Question for the bisexuals - Page 2

penguin · 01-30-2011, 05:01 PM

When people ask my orientation, I say I'm open to opportunity.

Tracii · 02-01-2011, 09:34 PM

Great answer!!

activistfatgirl · 02-01-2011, 10:06 PM

Because we live in a monogamous society, I find that I tend to go through fairly distinct phases for boys or girls. It makes my online profiles confusing sometimes. Last summer I was really all about girls and that changed where I went and what I fantasized about. Even briefly dated a lovely gal. Now I'm in boy mode at the moment. I've long been open to being more truly bisexual but I worry I'll never find the truly bisexual poly fat loving lovers I dream of.
This reminds me I want to post on Amples fit in thread since my current phase means I'm thinkin and feelIng less queer which can be confusing!

Twisty · 02-03-2011, 02:22 AM

I fluctuate constantly.

To be brutally honest, my tastes probably change depending on what "the last one" was like. If I have a fantastic experience with a guy, I'm suddenly as gay as a Christmas tree. If a guy pisses me off, I tend to swear off men for all time.... well, a while....
XxX

hxtp · 02-08-2011, 09:42 PM

Too many are fixated on the biological equipment (internal or external plumbing, so to speak) to realize that the possibilities are much more complicated. I like a model of sexual attraction that is continuous on multiple dimensions rather that a few discrete choices. In some cases, I'm only interested in men, but other instances include a range of women and transgender individuals. Then there's a complex range of fetishes that fit well with various individuals. I tend to prefer larger men (muscular to extremely fat) to women, but for some bizarre reasons, I find slender women very attractive, much more so that skinny men. The mental considerations of intelligence, language ability, and humor are also very important no matter the biological gender. I read and write lots of erotic literature and view man images on the web. Perhaps, I'm just pan sexual with a range of fetishes. Enjoy the variety!

veggieforever · 02-22-2011, 04:21 AM

I am 100% lesbian, dyed in the wool and ever lover of the female form. I have had bisexual friends in the past who could never feel "settled" and when in a relationship with women they craved men and vice versa - so isn't being drawn to both sexes a recipe for heartache, confusion and unfilfillment? I know that being bi would confuse me and not be something fun at all. Also partners of bisexual friends have confided they do not feel secure in their relationships due to their fluidity of sexuality.

I do not mind who falls in love with who in this life but it seems bisexuality can bring many complications with it. Don't you ever wish you could just fall in love and settle without feeling you are losing out because you want the sex that you are not with presently (without resorting to threesomes within the confines of a relationship which defeats the point of a relationship to me).

I guess I am just wondering how bisexuality brings peace of heart because the choice alone almost ensures you will not have a great amount of it due to the very nature of bisexuality (Lets not include straight girls who kiss/bed other straight girls to get a guy or to please a guy cos that really demeans and belittles MY sexuality and p*sses me off big style). How many men kiss/bed men to attract a woman??? lol Hmmmmm, I wonder lol Why is it always the women? Then that on its own is heterosexuality passed off as bisexuality to appeal to a mate? It's all so twisted and complicated!! lol

Tad · 02-22-2011, 10:32 AM

Well, bisexuality is no more a choice that other sexualities. One can't change who they are, only how they behave.

By and large I think people who have a more focused being have an easier time in settings where who they are is acceptable, those with more diffuse natures have an easier time dealing with intolerant situations. (i.e. in Canada, it is may be easier on you to either be purely heterosexual or purely homsexual than to be bisexual? In Iran it is surely easier to be bisexual than purely homosexual.)

Dmitra · 02-22-2011, 01:38 PM

As a bisexual who's not had many long-term relationships I can't speak from direct experience. However, being open to whichever sex doesn't mean I'd be more likely to go outside a committed relationship because I really wanted to have any another person (being with a man and seeing a woman I'd be into, for example). I feel this is similar to the fact that not all homosexuals are going to pursue anyone of their same sex they feel attracted to as goes the straight culture worriers/haters so-called wisdom. My love map is rather fucked up so YMMV, of course.

I used to like Woody Allen's quote about bisexuals having twice the chance of a date on Saturday nights but I wonder now if the line itself (or just the attitude) has contributed to the belittling of the depths of our feelings. Then there's always the corollary thought that we have twice the chances of being rejected, too.

penguin · 02-22-2011, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

so isn't being drawn to both sexes a recipe for heartache, confusion and unfilfillment?

No more so than being straight and attracted to other people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

Also partners of bisexual friends have confided they do not feel secure in their relationships due to their fluidity of sexuality.

