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Old 06-12-2013, 08:29 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Azrael View Post

That's just a distinct rule I apply to myself though...
Brevity quote edit

That's a wise and good rule to apply. I am unable to rep you because I gave out too much recently.

I O U
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Old 06-12-2013, 09:54 AM   #27
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Are you trying to tell me that you wouldn't like to be chained up by me?

I think it is a natural fetish, I mean you are right, everybody likes food and most of us like seeing the people we care about well fed as well. Kinda like how mothers have the instinct to make sure their kids are well fed. I am also a big fan of food and eating myself so it isn't like I just oggle people eating, I am in there trying to steal their food at the same time! xD

And yes, being clear and honest with people is the most important thing. I have no interest in force feeding people but I like to enjoy food with them and see that they eat plenty!
Now hold on, I told them to run..but I'm still here all alone
At least you eat too. Too many times I here of a guy ordering a porterhouse steak and she gets....a salad. And I think a lot us here eat plenty
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Old 06-12-2013, 10:11 AM   #28
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Now hold on, I told them to run..but I'm still here all alone
At least you eat too. Too many times I here of a guy ordering a porterhouse steak and she gets....a salad. And I think a lot us here eat plenty
Haha, good good, I'd be disappointed if I was left here all alone! =p

I have friends who only ever order a salad as well and I find it so annoying. I mean, I like salads but real food usually comes with salad attached to the side of it so why not get a real meal? I know the only times I don't have pudding are when I'm too full from the main course!
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Old 06-12-2013, 01:03 PM   #29
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Haha, good good, I'd be disappointed if I was left here all alone! =p

I have friends who only ever order a salad as well and I find it so annoying. I mean, I like salads but real food usually comes with salad attached to the side of it so why not get a real meal? I know the only times I don't have pudding are when I'm too full from the main course!
Yes. Wait I'm am? Great the one time people listen to me...

Plus we feel awkward pigging out, and your munching on a damn pickle
So a note to all feeders(and women in general) don't "go lite" get an actual meal.
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Old 06-12-2013, 02:10 PM   #30
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I think if a man likes fat women, and likes watching them eat fattening foods, and thinks the fatter they are, the cuter they are, then fine. I'm on board with that.
But it a man tells me he has a feederism fetish, ugh, sorry, I'm fat enough, and I'm gone.
There's no reason to label oneself as anything if you just like fat women with big appetites, which usually leads to natural expansion.
The name "feeder" has very negative connotations, because one thinks of the men who fatten women up until they can hardly walk. Once a woman can't walk, they figure she can't leave them. It's a sad situation.
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Old 06-12-2013, 02:51 PM   #31
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The name "feeder" has very negative connotations, because one thinks of the men who fatten women up until they can hardly walk. Once a woman can't walk, they figure she can't leave them. It's a sad situation.
That is what we are talking about in this topic. People have unfair judgements about feeders and we shouldn't feel the need to hide our preferences or pussy foot around with what we are saying. Clear communication is key in any relationship and there is helpfully a word for people who like to see their partner eat and get larger. A lot of the general public have a strong, negative reaction to the word fat but that doesn't mean we abandon the word. No, instead we take back that word because there is no shame in it as a word and it does describe us.

Most feeders would not want their partner to be immobile and I hate the concept that feeders would want to make their partner gain weight so they 'can't leave' or are less likely to be able to find another person that finds them attractive. I speak for the vast, vast majority of feeders when I say that I like to see my partner (hell, people in general) gain weight because I think it makes them look even more cute and pretty and I would always tret my partner with the love and respect that they as a person deserve, regardless of all else.
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Old 06-12-2013, 03:04 PM   #32
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The name "feeder" has very negative connotations, because one thinks of the men who fatten women up until they can hardly walk. Once a woman can't walk, they figure she can't leave them. It's a sad situation.

This is exactly what I was talking about. If he IS doing it so she can't leave him, this is a CONTROL/ABUSE issue not a feeder fetish. He is USING feeding to CONTROL/ABUSE someone. I would think in most (if not all) cases like these the "feedee" is unaware of what the other person is doing. It is being kept hidden and there is no mutual sharing or consent.

