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Old 11-06-2011, 05:24 PM   #76
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Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
sadly, a lot of you should be judging me hardcore right now. ive done a lot of stupid, unsafe things over the past few months.
I can't throw stones at anyone. Nor can anyone else. Just try to be careful from now on. Try.
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Old 11-06-2011, 08:14 PM   #77
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Sex is supposed to be between you, your faith, and your partner(s). As long as your safe about it (use protection, take precautions) if you enjoy it, it's how you feel. No one can judge you but yourself and your deity of choice.

That said, I was in a complicated relationship at the age of 14 with a man much older than me. My points of view, sexually, might be skewed to some.
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Old 11-08-2011, 05:22 PM   #78
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I read this whole thread and its pretty amazing how many points of view there are on such a simple thing. And really I do think sexuality is so fundamentally simple.. yet so complicated by everything else. Yeah I maintain "slut" is a fun cute work reserved for my special friends

BTW, any of you sluts every read a book called "C*nt: A Declaration of Independence" written by inga muscio. the book is essentially about claiming the c-word as a positive term. I didn't actually read it, just heard about it a while ago. I like the concept just not interested enough to read a whole book about it

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Old 11-08-2011, 05:52 PM   #79
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BTW, any of you sluts every read a book called "C*nt: A Declaration of Independence" written by inga muscio. the book is essentially about claiming the c-word as a positive term. I didn't actually read it, just heard about it a while ago. I like the concept just not interested enough to read a whole book about it

I actually did! But it was a while ago and I dont remember most of it. My friend was so empowered by it that she insisted I take it and read it. But that was a few years ago.
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:52 PM   #80
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I have that book somewhere but never read it.
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Old 11-08-2011, 07:32 PM   #81
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Originally Posted by gogogal View Post
I read this whole thread and its pretty amazing how many points of view there are on such a simple thing. And really I do think sexuality is so fundamentally simple.. yet so complicated by everything else. Yeah I maintain "slut" is a fun cute work reserved for my special friends

BTW, any of you sluts every read a book called "C*nt: A Declaration of Independence" written by inga muscio. the book is essentially about claiming the c-word as a positive term. I didn't actually read it, just heard about it a while ago. I like the concept just not interested enough to read a whole book about it


You guys should come to England. I often use it as term of endearment or greeting
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Old 11-08-2011, 10:41 PM   #82
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You guys should come to England. I often use it as term of endearment or greeting
Everything is more awesome in England
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Old 11-30-2011, 11:09 PM   #83
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"Slut" is just a word, and just like "fat" it only has as much power as you give it. Embrace it, and it can't hurt you.

This is not to say that a lifestyle of casual sex is for everybody. Sex is a complicated thing and what works for some may be terrible for others. You have to find what makes you feel good about yourself and go with it. If that means fooling around with your guy friends or random hotties you meet, more power to you! If that means a monogamous relationship, that's great too!

I don't think it's anyone's place to judge another person's sexual behavior (unless it directly involves them.) Slut-shaming is a bad thing y'all. It just reinforces the idea that women are supposed to fit in with whatever version of morality is currently popular while men get a free pass. There's plenty of that attitude in the media without us using it against each other!

I should add as a clarification- cheating and deception, as well as unsafe sex practices do not fall under my definition of "slutty" behavior, I'd just consider that being a nasty individual.
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Old 12-01-2011, 01:43 AM   #84
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I don't consider the OP a slut at all. She's just someone racking up different experiences, making up for lost time, and being a little loosey-goosey.
When it stops being fun, it's time to become very selective, for your own self-esteem.

To me, a girl is a nasty slut if she goes after a guy who has a girlfriend, just because she can. She doesn't even really like the guy, she just does it because she's a "slut", and that's what sluts do. They mess with people's lives for the fun of it. Home-wreckers are sluts.
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Old 12-01-2011, 04:45 AM   #85
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Originally Posted by LittleCthulhu View Post
You guys should come to England. I often use it as term of endearment or greeting
Same as here, slut cunt mole etc. All said without malice are just words.


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Old 12-01-2011, 08:14 AM   #86
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Same as here, slut cunt mole etc. All said without malice are just words.


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Old 12-01-2011, 02:04 PM   #87
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Your still A Little low on self esteem and sex makes you feel good, but finding a guy who wants more then just sex is well worth it! You are getting a reputation of being easy ! Girl take a long look at your self, you have to learn that you are special not just a BOOTY Call ! We all want LOVE and some of us fall for the sex instead trap! Make some real friends and be a friend to your self First! Them Guys are users and they get off on using girls with low self esteem! I have been there myself when younger, but you need to take better care of YOU! LOVE Your self FIRST and make it a rule to not got to bed with a guy until you been on at east 3 pubic dates! So no middle of the sex gigs, for you any more ! Be strong Sweetie Be strong! Hugs From Texas


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Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
I hate that term- slut. I feel like its tossed around so easily. My bestie called me a slut a few weeks ago, when we were arguing about a guy I was hanging out with. He meant it too. I was so upset, made me cry. He apologized later on, but its still hurt.

Then I began to look at my behavior. Was I really a slut?

I didnt date in high school. I was fat, shy and awkward. I hated my body, and I always covered up. I had a lot of good friends, mostly guys. I found it easier to be around guys, simply because I felt I wasn't competing with them. I could be my sailor--mouthed self and telling disgusting jokes. Conversations with my guy friends frequently revolved around sex, but were never in a sexual tone (if that makes sense).

