The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW

[CastingPearls]

Originally Posted by kendall

some are going to resent this post. i m not poor nor rich. i have exprience with 600 lb gfs. i find most are spoiled and expect to get expensive food instead of same quality homemade, just like spoiled skinny girls with model aspirations grab for expensive cars and clothes jewels and $200 dinhhers wity dom peringnon vintage year. not all women but plenty.especially u.s.

some men are cheap. my choice is economize and serve quality. i dont own a car. wait. with the 10,000 i save i will spend $100 when we cant bus in.

i dont go to te gym or dress like a white pimp in armani suits. i look good i just dont waste money on junk. i can feed a 600 lb woman im a chef. f a 112lb model or a 512 lob model is a barbie i dont need her. if a guy is a cheap bum he doesnt deserve a lady. its that simple. dont feed rockerfellers instead feed your honey.

On behalf of all women with good taste, thank you for removing yourself from the pool of eligibility.

[KHayes666]

Originally Posted by kendall

some are going to resent this post. i m not poor nor rich. i have exprience with 600 lb gfs. i find most are spoiled and expect to get expensive food instead of same quality homemade, just like spoiled skinny girls with model aspirations grab for expensive cars and clothes jewels and $200 dinhhers wity dom peringnon vintage year. not all women but plenty.especially u.s.

some men are cheap. my choice is economize and serve quality. i dont own a car. wait. with the 10,000 i save i will spend $100 when we cant bus in.

i dont go to te gym or dress like a white pimp in armani suits. i look good i just dont waste money on junk. i can feed a 600 lb woman im a chef. f a 112lb model or a 512 lob model is a barbie i dont need her. if a guy is a cheap bum he doesnt deserve a lady. its that simple. dont feed rockerfellers instead feed your honey.

1st. Nice grammar.

2nd. You have absolutely no experience with girlfriends because most every girl I know prefers good homemade meals rather than expensive takeout. All those girls who want the 300 dollar jewelry and dom perrignon night after night wouldn't be available to anyone not named Lebron James so why bother?

3rd. No car? You expect a 500-600 pound woman to walk a mile to a bus or train station, expect her to fit in the seats (comfortably anyway) and then walk wherever you intend to go? That's not being spoiled, that's being physically incapable...more proof you have zero dating experience. If you're taking a cab that's a little better but still, way too much walking.

4th. You sound like a "cheap bum" to me. I probably make less than you do (if you're telling the truth) yet I have a car, armani clothes and can afford a nice upscale date for special occasions (see: anniversary). If you expect a 500 pound woman to take a bus or taxi to your place and eat ramen noodles every night, of course she's gonna want something better.

I can see the gist of your post is that average guys deserve better than the rich guys but when the average guys act like total dickbags, they deserve nothing.

[Surlysomething]

Originally Posted by CastingPearls

On behalf of all women with good taste, thank you for removing yourself from the pool of eligibility.

Bahaha. I wish I had some rep stashed away as this was totally worth of it.

[Isa]

Originally Posted by Surlysomething

Bahaha. I wish I had some rep stashed away as this was totally worth of it.

I cannot rep her either but but I do have enough to hit up Hayes.

Kendall on the other hand, can go pound sand.

[KHayes666]

Originally Posted by Isa

I cannot rep her either but but I do have enough to hit up Hayes.

Kendall on the other hand, can go pound sand.

hi i like women but i no like payin for dem but i am not cheap dammit i am a good guy!

[Scotter]

Kendall, point of clarification please... are you talking about the first few dates, or in ongoing partnership type relationships? You mentioned 600lb gfs, so from that I would guess that you're referring to the latter, unless you're referring to a gf as someone who acquired that status before the first actual meeting (never can tell what some people mean by things these days).

This distinction is critical in a few ways.