Then that's their issue, not that of the bisexual partner. Being jealous or insecure is not the other person's fault. Being bi doesn't make you more prone to cheating, any more than being blonde makes you more prone to being stupid. Cheaters cheat, regardless of gender and sexual orientation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

I do not mind who falls in love with who in this life but it seems bisexuality can bring many complications with it.

Life brings complications. Love brings complications.

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

Don't you ever wish you could just fall in love and settle without feeling you are losing out because you want the sex that you are not with presently (without resorting to threesomes within the confines of a relationship which defeats the point of a relationship to me).

Who says you're losing out? Are you losing out by settling down with one woman? There are a lot of other women out there that you won't be involved with, if you settle into a monogamous relationship. Sometimes you might crave sausage instead of taco, or vice versa, but that doesn't mean you eat elsewhere.

Also, not everyone is monogamous. If you're not wanting to settle down with just one person, and you know you still want to date others, then you should say so upfront - and that's for everyone, straight, gay, bi, everything in between.

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

I guess I am just wondering how bisexuality brings peace of heart because the choice alone almost ensures you will not have a great amount of it due to the very nature of bisexuality

I get the feeling you don't understand what being bisexual means. Just because you're attracted to both genders doesn't mean you want both all the time, or that you're more likely to run off on your partner, or that you'll want what you can't have. It just means you're attracted to both genders. Some folks ID at either end of the scale (more attracted to/likely to be involved with one gender than the other), some firmly in the middle with fingers in both pies, others elsewhere on the scale.

Plenty of straight or gay people find themselves attracted to other people when they're in relationships. They cheat, they lie, they fantasise about doing things with those people. Bisexual doesn't mean cheater or incapable of being faithful or always wanting what you can't/don't have.

butch · 02-22-2011, 04:19 PM

this bisexual is attracted to the person, not the gender, so I guess bisexual is not quite the wrong term to use, anyway. The important thing is, Tad, Dmitra, and penguin all hit it right on the head, so I have little else to add, except that with genderqueer people, you can kind of have all the genders you want, all at the same time (i kid, i kid, sort of).

PinkRodery · 02-22-2011, 07:28 PM

Hmm... Well I label myself as bi, when it is necessary, to make things easier to explain.

But to be honest, I am attracted to people, not genders. Male, female, transgender, etc. It doesn't bother me. If I'm attracted to the person, the gender is irrelevant.

But sometimes, yes, I go through stages where I find I've been attracted to more girls than guys, and vice versa. Don't know if it means anything though.

Cors · 02-22-2011, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butch

... with genderqueer people, you can kind of have all the genders you want, all at the same time (i kid, i kid, sort of).

Delurking to agree with this, especially if they are into gender play!

butch · 02-23-2011, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cors

Delurking to agree with this, especially if they are into gender play!

Delurk more often, we miss you!

Tad · 02-23-2011, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butch

Delurk more often, we miss you!

quoted for emphasis!

vinarian · 02-25-2011, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

so isn't being drawn to both sexes a recipe for heartache, confusion and unfilfillment?

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkorchid]

Have you ever been attracted to two women at once?
How is that any different?

Leishycat · 02-26-2011, 12:28 PM

I wasn't really sure if I should post in this thread or not, considering my former relationship with the poster, but she hasn't been on here in years so I GUESS it's ok... um...

but uh yeah I'm pansexual and polyamorous. I don't miss sex with girls when I'm with a guy, and I don't miss sex with guys when I'm with a girl. Also, if I'm dating someone monogamous, if I am massively in love with them like I am with my boyfriend now I will set aside the polyamory as much as I can.

witchysbbw · 03-12-2011, 03:52 PM

I think we worry too much about labels. I am bisexual who has realized her attraction for both men and women since early childhood. I personally prefer monogamy so I only have one relationship at a time but that no way lessened my attraction. My only dilemma has been that I have found that there are more men than women that are attracted and accepting of BBW.

I was married to a man for 15yrs. He recently passed away so I am not currently ready to find a new romance. I honestly would like my next relationship to be with a woman but I cannot control who I fall for.

It should not matter whether you are gay, straight or bi just as long as you find someone to love.

Fox · 04-04-2011, 03:47 PM

I've had many phases throughout life. I've always loved heavyset women, but I every once in a while go through phases in which I like men too, as well as some thinner women. I'm basically back to liking just bbw/ssbbw now, but I'm still aware that I might have same sex physical attractions later on down the road.

thatgirl08 · 04-04-2011, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggieforever

I am 100% lesbian, dyed in the wool and ever lover of the female form. I have had bisexual friends in the past who could never feel "settled" and when in a relationship with women they craved men and vice versa - so isn't being drawn to both sexes a recipe for heartache, confusion and unfilfillment? I know that being bi would confuse me and not be something fun at all. Also partners of bisexual friends have confided they do not feel secure in their relationships due to their fluidity of sexuality.

