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Old 04-11-2011, 05:24 PM   #1
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Default "Fat Days"

Most of the time I'm pretty happy with myself as a BBW. It's one of the reasons I found Dimensions in the first place. But even a fairly confident person has days when you just wish you could be a different way; smarter, more outgoing, bigger boobs and the killer: thinner.

Sometimes I have those moments where I think my entire life would be different if I were thin. Realistically I know thats not the case and that I have a pretty sweet deal but I just can't help it. There are times when I wish I could wear those teeny little sundresses and not have my thighs get all hot and sweaty, when I could get a piece of pie after dinner without imagining the caf judging me or run around campus in leggings like those thin little sorority girls do and not feel exposed. It's easier to blame my fat somedays when things don't go my way.

Just to be clear I'm not saying I want to be thin. I've learned to embrace my curves and enjoy eating healthy with little guilt. But sometimes I can feel myself back peddling and swearing I'm going to live off celery for the rest of the week. Times like that really baffle me. They usually go as quickly as they came but I wish I could get myself out of the "whoa is me" funk or maybe avoid it all together. So how do other self loving BBWs deal with these days?
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Old 04-11-2011, 05:39 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by PeanutButterfly View Post
how do other self loving BBWs deal with these days?
bubble bath, flowy dress, go to a party, and dance my ass off. Even if I'm not really feeling the groove, I'll fake it. You can't wiggle forever without starting to have at least a little fun, and I've noticed if I'm having a good time, I don't let the 'what ifs' cross my mind.
....also lots of ice cream and salty snacks
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Old 04-11-2011, 06:09 PM   #3
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Default Fat Funk

I understand how those feelings come up. It happened to me Saturday at a consignment shop that had lots of cute clothes-in small sizes. They did have a plus section but almost everything there looked ugly or cheap. I have found cute things in this store before but not this time. It makes me feel so left out. We want cute clothes too! Those are the times when I wish I could fit into the cute stuff. So I went over to a BBW friend's house to watch movies and talk and that cheered me up.
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Old 04-11-2011, 06:40 PM   #4
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I don't really wish to be significantly smaller these days, but I do have bad-BDD moments where I get mad at my blob, wish I could shave off some hip, or curse my batwings or stretch marks. Then I go to the gym or let the hormone surge pass and everything goes back to normal. I think everybody struggles with their appearance sometimes, for one reason or another.

I do have some fat friends that tell me that I'm not "fat" anymore and that I'm in a completely different social size grouping (for lack of a better term) because of it. I don't personally subscribe to that method of dividing up the population (it offends me!), but maybe they have a point. It's easier for me to "get over it" because I don't have the same social burdens I used to. It is easier for me to "pass" I guess, which in turn means worrying less about what other people in generic public situations might be thinking or how my size might create complications in the immediate future.

I don't know. I do agree with those friends that I'm now of a height and shape that makes my size acceptable to society at large. Even attractive. So, I don't have the same "oh crap, throttled again" moments that I used to have when I was signficantly larger. That said, I've also been thin, so if thin privilege really exists, I've experienced that too. I know what life is like on the other side, and I have to admit that it isn't much different than the way things are now. In fact, right now is BETTER in a lot of ways.
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Last edited by Tania; 04-11-2011 at 06:44 PM.
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Old 04-13-2011, 10:41 AM   #5
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When I start feeling bad about my body, what usually helps me is to get out into the fresh air and sunshine and move my body in some way that makes me feel good - going for a swim, hiking, or just going for a walk around the neighborhood or some other place I like. I guess a combination of the endorphins produced by exercise, just being outside, and feeling my body move helps me feel better about things.
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:21 PM   #6
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I have recently been feeling this way after gaining some weight that has me feeling so tired and weird..if that makes sense
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:56 PM   #7
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I know exactly how you feel. I have days where I hate everything in my closet and just KNOW that I'll never be able to find anything decent to wear because nothing looks good on me, anyway, and whine to myself about how unfair society is and how if I could only lose x amount of weight blah blah blah. I'll wallow in it for a little while to indulge my inner drama queen, but then try to snap out of it. I'll try to do my makeup in a really fun way (lots of bright eyeshadows), wear an outfit that I usually love, even if I don't that day, actually make the effort and do my hair, and blast some good, fun pop or rock and sing along at the top of my lungs. Pampering yourself makes you feel special, and it's hard to feel like crap if you're lounging in a bubble bath with candles burning, listening to beautiful music.

If that doesn't work, distraction is key. I'll really try to immerse myself in a book or my work, and I'll make an extra effort to be nice and talk to people when I'm out. I find that making conversation and being nice actually make me feel better, even when I want to just hide in a hole. It reminds me that I might be making someone's day just by saying hi, or I could be proving someones preconceptions wrong by presenting myself as polite and well-put-together, "even though" I'm fat. And like someone else on here said, when all else fails, ice cream is kind of a cure-all.
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:36 PM   #8
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If I'm not feeling attractive or if I'm just sort of down on myself about something I like to take a long shower, shave, lotion, do my makeup & hair and go out and do something.. anything.. could be going to the club with my friends or just going grocery shopping.

If I'm extra upset about something.. I eat something bad for me, cry it out, and then take a looong nap. I usually feel better when I wake up.
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Old 05-19-2011, 06:44 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeanutButterfly View Post
Most of the time I'm pretty happy with myself as a BBW. It's one of the reasons I found Dimensions in the first place. But even a fairly confident person has days when you just wish you could be a different way; smarter, more outgoing, bigger boobs and the killer: thinner.

Sometimes I have those moments where I think my entire life would be different if I were thin. Realistically I know thats not the case and that I have a pretty sweet deal but I just can't help it. There are times when I wish I could wear those teeny little sundresses and not have my thighs get all hot and sweaty, when I could get a piece of pie after dinner without imagining the caf judging me or run around campus in leggings like those thin little sorority girls do and not feel exposed. It's easier to blame my fat somedays when things don't go my way.

Just to be clear I'm not saying I want to be thin. I've learned to embrace my curves and enjoy eating healthy with little guilt. But sometimes I can feel myself back peddling and swearing I'm going to live off celery for the rest of the week. Times like that really baffle me. They usually go as quickly as they came but I wish I could get myself out of the "whoa is me" funk or maybe avoid it all together. So how do other self loving BBWs deal with these days?

I'm still stuck. This reply will be useless because I am a fence sitter to the EXTREME in this regard. All day long my mind is going either way: I could wear that if I was skinny/Why can't I just wear that now? or "He or she'd like me if I was thin"/"He or she's not worth my time if they are that shallow."


I don't know what to think about my body. I do covet a gamine figure, I'll just come out and say it. But I want self love. And weight loss feels like I'm selling my soul for homosociality.

I AM CONFUS
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