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Old 06-11-2011, 07:42 PM   #26
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Mac & Cheese with extra cheese and on IPA #2. Brownies in the oven!
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Old 06-11-2011, 07:52 PM   #27
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Old 06-11-2011, 11:13 PM   #28
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Hi all-
However, I am conflicted, on one hand I find it extremely erotic. A few friends have commented and it always turns me on. The other hand makes me want to not gain and in fact lose the extra weight. Am I messed up or is this something you all have seen?
I think I sent this post a bit off-topic...

I'm not sure what it was that solved my conflict. It really was like a switch in my brain, allowing me to accept my desire to gain, my fetish, and to allow and encourage the weight that I'd like to gain. It certainly wasn't a rational, conscious, decision, because many, many times before I have skated to the edge of gaining and run away, because of society, of fear of being fat, of rejection by friends/family, etc.

So, I think it's really a journey of acceptance. When you are at peace with the desire, the feelings, then you'll be able to accept the gain and go further (if you want to). For me, it's happened both quickly and slowly--slowly in that it's been decades of on and off contemplation; quickly in that once I realized I had gained some weight and was able to accept it, I jumped into intentional gaining.

Now, I am feeling impatient at how slow gaining can be. It's as if now that I accept the desire, I want to feel change immediately. Funny how the brain works!
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Old 06-12-2011, 12:30 AM   #29
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So, I think it's really a journey of acceptance. When you are at peace with the desire, the feelings, then you'll be able to accept the gain and go further (if you want to). For me, it's happened both quickly and slowly--slowly in that it's been decades of on and off contemplation; quickly in that once I realized I had gained some weight and was able to accept it, I jumped into intentional gaining.

Now, I am feeling impatient at how slow gaining can be. It's as if now that I accept the desire, I want to feel change immediately. Funny how the brain works!
That sounds so familiar, so similar to my own journey of acceptance and intention. Thanks for expressing it do well. I was experiencing some impatience too, but I've found by being just as accepting of gaining at a gentle, safe pace as I am of being fat and the desire to gain that I've been able to really savour this part of the journey. It's been a delight seeing my weight creep up this week!
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Old 06-13-2011, 06:44 AM   #30
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I've discovered that I don't like to binge. I tried it a couple of times and just felt icky and couldn't eat that much anyway even after trying.
I think that for most people, lots of little indulgences are easier and more pleasant anyway. Having full fat cream in your coffee, getting a muffin for a mid-morning snack, having seconds when supper was really tasty, for that matter having extras on your meal (some grated cheese, or gravy, or some salad dressing on your peas, or butter on all sorts of things, or whatever you enjoy), dessert, making some popcorn with butter to have while watching TV, or that beer....one or two indulgences in a day will add up slowly. Lots of extra indulgences each day will add up more quickly.

Have fun!
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Old 06-13-2011, 01:23 PM   #31
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I think that for most people, lots of little indulgences are easier and more pleasant anyway.... Lots of extra indulgences each day will add up more quickly.
This is going to be the plan. I just wanted a big quick noticible physical change to go along with the mental change, but really, if it goes slowly, I can enjoy the experience longer, and less flack I'll get from friends/family.

I've set a couple of mini-goals. First is to hit 170 solid. I have no idea how long it'll take, so I won't stress. But that'll be a fun one to reach. I'm firmly a size 14 in clothes now; just bought a couple more pairs of jeans in that size. Funny, I jumped right from 10-->14, with just a hover at 12. The 12s were almost an accidental buy, ones I thought I might want for lazier days...they ended up fitting well and before I realized it, I'd let the 10s stay in the closet.

I feel like I should start a new thread, since I'm no longer conflicted about my gain, but ... I'm a little nervous. Being so open about this is still very fresh and new. Please bear with me.

Had a coffee with cream (usually I drink it black) and a cheese danish today...lunch will be grilled cheese. Maybe some beer later tonight...
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Old 06-14-2011, 06:26 PM   #32
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I had a momentary panic of "what am I doing?" last night...

