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Old 04-08-2011, 01:56 PM   #126
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I've had a doctor dismiss me to my face as a whiny fat guy. I know I lost out on at least one job due to fat discrimination. So in that respect I've been affected by societal prejudice. What did I do about it? I told the doctor to go to hell and found a different one. I shrugged off the missed job and kept applying until I found one. I could be bitter, I could hate society, I could go "woe is me." I choose not to do those things. I chalk it up to "shit happens" and get on with getting on.

I don't see my way as the only valid way, I just don't understand because I haven't lived a different experience. All I have is my own experience to draw upon, and I know for a fact I'm nothing special.
Ah, Ok, see, now what you say makes more sense to me-thank you for allowing me to understand you better. It took me some time to get where you are, and I get there differently, but I don't let those things keep me down, either. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort, but I do get there. If not, my therapist helps me get there.
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Old 04-08-2011, 09:53 PM   #127
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Got to love the Semantic Police Force. You will be harassed and fined if you fail to have a disclaimer attached to every sentence the pedants could possibly misconstrue. God forbid people should be creative and have theoretical ideas outside of their own experiences.
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Old 04-09-2011, 01:50 PM   #128
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I've had a doctor dismiss me to my face as a whiny fat guy. I know I lost out on at least one job due to fat discrimination. So in that respect I've been affected by societal prejudice. What did I do about it? I told the doctor to go to hell and found a different one. I shrugged off the missed job and kept applying until I found one. I could be bitter, I could hate society, I could go "woe is me." I choose not to do those things. I chalk it up to "shit happens" and get on with getting on.

I don't see my way as the only valid way, I just don't understand because I haven't lived a different experience. All I have is my own experience to draw upon, and I know for a fact I'm nothing special.
Well you could have given the offending physician a hearty handshake
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Old 04-13-2011, 05:02 PM   #129
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Coming in here and lecturing FAs how they can and cannot be attracted to fat people and what it all means, without being a FA herself. It must be really good to know it all.
Coming from anyone else, this would be called trolling.

Thatgirl08, I totally agree with you. I think I'm allowed to say that considering I am an FA... right?
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Old 04-13-2011, 09:32 PM   #130
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This was somewhat touched upon before, but I really think it just comes down to basic sociological factors.

Put briefly: all too often big folks are made to feel unattractive by society at large. All too often, FA's are made to feel nervous about the idea of letting anybody know they're attracted to big men or women.

Now create a setting where suddenly the FA gets to let go of his/her inhibition and get that "kid in a candy store" feeling, and a setting wherein the large people now become the outwardly desirable centers of attention, some disaster is bound to follow. This is simply because it's a new situation for a number of the people involved, and they won't always know how to act or react appropriately.

I certainly believe there are cases where it goes beyond that, where we start entering the realm of objectification and other very negative aspects, but I really think the nuts and bolts of the issue boil down to that role reversal factor, and people having to learn protocol in such situations.

I know from going to bash parties that the simple answer was always just to treat the parties the same way I would going to any club or bar. Same for things like dating sites or what have you: there's no reason whatsoever to have anything besides a normal conversation with the person. I mean, really: if you're on this site, or at a bash, or whatever, your preferences or what you find attractive is pretty well established right off the bat, no?
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:30 AM   #131
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The bolded is your opinion. An opinion I do not subscribe to, I should add. In my opinion it is exactly the same as liking blondes or whatever. It's a preference and not some spiritually transcendent event. I like fat chicks, yes I do. They are soft and round, and oh so nice. But the body is just a shell, man. A woman can be the most awesome bodied BBW ever, and if she's got nothing on the ball my attraction falls flat on it's metaphorical face.

Then again, I've never considered myself a "Fat Admirer," as I am not in love with fat. I'm in love with the shape of a BBW, not her fat.
Alright... one more time: Yes, of course you need to like and get along with someone, or else there is no relationship. It is self-evident and I have made it abundantly clear in just about every post on the subject I have ever made.

And yes, I know some people do not like the FA label, some claim that it doesn't matter whether their partner is 97 or 500 pounds, and some reject any physical preference.

And no, I do not believe our preference is like any other. I think most of those who consider themselves FAs feel very strongly about it and finding a fat partner is a basic need in their lives.

