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Old 01-24-2012, 04:22 PM   #1
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Default I don't understand feedism.

I've been following the thread about FAs who deny their feedism. As the title states, I don't get feedism. Rather than derail that thread, I'm starting this one.

Most of my confusion centers around feedees, the ones who actually gain the weight and live with whatever consequences it brings. Regardless if their motives are pure and loving, feeders don't pay a price for their fetish - at least that's how it appears to me. I freely admit I could be wrong.

I am not starting this thread to judge. Even though I do not share the fetish, I would like to understand it better.
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:32 PM   #2
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Hiya, Dromond. We share a lot of common ground, though perhaps not this particular subject since I very much understand feederism and am openly a feedee.

I just read your opening post aloud to my Feeder/FA and he said, 'Well they hopefully share the price because they hopefully love their Feedee'.

That is the case in our dynamic. My beloved loves weight gain. More than that, he loves my love of food. I was a foodee long before I was a feedee. Completely oblivious to my own little 'noises' and expressions when eating something I loved until he said one day, "I love it when you do that when you're eating steak."

Of course he enjoys me gaining weight. He's an FA, and he happens to like really large women. However, when I talk about my fantasies with gaining he tries to rein me in a little. Let's just say I used to profess the desire to become immobile... But my honey pointed out that going that far would surely shave years off my life. He doesn't want to lose that much time with me.

We've argued about other aspects of me actively gaining too.. Like, how much I should exercise... And how much soda I want versus what I should have. He ends up being the voice of reason in a lot of these instances.

But you're right, he doesn't have to deal with the physical consequences of my body changing in the same way I do. At the end of the day a Feeder could in theory change their stripes... Decide fat is ugly... Walk away. The feedee? Not so. They're however many pounds heavier with a stomach that's been stretched and an appetite roaring and any other complications they've encountered along the way.

I think that right there is the reason a lot of people paint feeders in such a negative light. They can walk away. Without so much as looking back. They don't have to deal with any pains of a growing body. They don't have to deal with being the person that others judge for their size....

But if the Feeder and Feedee are romantic.. If there's love involved.. Don't you think they maybe suffer a bit of the same consequences, plus perhaps a little guilt? I know my honey feels bad that he loves the idea of me being a lot heavier, but he can't help if that's what he's attracted to... Especially when I'm whispering about it in his ear at night.

Anyways.. Just offering you my thoughts and observations on the topic since I'm engaged in an active Feeder/feedee dynamic.
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Last edited by LinathSuru; 01-24-2012 at 04:36 PM. Reason: Dropped a word in there somewhere. :p
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:42 PM   #3
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Thank you for answering my post, I was hoping to get replies such as yours. It sounds like your S.O. has a solid head on his shoulders. Hold on to him.

What is the attraction for you about gaining to immobility?
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:43 PM   #4
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I tried to rep you, but I couldn't. Curse the rep gods!
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:59 PM   #5
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More than happy to answer, Dromond.

And as far as the attraction about gaining to immobility... A part of it was just that at the time that I was really thinking about that was that I had just finally been able to let go of my own insecurities about my weight.. So I kinda sling-shotted.... From wanting to be super skinny to having this wonderful feeling of freedom and body love and deciding I wanted to be super heavy.

I was probably a size 20 around then, and my sister of the same height as me is a size 2 or 4 or maybe, maybe a 6. Most irksome thing in the world is when she asks me if a pair of jeans make her look fat. >.>

Anyway, she was one of the negative forces in my life that impressed upon me that being fat was bad. It felt so freeing to finally feel beautiful and okay with myself. Like a world of stress and pressure and feelings of inadequacy had been blown away. The idea of being with someone who not only found me gorgeous for my personality and my looks, but who accepts everything about me...

The idea of that person being willing to take care of me and cherish me and love me...

Well, I guess I got carried away with my imagination. He's told me many times before that he loves helping me with the little things my size makes difficult.. Like washing my back (he does so every time I shower). He's told me he's somewhat looking forward to helping me with other things as I get bigger, though he feels bad for anticipating it (poor confused soul).

I know that if something were to happen that caused me grave injury (God forbid), he would be willing to take care of me. If I were immobile he would be willing to. I guess that was part of the appeal.

