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Old 12-29-2012, 05:27 PM   #1
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Default Sometimes i just feel i should be who they want me to be

Hi everyone I am new here . Im sophie and i am bi . This is probably the first time i have ever out and out admitted it . My family are very protective of me and my life decissions . I have brought up the subject around my family recently to test the water but any suggestion of me liking other women has been totally shunned . To make matters worse my parents are serious fitness freaks and very size prejudice . This makes it all horrible because i am attracted to women who are slightly chubby right up to bbw women .
I have found myself falling heavily for one of my fathers assistants. She is about 5ft 5 and easily a size 18 . It started as some harmless fun one day which ended up is us sharing a kiss . Since then we have shared several intimate moments but never been able to go much further than kissing and a discreet fumble . Im terrified of telling my father because i know he will find a reason to fire her and will probably disown me . I know he will think i am doing the whole thing out of spite or to be rebellious .
I just wonder if i am better off trying to put my feeling to oneside and try to find a man and settle down like they want me to do .
The thought of this scares me to death as she is one of the few people i have ever felt sexually attrated to . I spent the latter part of my teens thinking i was A-sexual because i just never found anyone who made me feel that way .

I dont expect anyone to be able to give me the answers and i know i have to battle this on my own i just needed to get it out there
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:01 AM   #2
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As you said, nobody else can answer this for you. Ultimately I think you need to look deep inside yourself and decide what sort of person you want to be, what you want your life to be like in 5, 10, 20, 40 years, and how much you are willing to fight to get those things.

I will just say one thing, having talked with a lot of people who are mostly attracted to fat folks, of varying ages, I don't think that preference ever goes away. So if you ever did settle down with a guy that your parents approve of, you might be struggling with both his gender and his weight

I guess the one piece of advice I would have is that while you are making up your mind, there is nothing wrong with working on becoming more independent of your father. As you gain independence you'll both find that more options become reasonable, and learn what the value to you is of the easy life you have when in his good graces. Maybe you'll find that gaining independence is horribly painful for what you get, and staying on his good side really is important to you, or maybe you'll find it has its own rewards, and the pampered life isn't as important to you as you thought it was.....only way to know is to try.
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Old 12-31-2012, 10:43 AM   #3
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One of the more important, yet harder lessons I've learned in life is that you get to choose your family. You are not bound to your birth family, and it doesn't make one a terrible person to choose to disassociate with them if living with them causes too many problems.
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Old 01-01-2013, 09:41 PM   #4
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Anyone who cannot accept you for who you are is not worthy to be in your life. That includes family. If you let negatives drive your choices, you are setting yourself up for a life of misery.

As for the person you're falling for, that's a tough one. You're in a bad spot here, and if he will fire her as you suspect he will when (not if) you're discovered, she's in a tough spot as well.

I can't give you advice. I know what I would do if I were in your situation, but I'm not you. All I can say is you need to carefully weigh how to proceed from here so as to cause the least damage and give yourself the most chance at happiness in the long run.

That's a whole lot easier said than done, unfortunately, as sometimes achieving long term happiness means dealing with short term UNhappiness.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:53 AM   #5
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thank you all so much for your replies. I have read them and will do my best to take it all on board. I think the biggest fear is upsetting my father because in doing so i feel like i am taking everything he has ever done for me and thrown it back in his face. However i can't hide who i am or who i want to be with. I managed to spent the whole of new years day with my lover and it was amazing. she is amazing. We are talking about taking things slow to see how it all goes as far a my father knows we are getting on as great friends which helps with spending time together. I'm hoping to suggest that i try standing on my own two feet later in the new year and move out of home. I know my father will speak to my lover about it and she is going to suggest i move in with her so i can have some independence and she can keep an eye on me as far as my father is concerned. The more we talk the more we have in common she is bi too and likes big guys. when we get a little more comfortable we are hoping to find a big guy to join us from time to time. I feel more like me than i have ever done before
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