First, I think most SSBBWs have done the "Closet FA" experience, and all but those with irreparably low self-esteem are on guard against a repeat of such a scene. The closet FA is sexually attracted to SSBBW, but believes that its something he (or she) needs to keep secret because of what "other people," even total strangers, might think. To make matters worse, many closet FA's seem to think that the SS objects of their desires should be understanding and cooperative in their attempts to carry on a relationship in secret. It's like being the other woman even if there is no "other" woman. Here, the distinction between a new and ongoing relationship, from her point of view, is that if an FA wants to conduct the first few dates in the privacy a home or a hotel room, that is a major warning sign.

Secondly, any woman will judge not so much the man, as the man's motives and level of interest in her, by how far he is willing to go to impress her early in the relationship. The fact that he is willing to overextend himself during the process of becoming personally acquainted indicates to her that he is willing to put significant investment in a relationship with her. After all, if he isn't willing to do that in the beginning, how will she be treated once familiarity sets in? Here again, the distinction between an established relationship and a new one is significant.

Third, in an ongoing relationship, most reasonable women would have a very good idea of what you're financially capable of, and expect to be treated accordingly, at least on special occasions. A good woman would never expect you to over-extend yourself, but she still wants to be taken out occasionally so as to feel a part of society, and not isolated in a box at home.

If, as I am inclined to read in your post, you have had long-term girlfriends (I read long-term as implicit in the term girlfriend) who demanded that you overextend yourself for her entertainment on a frequent basis, then you did indeed have soiled brats on your hands. To that end, you mentioned "lob" models (not sure what that is but I'm guessing it's the same as web models). If you have been dating web models, keep in mind that they constantly receive very expensive gifts from men who either don't know them or have very shallow interests in them. Such gifts from strangers can range up to and including cars. If you have been meeting web models, you might want to observe very carefully their ideas of what they expect from a relationship. While most of the models are above that sort of materialism, some aren't, and those are the ones who would appear most eager to date you, until the generosity runs out.

Scott

[SuperMishe]

Originally Posted by Surlysomething

Bahaha. I wish I had some rep stashed away as this was totally worth of it.

Got her for you (us!)...

I think Kevin said it... I cannot imagine a guy expecting me to take the bus on a date. In fact, since I don't fit in most cars because of the center console and these damned hips - I prefer to drive my OWN car anyway!

[ssbbwnut]

It sounds like someone need to invest into a car that has a bench seat...
Thankfully my 2002 Tarus HAS a bench seat...(hint)


Mishe..."dammed hips"? more like awesome, curvy, sexy hips, I think thats how you meant to word it..lol

[Nenona]

Some things I haven't seen on here before:
(Disclaimer: I only weigh 369, but I've been fat all my life and this is some little things that I've found to be important)


-Showers. Sometimes they're too tiny. I've told an ex before that I couldn't shower at his place because it was a little tiny plastic thing--set into the corner. It really really wasn't going to happen, ever. and he griped when I only took showers at my place and never kept stuff with him. So if you have a shower, make sure that it's a big tiled one with a shower curtain, and not a little corner one made out of molded plastic. And if you got an apartment with a Garden Tub, congrats, it's suddenly useful.

-he shoved me into a chair once--he went down the path of being "nice"--giving me a place to sit--without getting that tiny metal lawn chairs and I DO. NOT. MIX. My thighs hurt as soon as my butt hit the seat, and then when I stood I had to pry the damn thing off my ass. I'm glad I didn't break it because then that would have been really horrible--I'd have had to pay for this guy's shitty lawn chair because my ex refused to listen to me when I told him "No, this isn't going to work."

-Towels. Get big ones. Trust me, the tiny cheap ones from Wal-mart are not going to cut the cheese--find a brand that makes nice big, fluffy towels, and invest in 3 or 4. I use only one, some women use more.

-Air Conditioning--Central Heat/Air is best, because window units do cool the room but....they cool only one room. If you're 3 bedrooms away that room will never be proper cold and you'll have to deal with the loud-ass air conditioner every time it kicks on. Invest in a good central air unit, change the filter on a regular basis.

