The "sin" of insecurities

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by Dr. P Marshall

I think one of the reasons so many fat admirers push confidence as their #1 sexual fantasy is that they themselves feel a bit insecure in their position as fat admirers. I'm talking about the ones who make a huge deal out of confidence. I know no one wants a totally insecure mess of a partner, but I'm talking about people who expect inhuman confidence levels from anyone. I think a lot of fat admirers whether they admit it or not, ask themselves "is there something wrong with me?" and I think if they fear the answer might be yes, they want that extra reassurance. Of course, it's not the responsibility of fat people to make F/FAs secure in themselves, but I do think that lies at the heart of the confidence issue. Basically, if I were a fat person, the more someone talked on and on about confidence as the end all be all, the more red flags would go up. If they can't admit we're all human with the full range of emotions, they aren't prepared for reality.

I also wanted to say, from the standpoint of a woman on the boards, that I actually think the women of Dims as a group are very confident. I'm not only talking about being confident about their bodies. There are a lot of smart, opinionated, funny women who speak their minds here. It's one of the reasons I like this place and have stayed and have participated on the main boards despite not being a BBW or male/lesbian FA. I'm not sucking up either. I like it when I see other women as role models, or who make me feel good about/cooler about being a woman (I also value awesome men too, but we're on the BBW board right now). I just wanted to add my opinion as a woman who is an outsider on the BBW front and say that many, many of the BBW here make me proud to be a woman for a variety of reasons. And confidence can come in many varieties.

great points here. i think a lot of guys do live through the confidence of a woman because they don't have much of their own. but then you have the other type who just feel better with someone who is confident because when she is she is going to find it easier to be in a relationship and be sexual etc...they get to actually enjoy her more.

i prefer a man with more confidence myself because its actually easier on me not to have someone i have to basically hold up all of the time. i can feel free to concentrate more on the positive things they have to offer instead of having to spend my energies convincing someone who i think is wonderful that they really are. instead of doing that i'd rather be able to spend the time actually enjoying that wonderfulness. it can get tiresome if people are constantly downing themselves or are too self conscious or shy to even allow you to show your affection and appreciation for them. you get to a point where you just dont want to hear it anymore.

i agree 100% with what you said about the women on here. they are smart gutsy and amazing. most who think they aren't are already there. sometimes they just don't know it yet. its like when people worried so much about their looks etc... in high school and then look back over their old pix and think "how could i have been so beautiful and not have known it." i'm not so sure we ever out grow that inability to really see exactly how fantastic we are in the moment.

[BBW_Curious1]

Originally Posted by littlefairywren

Definitely easier said then done. But I agree, the boost to ones confidence if you can let go and accomplish these things is incredible.

Oh absolutely--I have to work at it ALL the time, and it doesn't help that my husband is 180 and all muscle wheras I'm mostly chub. I guess that was what I was saying that I have to work at it and tell myself that I AM beautiful and that there is no reason NOT to do those things...definitely hard though!