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Old 03-21-2011, 03:30 AM   #1
Llama
 
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Default Been asked a million times, but I need advice :(

Ok, wife is the love of my life, when we met she was a lot smaller than she is now (like 190) but went up to around 230 (She looks really good) Now she wants to exercise all the time (I'm military but could damn sure loose the weight) I'm happy about the weight loss, but she is wanting to drop down under 180 and....well......damn. I want her to get into shape, but if I had a choice I would rather have the 230. She has no idea I'm a FA, hell I didn't know I was until this week. I was looking at pics of Mandy Blake and plump princess (damn damn damn.... all I can say) and that's when I found this forum. Now my new problem is should I tell her I'm a FA, should I not? Should I help her get in better shape but try to keep her at her sexy weight or what?!?
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Old 03-21-2011, 12:03 PM   #2
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In the end she has to live in her body, not you. So you don’t want to put pressure on her to do something for you, that isn’t right for her. On the other hand, she probably does want to appeal to you, and she may even currently think that she’ll appeal more to you if she lost weight, so it is hardly wise to not say anything.

When in doubt, it is probably best to talk about how you feel (or would feel), followed by making it clear that you can manage your feelings. So maybe something like “Obviously getting more active and being better about what we eat would be good for us. But I have to admit, if you lose those curves you have right now, I’ll miss them. You’ll still be freaking hot and attractive to me, never worry about that. I just thought I should let you know that with thinking about you maybe losing a lot of weight, I’ve realized just how sexy I think you are right now.” And maybe after some discussion, something like “Yah, I guess I don’t think thinner is always better. I agree that healthy living is important, but just….can the focus be on healthy living, and if you get smaller in that process, which you probably will, that is cool, changes happen and are good. Just, can the _focus_ not be on getting thinner? Like, the measure of success is more energy, being stronger, feeling better, not how many pounds lost or how much smaller clothes fit?”

Just, I wouldn’t say it much more than once. If she really prefers to focus on getting down to a size 14, or whatever, that is her choice, and if you keep hammering away at your point that does become coercive. But that should let her know how you feel pretty clearly, and give her the info to make her choices.

All just my thoughts as quickly jotted down, without knowing either of you, with no particular expertise, etc. .
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Old 03-21-2011, 09:28 PM   #3
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Don't talk to the internet about this, talk about it with your wife.
Be supportive but don't let that stop you from telling her she lookes smashing as is.

If she loses weight,again be supportive BUT if it starts to affect your relationship sexually (and that starts to turn into a problem) then you need to be upfront frankly.
That is, if you feel it's really becoming a problem and making your relationship worse tell her. Such problems should often not be ignored, in the case of a problem you need to be upfront and say that it is causing a problem and discuss it with her.
If you wanted to you could be completely honest to her right now but seeing as I don't know the nature of your relationship in detail (and it's not my place) so being completely honest may be a bad thing right now.
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Old 03-22-2011, 02:41 AM   #4
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Well, you married her for presumably more reasons than just physical attraction, right? So you'll have to take all that into account when thinking of the worth of your relationship going forward. But I echo the sentiments of the last poster -- you should be open about your feelings, in the kindest possible way, with your wife.

Best of luck, and, most of all, don't freak out -- the "worst-case" scenario (i.e., she will lose so much weight that you will no longer find her sexually attractive) isn't necessarily going to happen, you know?
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Old 03-22-2011, 03:19 PM   #5
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Hi Llama,

I'm not sure if I can give you are advice as worthy than the excellent responses provided already. If I may, let me add another perspective, as
you are hardly alone.

You stated "asked a million times", because I believe the vast majority of FAs have to deal with the issue of weight change in one form or another.

Usually, it is about the partner's desire to lose weight in which our feelings of "I like her as she is now" come out. Of course you need to
share your feelings with your partner, but as long as it's reinforced with the understanding that your relationship is about mind and spirit, and concern for health far ahead of body.

Sometimes, the opposite may be true, in which case the partner decides to gain weight intentionally -- which may at first appeal to many FAs.
However, FAs in that situation should also focus on the health risks. Here, the key messages are the same as the "lose weight" issue, which
is the relationship and concern for health above all.

Either way, the message "I love you just as you are today" is important. Then, if you have not done so, make sure she is aware that her current
size and padded curves are appealing to you. As you have not told her this, she may be looking to lose weight mainly on the premise that she
would be more attractive to you.

Of course, for us readers, there are many unknowns; of which her health, family history of health, size, weight distribution, age, are factors in how to best support your partner.

(done rambling)
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Old 03-23-2011, 05:15 PM   #6
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I am, by nature, a FFA...be that as it may, I'm also bi-sizual when the occasion calls for it. Meaning, I do think there are some smaller guys who are built nicely and are very attractive to the eye.

That being said, when I first got with my man, he was a chunker. Very pleasantly plump and just sexy as hell in my view . However, early on he expressed a desire to get in shape, tone up, lose the belly (), etc. I fully support him because it's HIS body and it's what HE wants. He knows what type of man I'm attracted to, and he did tell me he was worried that when he loses more weight and bulks up with muscle, I won't be attracted to him anymore. This is simply not the case. I'm experiencing it right now. I see his trimmer self and the disappearing belly, but I'm still SO attracted to him. And I've realized that it's HIM I'm attracted to, not the outer shell. I love HIM. And whether he's 200 lbs or 400 lbs, I'm gonna love ALL of him...and that, for me, is the very foundation of sexual attraction.

So, while you may love a bigger woman, remember that you love THIS woman, regardless of her size.
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Old 04-02-2011, 11:09 AM   #7
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So, how did it go? Did you talk to her yet?

If you haven't, I'd echo the advice above. Welcome to FAland, its a wonderful place; and its a good idea to carefully hash out as a couple how you two would like to balance your sexual reality with her health. It's something that probably every committed FA/BBW relationship should be transparent with each other about.

If you feel comfortable sharing with us, please do. It's something I'm sure other dudes who wander in here could productively hear about.
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