-Comfy Desk Chair/Comfy Couch--the best desk chairs have no arms on the sides for me. I loved the simple mesh ones they had in the college computer labs. For chairs, I really like the 1.5 chairs--the ones that are kind of huge, because I can tuck my feet up into them.

-Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.

---also dealt with an ex who complained about my "style" and wished I would dress more like 'all the other girls'--he didn't get why I wasn't wearing the same clothes as them until I explained that they don't make hip and trendy clothing for fat girls, unless they're at a premium that I can't afford.

-If you're into weight gain, respect her wishes to not get any larger. I can't tell you how many guys have gone "but why don't you want to get to 500lbs?!" when they only want to date me "sometimes" and have no interest in a long-term relationship--but I've already explained that I'm happy at the size I am, and I'm not about to gain weight for this one guy when it would impact EVERY part of my life--from the clothes and underwear I wear to the car I can drive.
It's important to realize that it may be your fetish, but she has her own life--I'm happy at the size I am, I don't need to be any bigger, but guys insisting that I need to gain weight make me -extremely- uncomfortable about talking to anyone who's into feedism.

I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't. Once you get above 200lbs you're no longer an XL or a straight size or a size you can find anywhere--you're into clothing that has to be purchased from special stores--and then when you reach the upper realms of Layne Bryant you have to special order clothing online. So no, dating a 400 lb girl is not the same as dating a 120 lb girl--society treats the 400lb girl very differently, and you're going to have to make concessions for a woman that society doesn't like very much.

[NewfieGal]

I'm living the reality lol...and just to clarify don't need fancy stuff or fancy dinners lol I'm pretty down to earth lol... btw casting pearl you ROCK... oh and the reality is as well that SSBBW are like everyone else accept us as is and don't try to change us for the "better" that is all

[Navydude]

Just saying.......

[angeleyes68]

I have just started dating a gentleman who is so accepting of my size it is refreshing. I would like to ask anyone out there is they have ever run into a situation where the BBW has bad knees and is unable to bend them but he wants the girl on top. We have talked and tried various solutions but seem to be having some trouble. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated. I have looked in various books but with my 380 lb size...the books are very limited. Please help.

[CleverBomb]

Weightlifting bench or the like, perhaps?
The idea would be to remain mostly standing during the festivities.

[wreckless1967]

Originally Posted by CleverBomb

Weightlifting bench or the like, perhaps?
The idea would be to remain mostly standing during the festivities.

Ha Ha How most gracefully worded, festivities lol

[bbwlibrarian]

Originally Posted by Nenona

-Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.

This is old but, ummm, yes! Lane Bryant's big girl panties might be expensive, but they are a superior product. Don't just suggest that we "swing by Walmart" and get a 6-pack of Hanes Her Way. There's a reason why my 300lb butt requires $15 panties, and there's an equally good reason why we've gotta go to the mall as soon as Lane Bryant announces a clearance sale.

It's probably obvious by now, but I've split a few hairs in the past over the price of underwear.

[ssbbw4m4]

This thread introduced me to this web forum and it really hit home so I wanted to take a couple minutes and add my own comments. Though I had dated larger women for several years, it was not until I met a SSBBW and we started dating that I learned about changed I would have to make in my life. I had a Mustang and a pick up truck and, when we went out, I had to take the truck with a stepping stool, I had made the mistake of showing up for our first date in the Mustang. Mistake number 1. I had to plan dates with very little walking. I had to replace my standard bed with a platform bed. I had to get a sofa that was more sturdy too. I also lived on the 3rd floor of a walk up apartment and, when my lease was up, I moved to the 1st floor. I did learn there are issues facing a woman that is 400+ pounds that a woman 250 pounds does not face.

