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Old 12-30-2011, 07:05 PM   #1
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Default Fighting my birthright?

Hi fellow FA's

I wanted to ask for some opinions on my situation, I've read alot of posts here about FA being your sexuality/orientation and I have a pretty serious life situation related to this.

I've bee dating a totally beautiful, petite but curvy girl for 6 years, I adore her completely, and we are best friends, but we've never clicked sexually, there really was no spark as such.

We very rarely engage in sex and I generally feel unfulfilled. I know exactly why, its because shes too small, and my brain is just not aroused by smaller women. I've been in counselling for the past 5 years trying to deal with the problem, I've done thousands of google searches about lack of chemistry / lack of sexual attraction and there are no answers.

Heres the rub, she wants us to marry and have a baby, she is now 36 and her body clock is ticking loudly. But I am an FA, and a deep seated desire in me is to be with a BBW, where I feel totally fulfilled, I feel if im not with a BBW I'm missing out on my birthright.

I have had several highly flings in the past with plus sized women and have been totally aroused and totally satisfied.

So my question is, can I change my deep routed desire to be with a BBW so I can make it work with my current partner???? is anyone here fighting the urge fr the sake of their loved one? Any help would be much appreciated.
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Old 12-31-2011, 08:31 AM   #2
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Forgive me for being a tad bit harsh but...really?

Why would you spend the past 6 years in a sexually unfulfilled relationship?
In fact, did you even tell her that you were sexually unsatisfied at all?
In a relationship, this kind of thing can be a real big deal breaker.
To not tell them about such an issue seems to be a really bad way of going about things.

Honestly you have a number of choices but I'll give Three.

You can decide to try and get her pregnant hoping that maybe the weight she will put on will make you sexually attracted to her and even then hope that she keeps it. The problem with this is the whole "If I'm still not attracted then I'll end up in a sexually unsatisfied relationship with a kid" part and the possible child support that follows from a break up.

That solution is super risky and crazy which I don't even recommend doing but I'm posting it because I can.

The other option is to sit her down and tell her why you're sexually unsatisfied and discuss ways that you can deal with it. Keep in mind, I do not recommend pressing a person to gain or lose weight and if she does decide not to that is completely within her rights and it is her choice to do so (or not) for the relationship, you have no control over that matter.

If you don't do option one nor option two then there's option three which is the break up.

If option two does not work, just go your separate ways. So long as you're in that relationship and she's not fat you will continue to be sexually unsatisfied, if you can't handle being sexually unsatisfied (and sexuality is important in a relationship for most people) then there is no other option.

By doing so, you will finally be able to be sexually satisfied with someone, just not her.

You may wonder why I did not even recommend trying for a cure because the simplest answer to this is that there is no cure because you're not sick.

As you may notice from some of the stories on this board, plenty of people realize what they like when they were young and that's stuck with them since then. Sexuality is not something that can be overwritten, it can be denied over and over again but at the end of the day an individual is just denying a part of themselves.
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Old 12-31-2011, 10:12 AM   #3
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Just giving this a coursey read......

And this is not an attack at all...(online gets blurry with wording)..just I am very curious.

I'm shocked that you would stay with someone for 6 years to be sexually unfulfilled. But, then mention that you have had "flings" with fat women and are sexually sated...so, that begs the question ...are you a closet FA? You date the "socially acceptable" woman, but, only have "flings" with fat women? (just from what I read).

Also, 5 years to deal with the problem?? This sounded to me like people who believe you can "pray away the gay".

Attraction and sexual attraction is not brain surgery. Either we do or we don't. It sounds like you have invested 6 years of your life into a relationship that does not make you happy sexually which indicates to me that really you have no reason to change now. You must have had reason (love) to stay this long. You have gone to great lengths to define your sexual attraction to fat women as a problem and to try to "fix the problem".

Lack of chemistry is usually something you really do know pretty quickly when meeting someone...

Either way, I feel sorry for the girl. She is not getting all of you and that is unfair, but, she has invested 6 years of her life with you - why wouldn't the next logical step be marriage and a baby? At least to most individuals. And I do believe you love her, she however, is not getting the fully sexually aroused you (which makes a big difference in the bedroom between good sex and mind blowing). How you phrased it, I have a feeling you have already made a decision?

I do wish you luck.
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Old 12-31-2011, 10:58 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PunkyGurly74 View Post
Just giving this a coursey read......

And this is not an attack at all...(online gets blurry with wording)..just I am very curious.

I'm shocked that you would stay with someone for 6 years to be sexually unfulfilled. But, then mention that you have had "flings" with fat women and are sexually sated...so, that begs the question ...are you a closet FA? You date the "socially acceptable" woman, but, only have "flings" with fat women? (just from what I read).

Also, 5 years to deal with the problem?? This sounded to me like people who believe you can "pray away the gay".

Attraction and sexual attraction is not brain surgery. Either we do or we don't. It sounds like you have invested 6 years of your life into a relationship that does not make you happy sexually which indicates to me that really you have no reason to change now. You must have had reason (love) to stay this long. You have gone to great lengths to define your sexual attraction to fat women as a problem and to try to "fix the problem".