And about "the body is just a shell, man." Not so. It is the physical part of who and what we are, it carries our soul, if there is one, throughout our lives, it gives us joy and pain, and untold grief if we don't treat it right or something happens to it. Mind, body and soul go together. They are one.

Lastly, this site is Dimensions, where big is beautiful. So whether to you it's some spiritually transcendent even or not, to many it is. If you go to a place where people gather to fight a certain disease, they deeply believe in it, it is their life, and not just some other charity. If you go to a place where people share their passion for a special hobby or profession, it's not just some job like any other. If you go to a Chevy club, it's not just another car. If you attend a certain church, it's not just some religion. This is Dimensions, where big is beautiful.

And if a person who finds fat people beautiful and a fat person who likes to be wanted for just who she or he is meet, fall in love and become partners, then that is a perfect match, mind, body and soul. That is what Dimensions stands for and seeks.
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:20 AM   #132
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Alright... one more time: Yes, of course you need to like and get along with someone, or else there is no relationship. It is self-evident and I have made it abundantly clear in just about every post on the subject I have ever made.
lol I just can't help but feeling sorry for you, Conrad. You've spent so much time (and probably quite a bit of money) to make a site in which fat people and fat admirers could find peace and acceptance only to find out how badly it backfired.

Also, you have made that point from the very beginning (so have I earlier) but big women keep coming into this thread and telling us there needs to be more than just a physical connection, over and over and over, as if they think we are too absent minded to understand it.

Come on people! We are FAs, not animals!

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And no, I do not believe our preference is like any other. I think most of those who consider themselves FAs feel very strongly about it and finding a fat partner is a basic need in their lives.
Well, of course it isn't. I've heard people say Fat admiration is no different than liking blonds or brunettes. If that's the case, why aren't there as many blond clubs or brunette clubs as there are BBW clubs? And as you said before, it's easier for FAs and fat people to connect because they have suffered prejudice of a similar kind. Has anyone ever heard the phrase: misery loves company?

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And about "the body is just a shell, man." Not so. It is the physical part of who and what we are, it carries our soul, if there is one, throughout our lives, it gives us joy and pain, and untold grief if we don't treat it right or something happens to it. Mind, body and soul go together. They are one.
Exactly. The human body effects how we feel, see, smell, and interact with the world around us. Things in our body's such as the hormones often have a large impact on the way we think and examine the world around us. I honestly think it's foolish to say that the body is nothing more than a shell unless you actually have experience living without one.

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Lastly, this site is Dimensions, where big is beautiful. So whether to you it's some spiritually transcendent even or not, to many it is. If you go to a place where people gather to fight a certain disease, they deeply believe in it, it is their life, and not just some other charity. If you go to a place where people share their passion for a special hobby or profession, it's not just some job like any other. If you go to a Chevy club, it's not just another car. If you attend a certain church, it's not just some religion. This is Dimensions, where big is beautiful.
Well, sadly, after more than a decade, that's not the case for this site. You should probably give this up and rename the site "Dimensions, where big is POTENTIALLY beautiful.".. jk, of course.

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And if a person who finds fat people beautiful and a fat person who likes to be wanted for just who she or he is meet, fall in love and become partners, then that is a perfect match, mind, body and soul. That is what Dimensions stands for and seeks.
I do believe that it is more possible for a FA and a fat person to develop that bond than it is for a fat person and a non FA to do the same. Usually, when one finds another physically attractive, he's a LOT more interested in actually getting to know the person than one who is not attracted to another.
I'm sorry if I seem to generalize with the statement I'm about to make, but I have a lot lot LOT of non FA (straight male) friends. I've asked each of them what they think of fat girls. Just about all of them said they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a fat girl. Many of them said they wouldn't even want to be friends with a fat girl. This is why it befuddles me to see big girls here say they could just as easily find love from dating non-FAs
as the could from dating FAs. It would perhaps be possible, but it certainly wouldn't be AS easy.

