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Old 06-12-2011, 06:44 PM   #26
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Right now, somewhere in the world, someone is having teh sex in some way that some nosey person finds dislikable. That nosey person needs to GTFOIA.

i.e. in this instance, if you're not a feedee / feeder or "into it" somehow, it's not really any of your business. People who are "into it" are generally sooooooooo supertired of being treated like a fuckin' freakshow, that they have no interest or intention of enlightening the idly curious. Nor do they have any obligation to do so.

And: I don't care how ignorant someone is, as long as they don't have power over others.
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Old 06-12-2011, 07:03 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
Right now, somewhere in the world, someone is having teh sex in some way that some nosey person finds dislikable. That nosey person needs to GTFOIA.

i.e. in this instance, if you're not a feedee / feeder or "into it" somehow, it's not really any of your business. People who are "into it" are generally sooooooooo supertired of being treated like a fuckin' freakshow, that they have no interest or intention of enlightening the idly curious. Nor do they have any obligation to do so.

And: I don't care how ignorant someone is, as long as they don't have power over others.
Jos...have you forgotten where you are? This is the internet. Unless you post all feeder/feedee related topics in a private forum people are going to see it. If they are seeing it and want to know more they will ask questions. Sometimes those questions might be offensive on purpose. Other times the offense is unintended because they simply do not know which I think is the case here. So, stop being all butt hurt and do a little educating. OR...Remain a prick about it and prove the point that FAs and Feeders are unfeeling and abusive. The question was asked in order to learn. From you (and the others who have jumped all over the OP and Juice for not knowing) they have learned that being a feeder is something to be defensive about. Way to change a perception. That'll win 'em over.

PS...The power over others comes when the incorrect information is allowed to stay unchanged.
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Old 06-12-2011, 07:20 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
Right now, somewhere in the world, someone is having teh sex in some way that some nosey person finds dislikable. That nosey person needs to GTFOIA.

i.e. in this instance, if you're not a feedee / feeder or "into it" somehow, it's not really any of your business. People who are "into it" are generally sooooooooo supertired of being treated like a fuckin' freakshow, that they have no interest or intention of enlightening the idly curious. Nor do they have any obligation to do so.

And: I don't care how ignorant someone is, as long as they don't have power over others.
Come on, John, if you go on any number of fetish sites (fetlife immediately come to mind) you can identify as curious or into or active, etc. The point is that the OP is asking a question and is ambivilent and this isn't an inappropriate place for it. You don't have to educate someone if it's tiresome but have some respect for something that was asked pretty respectfully. I mean, how many times have we seen EWWWWW or That's GROSS. Saying, 'It's not my thing,' shouldn't be taken as a personal insult should it?
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:14 PM   #29
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Why concern yourself with a sexuality that you have no interest in?

Feedism does not = abuse.
Manipulation etc.etc. can be found in people of any orientation, it's not part of their orientation per se.

You're not turned on by feedism from either side, so it's not for you. That's pretty much all she wrote.
Feedism absolutely can equal abuse, the same way that encouraging an alcoholic to drink can be. If you don't already have a problem with alcohol, great. If you do, and I know that about you, and I still ply you with drinks because it pegs my lite-brite, then I'm just as culpable for the fact that you've chosen to open your gullet and toss it down.

If this reality was ever actually acknowledged, it would go a long way towards clearing up some of my own possible misconceptions.
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Old 06-12-2011, 09:38 PM   #30
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I hope I've posted this in the right forum. Anyhow.