Lack of chemistry is usually something you really do know pretty quickly when meeting someone...

Either way, I feel sorry for the girl. She is not getting all of you and that is unfair, but, she has invested 6 years of her life with you - why wouldn't the next logical step be marriage and a baby? At least to most individuals. And I do believe you love her, she however, is not getting the fully sexually aroused you (which makes a big difference in the bedroom between good sex and mind blowing). How you phrased it, I have a feeling you have already made a decision?

I do wish you luck.

Thanks for your thoughts on this, they really are appreciated, I don't know where the 6 (almost 7) years went, I would add that we have broken up semi seriously (1week off) pretty much every year,due to the issue of sex, and every year neither of us can bear to be apart so we brushed aside the issue and carried on, I think we are both guilty of settling, but the love is very strong.

Am I a closet FA? Perhaps, I dated a chubby girl for 5 years and was blissfully happy when I was in my twenties, but she then went on a crash diet and went from UK size 16 to a size 8 in 8 weeks, our sex life immediately crashed and we split a year later, I totally understand its her body and she can do with it what she wanted, but it really screwed me up at the time, as if my dream girl was taken from me.

The flings were short term relationships with big girls that were great fun and great in the sack but not long term material, Not because of their size, more due to personality issues.

My current GF and I are apart at the moment, we have been for 2 months as I was caught cheating on her with a big girl (one night stand), this is the first time in 6 years and we were seperated at the time, ad I do deeply regret breaking her trust.

Still she wants us to make a go of it and get married, but I am trying to find the courage to walk, but realise the profound impact that may have on her life plan.

I don't think I have made a decision yet so more opinions would be really valuable.

Thanks all

steve
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Old 12-31-2011, 01:24 PM   #5
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This sounds pretty much the same situation as this thread. It's a terrible situation to be in
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Old 12-31-2011, 02:09 PM   #6
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You shouldn't have led her on for 6 years. Now whatever happens is up to you. Either go make babies or end it, your choice.
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Old 01-01-2012, 11:54 PM   #7
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I think you should just show her your posts here.


You know, if you love someone then you'd want the best for them, and for yourself. Even if it's not each other. You say you love her, wouldn't you want her to be loved the way you desire to love?

Co-dependency on the other hand is another thing entirely.

6 years is a long time, I think I wasted 7/12 years with comfortable complacency in a previous relationship. You speak of her life plan, do you have one for yourself? I mean you lost 6 years, were you just living inside your head then.

Sincere luck in ballsing up, or sucking it up, sounds like you'll need it.
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Old 01-02-2012, 06:24 PM   #8
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Not being honest with her or yourself for six years.....I don't know how to say anything to you without being judgmental.....and you had flings and were unfaithful to her.....do you honestly think it would get any BETTER if you married her?

Honestly? If you want to make yourself miserable for a few years, find some other way of doing it because making HER miserable because you can't own up to the fact that you're not physically attracted to her and can't even be faithful is reprehensible. You can't marry her and hide it forever; it would come out and you'd keep fucking around as well.

If you let her go now, at least she has the opportunity to find someone who fully loves her. If you have any regard or respect for her, let her go and move on.

Keep working on the therapy and good luck.
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Old 01-02-2012, 06:34 PM   #9
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Not being honest with her or yourself for six years.....I don't know how to say anything to you without being judgmental.....and you had flings and were unfaithful to her.....do you honestly think it would get any BETTER if you married her?

Honestly? If you want to make yourself miserable for a few years, find some other way of doing it because making HER miserable because you can't own up to the fact that you're not physically attracted to her and can't even be faithful is reprehensible. You can't marry her and hide it forever; it would come out and you'd keep fucking around as well.

If you let her go now, at least she has the opportunity to find someone who fully loves her. If you have any regard or respect for her, let her go and move on.

Keep working on the therapy and good luck.
This is fair comment, I'm not quite the nice guy I used to be, your dick tends to overtake your brain in situations like this... I am going to set her free because I love her like crazy
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Old 01-03-2012, 08:55 AM   #10
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Still she wants us to make a go of it and get married, but I am trying to find the courage to walk, but realise the profound impact that may have on her life plan.
I don't mean this to sound brutal, if that's how it comes across, but I think it's a lot kinder to the lady in the long run for you to be honest and end things. Her life plan may be marriage and babies, but does she really want those things with you, when you're not attracted to her, are not sexually fulfilled by her and would probably continue to let your dick override your head every now & again and have affairs with fat girls. Sounds like a bad situation all round. My advice would be to break up. If you love each other that much, and you're honest about why this situation isnt working for you, you will probably be able to be good friends (eventually).
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:12 PM   #11
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i have to concur with most of the other posters here...

the answer to an inability or unwillingness to adhere to sexual monogamy... is DEFINITELY NOT upping the commitment ante..

the only place i can see your relationship ending is in a huge, flaming pile of resentment...

I'm so sorry you're in this predicament...but talk to your girlfriend... she deserves to hear this from you..
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