010, 01:03 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mercy View Post
Just to put a different spin on things: If a non-FA said "my partner has gained weight and if I don't dump her I'm not being honest with myself" then they'd be hailed as an asshole by all and sundry.
I don't think people are getting what you're saying. It's such a good point that I want to hopefully clarify it.

There are so many posts about moral issues with being an FA and having a thin partner. (Is it fair to the thin partner if you're always thinking of larger people?) In this speific case, the partner was larger, and now is going to lose weight and become thin. People ask if its moral to stay with the thin partner. Many say that it is unfair and immoral.

Mercy brings up that for a non-FA, their thin partner gaining weight is the same exact scenario as the op's. And that in most cases, if the non-FA left their partner who was now fat, because of their weight, and sex issues, the non-fa would be veiwed as shallow, and an asshole. Here in the size acceptance community, this shallowness is usually frowned on.

This post is calling the people who say, "the op will be immoral if he stays with her when she's thin, because he will always be thinking of other women", hypocrits. And I agree.

If people here are unaccepting of an FA having a thin partner, then how can the people here also feel offended, or angry, when a non-fa doesn't accept a larger partner.

I know this doesn't apply to everyone of course.
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Old 10-31-2010, 03:22 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by trackstar View Post
*snip*


Mercy brings up that for a non-FA, their thin partner gaining weight is the same exact scenario as the op's.
No, it's not.
Not unless the thin partner is:
a) gaining weight deliberately
b) is unhappy being thin and wants to be fat

Which, is pretty rare.

Quote:
And that in most cases, if the non-FA left their partner who was now fat, because of their weight, and sex issues, the non-fa would be veiwed as shallow, and an asshole. Here in the size acceptance community, this shallowness is usually frowned on.
Nope.
It's frowned on by the people who believe in sexual sainthood.
Which is the belief that people not only can, but should / must be horny for their partner's inner soul, without regard to their body.
Although these people are predominant on this board, it has nothing to do with size acceptance.

Size aceptance doesn't dictate that you must intimately love / have sex with people you are not physically attracted to.
Size acceptance dictates you treat different people of different sizes, decently.

Quote:
This post is calling the people who say, "the op will be immoral if he stays with her when she's thin, because he will always be thinking of other women", hypocrits. And I agree.

If people here are unaccepting of an FA having a thin partner, then how can the people here also feel offended, or angry, when a non-fa doesn't accept a larger partner.

I know this doesn't apply to everyone of course.
Again, your mixing up political / social "acceptance". Which is what SA is about.
With personal sexuality, which is NOT what SA is about.

As to hypocrisy:
I think you'll be hard pushed to find anyone on here who simultaneously holds the opinion that:
A thin-admirer is bad for leaving a once-thin-now-fat partner
AND
A fat-admirer is good for leaving a once-fat-now-thin partner.

Personally, I think both positions are morally equivalent.
And I don't see either as being bad/good per. se.
Morals are irrellevant in both attraction and love.
Either you desire / love someone or .... you don't.

Morality lies in how you treat the people you love, or leave. When you are loving, or leaving them. Not in the why.
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Old 11-16-2010, 08:53 PM   #31
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Dude, I don't know about the rest of these people, but I say more power to you!
I'm in a similar situation, and I believe that it is more important that you love her, care for her, and are happy, than have your fantasies become reality.

Besides, if she loves you, she'll be more than willing (unless its a big psychological block for her, aka bad juju...) to indulge in playful fantasies, tease you with things you enjoy as an FA, and be willing to talk dirty (fat talk) and every so often indulge in a bit of dessert or something while you watch or feed it to her.

The real key is communication and compromise. Be happy, and I wish you all the best!
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