I'm a fan of Womanists Musings and found a cool article here. I'm not sure where I stand on it, though I have to say I actually kind of agree. However, I'd have a bias with ignorance because I've never encountered a Feeder and I don't exactly agree with them conflating a Feeder with all FAs...unless that's essentially what FA means within the SA community and I am wrong. I don't see many feeders or threads about feeding here on this forum outside of maybe the Pay Site board, but; I do see them on Curvage. (And something about Curvage does make me a little uncomfortable. Is it just me?)
Hi, I'm an FA and a feeder. We should go get ice cream sometime. From what I've heard a good deal of the SA community demonizes feeders and attempts to distance themselves from them because of some unusual - but well publicized - incidents. Last time I paid any attention to the whole debacle was ages ago, though. Maybe its been resolved.
Feederism seems to have two major black-eyes. From what I've seen there's the health issue: obesity is associated with the increased risk of several diseases - a risk many seem ready to take - but apparently gaining weight is far worse. Gaining weight crosses the line because each ounce gained makes all the risks geometrically greater which would make your feeder your personal suicide assistant. And the there's the control issue. There are people here who've been in abusive relationships where their weight was among the tools used to control them. Nobody I've met or spoken to has ever said this was desirable or arousing, but the stigma remains.
There are some things I don't like about curvage, but I'm not sure what you mean by it makes you uncomfortable. They have a different dynamic there. IMHO It's much less community oriented more strictly regulated to keep things moving along. I hadn't seen very many feeder threads though. Where should I look?
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Anyhow, I also haven't encountered an actual FA outside of the internet to boot, so maybe there are things I don't know. (My boyfriends/girlfriends have always been thin, shapely, maybe chubby or "hot" by societies standards in one way or another, but I wouldnt call them FAs) But, if I were to get into a relationship with an FA, I'd avoid a Feeder. I figure they should like my body the way it is and not tell me to lose weight...much less gain any?
Another common misconception. It is not widespread in the feeder community to believe that all women are perpetually, "too thin". It's a paraphilia. What it means (though I can't speak for everybody) is that the feeding and weight gain is fetishized and eroticised. A good many people keep their desires in the realm of fantasy. Just because a person's a feeder doesn't mean you'll have to gain weight for him/her.
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As a BBW I find myself a bit confused by Feeder/Feedee fetishism. Any BBWs or FAs up for a discussion? Here is the article in question:

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010...d-feeders.html
Not sure I could sit through the article. Love to chat, tho

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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
That's not funny. It's even worse that it's not a joke. As a feeder I feel that statement goes beyond typical prejudice and into the realm of dangerous stuff that gets innocent people hurt. Where'd you get your information? You don't have to apologize, but I'd appreciate knowing.
As I understand it a feeder is someone who likes to feed - what kind of gratification they get from it is so diverse could be used as a method of categorizing them. An FA is someone who admires fat - again the specifics are quite diverse. I think there's a good deal of overlap between the majority of feeders and FAs, but most FAs are afraid to admit it because they don't want people to think the feeder stereotype applies to them.

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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
....
And: I don't care how ignorant someone is, as long as they don't have power over others.
Now if I could just say that (well, a slightly toned-down version) once in a while I'd live longer.
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Old 06-13-2011, 02:26 AM   #31
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It's not a matter of information, it's a matter of conception, or misconception, hence I apologized because I might be wrong. In any case I was not referring to people enjoying their partners getting fatter or people who would like to see the other person with a bit of extra weight but to people that want to radically change their partner's physique (taking her for example from size 10 to size 30) and manipulate whatever issues of self-worth or self-acceptance she might have. I was not referring to people's fantasies either but to people who deliberately try to make their partner immobile. I never had experience with a feeder but had experience with men who wanted me to lose to weight and I guarantee that some women, when in love and when not confident in themselves, might be vulnerable to change for their partner. I lost almost 100 pounds at some point to please a partner getting to almost 200 pounds whereas my natural weight was (and still is no matter that I've gained) to mid 300s. The same way I was eating almost nothing to lose the weight I assume a woman might eat (to the other extreme) to put on weight. I don't always eat healthily and I am not close to 500 pounds by eating salads and lean protein. Obviously I eat a lot of junk food but I do it naturally with no intention of altering my weight. Everybody is free to act, think and feel differently though. I don't judge anybody and I repeat I was not referring to people who want to see their partner a bit (or a lot) chunkier but to people who force emotional threats. The generalisation was simply unfortunate.
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Old 06-13-2011, 04:06 AM   #32
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Feeders, like most people, want to find willing partners with whom to engage in sexual activity. If you force anyone to do something against his or her will, that's wrong whether it's weight gain or even just regular sexual intercourse.