I do not mind who falls in love with who in this life but it seems bisexuality can bring many complications with it. Don't you ever wish you could just fall in love and settle without feeling you are losing out because you want the sex that you are not with presently (without resorting to threesomes within the confines of a relationship which defeats the point of a relationship to me).

I guess I am just wondering how bisexuality brings peace of heart because the choice alone almost ensures you will not have a great amount of it due to the very nature of bisexuality (Lets not include straight girls who kiss/bed other straight girls to get a guy or to please a guy cos that really demeans and belittles MY sexuality and p*sses me off big style). How many men kiss/bed men to attract a woman??? lol Hmmmmm, I wonder lol Why is it always the women? Then that on its own is heterosexuality passed off as bisexuality to appeal to a mate? It's all so twisted and complicated!! lol

When you're in a relationship with a women, I assume you see other women that you find attractive? Maybe you occasionally fantasize about other women besides the one you're in a relationship with? We all have those occasional desires I think. I find it to be pretty much the same thing. When I'm in a relationship with a man I still have some desire and attraction for other men, and I also have some desire and attraction for women. It doesn't make me want to cheat anymore than I otherwise would, I don't think.

However, as a disclaimer, I might feel differently from other bisexuals because I'm not 50/50. I am attracted sexually to women, and occasionally romantically, but I don't see myself in a long term, committed relationship with one. That's why I hate using the term bisexual, because it doesn't entirely describe my sexuality. It's too black & white, but its what I use when pressed for one.

velia · 04-05-2011, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butch

So I guess I'm a lesbian-identified bisexual, if that makes sense.

^This!^ Thank you, Butch! I've been trying to think of a way to explain this to people who I care about that really want to understand, but it never comes out right. I think for me, the term you've used here would seriously simplify my explanation.

bostonguy · 04-20-2011, 01:26 PM

Interesting topic. While I dated my gf, my longest relationship. I had other interests that she encouraged in fantasy but never in action. Now that I am single I have become more interested in bi kinda stuff as well, but have not tried yet. I am curious about this too. I think sexuality can be on a spectrum. I think as long as you are honest and truthful with people there is nothing wrong with experimenting.

Cors · 04-22-2011, 05:37 AM

This might be an unpopular opinion but fantasy ≠ reality.

Many women who are essentially straight fantasize about lesbian sex and get turned on by some aspects of it, but when push comes to shove they have no intention of actually sleeping with another woman. I also know numerous self-identified gay men who feel the same way about trying it with a girl and lesbians who occasionally think of how sex would be like if they had a penis. I wouldn't consider those types bisexual but hey, if they want to identify as such, more power to them as long as they try to be open and honest about what they are after.

j9gril · 04-23-2011, 03:34 AM

i like what i like when i like it. I've been in long term relationships with one gender and craved the other. I just have to be honest when that craving gets out of control.. i love and adore women, but dont feel that I am attractive to many (well certainly not in my circle of acquaintances) and i also love and adore men - to whom my softness is attractive...

i identify as me.. i gravitate to those who attract me

Pitch · 05-07-2011, 04:36 PM

I'm the exact same way.

Look at it this way: Sometimes you want sausage, some times you want a taco. Amirite? <3

ssbbwuk · 05-12-2011, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madvfxartist

So, I have a question. I think I am bisexual, basically because I am really fickle and kinda go in shifts on who I am attracted to, men or women. My question is, is that normal? Sometimes your in a male mood, sometimes in a female mood? Am I just weird?

BTW I am not really out outside of the internet, I have only been in one relationship so, I am kinda new to everything....

I tend to fancy some of both, at the same time. However if i am attracted to someone in particular the others sort of fade into the background.

What you could be referring to is a hormonal thing. Around the time that you are ovulating, your hormones tell your body to go out and fertilise those eggs. It is quite common to be attracted more to guys during that time. Kinda makes sense.

