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Old 11-21-2011, 05:25 PM   #1
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Default Girls, do you ever start feeling great about yourself, and then one outing kills it?

Today, while out at the bank with my Dad, some wiley old coot pulls up in a truck, never mind he ran a stop sign, didn't slow down over the speed bumps, parked in a fire lane, and really did not want to let me walk in front of him in the pedestrian cross-walk even though I was ALREADY there, and then gets out of his truck and has the nerve to go, "I shoulda run your fat ass over for walking in front of me" ... WTF!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!! I was so beyond pissed. But, if my Dad would have heard him, he would be sitting in jail, and the old man in the hospital. Do old people think that they have the right to say whatever they want just because they are old?

And Saturday, when out at lunch with the Boyfriend and his dad, we're sitting at a round table, on some VERY hard wood chairs. So I have some 'personal problems' happening at the time. The chairs irritate the problem. The skinny girl in the booth behind us, says somewhat loudly to her lunch-mate "If that fat girl at the round table doesn't stop moving in that chair it's going to bust and she is going to fall flat on her fat ass" ... We were the ONLY people sitting at a round table. I didn't confront her as no-one else heard what she said, since they were busy talking/eating, I didn't want to cause a scene. I'm trying to make a good impression, since he dad will "gossip" back to his family. They are "upper-class" folk and I don't want them to firmly believe that there faimly would possibly date "White-Trash" ...

All last week, with pep-talk from the boyfriend, and looking at fat-positive art, I had really started to feel GREAT about myself. What I had built up so slowly came tumbling down awfully fast!
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:42 PM   #2
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Do old people think that they have the right to say whatever they want just because they are old?


All last week, with pep-talk from the boyfriend, and looking at fat-positive art, I had really started to feel GREAT about myself. What I had built up so slowly came tumbling down awfully fast!

Miserable people think that they have the right to say whatever they want just because they are miserable.

Keep working on yourself. It doesn't happen overnight but you seem to be on the right track.

I would say even the most confident person absolutely can be thrown off but even if I momentarily lose my emotional balance I remind myself that feeling bad was a learned habit and so is feeling good and I think of something really good or pleasurable, even if it's a little thing. The more I do that, the less I'm caught off guard.

Don't give anyone the power to steal your joy. Side-swipes happen but you have the power to decide how to deal--believe you have that power and exercise it. Hugs.
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Old 11-21-2011, 06:04 PM   #3
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Miserable people think that they have the right to say whatever they want just because they are miserable.

Keep working on yourself. It doesn't happen overnight but you seem to be on the right track.

I would say even the most confident person absolutely can be thrown off but even if I momentarily lose my emotional balance I remind myself that feeling bad was a learned habit and so is feeling good and I think of something really good or pleasurable, even if it's a little thing. The more I do that, the less I'm caught off guard.

Don't give anyone the power to steal your joy. Side-swipes happen but you have the power to decide how to deal--believe you have that power and exercise it. Hugs.
Thanks. =] I'm trying so hard, it's three steps forward and two steps back it seems. When I was in school it never bothered me, at least if it did, I never let it show by breaking down and crying (like I do now). I was always quick to put them off there pedestal. But, it also made me an angry person, which I realized was just as wrong as they were.

I finally stopped being mean. Now, I'm timid and shy.

Guess it is time for the Boyfriend to give me more pep-talks!! And some plus-size-girlfriend time!! =]
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Old 11-21-2011, 07:56 PM   #4
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I really am the perfect subject for Emil Durkheim. I truly feel best when I feel like my group of friends/peers/family enjoy me. When I get yelled out or ostracized, I feel terrible. Or when I'm being ignored.

So, I feel terrible today.
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Old 11-22-2011, 09:31 AM   #5
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I really am the perfect subject for Emil Durkheim. I truly feel best when I feel like my group of friends/peers/family enjoy me. When I get yelled out or ostracized, I feel terrible. Or when I'm being ignored.

So, I feel terrible today.
I'm sorry you feel terrible. I am the same way. When everyone is having a great time, so am I. But when people have fun at my expense, I break down.

I think I am going to start a journal. I'm going to find a quote about accepting yourself, everyday and put them into a journal and then write how I feel about myself today and how the quote relates to my feelings. And, I'll include a photo of me for each day.