The Rational me said "Are you crazy for trying to gain weight?"

The Rational Fetishy me said "Not at all! Now's the perfect time to go for it since that recent 6lbs of accidental/unnoticed gain appeared. Closer to bigger!"

The fetishy me won. I know if I really end up not feeling right heavier, I can lose it.

Wearing an XL top I just got and stretchy size 14 jeans. Gosh, it feels good. I guess if it feels good, and it's not hurting anyone, it's ok.
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Old 06-17-2011, 07:55 AM   #33
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I envy you the freedom. My mental battle continues, as it has for my entire life. I cannot seem to let myself relax. I cannot seem to really enjpy.
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Old 06-17-2011, 09:15 AM   #34
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Default Tad, Your Comments are Right On

I can completely relate to enjoying all the little endulgences that lead to weight gain. That is exactly what I did. I stopped stressing over did I eat too much at my last meal, should I really use full cream in my coffee, or I really should not have dessert with my dinner. I now fully embace living without the guilt and enjoying all the wonderful food, wine, beer that there is to savor. The result has been a slow and steady gain of 130 lbs. over the last 20 years which I have found to be very pleasurable. So ffju, enjoy the ride!
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Old 06-18-2011, 04:46 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by ffju View Post
I had a momentary panic of "what am I doing?" last night...

The Rational me said "Are you crazy for trying to gain weight?"

The Rational Fetishy me said "Not at all! Now's the perfect time to go for it since that recent 6lbs of accidental/unnoticed gain appeared. Closer to bigger!"

The fetishy me won. I know if I really end up not feeling right heavier, I can lose it.

Wearing an XL top I just got and stretchy size 14 jeans. Gosh, it feels good. I guess if it feels good, and it's not hurting anyone, it's ok.
Last night huge nacho casserole, lotsa cheeese and chips, salsa. Gucamole and 2 12 oz beers. Feeling good and wife shared, her belly is so nice and soft
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Old 06-18-2011, 04:20 PM   #36
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Interesting development...finally really told it all to the Sweetie. Lots of support for whatever I feel I want to do, thank the deities. Much relief there!

I've been pondering the "how"s of this and realized that over the years, I've not let myself have certain things, because of fear that I'd gain weight or that they had too many calories. Now, I'm going to say yes. Yes to pie if I want it, yes to a second beer if I want it, yes that cheeseburger. And we'll see what happens when I stop denying myself.

Mmmm....pie!
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Old 07-20-2011, 06:40 PM   #37
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Well...this has been an interesting few weeks. After a couple of weeks of intentionally trying to gain I ended up ... losing 4 pounds. Then, went on vacation and, probably due to so much walking about, lost even more.

I also realized that I wasn't enjoying eating. It had become a task, a means to an end. Plus, I hated the feeling of being too full. I know that's a turn-on for some folks, but for me, it just felt...unpleasant.

So, at this point, I'm back to fantasy. I'm ok with that, and the huge acceptance breakthrough was amazing and really great. But the physical side just may not be my path. On the bright side, I came fully clean with the Sweetie and having that "secret" out of the closet has been good.

FFJU
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Old 08-03-2011, 10:25 AM   #38
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I think you're not the only one - I know that back when I was trying to diet, workout, and get down below 250, nothing seemed to be working. So I gave up, and relaxed, and, presto, five pounds vanished!

Sometimes wanting something too much gets in the way of attaining it, methinks.
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Old 08-10-2011, 03:25 AM   #39
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Going throught the same thing here. I'm around 200lb at the moment, I haven't gained, in fact i've lost weight (through circumstances,not choice.)
Now i'm not sure wether to gain or loose weight. I know I'm not particully bothered about looseing weight, I just feel like I should, probably due to media ect.
The thought of putting on weight really excites me ,But I'm scared to put on the pounds, because of what my Boyfriend will think, what my family & friends will think, and If i'm not able to stop putting on weight, as I get addicted to things quite easily!!!
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