*Shrugs* I can't really explain it beyond that.. Kind of a fly in the face of the bias that made me insecure kind of reaction to finally shrugging off all the jerks and naysayers I suppose.
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Old 01-24-2012, 10:49 PM   #6
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imo it's about counterplay of extremes and ideas .. it's about the tangible idea of unbridled desire and lust, how that translates to something physical (in this case food, and the end result of consumption). we're a results focused species so we also like what comes as a consequence of such uncontrolled 'satisfaction'.

it's an extreme and that's what makes it titillating, similarly to many other fetishes ... it's just that the mind is an incredibly creative and odd thing and can focus on something that oblique in a sexual way.

that said everyone is different in the way they rationalize their sexuality, the way they present it to others, how much gravity it holds for them etc. i've never met another FA who honest to god wanted his or her partner to attain immobility, like that was part of their ten-year plan or something. college first, steady job then feed the wife to immobility. there very well COULD be people out there like that. i know for certain there are people out there at this moment having thoughts of murdering and raping other human beings. now, i've seen plenty of people online claim things like that but the internet is a place where we can be anything we want to be. that's the gift of anonymity and controlled social interaction. we can say things to incite a reaction, there's little repercussion.

ultimately it's just a crazy mind-bending extension of a fantasy. of course it's absurd and unhealthy and our minds realize such and THAT is what makes it so erotic. i'm enticed by both parts of the gaining/helping equation because for me the whole thing is naughty, it's not about some sadist bent towards making women insanely fat. it's about an intense connection between two people and an intense violation of societal taboos.
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Old 01-24-2012, 11:03 PM   #7
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it's about an intense connection between two people and an intense violation of societal taboos.
When I talk to other feedees and feeders they seem to often enjoy the societal taboo. I suppose I'm a bit more foodee than feedee though, as I really, really enjoy eating for the taste of the food, the texture, the experience, the wonderful full belly, and when I'm really enjoying eating I hardly ever think of anyone or anything outside of my immediate company and my food, so there's no link for me in the actual feeding and societal taboos.

However that is spot on about my past inclinations to fantasize about immobility. That was mostly about the societal taboo.

Loved reading your thoughts on it, furious styles. Thanks for sharing with us.
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Old 01-24-2012, 11:17 PM   #8
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You've legitimately given me something new to consider. I've never seen the fetish in this light before. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by furious styles View Post
imo it's about counterplay of extremes and ideas .. it's about the tangible idea of unbridled desire and lust, how that translates to something physical (in this case food, and the end result of consumption). we're a results focused species so we also like what comes as a consequence of such uncontrolled 'satisfaction'.

it's an extreme and that's what makes it titillating, similarly to many other fetishes ... it's just that the mind is an incredibly creative and odd thing and can focus on something that oblique in a sexual way.

that said everyone is different in the way they rationalize their sexuality, the way they present it to others, how much gravity it holds for them etc. i've never met another FA who honest to god wanted his or her partner to attain immobility, like that was part of their ten-year plan or something. college first, steady job then feed the wife to immobility. there very well COULD be people out there like that. i know for certain there are people out there at this moment having thoughts of murdering and raping other human beings. now, i've seen plenty of people online claim things like that but the internet is a place where we can be anything we want to be. that's the gift of anonymity and controlled social interaction. we can say things to incite a reaction, there's little repercussion.

ultimately it's just a crazy mind-bending extension of a fantasy. of course it's absurd and unhealthy and our minds realize such and THAT is what makes it so erotic. i'm enticed by both parts of the gaining/helping equation because for me the whole thing is naughty, it's not about some sadist bent towards making women insanely fat. it's about an intense connection between two people and an intense violation of societal taboos.
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Old 01-25-2012, 06:35 AM   #9
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I don't know if this was mentioned in the other thread but I think there are two kinds of Feedism. One: To consistently eat for your partner or feed your partner with the purpose of weight gain. Two: To occasionally eat for your partner or feed your partner with the purpose of erotic stimulation.

One seems more like a lifestyle while the other seems more like just a kink. Perhaps it can be likened to someone who lives as a submissive/Dominant vs. someone who is just sexually submissive/Dominant but does not live their lives as such.

Anyway, I personally like the erotic nature of being fed. I have only brushed the outskirts of it but I get the appeal. I love food and I think it might be quiet fun to connect it (with the right partner) to sex. However, I do not like the weight gain aspect. It does nothing for me. I've thought about it, analyzed it...but nope, doesn't flip any switches. So, I guess that (potentially) makes me a sexual feedee vs a lifestyle feedee.