Today's Quote is by Kate Dillon - A plus size model:

"I firmly believe that what makes you sexy and beautiful is not the size of your body or the colour lipstick you have on. What really makes you sexy is what you project, your confidence, and your self awareness, having a great sense of humour and being really smart."
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Old 11-22-2011, 09:55 AM   #6
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When I'm having a really good day, what kills it on an outing for me is not what others say, but what flaw I can find when I'm out and can't fix it because I'm out and about. That's what kills it for me.
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Old 11-22-2011, 10:24 AM   #7
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I carry the same attitude as the animals carry. I'm not a gazelle, I'm not a bird, I'm not a fish - I'm an elephant. As far as elephants go I'm a top specimine who lives the way she lives and dies the way she dies. I don't owe it to anyone to be anything other than what I was designed to be. Insecure ignorant people will be compelled to stay stuff to reassure themselves, poor things. I look right at them and that usually shuts them up or I have them tossed for harassment. If a guy objectified and made comments about your body you'd curse him out and report him immediately for harassment. The rules don't change because she's wearing a skirt and thinks your body is ugly. Furrow your brow and tell her to keep her eyes off your goods and shut the hell up. Embarass her, she deserves it. It's not trashy, it's assertive.

The only time I really feel cumbersome is when I'm in an arena in which I don't typically belong. Body type is one area but I'm also frequently placed among twenty-somethings when I'm well over 40 and this really makes me feel like piece of sand in a shoe. The studio space we rehears in has busted furniture, tiny little plastic chairs everyehwere, instead of coffee in the kitchen area the fridge is full of Beer and Red Bull, etc. But you know, what am I going to do about it? What are THEY going to do about? We all have to figure out how to get along or stew in our own juice. I try to just go with it. That which doesn't kill you can only make you more annoyed than you were yesterday, but that's all.
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Old 11-22-2011, 11:13 AM   #8
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Being called out in public for my size rarely happens. But on the occasion it does, i'm not what you would call a wall flower about it. Most people are surprised that I say something back and they look embarssed and defeated. I think that if they have the balls to say something rude to me, I have every right to show them who really has the balls. And I do.

Live in fear, bitches.

Haha.
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Old 11-22-2011, 11:30 AM   #9
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Being called out in public for my size rarely happens. But on the occasion it does, i'm not what you would call a wall flower about it. Most people are surprised that I say something back and they look embarssed and defeated. I think that if they have the balls to say something rude to me, I have every right to show them who really has the balls. And I do.

Live in fear, bitches.

Haha.
Hear hear, seriously. What is dignified about sitting there being treated any old kind of way as if people are entitled to treat you like garbage? Do YOU treat anyone like that? There is nothing at all classy about accepting abuse as your due. Quite the contrary. Respect yourself.
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Old 11-23-2011, 12:42 AM   #10
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piink, i know it's easier said than done, but try not to let it get to ya, i posted something a few days ago kinda like yours, about my neighbors or whoever calling me fat & outta shaped, believe me it hurt my little feelings really bad, but i didn't let it stop me from taking my walks, i'll be the first to admit i gained a few pounds over the summer & it all landed in my stomach & hip area,(i did something over the summer that i don't normally do, i ate a lot of sweets- keylime pies), & it caught up with me i'm up to 230lbs now(lol) but my husband has a big ole smile on his face cause of my weight gain.

but what everyone else says about me, i can care less. like everyone else has been telling you, others say stupid stuff about u cause their unhappy with themselves.
i know i'm not the largest person in my neighborhood, but that just showed me how stupid they were, they couldn't say say anything positive(like it's good she's exercising) so they had to say something negative. i may be wrong but when others put u down to me that's a sign of envy.
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Old 11-23-2011, 05:50 AM   #11
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piink, i know it's easier said than done, but try not to let it get to ya, i posted something a few days ago kinda like yours, about my neighbors or whoever calling me fat & outta shaped, believe me it hurt my little feelings really bad, but i didn't let it stop me from taking my walks, i'll be the first to admit i gained a few pounds over the summer & it all landed in my stomach & hip area,(i did something over the summer that i don't normally do, i ate a lot of sweets- keylime pies), & it caught up with me i'm up to 230lbs now(lol) but my husband has a big ole smile on his face cause of my weight gain.

but what everyone else says about me, i can care less. like everyone else has been telling you, others say stupid stuff about u cause their unhappy with themselves.
i know i'm not the largest person in my neighborhood, but that just showed me how stupid they were, they couldn't say say anything positive(like it's good she's exercising) so they had to say something negative. i may be wrong but when others put u down to me that's a sign of envy.
I agree with you. And just for the record, I know it may seem as if I'm coming down hard on people for a bobble in the step or being uncertain but I really had not intended to make anyone feel double bad about themselves over their feelings. I just wanted to offer another perspective that may encourage you next time to sit a little taller but we all have our moments where we get tired of having to fight City Hall every day. Sometimes I don't say anyting simply because I don't feel like it and it really wears me down that I have to be bothered defending myself at all.