However, a consenting person, could desire immobility as part of their fetish/desire. For myself personally, immobility is out of the question.
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Old 06-12-2013, 05:30 PM   #33
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i don't have a problem with all feeders, just certain ones. there are people involved in everything who are controlling narcissistic hypocritical or selfish. those are the only ones i personally have an issue with. those types of people will work out their total selfishness in anything they do. my biggest pet peeve is when they hide among regular folk who don't mean any harm and use the cover of prejudice to hide from what they personally do or have done. i know some people personally who've as individuals done some pretty messed up things but they go around playing innocent and trading on the fact that the person they've done it to or their friends who would like to speak up will be accused of being prejudiced or a liar if they ever tell the truth.
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Old 06-12-2013, 06:14 PM   #34
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That is what we are talking about in this topic. People have unfair judgements about feeders and we shouldn't feel the need to hide our preferences or pussy foot around with what we are saying. Clear communication is key in any relationship and there is helpfully a word for people who like to see their partner eat and get larger. A lot of the general public have a strong, negative reaction to the word fat but that doesn't mean we abandon the word. No, instead we take back that word because there is no shame in it as a word and it does describe us.

Most feeders would not want their partner to be immobile and I hate the concept that feeders would want to make their partner gain weight so they 'can't leave' or are less likely to be able to find another person that finds them attractive. I speak for the vast, vast majority of feeders when I say that I like to see my partner (hell, people in general) gain weight because I think it makes them look even more cute and pretty and I would always tret my partner with the love and respect that they as a person deserve, regardless of all else.
now this is sweet. they wouldn't let me rep you.
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Old 06-12-2013, 06:21 PM   #35
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i think that some people may also have a problem with the conditionality that some people may exhibit, as in they won't be attracted to or will leave the person or have affairs if the person is no longer fat for whatever reason. that would be a scary prospect to a person who falls in love with a feeder who says that. and as we well know fear leads to anger. and anger leads to hate. and, hate leads to the dark side *makes darth vader noises*
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Old 06-13-2013, 05:56 AM   #36
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i think that some people may also have a problem with the conditionality that some people may exhibit, as in they won't be attracted to or will leave the person or have affairs if the person is no longer fat for whatever reason. that would be a scary prospect to a person who falls in love with a feeder who says that. and as we well know fear leads to anger. and anger leads to hate. and, hate leads to the dark side *makes darth vader noises*
But isn't this potentially true of all people who's partners prefer larger men/women? The thought that if they lose weight they will be less attractive to their partner, I mean. For most people in this community, feeders or not, that isn't true at all because we love our partners no matter what but I understand that it might worry people sometimes.

Also, my dog makes the best darth vader noises I have ever heard!
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Old 06-13-2013, 06:15 AM   #37
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But isn't this potentially true of all people who's partners prefer larger men/women? The thought that if they lose weight they will be less attractive to their partner, I mean. For most people in this community, feeders or not, that isn't true at all because we love our partners no matter what but I understand that it might worry people sometimes.
It's also true for people who worry about getting too fat for their (non-FA) partners. This is hardly a matter strictly limited to preferring fat partners, let alone being solely an issue with feedism.
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Old 06-13-2013, 05:04 PM   #38
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If we're talking about encouraging people to stop the "I'll just have a salad" charade and enjoy real food -- no big deal.

However, if we're talking about encouraging people, who may already have issues with food and/or other issues, to gorge themselves -- then there is a problem.

Its like the difference between going wine tasting with person without any substance abuse issues and encouraging an alcoholic to go on a bender.

Also, having been around the size acceptance community for some time, I've noticed that many people come to regret intentionally gaining weight.
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Old 06-13-2013, 05:39 PM   #39
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If we're talking about encouraging people to stop the "I'll just have a salad" charade and enjoy real food -- no big deal.

However, if we're talking about encouraging people, who may already have issues with food and/or other issues, to gorge themselves -- then there is a problem.

Its like the difference between going wine tasting with person without any substance abuse issues and encouraging an alcoholic to go on a bender.

Also, having been around the size acceptance community for some time, I've noticed that many people come to regret intentionally gaining weight.
Me and loopy were referring to the salad charade, just to clarify.
And yes if it doesn't work out with a feeder a feedee may realize there, in a way "stuck" with weight they only gained to please someone whose no longer around.
If your going to modify your body by any means(gaining/losing weight, piercings, or tattoos) remember before hand: they may not always be there and then what. So make sure your comfortable with it.
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Old 06-13-2013, 06:24 PM   #40
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But isn't this potentially true of all people who's partners prefer larger men/women? The thought that if they lose weight they will be less attractive to their partner, I mean. For most people in this community, feeders or not, that isn't true at all because we love our partners no matter what but I understand that it might worry people sometimes.

