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Old 07-10-2013, 09:22 AM   #1
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Default question about immobility

Why do some men find it appealing and want their partners to be immobile? Personally I find it abhorrent and utterly disrespectful to the woman.
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:55 PM   #2
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interesting... 62 views and not one response.
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:15 PM   #3
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I'll take a stab at it.

I think the idea of weight gain for many is a sexual fantasy, and like any fantasy, they sometimes go beyond limits. Most of us know that some fantasies are better left as such, but there are smaller percentages of people who decide that their fantasies should become realities, hence those small groups of men who would like to feed their women to immobility. I won't put my own feelings into this post, since I tend to save them for my blogs, I'll just say that most people who participate in the practice have a difficult time justifying it, to my experience, which is why they keep such a low profile.

There are also women who would like to do the same to men, it isn't solely a one way street.
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Old 07-10-2013, 10:37 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by NYCGabriel View Post
interesting... 62 views and not one response.
I was one of those 62.
I don't get it, and have nothing constructive to add to the topic.
However, I was curious whether anything would come of it, so I looked in. Might look again later if it catches more traffic.
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Old 07-10-2013, 11:43 PM   #5
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It's not a fantasy I have, but I assume it has something to do with control and having a lot of something you love.
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:13 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by NYCGabriel View Post
Why do some men find it appealing and want their partners to be immobile? Personally I find it abhorrent and utterly disrespectful to the woman.
Immobility is a fantasy that I'm into, though I couldn't really explain fully why it appeals to me. I mean, I like fat. I have a fat fetish (not bandying words, that's exactly what it is). More fat is even hotter than some fat, and the upper limit of this for me- in fantasy, anyway- doesn't have a set point. I pretty much imagine growth up to the point that I orgasm, whether that's a realistic size or fuckin' intergalactic.

But like I said, it's strictly a fantasy. I'm well aware of the countless complications that arise with more extreme weights (realistically speaking). I know that I'm ill-equipped to handle these, so any pursuit of it would be a horrible, destructive decision. I would believe that most people who are into the fantasy of immobility are similarly aware of this, and are unlikely to do more than fantasize.

I worded that last sentence very specifically as well, because there's a major issue in your post- the idea that the only ones who have these fantasies are male feeders, about women. This is false. It's not limited to men, or feeders. There are women who are feeders who are into making their partners huge, of course, but the more important thing is that there are feedees who are into this as well. I can think of at least half a dozen off the top of my head, of all genders, who are into this fantasy of becoming enormous- and this is independent of the desires of their partners, evident by the fact that several of them aren't in relationships and, more importantly, have spoken of having such size-related interests since long before they were dating or aware of feedism itself. How, then, is it degrading to women if a feedee (of whatever gender identity), who's been into getting fatter in some way or another for as long as they can remember, fantasizes about being too fat to move? How is this abhorrent if they enjoy and entertain the thought of it, even though they won't pursue the reality?

In a wider context, though, how would this be any more degrading to anyone than, for example, a fair amount of BDSM play? It's certainly possible to go too far with it, but what it boils down to is that if someone wants to be beaten in a particular setting, does that necessarily degrade them, or does it empower them instead? If the person on the receiving end is thoroughly enjoying it as much as, if not more than, the person on the giving end, is that wrong? And more importantly, if this is done consensually and safely, with due consideration given to the dangers of any risky behavior, who are you- or anyone else, for that matter- to judge what consenting adults do with each other?

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It's not a fantasy I have, but I assume it has something to do with control and having a lot of something you love.
The latter point is largely true, but the former point is very debatable. In D/s relationships, the person in control is (ideally) the sub, who can make their partner stop. Granted, this doesn't always happen because people are too often manipulative and selfish, but if we are to base all D/s relationships on those that ignore consent, we're ignoring the majority of healthy sexual relationships going on. Similarly, the person in control in a feedism relationship is, ideally, the feedee- it's their body and they should have the say in what happens to it, not the feeder. Even where feedism intersects with other stuff and you see a pig slut who wants to be put on a leash, tied to a post, branded, fattened, and fucked for their owner's pleasure- they are the ones who can say STOP.

With regard to the control in fantasy- well, that's also getting into the male gaze and a reinforcement of the idea of male dominance in sexual spaces, and that's something that is much larger than any one fetish; in fact, I'd say that it is an issue that is prevalent in society in general and requires far more thought and discussion than I'm capable of here and now, in the brief time-limit of editing a post.
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Old 07-11-2013, 05:03 PM   #7
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Boxing Helena.


My only definition and reason I can see here.
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Old 07-11-2013, 06:31 PM   #8
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Boxing Helena.


My only definition and reason I can see here.
Right, the kidnapping, manipulation, and mutilation of a susceptible person- against their will- is exactly what I described in the various scenarios in my post.