01-30-2011, 05:01 PM	#26
penguin Fnord Dimensions Supporter Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Brisbane, Australia. Posts: 5,249	When people ask my orientation, I say I'm open to opportunity. __________________ Wishlist because I like stuff

02-01-2011, 10:06 PM	#28
activistfatgirl donuts at the finish line Join Date: May 2006 Location: Boston Posts: 4,115	Because we live in a monogamous society, I find that I tend to go through fairly distinct phases for boys or girls. It makes my online profiles confusing sometimes. Last summer I was really all about girls and that changed where I went and what I fantasized about. Even briefly dated a lovely gal. Now I'm in boy mode at the moment. I've long been open to being more truly bisexual but I worry I'll never find the truly bisexual poly fat loving lovers I dream of. This reminds me I want to post on Amples fit in thread since my current phase means I'm thinkin and feelIng less queer which can be confusing! __________________ "Your half chub is offensive to my delicate sensibilities."

02-03-2011, 02:22 AM	#29
Twisty Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Currently living in Perth, Australia Posts: 20	I fluctuate constantly. To be brutally honest, my tastes probably change depending on what "the last one" was like. If I have a fantastic experience with a guy, I'm suddenly as gay as a Christmas tree. If a guy pisses me off, I tend to swear off men for all time.... well, a while.... XxX __________________ @TwistyXxX on Twitter....

02-08-2011, 09:42 PM	#30
hxtp Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: New Orleans Posts: 2	Sex, yes, please! Too many are fixated on the biological equipment (internal or external plumbing, so to speak) to realize that the possibilities are much more complicated. I like a model of sexual attraction that is continuous on multiple dimensions rather that a few discrete choices. In some cases, I'm only interested in men, but other instances include a range of women and transgender individuals. Then there's a complex range of fetishes that fit well with various individuals. I tend to prefer larger men (muscular to extremely fat) to women, but for some bizarre reasons, I find slender women very attractive, much more so that skinny men. The mental considerations of intelligence, language ability, and humor are also very important no matter the biological gender. I read and write lots of erotic literature and view man images on the web. Perhaps, I'm just pan sexual with a range of fetishes. Enjoy the variety! __________________ HXTP

02-22-2011, 04:21 AM	#31
veggieforever High Carb Low Fat Vegan Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Scotland, UK Posts: 399	I am 100% lesbian, dyed in the wool and ever lover of the female form. I have had bisexual friends in the past who could never feel "settled" and when in a relationship with women they craved men and vice versa - so isn't being drawn to both sexes a recipe for heartache, confusion and unfilfillment? I know that being bi would confuse me and not be something fun at all. Also partners of bisexual friends have confided they do not feel secure in their relationships due to their fluidity of sexuality. I do not mind who falls in love with who in this life but it seems bisexuality can bring many complications with it. Don't you ever wish you could just fall in love and settle without feeling you are losing out because you want the sex that you are not with presently (without resorting to threesomes within the confines of a relationship which defeats the point of a relationship to me). I guess I am just wondering how bisexuality brings peace of heart because the choice alone almost ensures you will not have a great amount of it due to the very nature of bisexuality (Lets not include straight girls who kiss/bed other straight girls to get a guy or to please a guy cos that really demeans and belittles MY sexuality and psses me off big style). How many men kiss/bed men to attract a woman??? lol Hmmmmm, I wonder lol Why is it always the women? Then that on its own is heterosexuality passed off as bisexuality to appeal to a mate? It's all so twisted and complicated!! lol __________________ My "Food" is grown and NOT born. Vegan & proud.*

02-01-2011, 09:34 PM	#27
Tracii Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Commonwealth of Ky Posts: 3,462	Great answer!!

02-22-2011, 10:32 AM	#32
Tad mostly harmless Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,614	Well, bisexuality is no more a choice that other sexualities. One can't change who they are, only how they behave. By and large I think people who have a more focused being have an easier time in settings where who they are is acceptable, those with more diffuse natures have an easier time dealing with intolerant situations. (i.e. in Canada, it is may be easier on you to either be purely heterosexual or purely homsexual than to be bisexual? In Iran it is surely easier to be bisexual than purely homosexual.) __________________ Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure. -Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

02-22-2011, 01:38 PM	#33
Dmitra Drawing down the moonpie Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Sitka, AK Posts: 1,281	As a bisexual who's not had many long-term relationships I can't speak from direct experience. However, being open to whichever sex doesn't mean I'd be more likely to go outside a committed relationship because I really wanted to have any another person (being with a man and seeing a woman I'd be into, for example). I feel this is similar to the fact that not all homosexuals are going to pursue anyone of their same sex they feel attracted to as goes the straight culture worriers/haters so-called wisdom. My love map is rather fucked up so YMMV, of course. I used to like Woody Allen's quote about bisexuals having twice the chance of a date on Saturday nights but I wonder now if the line itself (or just the attitude) has contributed to the belittling of the depths of our feelings. Then there's always the corollary thought that we have twice the chances of being rejected, too. __________________ . Non timebo mala. "Well. When I'm here with you, I kind of miss myself the way I used to be."

