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Old 08-25-2011, 09:52 PM   #26
Dr. P Marshall
 
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Originally Posted by Bafta1 View Post
I agree with everything you've said here. But why is it different from disclosing that you like short hair instead of long hair? Or brown eyes instead of blue? By proposing burying this secret even more, are you not guilty of shaming this preference even further?

By putting it on the table for our partners to see, might we not just chance the reward of acceptance?
I actually think these are two very separate issues. I think those of us who are wg fetishists really need to be honest with ourselves that the "reward of acceptance" is pretty much never going to happen unless you have found a partner who is already interested in gaining. This is not aimed at you, Bafta, but I think to constantly hope otherwise, that if we tell our partners, someday the person we're with will suddenly want to gain weight, is naive and even borderline delusional. If a man or woman wants to gain weight, chances are, they are already doing so. And as for how it affects relationships, etc, I agree with Jes' post that you quoted 10000%

The second issue is trickier, in my opinion, having your partner accept you. I do think that, even in a relationship where no one is going to gain at all, if it's a serious, long term relationship, a person may want to share that part of themselves with their partner. But it's a really delicate balance to reveal something versus pressuring a partner (overtly or covertly). There's also a big difference in asking for acceptance of you who has this fetish, versus asking for acceptance of the fetish or indulging in the fetish. I think wanting a partner to accept you completely is perfectly valid and important, but that's not the same thing as expecting them to indulge your fetish. (this is all the general you, by the way, not you personally Bafta.)
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Old 08-26-2011, 06:35 AM   #27
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I agree with everything you've said here.
If you're asking this question, then I don't think you agree with everything I've said, here.

I have blue eyes. If I were dating a man who told me he preferred brown eyes and then just looked at me, hopefully, like I could, or would, do something about it, I'd be hurt and offended. The statement would also put distance between us and frankly, I'd be wondering if he said it exactly for that reason--so that a break up wasn't squarely on his shoulders but somehow on mine, for not being what he wanted.

If brown eyes are that important to you that you'd want anyone with non-brown eyes to somehow change, then get out of the relationship w/o saying it, or don't get into it in the first place.

If every man who posed a question like this were told by a partner: you know, I've been meaning to tell you something for awhile now and I think it'll bring us closer if I'm honest: I prefer men with a larger penis... [cue meaningful: what are you gonna do about it? look], then I think maybe they'd see how potentially shitty these kind of comments are. While the cases aren't exactly similar, you're asking someone to change his/her body when you ask for weight gain.
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Old 08-26-2011, 06:38 AM   #28
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By proposing burying this secret even more, are you not guilty of shaming this preference even further?
Oh good lord, I only now read your entire message.

No, no I'm not guilty of shaming someone's preference.

I may be guilty of shaming the way someone brings up his disappointment in his partner's current body though!
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Old 08-26-2011, 05:40 PM   #29
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OP is no longer participating - This is the FA/FFA forum. I am pretty sure all of the participants in this thread are not FA/FFA- - two options for this are close the thread, move the thread.

Anyone have an interest in continuing this discussion on the main board?
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