And for the women here: if you actually do find a non FA who loves you for mind, body, and soul, how do you know that he isn't a FA? How do you know he's just saying he's not because he's hiding in the closet? Or that he just chooses to reject the label for whatever reason? FAs aren't the tiny brained, obvious people you tend to think they are. They know many BBWs wouldn't even spare a passing glance if those BBWs knew they were FAs. They can lie too. Just like anybody else in the world.
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:30 AM   #133
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And no, I do not believe our preference is like any other. I think most of those who consider themselves FAs feel very strongly about it and finding a fat partner is a basic need in their lives
But ultimately this is about attraction, or sexual attraction. I'm really uncomfortable with what amounts to insisting that the FA need for a fat partner is somehow different from anyone else seeking both sexual and emotional compatibility. The fact of needing fat to be satisfied is just a twist in anyone needing to be attracted to somebody. FA's aren't more turned on by their partners than anyone else and whatever thrill or arousal an FA gets from, say, grabbing a love handle isn't stronger than what somebody else gets from his or her partner.

Many posters have compared being an FA with being gay, and that seems close enough. While being gay has its own set of challenges (potential isolation, familial issues, homophobia, parenting) it doesn't make the feelings gay partners have towards each other different from the feelings straights have.

I think where this discussion creates discomfort is not in the needing of fat or the importance of fat, but rather the needing and importance of sexual attraction.

I love fixing people up on dates, but the most common reason for a couple not going on a second date is just lack of chemistry. I can get everything else right but if there's no chemistry it doesn't work. That having been said, I know numerous long term couples whose relationship doesn't have mutual sexual attraction as its glue. That can and does work for some people.
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:59 AM   #134
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Alright... one more time: Yes, of course you need to like and get along with someone, or else there is no relationship. It is self-evident and I have made it abundantly clear in just about every post on the subject I have ever made.

And yes, I know some people do not like the FA label, some claim that it doesn't matter whether their partner is 97 or 500 pounds, and some reject any physical preference.

And no, I do not believe our preference is like any other. I think most of those who consider themselves FAs feel very strongly about it and finding a fat partner is a basic need in their lives.

And about "the body is just a shell, man." Not so. It is the physical part of who and what we are, it carries our soul, if there is one, throughout our lives, it gives us joy and pain, and untold grief if we don't treat it right or something happens to it. Mind, body and soul go together. They are one.

Lastly, this site is Dimensions, where big is beautiful. So whether to you it's some spiritually transcendent even or not, to many it is. If you go to a place where people gather to fight a certain disease, they deeply believe in it, it is their life, and not just some other charity. If you go to a place where people share their passion for a special hobby or profession, it's not just some job like any other. If you go to a Chevy club, it's not just another car. If you attend a certain church, it's not just some religion. This is Dimensions, where big is beautiful.

And if a person who finds fat people beautiful and a fat person who likes to be wanted for just who she or he is meet, fall in love and become partners, then that is a perfect match, mind, body and soul. That is what Dimensions stands for and seeks.
The bolded part above screams "objectification," which is precisely the point I was arguing against. It's fine to objectify a car. It's an object. It's fine to objectify a cause. It's also an object (albeit an intangible one). It's not fine to objectify a person, because they are not an object. Objectifying a person is dehumanizing, full stop.

As to the rest, I will stick to loving the person first and the body second.
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Old 04-14-2011, 12:15 PM   #135
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The bolded part above screams "objectification," which is precisely the point I was arguing against. It's fine to objectify a car. It's an object. It's fine to objectify a cause. It's also an object (albeit an intangible one). It's not fine to objectify a person, because they are not an object. Objectifying a person is dehumanizing, full stop.

As to the rest, I will stick to loving the person first and the body second.
Dromond steps up to the plate once again to make a nasty powerful swing! Yet, misses the ball...

Conrad's point was not the fact that those things are objects, but the fact that everyone who goes to those object themed clubs supports the theme of the club. It's like GLBTQ community. Just because they all love and support GLBTQ people, doesn't mean they are objectifying them.
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Old 04-14-2011, 12:24 PM   #136
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Dromond steps up to the plate once again to make a nasty powerful swing! Yet, misses the ball...