When my company transferred me to Germany, I had been seeing a SSBBW and had planned for her to visit me or, even come live with me there. I found a ground floor flat and bought a BMW sedan. When she flew to visit me, I had to buy a 1st class ticket (she said it was embarrassing to fly coach and was uncomfortable as well, even with 2 seats). She had been excited to come to Germany but, was miserable there. She came in the summer and German houses and apartments don't have air conditioning and, though the temperature was in the 80's, she was hot and miserable. I had rented a flat in a small town outside of Stuttgart. Though it was a pleasant little town, to go from shop to shop, you had to walk. That made things difficult for her. Thought she stayed a month, she was happy to leave. We had driven around Southern Germany to site see but, going to places like castles was out. She did enjoy the festival we went to and liked the German food and German beer but, the port-a-potties they set out, she did not like. When we took a weekend trip to Munchen, I had to find a hotel with a ground floor room (if you have been to Europe, many older hotels are converted homes with narrow staircases) and, I ended up sleeping on the floor as we worried the bed would not hold our combined weight (I am 210 lbs).

SHe went home after her visit but, we broke up as a couple. I had a 3 year commitment in Germany and she did not want to come back. We did remain friends though.

So, to make a short story even longer, dating a SSBBW does mean I had to make changed in the way I lived. Nothing major but, changes just the same.

[musicman]

Originally Posted by Nenona

-Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Lane Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile.

Wow, that's a huge red flag. Any man who objects to visiting Lane Bryant (or even waiting outside to watch the "scenery" ) is certainly not an FA! I'm sorry you've had experiences like that.

Originally Posted by Nenona

I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't.

Absolutely! If a guy can't understand that (or can't learn it real quick), he's too stupid to be with an SSBBW (or any self-respecting woman, for that matter).

[Grizzlybear]

I have thought about the question you pose. And, to be honest, UncannyBruceman puts it quite well. I certainly don't mind treating a woman I'm with like a queen, but she has to act in such a way as to merit that treatment. I have dated several very large ladies and have found them, in every case, thinking of themselves as less than desirable. Mostly because society says they are.

I was watching a video earlier of Shane Koyczan at TED speaking about bullying, and a lot of that rings true in his speech for how society at large (no pun intended) treats groups that aren't considered "mainstream". I was raised to believe that people are going to be whatever people are; society be damned. Sure, we all have to play the game a little, but to be so judgmental of those who don't jump into the deep end of it is so disrespectful and so (to me) loathsome an idea.

So, to my point with that mini-rant: if I'm in a relationship with a ssbbw, the personality and emotional well-being of that woman are my first and foremost interest, and what I most seek to bolster and protect. Of course the physical plays a role in any relationship, but making each other happy is what I'm in it for.

Here's a link to the aforementioned video on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/sa1iS1MqUy4

[ecogeek]

This is quite a noble concept. I think in past relationships this has always been the biggest let down to me. Back home in the US I never really experienced it, but it is quite common for people to say rude shit to me in the streets or walking past pubs etc. Seems to just be the way here. Just once, I think it would be nice to be defended. To the point of once asking my ex husband why he didn't and he said to me that he "never heard anything." Right. Hard to ignore when people are yelling at you.

Originally Posted by Grizzlybear

if I'm in a relationship with a ssbbw, the personality and emotional well-being of that woman are my first and foremost interest, and what I most seek to bolster and protect.

[CaAggieGirl]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

Try and see if you can get a car where there is no buckle torture, and then there's the obvious making sure the seatbelt with fit her. That's easy to take care of though, just make sure the dealer gets you an extender.

This! I do not always have problems with seatbelts, but occasionally I do. Just get one just in case. It will be appreciated.

[bullsman812000]

The Reality about being with SSBBW is the sexy is out of this world that the reality lol no you just need to slow down be patient men tend to be in a hurry all the time

[bullsman812000]

The Reality about being with SSBBW is the sex is out of this world that the reality lol no you just need to slow down be patient men tend to be in a hurry all the time