What's the point in attempting to explain these things if people are unwilling to listen?
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:05 PM   #9
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People's sexuality is not subject to reason as we know it, and attempting to rationalize it is futile. There are people who fantasize about being thrown up on, suffocating to death, or literally being eaten by their partner--not eaten out; eaten. Human sexuality exists largely below the cognitive, rational, and much more recently evolved portions of our brain. The fact that we attach our sexual drive to various images and desires does follow a rhyme and a reason, physiologically speaking (or in other words it isn't random), but the images and desires themselves are pretty much arbitrary.

I learned a long time ago that people's sexual fantasies are benign. What's important is a person's strength of character and powers of judgment, so that they'll always be able to ascertain what is appropriate or inappropriate when it comes to actual, real-world sexual behavior.

So, no. It's not about "control," or personal feelings of insecurity, or malevolence, or any of the things that some of the people who are (understandably) creeped out by dangerous fantasies tend to claim. Some people do have those personality characteristics, but it isn't a function of their sexuality--just as there are abusive people out there who also happen to be fat admirers. The one is not a function of the other.

To those of you who fantasize about immobility, don't be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with the fantasy. Just understand the differences between the fantasy and the reality. I'm not even going to say that real-life immobility is wrong; this puritanical notion people cling to, that we should impose conservative values on other people's sexuality, always does more harm than good. If two or more people are in a relationship together and fully understand and desire that kind of a relationship, and what it entails, then I think that's just one more thread of diversity in our human tapestry. It adds to our beauty as a species. But even if I didn't find it beautiful (and I don't necessarily), I would still defend people's right to pursue it for themselves. I'm not god and neither are you, and interfering with (or actively opposing) other people's consensual sexual relationships is the height of a god delusion.

Lastly, since certain, troll-like elements of this website's community tend to have a continuing witch hunt out against "feeders"--a word they use indiscriminately to smear anyone they don't like--let me add that immobility as it is understood here is not one of my personal fantasies. And, yes, I also recognize that the circumstances I just described, where an immobility-focused real-life relationship can work out to the benefit of all involved, are going to be rare. It's sad that I should have to add these kinds of disclaimers, much like people who used to make public gay rights statements often had to point out that they were straight, lest no one take them seriously, but that's where we're at right now when it comes to fat acceptance.

Seriously: When are we as a society and as a people going to get over the absurd belief that we have any business passing judgment on other people's lives like this, and that nobody should stray too far outside the prevailing consensus on what is normal? Get your own lives in order, people. No one is asking you to fix theirs for them.
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:11 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
Immobility is a fantasy that I'm into, though I couldn't really explain fully why it appeals to me. I mean, I like fat. I have a fat fetish (not bandying words, that's exactly what it is). More fat is even hotter than some fat, and the upper limit of this for me- in fantasy, anyway- doesn't have a set point. I pretty much imagine growth up to the point that I orgasm, whether that's a realistic size or fuckin' intergalactic.

But like I said, it's strictly a fantasy. I'm well aware of the countless complications that arise with more extreme weights (realistically speaking). I know that I'm ill-equipped to handle these, so any pursuit of it would be a horrible, destructive decision. I would believe that most people who are into the fantasy of immobility are similarly aware of this, and are unlikely to do more than fantasize.

I worded that last sentence very specifically as well, because there's a major issue in your post- the idea that the only ones who have these fantasies are male feeders, about women. This is false. It's not limited to men, or feeders. There are women who are feeders who are into making their partners huge, of course, but the more important thing is that there are feedees who are into this as well. I can think of at least half a dozen off the top of my head, of all genders, who are into this fantasy of becoming enormous- and this is independent of the desires of their partners, evident by the fact that several of them aren't in relationships and, more importantly, have spoken of having such size-related interests since long before they were dating or aware of feedism itself. How, then, is it degrading to women if a feedee (of whatever gender identity), who's been into getting fatter in some way or another for as long as they can remember, fantasizes about being too fat to move? How is this abhorrent if they enjoy and entertain the thought of it, even though they won't pursue the reality?

In a wider context, though, how would this be any more degrading to anyone than, for example, a fair amount of BDSM play? It's certainly possible to go too far with it, but what it boils down to is that if someone wants to be beaten in a particular setting, does that necessarily degrade them, or does it empower them instead? If the person on the receiving end is thoroughly enjoying it as much as, if not more than, the person on the giving end, is that wrong? And more importantly, if this is done consensually and safely, with due consideration given to the dangers of any risky behavior, who are you- or anyone else, for that matter- to judge what consenting adults do with each other?



The latter point is largely true, but the former point is very debatable. In D/s relationships, the person in control is (ideally) the sub, who can make their partner stop. Granted, this doesn't always happen because people are too often manipulative and selfish, but if we are to base all D/s relationships on those that ignore consent, we're ignoring the majority of healthy sexual relationships going on. Similarly, the person in control in a feedism relationship is, ideally, the feedee- it's their body and they should have the say in what happens to it, not the feeder. Even where feedism intersects with other stuff and you see a pig slut who wants to be put on a leash, tied to a post, branded, fattened, and fucked for their owner's pleasure- they are the ones who can say STOP.

