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Old 07-01-2011, 06:25 PM   #26
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i think its the context as well. i think telling my weight and age etc... is liberating and freeing so as not to be weighed down by all of the social conventions and constraints that make women think they are not good enough as they are somehow. telling is for me an act of fearlessness. the only time i balk is when someone, anyone, is trying to use it as a tool to either judge me, control me or diminish who i am as a person.
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Old 07-02-2011, 02:06 PM   #27
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If I'm talking to someone and just trying to make friends I don't care they can know my numbers, I really don't care if they're put off. Now, if I'm trying to impress someone... well my excuse is that most people can't visualize what my 45" 37" 52" frame looks like and will just see big numbers and go ewww... not the fact that I have a glorious ass and a disturbingly well proportioned body, though I'm pear shaped not hourglass, no one can deny how amazing my bum is. I'm 240lbs, most people can't FATHOM what that must look like, just that's its a lot bigger than their ideal 120lbs girl.

Generally, if the person isn't in front of me, I'll tell them I'm plushie, they don't need to know the numbers. Now if they're in front of me and they can see for themselves what I look like, what difference does the number make at that point?
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Old 07-02-2011, 04:26 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
The ones who ask immediately, I block. I'm not talking to someone so they can get a better mental image of my size to fap to and I'm not holding their hand when they claim I misunderstood them (my favorite: I'm a very visual guy) or because they're socially awkward. We're not going to mesh if you don't comprehend simple manners like not asking a stranger questions that are likely very personal.

The ones who ask after a few minutes or still during the initial conversation, I often get a vibe (and I'm sticking with my instincts, thanks) that they've been chomping at the bit and have been waiting for the lull in conversation or their own perception of intimacy, I do wonder if they have slightly refined their modus operandi because they used to be the guy in my first paragraph but actually had some kind of adaptation skills to delay the questions? They get discarded too.

If they skip asking me about myself (including my name) to get stats, sometimes when I feel like toying with them I ask them to provide:

*Signed and notarized affidavits of satisfied former sexual partners
*Proof of mental competency
*A copy of their latest bank statement


Do I honestly require these things? Of course not but to ME they're no less ridiculous or invasive then asking me for my stats.
When they get offended I ask them how it feels.

If you're comfortable divulging, then by all means, knock yourself out but I'm not that woman. You can have them. I'll take a pass.
*must spread rep*

I agree with all of this! I'll have to make sure to use your "criteria" requests...
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Old 07-03-2011, 09:54 AM   #29
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*must spread rep*

I agree with all of this! I'll have to make sure to use your "criteria" requests...
casting is exactly right about those types. i think there are just some people who feel that fat folk are up for judgment and assessment as though others are the only people capable of making a choice. the very same are usually the type who won't share much if any info about themselves. that is enough to tell me how little they think of fat people and that they, like other fat prejudiced people, truly share the idea that we are desperate for any attention. i won't let them change who i am or go into the weight closet because they are asses though. i hold my head up. state my weight, and then never take them at all seriously except for my own amusement. if i'm not a person to them, they aren't a person for me either. if i am not an equal neither are they. i don't have to meet their criteria but they certainly must meet mine.
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Last edited by superodalisque; 07-03-2011 at 10:00 AM.
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Old 07-03-2011, 10:09 AM   #30
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Because a woman doesn't want to or feel any need to give out her stats doesn't mean she's in a weight closet, and SuperO, I'm borrowing your term but not singling you out, but rather saying that there is some undercurrent that is often used as a manipulation tactic by men that says 'Well if you were comfortable in your skin or about your size or your beauty, or were not shy, you wouldn't hesitate to share them with the world' (meaning him him him) and women swallow that from them until it becomes an ersatz anthem and I'm not buying it, sorry. It is not liberating to me. The lucky dude who gets to hold me--he'll get all the stats he needs but I'm pretty damned sure he won't be needing any of them to get a good visual or idea of who the fuck I am.

I doubt very much that my thin counterparts get asked all the time by potential suitors how much they weigh and if they did, some would be offended over a personal question regardless of whether or not they had body image issues. It's a personal thing. Not personal to you--awesome. No one is more evolved in their personal self-acceptance journey because they supply that feed. Or not.

Again I say, go you if it's not an issue but I refuse to furnish details to prove.... myself.... because THAT'S what *I'M* hearing from both sides.
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Old 07-03-2011, 10:18 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
Because a woman doesn't want to or feel any need to give out her stats doesn't mean she's in a weight closet, and SuperO, I'm borrowing your term but not singling you out, but rather saying that there is some undercurrent that is often used as a manipulation tactic by men that says 'Well if you were comfortable in your skin or about your size or your beauty, or were not shy, you wouldn't hesitate to share them with the world' (meaning him him him) and women swallow that from them until it becomes an ersatz anthem and I'm not buying it, sorry. It is not liberating to me. The lucky dude who gets to hold me--he'll get all the stats he needs but I'm pretty damned sure he won't be needing any of them to get a good visual or idea of who the fuck I am.

I doubt very much that my thin counterparts get asked all the time by potential suitors how much they weigh and if they did, some would be offended over a personal question regardless of whether or not they had body image issues. It's a personal thing. Not personal to you--awesome. No one is more evolved in their personal self-acceptance journey because they supply that feed. Or not.

