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Old 09-15-2010, 07:08 AM   #26
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ooh, also: if you haven't posted about this on the story/library board, you should. hopefully some women there will speak up.
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:35 PM   #27
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You should've kicked him in the balls and ran off.
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:51 PM   #28
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bmann, I realize you think you are being supportive in some way, but did you bother reading the posts? Women saying they submitted, so there wouldn't be additional violence ( or death, as you never know )...women saying they had been drugged.

Women don't need to hear what they " should have " done, when they either don't have even the remotest of chances, or are trying to survive what is already a terrifying and violent situation.

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Old 09-15-2010, 06:12 PM   #29
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bmann, I realize you think you are being supportive in some way, but did you bother reading the posts? Women saying they submitted, so there wouldn't be additional violence ( or death, as you never know )...women saying they had been drugged.

Women don't need to hear what they " should have " done, when they either don't have even the remotest of chances, or are trying to survive what is already a terrifying and violent situation.
Yeah, you're right. I didn't read all the posts. Just the first couple of posts on the page since I was in a rush. My bad. I'll read through the whole thing and come up with my opinion and helpful advice from what I gather this second time around. Sorry about that.
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Old 09-15-2010, 06:41 PM   #30
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Yeah, you're right. I didn't read all the posts. Just the first couple of posts on the page since I was in a rush. My bad. I'll read through the whole thing and come up with my opinion and helpful advice from what I gather this second time around. Sorry about that.
Your opinion and " helpful advice "? If you read any...any...of the posts from the women who have experienced this act of violence, you would have seen exactly what I pointed out. The kind of advice you think might be appropriate is really missing the point of this thread, and the fact that women are always being told what they " should have " done.
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Old 09-15-2010, 06:53 PM   #31
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Your opinion and " helpful advice "? If you read any...any...of the posts from the women who have experienced this act of violence, you would have seen exactly what I pointed out. The kind of advice you think might be appropriate is really missing the point of this thread, and the fact that women are always being told what they " should have " done.
Hmm, you have a good point. Someone close to me had this happen to her, and I felt powerless to do anything once she told me, so I don't really like seeing or hearing something like this happen to other people. I'll keep my mouth closed then so that I don't offend anyone and so I can learn something.

Sorry this happened to you all, though. My deepest sympathies to everyone here who has experienced this.
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Old 09-15-2010, 08:37 PM   #32
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Lloyd, the only reaction a decent man can have to stories of rape and near rape is expressing sorrow externally, and feeling fiery rage internally. "Advice" from a man is not needed, wanted, nor is it helpful in the least.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:07 AM   #33
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Lloyd, the only reaction a decent man can have to stories of rape and near rape is expressing sorrow externally, and feeling fiery rage internally. "Advice" from a man is not needed, wanted, nor is it helpful in the least.
sensible words dromond. and it is exactly what i am feeling now
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Old 09-24-2010, 10:34 PM   #34
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Cala, Thanks for starting this thread. I've been here a bunch of times and never posted anything. I almost hit "submit reply" and then delete it. It feels so humiliating. I don't know if that's the way ya'll feel, but to me it feels humiliating. The 'confessions' here really uncover a wounded, raw place in a person which evidently was never able to heal.

My parents were divorced when I was in 3rd grade and later my mom married a guy. My siblings and I didn't live with her at the time. At some point (lots of blocked out memories later) we did end up living with them. He had a daughter from a previous marriage and thought it was cute to show my sister and I how he they "kissed" with their tongues. Well, things sort of went down hill from there... It wasn't till years and years later, after being threatened with 'something bad would happen to anyone who hurt him or made him go to jail' and being told that nothing really happened and finally... "well, if something did happen, it was my fault", I realized what was done to me was illegal. But I was humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed. I believed that it was my fault. Apparently, since my child body responded, it was my fault and I provoked it.

I've tried to be as sketchy as I could be out of respect for feelings, but I gratefully thank you for being able to say what I did.
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Old 09-24-2010, 10:45 PM   #35
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I had two uncles that made my life a living hell. I spent a good deal of my childhood and adolescence hiding from them. No one knew anything was going on because I was convinced I had done something bad. I thought if I told my parents or grandparents I would be disowned and homeless. To this day one of my greatest fears is having love snatched away because I always believed it was capricious and conditional.

Hugs to all my sisters who have endured and survived.
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:43 AM   #36
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I had two uncles that made my life a living hell. I spent a good deal of my childhood and adolescence hiding from them. No one knew anything was going on because I was convinced I had done something bad. I thought if I told my parents or grandparents I would be disowned and homeless. To this day one of my greatest fears is having love snatched away because I always believed it was capricious and conditional.