Conrad's point was not the fact that those things are objects, but the fact that everyone who goes to those object themed clubs supports the theme of the club. It's like GLBTQ community. Just because they all love and support GLBTQ people, doesn't mean they are objectifying them.
I'm afraid you are the one who missed the point. Being attracted to fat chicks/dudes is not the same as being GLBTQ. Apples and oranges, my friend. There is something fundamental (genetics? brain wiring? who can say?) to your gender identity. There is nothing so fundamental about attraction to fat folks.
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Old 04-14-2011, 12:50 PM   #137
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I'm afraid you are the one who missed the point. Being attracted to fat chicks/dudes is not the same as being GLBTQ. Apples and oranges, my friend. There is something fundamental (genetics? brain wiring? who can say?) to your gender identity. There is nothing so fundamental about attraction to fat folks.
wtf? What point did I miss? You're on a completely different subject now.

But if you really think of fat admiration that way, then perhaps you really aren't a closeted FA. lol sorry, I couldn't resist.

All I can say is that I didn't just randomly choose to be a FA. I had feelings toward fat people that I didn't have for thinner people for as far back as I can remember. In my teenage years I felt ashamed of this preference and spent some time trying to get rid of it. It never worked. I knew my family and friends wouldn't accept the fact that I'm a FA, so I tried to change it. In the end I realize I'm a FA, pure and simple, and instead of finding some way to hide it, I ultimately need a relationship that allows me to take pride in who and what I am.

I honestly don't know why or how you don't think there's anything fundamental about fat admiration. Whether or not you wish to accept it, all attraction is completely fundamental. You were never taught in school how to be attracted to somebody. Whether you are gay, bisexual, a FA, or even someone with fetishes, you can't help what you are attracted to. You can't really choose what sexuality to have or what turns you on. It's deeply part of you, whether you accept what you like or not.

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Old 04-14-2011, 01:12 PM   #138
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I think we are talking past each other, so I'll bow out. Just one final thing to say, and I'll put it in the most basic way I can. Fat chicks make my dick hard. That's all there is to it. There is nothing mystical, transcendent, or higher plane of consciousness involved. It's a reptile brain level response.
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Old 04-14-2011, 01:17 PM   #139
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I think we are talking past each other, so I'll bow out. Just one final thing to say, and I'll put it in the most basic way I can. Fat chicks make my dick hard. That's all there is to it. There is mothing mystical, transcendent, or higher plane of consciousness involved. It's a reptile brain level response.
Considering that you're in a healthy long term relationship with a beautiful loving fat woman, I tend to agree that you know what you're talking about.

The way this thread has devolved makes me very sad. I'm seeing personal attacks on people's personal experiences and then denial when being called on it. I also loathe blatant sycophancy.

FTR- I prefer fat men, but also find some average size men attractive as well, in fact, married one. I didn't have to learn it in school and there could be a genetic predisposition but I was raised in a fat family where everyone was loved and accepted regardless of size so I think conditioning/environment DID have a lot to do with it as opposed to being born or hardwired to be gay.
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Old 04-14-2011, 02:46 PM   #140
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The bolded part above screams "objectification," which is precisely the point I was arguing against. It's fine to objectify a car. It's an object. It's fine to objectify a cause. It's also an object (albeit an intangible one). It's not fine to objectify a person, because they are not an object. Objectifying a person is dehumanizing, full stop.

As to the rest, I will stick to loving the person first and the body second.
Well said, man. Hey, I've got your back, for what it's worth.. :\

The trans community has a similar issue, of people who fetishise and objectify us... and most trans people wouldn't touch those people with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole. Same as anyone else, we want to be loved for who we are, not what we are.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:37 PM   #141
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There is something fundamental (genetics? brain wiring? who can say?) to your gender identity. There is nothing so fundamental about attraction to fat folks.
Believes you. And I know a bunch of FAs who swear it's part of their wiring and has been present since their earliest memories - a predisposition to gravitate toward large people, to know that that is where their "center" is.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:41 PM   #142
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Knoxville, TN area
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Originally Posted by Alicia Rose View Post
Same as anyone else, we want to be loved for who we are, not what we are.
And who you are is mind, body and soul.

In my book, loving three out of three is better than loving two out of three. Declaring the third irrelevant, or an irrelevant fetish, is weird and insulting, but hey, whatever works for people.

I really have no further interest in defending, especially not on a size-positive site, why to most of us FAs our preference is a beautiful thing and a positive force in our lives. So anyone can feel free to accuse FAs of objectifying, or belittling our preference. Very disappointing. Case closed.
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