No means no in any situation. If you ask somebody to sleep with you and she says no, you walk away. Having sex with her anyway makes you a criminal and a rapist. But that doesn't mean all heterosexual males are potential rapists, it just means that non-consensual sex is wrong. A feeder is only an abuser if he attempts to get a woman to gain weight when she doesn't want to and doesn't enjoy it.

People who talk shit about feeders or who write these musings are flat out denying the fact that there are gainers and feedees in the world who get off on this stuff in the very same way the feeders do. It's not victimization. Musing about things where you're clearly ignorant is wrong. There are in fact people who enjoy gaining weight and if the personal ads on Fantasy Feeder are to be believed, there are feedees out there looking to be encouraged and fed and grown and want a feeder to appreciate their weight gain and participate in it.
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Old 06-13-2011, 05:55 AM   #33
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There are in fact people who enjoy gaining weight and if the personal ads on Fantasy Feeder are to be believed, there are feedees out there looking to be encouraged and fed and grown and want a feeder to appreciate their weight gain and participate in it.
This is not very difficult for me to understand. It is the only time in my life an extra pound doesn't equal failure only because I have a man who likes me as I am and he doesn't mind if I get fatter. I don't do it intentionally but the way I was eating when we met it was inevitable that I would gain.
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Old 06-13-2011, 03:09 PM   #34
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Pitch, you are relatively new here; I'm not sure how long you've lurked or if you have had the opportunity to look through the Dims archives and old posts. The issue of Feedism comes up quite regularly.

I did (finally) read the blog post that you referenced. It's sensationalistic and very biased, IMO. It assumes that all feeders/feedees have the same motivations. It also dismisses the very real possibility that some feedees (I'm thinking of someone who is currently exploiting HERSELF with every sensationalistic journalist/television program she can sign herself up for) may themselves be controlling the relationship.

I agree with much of what Donna said above. I've been a part of the Dims community long enough that I've interacted with many people for years and feel that, inasmuch as you can "know" someone online, I've come to understand and like them. This includes feeders/feedees. I don't care about their sexuality, anymore than they care about mine. I don't automatically assume that all feeders = teh evil or that all feedees are emotionally weak and vulnerable.

I'm a social worker by occupation and by mindset. It is difficult for me to separate legitimate concerns about mindset/meaningful ability to consent when I see certain ... pathology ... emerge from some individuals. One red flag for me is when there is complete denial about the potential for harm, and that applies to anything, not specifically contained to feedism. But then, this isn't my work, and the people of whom I'm referring to aren't my clients. I'm really just trying to explain -- mostly for the benefit of people whom I do like and respect, and I know that they engage in everything ranging from fantasy play to hardcore feeding/imbibing, WHY I am constantly equivocating. It's in my nature to question. I'm wondering who wouldn't question the health of a consenting relationship in which two adults are enabling each other in some way. The issue of 'enabling' is a razor fine line when it comes to food. We all know (or at least, SHOULD know, if we've spent any time at all at Dims) that excess weight isn't an automatic sentence to 'teh death fatz'. But most of us do reach a limit by which mobility starts to become compromised and potential co-morbids make it difficult to maintain (far less add) to that limit. I seldom see this point acknowledged by people who self-identify as feeders/feedees. I don't want to see "yeah, I could harm this person, that makes me a bad feeder/fatty." I just wish I would see thoughtful acknowledgement that if health concerns were an issue, this would be lovingly and respectfully addressed. Hell, maybe it's implied. But so much of what I'm seeing above reads, to me, like flat-out denial.
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Old 06-13-2011, 03:50 PM   #35
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Default Health concerns in feederism

Clearly this is something that needs its own discussion thread.