You do bring up good point though. I really think there is something wrong in the head with people who go out of their way to ostracize fat people. Sure there are people who are ignorant and don't know any better but I think it's a whole other monster when you have someone who is so vocal and focused on it. One of my biggest detractors is a woman I work with who herself is near fat as I am. She watches what I eat and there's always something wrong with it whether I'm eating a salad or a corned beef sandwhich. She called another coworker of mine who isn't fat at all a pig because she's a vegetarian and eats corn on the cob with her hands. This woman eats at her desk too! There is something wrong with this woman and everyone gives each other the knowing dead-stare when she goes into it. We know she's got a monkey on her back. There are a lot of messed up people out there and they will put their stuff on you if you're not careful. These people are prescribing 'mental therapy' for others without a license. They don't know what your problems are if you even have any. You can only do what you can do and you simply *must* fight to keep them from tearing you to peices with their sharp edges.
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Old 11-23-2011, 06:36 AM   #12
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Today, while out at the bank with my Dad, some wiley old coot pulls up in a truck, never mind he ran a stop sign, didn't slow down over the speed bumps, parked in a fire lane, and really did not want to let me walk in front of him in the pedestrian cross-walk even though I was ALREADY there, and then gets out of his truck and has the nerve to go, "I shoulda run your fat ass over for walking in front of me" ... WTF!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!! I was so beyond pissed. But, if my Dad would have heard him, he would be sitting in jail, and the old man in the hospital. Do old people think that they have the right to say whatever they want just because they are old?

And Saturday, when out at lunch with the Boyfriend and his dad, we're sitting at a round table, on some VERY hard wood chairs. So I have some 'personal problems' happening at the time. The chairs irritate the problem. The skinny girl in the booth behind us, says somewhat loudly to her lunch-mate "If that fat girl at the round table doesn't stop moving in that chair it's going to bust and she is going to fall flat on her fat ass" ... We were the ONLY people sitting at a round table. I didn't confront her as no-one else heard what she said, since they were busy talking/eating, I didn't want to cause a scene. I'm trying to make a good impression, since he dad will "gossip" back to his family. They are "upper-class" folk and I don't want them to firmly believe that there faimly would possibly date "White-Trash" ...

All last week, with pep-talk from the boyfriend, and looking at fat-positive art, I had really started to feel GREAT about myself. What I had built up so slowly came tumbling down awfully fast!
I'm really sorry to hear about your experience. I don't know what it is about some older folks thinking they can say whatever they feel like saying. Yet this isn't restricted just to them. I'm an "old" "old school" guy. . and while many younger women don't feel the need to have doors opened for them, I do it anyway, and with a smile and a compliment, it's probably self-serving of me, I enjoy doing things for people. So often a simple kindness can help someone have a better day. .

I was fortunate to have parents and grandparents who believed "common courtesy" was one of life's greatest gifts. They were right then and still are. I passed this lesson on to my children as well, who eventually "got it". I think it's the perfect way to instruct your children. It's sad more people don't feel the same way. While life can indeed be busy and hectic, it takes no more to say a kind word than it would to say a discouraging one. Yet the benefits to both are great...Not only do you get to do a kindness for someone else, but there's something wonderful about a kind smile in return from a complete stranger...
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Old 11-27-2011, 10:49 AM   #13
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I have the similar thing.

Like I'll be looking cute as ever feeling amazing and confident, and then stupid teenagers will walk by my store I work at (Lane Bryant) and quite litterally moo at it.

And it makes you feel substandard. But you have to look at shit positively. Those girls that do it will NEVER have beautiful curves in their lifetime. And those boys? They will never experience such a wonderful person in their lives because theyre stupid and shallow.

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Old 11-27-2011, 12:45 PM   #14
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That shit sucks. I'm sorry that happened to you, Piink. Yes, I definitely know how much that can puncture a good day.

I gotta agree with Lills & SS on this...if you feel the urge to speak up--let it rip. It won't fix everything, and you are allowed to do handle it however you want, but if somebody feels the need to open their mouth--in a public place--and say that crap--what the freakin fuck--you can open your mouth back. They aren't treating you like you're a person; you are allowed to show them the person you are. It can sometimes give you a little of your mood back. It won't fix things, but still. Dang, people can be jerks.
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Old 11-29-2011, 06:28 AM   #15
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Reading your description of the old guy - it occured to me that it sounded like he might be suffering from one of the numerous forms of senility that cause inhabition issues. Some forms of alzheimers and several other conditions can cause sufferers to behave in ways that are completely at odds for how they spent their entire lives up to that point. They say inappropriate things, stop obeying very simple laws like traffic laws or things like littering, can start shoplifting, get into fights, become verbally confrontational and in rare cases even behave inappropriately sexually (groping women, abusing children etc).

Its possible he's just an arse, and always has been. But its possible that somebody in his life hasn't realized grandpa has gotten so sick and needs to be in a specialized care facility. The girl on the other hand was just a (beep).

I find when I do have to respond to situations like her, doing so in a very quiet manner flips them out even more. There's something about a deadpan, low tone of voice, confident delivery that leaves them speechless. They're just so positive you won't dare respond or you'll be hysterical and they can claim you're the one who's over-reacting. They don't know what to do when you don't behave the way they expect.
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