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Old 06-05-2011, 01:41 PM   #1
tummylovin'003
 
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Default I don't think my boyfriends a fan of my curves?!

Apologies if this has been posted before or if i'm in the wrong section... I'm new

Basically, I'm looking for some words of wisdom, or thoughts on this... I'm quite "curvy", and there's nothing I like more than my boyfriend hugging, sqeezing and rubbing my belly
The only thing is, i'm the biggest girlfriend he's had, and I get the feeling he doesnt enjoy doing these things with me, as most of the time, I have to sort of hint at it for him to do it. I've asked him about it and he says he scared of hurting my feelings by doing it... (I used to be, and still can be, quite self-concious about it), but i've assured him it's all good, and that I actually quite enjoy it.

Is there anything I can do to maybe get him to enjoy these things as much as I do?

Thanks guys, Peace
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Old 06-05-2011, 02:31 PM   #2
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Write him a dirty story detailing what you'd like to have happen.
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Old 06-05-2011, 03:10 PM   #3
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Not a bad idea at all actually...
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Old 06-05-2011, 03:14 PM   #4
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Just dont wanna embarrass him or me if he's actually not up for it, I think he's only doing it to please me, but I want him to enjoy himself too, if you see what I mean?
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Old 06-05-2011, 03:49 PM   #5
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Hard to embarrass a guy by opening up to them. If he's worth it, he'll want to go for it. If not, well, now you know.
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Old 06-05-2011, 05:16 PM   #6
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It sounds like this is all new for him, and not so much about it being embarrassing, but more along the lines of awkward. Like all new experiences, he needs to feel comfortable and know that you are comfortable also. Maybe if you play with your curves in front of him or with him, I'm sure he will start to feel more comfortable and initiate the "chub play" on his own. More times then not, men are more worried about our comfort levels when it comes to trying something new. You mentioned that he is worried about hurting your feelings, probably because he, (like so many others) is concerned that if he were to play with your curves, it will make you think that he is degrading you or putting you down in a way. This reaction we can thank society for. The world is so full of "fat is bad", so for a new FA (if he is even a FA) the very thing that turns them on is also something that he has been trained to be ashamed of, at the very least, he has been told all of his life it is unattractive. He is probably going through a lot of mixed emotions when it comes to your curves. He is attracted to them, but has been thought not to be. He has been told that women do not like to discuss their size, especially if the lady is a larger, so he is trying to be respectful in that sense too. So again, my best advise to you would be to show him that you like it, play with your curves in front of him, and even do it together. He just needs a little confidence and reassurance that he can do this, and that you like it. I'm sure the more you are open about it, and the more you express how much you like it, he will start to feel comfortable and be more affectionate.

another note, he might not be a FA, if he is not, he will probably never fully feel comfortable touching your curves...
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Old 06-06-2011, 04:40 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JulieD View Post
It sounds like this is all new for him, and not so much about it being embarrassing, but more along the lines of awkward. Like all new experiences, he needs to feel comfortable and know that you are comfortable also. Maybe if you play with your curves in front of him or with him, I'm sure he will start to feel more comfortable and initiate the "chub play" on his own. More times then not, men are more worried about our comfort levels when it comes to trying something new. You mentioned that he is worried about hurting your feelings, probably because he, (like so many others) is concerned that if he were to play with your curves, it will make you think that he is degrading you or putting you down in a way. This reaction we can thank society for. The world is so full of "fat is bad", so for a new FA (if he is even a FA) the very thing that turns them on is also something that he has been trained to be ashamed of, at the very least, he has been told all of his life it is unattractive. He is probably going through a lot of mixed emotions when it comes to your curves. He is attracted to them, but has been thought not to be. He has been told that women do not like to discuss their size, especially if the lady is a larger, so he is trying to be respectful in that sense too. So again, my best advise to you would be to show him that you like it, play with your curves in front of him, and even do it together. He just needs a little confidence and reassurance that he can do this, and that you like it. I'm sure the more you are open about it, and the more you express how much you like it, he will start to feel comfortable and be more affectionate.

another note, he might not be a FA, if he is not, he will probably never fully feel comfortable touching your curves...
Huh, I guess I never thought about societies roll in his feelings, I suppose that probably does play a very big part, unfortunatly.
To be honest, I am pretty unpredictable when it comes to emotions, so I can't really blame him for being cautious... teehee.
I'm not sure if he is a FA, but as long as he loves me, who cares?

Thanks for your thoughts, they've definatly got me thinking about his emotions too!
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Old 06-06-2011, 05:56 AM   #8
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My ex boyfriend - the only almost real relationship I ever had ...left me feeling absolutely worthless - he did not find my body physically attractive to the point that he would show it....we were both old enough to realize finally it was not going to work. I felt like such an ass that he had faked it for so long and I had ignored it/waived it away.

I am sorry, but, my reality was it didn't matter if we talked about it and honestly, I didn't want to hear how I didn't measure up or how he found my back fat disgusting or that he would never touch, kiss and totally avoided my belly after almost 2 years..or that he got to the point he didn't want to be seen with me in public. I was not his first big girlfriend; it was specifically my body type. It was me he found repulsive. It didn't matter about outside the bedroom.... I had always been highly confident...it didn't take much to tear it apart.

It is one thing to work at a relationship - communication...etc. But, it is another to have to convince someone that are attracted to you - that should just be.

If you start to not feel good about yourself...please don't let it go too far.

But, I do wish you the best of luck and hope he is just shy or something...
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Old 06-06-2011, 07:40 AM   #9
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That sounds awful! I'm so sorry you had to experience that, no-one should have to be made to feel like that, ever.
I hope you've been able to rebuild that confidence, or at least begin to.

I see what you mean about convincing someone to find you attractive, I think he does find me attractive...but just maybe not all of me? I don't know, maybe he is just shy.
I'd like to think I could put a stop to things if it did start to get to me, but I suppose thats easier said than done.

But one thing that has made me love myself, is finding this forum! I've only been a member for what, maybe a couple of weeks, but its really made me think that actually, my tummy isn't something to be ashamed of, and some people litterally worship them!
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Old 06-06-2011, 08:12 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tummylovin'003 View Post
That sounds awful! I'm so sorry you had to experience that, no-one should have to be made to feel like that, ever.
I hope you've been able to rebuild that confidence, or at least begin to.
It wasn't always totally awful...and he was sleeping with other girls...I just wish he could have been more honest, as well as myself, and ended it a lot sooner. And that relationship was a long time ago.

But, again, I do wish you the best of luck!
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