Also, my dog makes the best darth vader noises I have ever heard!

i think if anybody's partner voices a preference for anything in ways that says they are deal breakers it can scare people. after all we all are subject to change. we can get fatter thinner older slower etc... the thing about the community that can be scary is how open people can be about physical deal breakers. i think it has scared people here because there are lots of threads and posts about people who've totally lost attraction for partners who've lost weight no matter the reason but not as many showing people who still feel solid through the changes that might come. some sound as though they even revel in cautionary tales about losing weight. then there are others who mourn their loss of attraction to someone they have deep feelings for. there are people about who don't have deal breakers like that and that would probably be very comforting to anyone.
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Old 06-13-2013, 06:26 PM   #41
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Me and loopy were referring to the salad charade, just to clarify.
And yes if it doesn't work out with a feeder a feedee may realize there, in a way "stuck" with weight they only gained to please someone whose no longer around.
If your going to modify your body by any means(gaining/losing weight, piercings, or tattoos) remember before hand: they may not always be there and then what. So make sure your comfortable with it.
definitely. you have to actually like yourself fat not just like being liked fat.
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Old 06-13-2013, 09:01 PM   #42
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I like big girls, it's been like this during my entire life. I have also fantasized about weight gain. But in the real world I feel realy unconfortable about it.

It is not that physical attraction is a choice, if a girlfriend gets anorexic thin, I would probably find it very hard to feel attracted by her body, this kind of body was never such a turn on for me. Perhaps I would not break up with her because of this, but I would be lieing by not saying it would be an issue.

But feederism is more complicated. It is a real fantasy that I have; and sublimate fantasies is always complicated. On the other hand going for it means to take part, even motivate, self-destructive behavior, for instance, it would envolve health issues. I don't know, I feel that doing this in the real world is kind a like supporting drug abuse. How do you guys feel about it?
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:08 AM   #43
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But feederism is more complicated. It is a real fantasy that I have; and sublimate fantasies is always complicated. On the other hand going for it means to take part, even motivate, self-destructive behavior, for instance, it would envolve health issues. I don't know, I feel that doing this in the real world is kind a like supporting drug abuse. How do you guys feel about it?
You think that gaining weight is an equivalent to being addicted to drugs?! Maybe I am misinterpreting that and I certainly hope I am.

Also, weight gain does not always involve health issues. You can gain weight and be healthy. A lot of it depends on the starting weight and natural build of the person and how heavy they end up, for sure. I mean, over the past two years I have gained around 50lbs and haven't felt better and healthier in my life. I work out more, I'm a lot stronger, fitter and I get sick less often. So for me if a person is to gain weight healthily and keep a healthy and active life style there is absolutely no reason why it would be unhealthy for them.
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Old 06-14-2013, 05:18 AM   #44
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I like big girls, it's been like this during my entire life. I have also fantasized about weight gain. But in the real world I feel realy unconfortable about it.

It is not that physical attraction is a choice, if a girlfriend gets anorexic thin, I would probably find it very hard to feel attracted by her body, this kind of body was never such a turn on for me. Perhaps I would not break up with her because of this, but I would be lieing by not saying it would be an issue.

But feederism is more complicated. It is a real fantasy that I have; and sublimate fantasies is always complicated. On the other hand going for it means to take part, even motivate, self-destructive behavior, for instance, it would envolve health issues. I don't know, I feel that doing this in the real world is kind a like supporting drug abuse. How do you guys feel about it?
I can see that maybe for some it may be an "all or nothing" mentality when it comes to being a feeder but is there any way you could enjoy a more "mild" version?

Cooking/eating awesome meals and going out to eat/indulging a bit more and watching your "partner" enjoying their food and getting a bit bigger in the process?

I mean, say they only gain 10 or 20 lbs over a few months... it's still weight gain and the look and feel is noticeable.

I think if you let it be gradual so the body can adjust and keep active together with relaxing activities like swimming or walking (which are easier on a fat body and will help keep strength and stamina as their weight increases), it can be a guilt free pleasure for both involved.