Hugs to all my sisters who have endured and survived.
I know what you mean girly, trying to hide from family members, never wanting to be alone with any man/boy in my family -just in case-, thinking if I told again they wouldn't believe me this time. It's just insane what girls have to go through. Pathetic.

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Old 01-28-2011, 12:57 PM   #37
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There have been times when I gave into having sex with a man just so I wouldn't become violently raped and at least he would use a condom. Yes, I did try to get away and fought them, but they were stronger than me. And the more I fought, the more violent they would become, so I just gave in.

Afterwards, I would feel confused about whether I should call the police or not. Wouldn't they see it as consensual sex, since I gave in? I didn't see what choice I had, but have sex with them or get beat up and raped anyway or possibly killed. In the end, I've always decided not to call. But it still felt like I've been raped. Even though I gave in. I felt like I didn't have control over my own body. Even if I said "no" they were going to find a way to do it anyway. That was what sex was like in my 20's on up until my 30s and I left the father of my children. Most of the time with him, I had sex with him just so he wouldn't become violent. Yes, it was a domestic violence situation with him...

Now, I no longer trust a man if he wants our 1st date to be at a place where we are alone. That is just a set up for being raped. I've been through it too many times to know. I once had a guy I was dating who put something in my drink while he went to buy it when we were watching a movie at the theater. I've had all types of tricks pulled on me.

Just like in clubs. A lot of guys don't dance with the ladies there. They just stand by the sidelines and watch them dance with each other, wait for them to get a little drunk, then dance with them and try to take advantage of them. I've been through it and seen it happen many times.
Hi, I understand your pain. I've experienced the same. The one thing I can say to you is that yes...don't trust a man on the first date, or the second or the third. I've learned that instead of putting myself in a position where someone can hurt me that way, I only meet in public places with people until I know them well. i also try to meet people through other friends. Its the same rules that any woman needs to rely on...you are a stranger, so you can be a danger. There are alot of good men out there, but there also predators. Just love yourself enough to protect yourself. Another thing...the past is the past. Today is a new day. Today is a new chance to be happy. Leave the past where it belongs. Good luck. I'm wishing you healing for all the pain you've experienced. It is possible.
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Old 03-03-2011, 05:05 PM   #38
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I once went out with a guy that I got into a situation in where I felt like I had no choice but to let him get to 3rd base with me. He was stronger than me and had military self-defense training. I was honestly afraid that he was going to break my neck as his arm was around me. Never did I see him after that, though, and I ignored all of his phone calls thereafter.

The OP is right. Never go anywhere with a 1st date where they want to be alone with you, even if it's in a movie theater.

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Old 03-11-2011, 01:43 AM   #39
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Default Re: It Still Feels Like Rape..

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Lloyd, the only reaction a decent man can have to stories of rape and near rape is expressing sorrow externally, and feeling fiery rage internally.
Yes, this is how I feel also.
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:24 AM   #40
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Yes, this is how I feel also.
I think a lot of men don't react this way; we've had other rape threads on these boards and they devolve pretty quickly into 'maybe she looked older' or 'we don't have the facts' or 'women can rape too' [as if that's relevant to the question at hand]. If someone posts a thread about a mother allegedly hurting/killing her child, everyone is ready to hang her from the nearest tree. If someone posts a thread about men allegedly raping a woman, we 'don't have all the facts.' I'll admit that troubles me.
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Old 03-11-2011, 10:29 AM   #41
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I think a lot of men don't react this way; we've had other rape threads on these boards and they devolve pretty quickly into 'maybe she looked older' or 'we don't have the facts' or 'women can rape too' [as if that's relevant to the question at hand]. If someone posts a thread about a mother allegedly hurting/killing her child, everyone is ready to hang her from the nearest tree. If someone posts a thread about men allegedly raping a woman, we 'don't have all the facts.' I'll admit that troubles me.
Amen and Brava!!! Can't rep you yet!
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:38 PM   #42
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Amen and Brava!!! Can't rep you yet!
I got her for both of us.
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Old 03-12-2011, 11:45 AM   #43
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I think a lot of men don't react this way; we've had other rape threads on these boards and they devolve pretty quickly into 'maybe she looked older' or 'we don't have the facts' or 'women can rape too' [as if that's relevant to the question at hand]. If someone posts a thread about a mother allegedly hurting/killing her child, everyone is ready to hang her from the nearest tree. If someone posts a thread about men allegedly raping a woman, we 'don't have all the facts.' I'll admit that troubles me.
I can not rep you enough for this.
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