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Old 08-21-2011, 09:51 AM   #1
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Default Differing Reactions

I am confused by peoples reactions to me lately. I work in a stressful job and back in May something happened in the workplace that added even more stress to the plate. As a result my heart rate and blood pressure spiked quite high and was discovered when I went in for a blood pressure check to renew my medicine. I have a heart murmur that I was born with and so the Doctor was concerned and gave me a month off from work to destress and start taking better care of myself. As a result of eating cleaner and exercising more I have lost about twenty pounds. I am taking care of me so that I can be around for those I love including leaving the position I love and moving to a less stressful position in the organization. What is confusing to me is the reactions I am getting from other people.

As I lost the weight people are making comments like "You are wasting away, Every time I hug you there is less of you to hold, and I am concerned about you losing weight this fast. On the other side of that there are people rah rawing about the weight loss, how proud they are of me, keep going, giving advice about weight loss and how much happier I must be now.

And the third part of this is those that are catty about it. I was talking to one of my junior staff who herself lost 115 lbs and she was commenting on the 20lbs and cheerleading me on when another staff member (who is not under my supervision but was there using our kitchen facilities) muttered under her breath "like you could tell" I had to leave the room cause if I did't I would have throttled her.

I am wondering about how others deal or have dealt with people making comments about your body size? So far I have just been telling people that my goal was not weight loss perse, but rather to eat better and move my body to have better health. I guess I just need help dealing with the mental aspects of this. It just blows my mind that people around me have had or do have ideals about how I should look. Thankfully I have some wonderful friends that do get my thinking and just want to support me in any way they can and understand that health is my goal not looking a certain way.

Thanks ladies for your insights.
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:15 AM   #2
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You can just ask people to not comment on your weight. If they ask why you can say you just don't want to discuss it. If they start to treat you differently and you don't like that you can try to avoid those people.
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:23 AM   #3
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We're really used to commenting on weight loss and body size as a culture, but when you get down to it it's actually really invasive. You have the right to ask people not to talk about it.
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Old 08-21-2011, 12:11 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by thatgirl08 View Post
We're really used to commenting on weight loss and body size as a culture, but when you get down to it it's actually really invasive. You have the right to ask people not to talk about it.
This.

Why do people think they have a right to our lives or our bodies? I realized it's almost like we're treating everyone's life like celebrity gossip or a reality show that we Monday morning quarterback when anything happens....and it seems few care enough to find out the background story, if it's even their business to know.

Of course, how do you handle it without seeming defensive or bitchy? I'm all for something like, "Oh, there must be far more interesting things happening in the world that we could discuss instead of the size of my ass."
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:48 PM   #5
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Thank you for your responses! Usually I am good with handling all this but have just come down with the flu so figure the physical illness coming on had something to do with my lower tolerance for ignorance. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:29 PM   #6
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I've lost big amounts of weight in the past and you are totally right- some people are just rude, invasive jerks about the whole thing. What I always do is thank them and change the subject. "Thanks. Gosh I am so glad out 4 o'clock meeting was canceled. Who scheduled meetings on a Friday afternoon anyway?"

Another strategy I used isn't probably the best but it was the most entertaining for me. I just completely denied it until it was beyond obvious. "Have you lost weight?" "No, must just be these pants." Then when I did admit it and it was around 55 pounds gone, people were floored. LOL
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:15 AM   #7
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The person who said "like you can tell" has a serious personal problem! That is beyond rude and there must be something really wrong with them. Are they jealous? I think a lot of thin people secretly hope you won't lose weight b/c then what would they have to one-up you on? I'm not saying ALL thin people just the ones that feel better than everyone else based on their size.
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Old 08-28-2011, 10:18 AM   #8
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I've found that people's negative comments about my weight have a lot more to do with their body image issues than what's going on with me. Remembering that helps me blow it off a little. But yeah, it's frustrating and just plain weird when you were "raised up right" to keep your negative comments to yourself. People's relationships with their bodies is just too complicated and I fear inadvertently triggering someone so when I want to give someone a compliment, I comment on something less loaded, like new hair color, pretty earrings, stuff like that.
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Old 08-28-2011, 04:37 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Miss Vickie View Post
I've found that people's negative comments about my weight have a lot more to do with their body image issues than what's going on with me. Remembering that helps me blow it off a little. But yeah, it's frustrating and just plain weird when you were "raised up right" to keep your negative comments to yourself. People's relationships with their bodies is just too complicated and I fear inadvertently triggering someone so when I want to give someone a compliment, I comment on something less loaded, like new hair color, pretty earrings, stuff like that.
Vickie, I'm much the same. I want to compliment someone on a particularly flattering outfit or that expression on their face where you can tell they're just brimming with joy about their life. I hope that someone would walk away feeling good, not wondering if they were just given a backhanded compliment [as I'm sure we have all had] or just been one-upped to make someone else feel better about themselves in a passive aggressive way.

I have had one situation where I had someone upset with me that I didn't compliment them on how great they looked after weight loss. Mind you, this is someone I compliment regularly for a variety of things. I also try to NOT compliment on weight loss because, if someone gains it back, I don't want them to somehow think they're less attractive simply because they're larger. This person, who actually digs for compliments that sometimes I just can't give, had words with me later for not recognizing their weight loss and complimenting them on it.
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Old 08-28-2011, 05:43 PM   #10
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I'll admit I am one of the people that will to "those I know well" ask if everything is okay if they are losing weight. Most of my staff at work has diabetes, and I know for a couple of them if they start losing weight rapidly something is wrong. As a fatty myself, I know sudden big weight loss means a change and if someone I am close with does not tell me they are working on it, I ask. Too many bad things cause weight loss too.
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