Again I say, go you if it's not an issue but I refuse to furnish details to prove.... myself.... because THAT'S what *I'M* hearing from both sides.
i'm just talking about for me. it has nothing to do with the men really. i felt that way before i ever knew what the community was and ever came into contact with men like that. the guys i dealt with before were much too respectful and polite to openly access a woman's body when just meeting them and i still prefer those kinds of men in my personal life. any woman can do whatever she is comfortable with. but for me i won't let some jerk make me feel confined when it comes to the actual numbers of my weight or age. it just won't work for me. but i'm not everybody and people feel very different than i do. i honor that. but first of all i honor how i feel when i interact with others. what other women chose to do is cool too as long as they feel in control of whats happening to them. i just feel that for me reacting to someone like that is forcing me to hide my light under a bushel and i'm not going to take that either. i won't let them make me feel controlled in that way either.

if some guy takes the numbers and runs off into a dark corner to fap somewhere i really don't care. he doesn't matter to me. if the numbers is all it takes he is just some disconnected oddball of no use to me either way. i really don't care. he has no impact on me or my life unless he stops me from being who i really am and always was. i won't let him do that to me.

i think i have to make it clear, just because i prefer something it doesn't mean everyone else has to as well.
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Old 07-03-2011, 10:30 AM   #32
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i'm just talking about for me. it has nothing to do with the men really. i felt that way before i ever knew what the community was and ever came into contact with men like that. the guys i dealt with before were much too respectful and polite to openly access a woman's body when just meeting them and i still prefer those kinds of men in my personal life. any woman can do whatever she is comfortable with. but for me i won't let some jerk make me feel confined when it comes to the actual numbers of my weight or age. it just won't work for me. but i'm not everybody and people feel very different than i do. i honor that. but first of all i honor how i feel when i interact with others. what other women chose to do is cool too as long as they feel in control of whats happening to them. i just feel that for me reacting to someone like that is forcing me to hide my light under a bushel and i'm not going to take that either. i won't let them make me feel controlled in that way either.

i think i have to make it clear, just because i prefer something it doesn't mean everyone else has to as well.
I can accept and respect everything you've just shared but especially the bolded parts.
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Old 07-03-2011, 10:59 AM   #33
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Many of your posts have hit on what I couldn't quite put into words when I first asked the question... the way I felt when that was the first question that a new person put to me, was that I wasn't a person to them, as superodalisque put it. And I felt that giving them what they requested was just supporting that idea, that behavior. I'm not so innocent and niave as to be crushed that a man might only be interested in what gets him off (WHAT? NEVER! lol), but I won't participate in becoming "that XXX-pounder with size XX whatever", instead of "Pamela, that girl I'm getting to know". Of course, this is how I felt. I echo many other comments here that whatever feels right to each individual is what they should go with.

I started this thread because I started with the sentiment that has also been brought up repeatedly, most recently by CastingPearls, I believe, is the (wrong) notion that if you're proud (or accepting) of your weight, you WILL share it. Odd reverse, isn't it? I didn't feel pressure from the individual asking the question in this case, but because of past shame I've suffered over my weight, I put some sort of twisted reverse psychology on myself - "Well, if you're not ashamed, what reason do you have for not telling?" Thanks to all the posters for helping me answer that question.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:30 AM   #34
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Posting stats is not a measure of how far your "acceptance" has come or how in love with yourself you are. I dare say that some who throw their stats around here do it out of attention seeking and searching for validation more than any degree of acceptance. Its a personal choice that doesn't have any bearing on your self worth and anyone who tries to make you feel like it does isn't worth speaking to.
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:38 AM   #35
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Posting stats is not a measure of how far your "acceptance" has come or how in love with yourself you are. I dare say that some who throw their stats around here do it out of attention seeking and searching for validation more than any degree of acceptance. .
So, as a fat woman, you don't throw your stats around. Brian, could you just leave some of these threads asking for the input of fat women...on the bbw forum...to fat women?
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Old 07-03-2011, 11:44 AM   #36
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Posting stats is not a measure of how far your "acceptance" has come or how in love with yourself you are. I dare say that some who throw their stats around here do it out of attention seeking and searching for validation more than any degree of acceptance. Its a personal choice that doesn't have any bearing on your self worth and anyone who tries to make you feel like it does isn't worth speaking to.
This makes me think of when I was brand-spanking-new to size acceptance back in college and had my first exposure to Dimensions, FAs, resources for clothing, body love, and so on. I think I took it and ran with it to the opposite spectrum from where I was, and one of the things I did was wearing tight, short/low-cut, sometimes inappropriate [for the activity/location] clothing. I bought into the idea that, if I accepted my body, I should be willing to show it.

Okay, I can buy into embracing your curves, but I found I wasn't doing what was right for me either. I wasn't dressing for my comfort. I wasn't wearing things I actually felt beautiful wearing. I went for sexy over flattering, if they didn't mesh in that outfit. It took me a long time to grow into my own personal level of comfort and style, and I'm not sure I'm there yet. If I'm not honoring the core parts of myself and my humanity in how I approach things - be it the clothes I wear or the numbers I share - it's still letting someone else call the shots out of desire for approval, acceptance, desire, or whatever.

This doesn't mean that someone who automatically falls into one category or another is not honoring themselves. Only they can speak to that. But someone should be allowed to be who they are, and some of us are simply more private.
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