It's been mentioned before, but feederism is a place where there is an uncomfortable intersection of "fat sexuality" and "size acceptance". Feederism is a sexual fetish, it's not a civil rights movement. The feeders and feedees who may have fantasized and/or jerked off to thoughts of weight gain were probably doing so long before they were forced to consider such pedantic ideas as health and mobility. Sexuality isn't necessarily practical in nature; plenty of people have fetishes that aren't desirable or even possible in real life.

The uncomfortable intersection is here. If we say anything negative about erotic weight gain, it's the same thing as saying something negative about ANY weight gain. There's no possible way to criticize a feeder's sexual interest in having a woman gain weight without criticizing fat. There's no possible way to criticize encouraging somebody to gain weight without criticizing fat people. Feeding and encouraging are only wrong if there is something wrong with being fat. You can't very well say anything bad about a man who wants a woman to grow to 400 pounds without implying that there's anything bad or unhealthy about weighing 400 pounds. It's not possible to say "Well it's ok to weigh x number of pounds but not ok if you get sexually aroused by the activity that causes somebody to weight x number of pounds."

Bottom line is you can't attack feeders without attacking fat people. If fat or weight gain are unhealthy, they're unhealthy no matter how they came about. The body doesn't know how it gained weight.

So how do feeders and feedees cope? Some restrict their sexual interests to online or fantasy activity. Some take calculated risks, admitting there are health risks to weight gain but deciding they're worth it for the enjoyment they bring. Some choose to not think about it because for them the sexual satisfaction is more important, the same way people choose to smoke because it's just so pleasurable. For some people, their sexuality and personal satisfaction are so tied up with weight gain and being fat that any other concerns are secondary. Simply put, anyone who'se into this makes rational choices about how to pursue sexual gratification and if you're not a sociopath you make those choices with another person's well being in mind.
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Old 06-13-2011, 03:54 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
Clearly this is something that needs its own discussion thread.

It's been mentioned before, but feederism is a place where there is an uncomfortable intersection of "fat sexuality" and "size acceptance". Feederism is a sexual fetish, it's not a civil rights movement. The feeders and feedees who may have fantasized and/or jerked off to thoughts of weight gain were probably doing so long before they were forced to consider such pedantic ideas as health and mobility. Sexuality isn't necessarily practical in nature; plenty of people have fetishes that aren't desirable or even possible in real life.

The uncomfortable intersection is here. If we say anything negative about erotic weight gain, it's the same thing as saying something negative about ANY weight gain. There's no possible way to criticize a feeder's sexual interest in having a woman gain weight without criticizing fat. There's no possible way to criticize encouraging somebody to gain weight without criticizing fat people. Feeding and encouraging are only wrong if there is something wrong with being fat. You can't very well say anything bad about a man who wants a woman to grow to 400 pounds without implying that there's anything bad or unhealthy about weighing 400 pounds. It's not possible to say "Well it's ok to weigh x number of pounds but not ok if you get sexually aroused by the activity that causes somebody to weight x number of pounds."

Bottom line is you can't attack feeders without attacking fat people. If fat or weight gain are unhealthy, they're unhealthy no matter how they came about. The body doesn't know how it gained weight.

So how do feeders and feedees cope? Some restrict their sexual interests to online or fantasy activity. Some take calculated risks, admitting there are health risks to weight gain but deciding they're worth it for the enjoyment they bring. Some choose to not think about it because for them the sexual satisfaction is more important, the same way people choose to smoke because it's just so pleasurable. For some people, their sexuality and personal satisfaction are so tied up with weight gain and being fat that any other concerns are secondary. Simply put, anyone who'se into this makes rational choices about how to pursue sexual gratification and if you're not a sociopath you make those choices with another person's well being in mind.
Here's another thing to consider ... there are health risk for those that even follow the "standard" healthy lifestyle ... no one escapes
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:26 PM   #37
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Here's another thing to consider ... there are health risk for those that even follow the "standard" healthy lifestyle ... no one escapes
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