02-22-2011, 04:19 PM	#35
butch cuddly, hairy, and fat Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: among the bamboo thickets Posts: 2,329	this bisexual is attracted to the person, not the gender, so I guess bisexual is not quite the wrong term to use, anyway. The important thing is, Tad, Dmitra, and penguin all hit it right on the head, so I have little else to add, except that with genderqueer people, you can kind of have all the genders you want, all at the same time (i kid, i kid, sort of). __________________ Have you seen my nip on the internet?

02-22-2011, 07:28 PM	#36
PinkRodery Rabid Squirrel Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Ireland Posts: 133	Hmm... Well I label myself as bi, when it is necessary, to make things easier to explain. But to be honest, I am attracted to people, not genders. Male, female, transgender, etc. It doesn't bother me. If I'm attracted to the person, the gender is irrelevant. But sometimes, yes, I go through stages where I find I've been attracted to more girls than guys, and vice versa. Don't know if it means anything though. __________________ Safety pins, holding up the things, that make you mine. About your hair, you needn't care, you look beautiful all of the time.

02-26-2011, 12:28 PM	#41
Leishycat Dark and scarry Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 4,578	I wasn't really sure if I should post in this thread or not, considering my former relationship with the poster, but she hasn't been on here in years so I GUESS it's ok... um... but uh yeah I'm pansexual and polyamorous. I don't miss sex with girls when I'm with a guy, and I don't miss sex with guys when I'm with a girl. Also, if I'm dating someone monogamous, if I am massively in love with them like I am with my boyfriend now I will set aside the polyamory as much as I can. __________________ In the future, the world was dark and scarry.

03-12-2011, 03:52 PM	#42
witchysbbw Join Date: May 2007 Location: Tampa, Florida, USA, EARTH Posts: 37	I think we worry too much about labels. I am bisexual who has realized her attraction for both men and women since early childhood. I personally prefer monogamy so I only have one relationship at a time but that no way lessened my attraction. My only dilemma has been that I have found that there are more men than women that are attracted and accepting of BBW. I was married to a man for 15yrs. He recently passed away so I am not currently ready to find a new romance. I honestly would like my next relationship to be with a woman but I cannot control who I fall for. It should not matter whether you are gay, straight or bi just as long as you find someone to love.

04-04-2011, 03:47 PM	#43
Fox Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 379	I've had many phases throughout life. I've always loved heavyset women, but I every once in a while go through phases in which I like men too, as well as some thinner women. I'm basically back to liking just bbw/ssbbw now, but I'm still aware that I might have same sex physical attractions later on down the road.

04-20-2011, 01:26 PM	#46
bostonguy Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Mass Posts: 32	Interesting topic. While I dated my gf, my longest relationship. I had other interests that she encouraged in fantasy but never in action. Now that I am single I have become more interested in bi kinda stuff as well, but have not tried yet. I am curious about this too. I think sexuality can be on a spectrum. I think as long as you are honest and truthful with people there is nothing wrong with experimenting.

04-22-2011, 05:37 AM	#47
Cors Delurking Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Europe Posts: 2,763	This might be an unpopular opinion but fantasy ≠ reality. Many women who are essentially straight fantasize about lesbian sex and get turned on by some aspects of it, but when push comes to shove they have no intention of actually sleeping with another woman. I also know numerous self-identified gay men who feel the same way about trying it with a girl and lesbians who occasionally think of how sex would be like if they had a penis. I wouldn't consider those types bisexual but hey, if they want to identify as such, more power to them as long as they try to be open and honest about what they are after.

04-23-2011, 03:34 AM	#48
j9gril Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 14	orient i like what i like when i like it. I've been in long term relationships with one gender and craved the other. I just have to be honest when that craving gets out of control.. i love and adore women, but dont feel that I am attractive to many (well certainly not in my circle of acquaintances) and i also love and adore men - to whom my softness is attractive... i identify as me.. i gravitate to those who attract me __________________ a little bit of good in the worst of them - and a little bit of bad in the so-called best of them

05-07-2011, 04:36 PM	#49
Pitch Join Date: May 2011 Location: Louisville, Ky Posts: 230	I'm the exact same way. Look at it this way: Sometimes you want sausage, some times you want a taco. Amirite? <3 __________________ "And you look a little touché'd..." -[SIGPIC]http://i53.tinypic.com/2zi3h3k.jpg[/SIGPIC]