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Old 06-14-2013, 06:07 AM   #45
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Over the first half dozen years that my wife and I were together, she gained ~90 pounds (spread pretty evenly over that time period). She is not a feedee, though she'd probably answer to various definitions of 'foodee', and I was not overtly trying to get her to gain...however I did want her to gain, and it was only at the very end of this that I got on-line and began to learn more about what my desires could be called, hear other peoples' experiences, and generally have the context to be able to step back and examine my behaviour.

About the point that I realized that while I'd never overtly pushed her to gain, I had helped create an environment that was very strongly conducive to gaining, she decided that she'd gotten bigger than she was comfortable with, and proceeded to lose twenty pounds fairly quickly (ever since she's been +/-10 pounds from where she reached after that initial loss--seems to sort of be her long term set point). She'd like to get smaller, but isn't really willing to make the further lifestyle changes that would make that happen currently, and I've not really encouraged those changes (although I did stop the things that promoted gaining).

She gained that weight while staying active (she's since become more active), and her health was/is fine, so that fairly slow steady gain doesn't seem to have done her any real harm.

Still, over all, I'd say I was a 'bad person' and still somewhat am. Granted, I was confused during the early years, but in essence I took her love of food and set her up so that the natural thing to happen would be for her to gain weight, and I was pretty deliberate about removing any barriers to her gaining. Overall that was fairly subversive of me, and something that I regret. I have apologized to her, and her take is that she put the fork in her mouth and enjoyed each bite, so don't fret about it, but the bottom line is that I was promoting an outcome that was my desire, not hers.

And for the most part I'd have told you that I was a good person, even at the time. It is so easy to find reasons to justify what you are doing, to convince yourself that it is OK, and when you are in the middle of things it is hard to be objective about what is going on.

Even now, I'm pretty sure that she would be somewhat lighter if I changed certain assumptions and behaviours, if celebrating something was more apt to mean going to the wave pool than going out for dinner, if while she was serving up dinner I packed away the left overs so that seconds were not as convenient, if more evenings we went for a walk instead of playing games on the computer.... I know what changes might give her the outcome she desires, and I don't choose them, because they don't particularly interest me on their own nor do I desire that outcome for her. So in that sense I continue to be a bad person.

The metaphor that I like to use is that living with a feeder is like being a sailboat in a place where the wind is always blowing in one direction. It is certainly possible to beat your way up-wind, but it is hard and slow, while going with the wind is quick and easy. The pilot of the boat still has that choice, but it isn't really an even, fair, choice.

So, if you are a feeder, are you a bad person? It depends how much you feel guilt for providing that 'gaining wind' and how well you can modulate it, I guess.
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Old 06-14-2013, 06:06 PM   #46
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Tad a lot of my really good friends have voiced the very same conflicts you feel. i wouldn't even try to tell you if your feelings are right or wrong. i would be a liar if i said i had the answer. but one thing i do know is that the people who don't feel or see any conflict at all are the ones people should really watch out for. i do think you are particularly right about real knowledge of one's impact being something that takes quite some time for people to really see and understand. i think it's a function of becoming fully aware of the mortality thing--which is something we all feel truly distant from when we are young and most of our friends are fine.

ty for being so open and honest. it will definitely mean a lot to a lot of people.
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:49 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
The metaphor that I like to use is that [x] is like being a sailboat in a place where the wind is always blowing in one direction. It is certainly possible to beat your way up-wind, but it is hard and slow, while going with the wind is quick and easy. The pilot of the boat still has that choice, but it isn't really an even, fair, choice.
Your entire post was well-written and mature.

I just wanted to point out that the metaphor you chose applies to quite a variety of things, not just the topic at hand. It also stands up well to being elaborated upon.

Thank you for providing it.
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Old 06-15-2013, 07:19 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by BearHug2013 View Post

...

And yes if it doesn't work out with a feeder a feedee may realize there, in a way "stuck" with weight they only gained to please someone whose no longer around.
If your going to modify your body by any means(gaining/losing weight, piercings, or tattoos) remember before hand: they may not always be there and then what. So make sure your comfortable with it.

Yes, I'm thinking there's going to be lots of people regretting their tattoos in a few years. However, tattoos are only cosmetic. The consequences of significant weight gain can be much more serious. Its interesting that you used the word comfortable -- I've been told by several SSBBWs that they're "never comfortable" (aching joints, swollen feet, etc.).
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