Am I making any sense???
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Old 01-25-2012, 07:21 AM   #10
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Am I making any sense???
You made perfect sense to me.
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Old 01-25-2012, 09:57 AM   #11
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As someone who is primarily into feeding my partner and seeing him gain weight, though he does like me a little bit softer so I have dabbled in the other side, it really hurts to read some of the negative things about feeders. What people don't realize is that, at least for me, it's something I really struggle with. Above all I want my partner to be happy and I would never do anything to jeopardize that, but it doesn't change what my preferences are. It's something that's taken me years to come to terms with and even still it gives me moments of self loathing, moments where I wonder what's wrong with me. For years I tried to hide the desire, to lock it away in some dark corner of my mind and forget about it, but it doesn't work that way. Honestly, if I could I would probably change my preference. I've endured teasing and having a fetish considered "sick" by some people certainly doesn't help the self-esteem. But I can't, it's part of who I am. That doesn't mean that it controls me. My partner and I talk about how much weight he's ok with gaining, I constantly check in with him and make sure he's happy with his body because his happiness is so much more important than any kink I have.
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Old 01-25-2012, 10:22 AM   #12
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I have always thought of it as a risk aware consensual kink, but it isn't like other fetishes because the feedee assumes most of the risk over time as they grow.
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Old 01-25-2012, 11:57 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NancyGirl74 View Post
I don't know if this was mentioned in the other thread but I think there are two kinds of Feedism. One: To consistently eat for your partner or feed your partner with the purpose of weight gain. Two: To occasionally eat for your partner or feed your partner with the purpose of erotic stimulation.

One seems more like a lifestyle while the other seems more like just a kink. Perhaps it can be likened to someone who lives as a submissive/Dominant vs. someone who is just sexually submissive/Dominant but does not live their lives as such.

Anyway, I personally like the erotic nature of being fed. I have only brushed the outskirts of it but I get the appeal. I love food and I think it might be quiet fun to connect it (with the right partner) to sex. However, I do not like the weight gain aspect. It does nothing for me. I've thought about it, analyzed it...but nope, doesn't flip any switches. So, I guess that (potentially) makes me a sexual feedee vs a lifestyle feedee.

Am I making any sense???
Totally. I had a 3 year relationship with a lovely BBW who whilst a foodie, was not a feedee / gainer as such, but she was more than happy to get into some kinky token feedism play in bed = all kinds of sexy awesome.

During our LTR her weight fluctuated down and up by 40lbs or so, which had pretty much nothing to do with our feedism play.

On the other hand I dated a feedee briefly, who had gained some on her own, and was clearly soooo tempted by the idea of gaining a lot, but it turned out she didn't want the reality + felt being around me (someone she could really express her unfettered sexuality with) was too scarily tempting, so she broke it off.

@Dromond:
As to this idea that the feeder can"just leave", and the feedee is stuck, there are plenty of instances where feedees / gainers have left a feeder and carry on gaining, either with another feeder or without.

Also, the idea that there's no cost to a feeder leaving their partner? Assumes feeders are not people too. If you've ever split with someone you love(d) you know there's always a cost to that.

Mostly Dro, I think you're confused by feedism because you think it has lots of people aiming for immobility in RL, whereas for many people that's at most a fantasy, to be imagined in the throes of passion.
Token / non-gaining feedism play, ocassional feedings and maybe moderate gaining are probably the rule for most peeps involved in feedism. Pretty much like every kink.
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Old 01-25-2012, 12:49 PM   #14
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Also, the idea that there's no cost to a feeder leaving their partner? Assumes feeders are not people too. If you've ever split with someone you love(d) you know there's always a cost to that.
See, this is what I was trying to impress in my original post on this thread. I could go a bit further to say that even when a feeder stays with a feedee they pay a cost. An example of this relates to another fetish I enjoy... That being stuffing... I don't indulge in stuffing all the time. I don't constantly push myself to eat more. But when I do I love it. The point though is I have to be careful what I eat that much of... because the consequence can very easily become an upset stomach. My feeder feels horrible when I'm having tummy pains. There's nothing he can really do to help them but sit there and pet me and that sense of being powerless is very hard for him. Needless to say we're careful about my intake. Only things that make my tummy happy.

And yeah, I know that's not the kind of consequences we were originally talking. He doesn't share the stomach pain, after all, but anxiety and concern are real consequences too.

I'm going to keep following this thread. I think it's a very good one to have started, Dromond, and I'm enjoying reading each person's input so far.
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Old 01-25-2012, 01:35 PM   #15
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@Dromond - find StuffingKit on YouTube, she has a good video where she talks all about what feedism is to her.
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