I met my first (and only, really) boyfriend in the fall of 2004, at the community college we were both going to. He actually pursued me and I was shocked. No guy had EVER shown such interest in me before. It was certainly a nice feeling and because I loved being lusted over so so so much, I lost my virginity to him a week into our relationship. As the months went on, we became more intimate and experimental (helloooo anal!). We broke up after 2.5 years and I went years without any sexual contact. I fell back into being awkward and constantly covering myself up.

A few summers ago, something in me snapped and I started opening myself up more. I wore cuter clothes, showed off my arms and boobs, starting buying up skirts and shoes. I got many compliments and I loved it. Suddenly I was actually getting some attention from the opposite sex!

I met a really sweet guy last year, through friends and we had amazing sex. I was totally in love with his body, and he was good at lovin up mine! I think this is what started me on a more sexual path. But thats all it was. Sex. I was heartbroken when he decided he didnt want to hang out anyway.

Since the beginning of this year, I've been sexually active with 5 guys. 3 of them, multiple times. Actually, one of them turned into a FWB for a while.

I like to think that Im just having fun. Im young, single and I like having sex. But perhaps Im not going about it the best way. My bestie called me a slut for having sex with a man I didnt know. He was just staying with some friends for a few weeks while he was passing through town. We met one night, while at that friend's house and the next day we went out... and I blew him. That was the start of a 2 week sexy relationship with a man twice my age. We did it in my Jeep, at my friend's house, in a cheap motel room, a parking lot... even at my town's park one night. Bestie was absolutely disgusted.

The last guy I slept with (a week ago) was someone that I had been digging for months and months. I asked him out a few times, but it never happened... and I think I knew deep down that he was interested, but I sure as hell kept trying. I was so totally into him and not just lustfully. I wanted to get to know him and hang out!

He messaged me at midnight- "You know, it's not too late. I have tomorrow off. You could get some sex." I was completely confused. He never really showed interest, but now he wants me to come over and fuck? Was I just a bootycall or did he like me? I told him that I wasn't interested in just sex. He said if I didn't like him, I could have the bedroom all to my self, but I was definitely staying for the night. It took him an hour to convince me, but I gave in. I drove a half hour to in the middle of the night, the whole time trying to prepare myself. "Im not going to have sex with him. I want to just hang out and get to know him".

Well that didnt work at all. We hung out for maybe an hour (he played his guitar and my panties got wet) and then we were sitting on the couch fondling each other. It was awesome sex. Best I've had. But... I felt just like I did with all the other guys. He doesnt like me enough to date me, but at least he likes me enough to have sex with me.

Thats pretty fucked up, no? Why do I do this to myself?

This took me roughly 2 hours to type up, sorry but my train of thought has been wandering...
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:01 PM   #88
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Lots of great answers here

Saoirse, Your bestie was out of line. I see two reasons for his judgement of you: 1. In the midst of your arguement he really wanted to knock you down a peg. His judgement of your sex life is probably a deep seated belief that women should not sleep around and there is no such thing as being sexually liberated. 2. He secretly likes you. I could be wrong, I have no clue if he is gay or already attached to someone. But if not, why the hell does he care who you hang out with? Or who you pork? Sounds fishy to me. Anyway, I hope you called your friend out on it and told him that he had no right to hurt your feelings by judging your sex life.

Either way, do what makes you happy. I have learned that sleeping with someone before you are in a relationship hardly leads to one. And too many times have I also slept with someone who rejected a relationship with me, but wanted to sleep with me anyway. Trust me when I say that you will never not feel used after doing so. It's hard to stay single and abstain from sex unless it's meaningful, but it's worth the wait Good luck honey!
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Old 01-09-2012, 02:30 AM   #89
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Saoirse,

I haven't read all the pages of this thread. But my immediate reaction is that your friend shamed you, and that you're reacting to her negative views of sex. Sex with some emotional connection is OK. But what's also OK is getting laid without thought to emotional depth or future relationship. if you engaged in these behaviors and YOU felt ok (not your friend made you feel like they were wrong), then who cares?

Sex can be emotional. Sex can be totally visceral, unemotional, temporal, and meaningless. Neither road is better, but you have to pick the one with which you're most comfortable.

There is no innate difference in men and women with this. And no matter how many times people argue otherwise, that's how I feel. We're all sexual, physical animals. And the decision whether or not we make that also emotional is totally individual. Neither is right, you know? Just do what makes you happy. If deep emotional commitment makes you happy, do that. If never calling the guy again makes you happy, do that.
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Old 01-10-2012, 10:36 AM   #90
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ive done a lot of stupid, unsafe things over the past few months.
So have I, so I won't judge you for it. I used to behave like you've described. Eventually the feeling of empowerment wained and I got tired of feeling used/disappointed/ashamed and putting my health at risk. Now I play safe (especially since working with an HIV project, and since I had to have a termination which, ironically, happened when i WAS playing safe) and am happier. I still get horny, obviously, but I have a couple of trusted FWBs for that...guys that would remain friends were the "WB" to be withdrawn from either side, but guys who i definitely wouldnt want to be in a relationship with. My situation woouldnt work for everyone, but it works for me. I think you'll work out what's best for you in time and change your behaviour accordingly (if you decide that "best" is better than how you're acting now)...maybe you'll have a few regrets but, tbh, who doesn't?! (I don't just mean regarding sex).
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