With regard to the control in fantasy- well, that's also getting into the male gaze and a reinforcement of the idea of male dominance in sexual spaces, and that's something that is much larger than any one fetish; in fact, I'd say that it is an issue that is prevalent in society in general and requires far more thought and discussion than I'm capable of here and now, in the brief time-limit of editing a post.
Excellent, eloquent post. One of the best I've seen on the topic, IMHO.
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Old 07-11-2013, 08:41 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Jim Miller View Post
People's sexuality is not subject to reason as we know it, and attempting to rationalize it is futile. There are people who fantasize about being thrown up on, suffocating to death, or literally being eaten by their partner--not eaten out; eaten. Human sexuality exists largely below the cognitive, rational, and much more recently evolved portions of our brain. The fact that we attach our sexual drive to various images and desires does follow a rhyme and a reason, physiologically speaking (or in other words it isn't random), but the images and desires themselves are pretty much arbitrary.

I learned a long time ago that people's sexual fantasies are benign. What's important is a person's strength of character and powers of judgment, so that they'll always be able to ascertain what is appropriate or inappropriate when it comes to actual, real-world sexual behavior.

So, no. It's not about "control," or personal feelings of insecurity, or malevolence, or any of the things that some of the people who are (understandably) creeped out by dangerous fantasies tend to claim. Some people do have those personality characteristics, but it isn't a function of their sexuality--just as there are abusive people out there who also happen to be fat admirers. The one is not a function of the other.

To those of you who fantasize about immobility, don't be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with the fantasy. Just understand the differences between the fantasy and the reality. I'm not even going to say that real-life immobility is wrong; this puritanical notion people cling to, that we should impose conservative values on other people's sexuality, always does more harm than good. If two or more people are in a relationship together and fully understand and desire that kind of a relationship, and what it entails, then I think that's just one more thread of diversity in our human tapestry. It adds to our beauty as a species. But even if I didn't find it beautiful (and I don't necessarily), I would still defend people's right to pursue it for themselves. I'm not god and neither are you, and interfering with (or actively opposing) other people's consensual sexual relationships is the height of a god delusion.

Lastly, since certain, troll-like elements of this website's community tend to have a continuing witch hunt out against "feeders"--a word they use indiscriminately to smear anyone they don't like--let me add that immobility as it is understood here is not one of my personal fantasies. And, yes, I also recognize that the circumstances I just described, where an immobility-focused real-life relationship can work out to the benefit of all involved, are going to be rare. It's sad that I should have to add these kinds of disclaimers, much like people who used to make public gay rights statements often had to point out that they were straight, lest no one take them seriously, but that's where we're at right now when it comes to fat acceptance.

Seriously: When are we as a society and as a people going to get over the absurd belief that we have any business passing judgment on other people's lives like this, and that nobody should stray too far outside the prevailing consensus on what is normal? Get your own lives in order, people. No one is asking you to fix theirs for them.
Thank you for this!

I feel like too often people believe that we can't discern between fantasy and reality, or are unaware of the potential consequences of our actions. This vote of confidence from someone who's not into it is so very welcome.
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Old 07-11-2013, 09:13 PM   #12
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Thank you for this!

I feel like too often people believe that we can't discern between fantasy and reality, or are unaware of the potential consequences of our actions. This vote of confidence from someone who's not into it is so very welcome.
You're welcome. To be honest, I have my own fat-related fantasies that can get pretty far out there: extreme weight gaining, decadence and corruption, power loss, and health problems. If you've ever read Lucky Luke's stories in the library, that's pretty much exactly what I'm talking about. So, even though my focus isn't on immobility like yours is, I know what it's like to be written off by those who are quick to judge me as one of those monster creeper killer stalker has-Hitler-fridge-magnets people who rips the tags off mattresses and hunts caged puppies from a helicopter.

(That is sooooo not what I would do with a helicopter.)

Contrary to the beliefs of the prejudiced, though, in the real world I care about the people in my life more than enough to desire their independence and continuing health. I am attracted to a strong will, not a submissive personality, and my views on sexual equality are pretty radical. At the same time there is my sexuality, and because of it I like to see my partner get fatter--and she has, to about 200 pounds, and that works very nicely in real life for both her and me. It's flab enough to hold onto, room to grow in the future if desired (or if circumstance simply brings it with age and lifestyle), all on a body vibrant enough to do the things it wants. I'll always fantasize, but I've never been one of those people who has a hard time separating fantasy from reality.

I feel a camaraderie with those who feel oppressed because of their sexuality. For instance I'm not into vore, or fur, or furry vore, but I sympathize with those who are and I actually think it's cool that there are people who get off on such wonderfully ridiculous stuff. There is something equally ridiculous about fantasizing about a partner whose life ambition is to lie in bed sweating and gorging all day--a fantasy I like. Ridiculous is a good thing; the human imagination is better off when people aren't trying to conform to their sense of social decorum.

So, as long as people's real-world sexual behavior involves consenting human adults (no animals, no kids, no non-consenting partners), I am all for people affirming their sexual identity and creating a safe space for their fantasies no matter what their fantasies are.

That's healthy.
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Old 07-12-2013, 05:08 PM   #13
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What's the point in attempting to explain these things if people are unwilling to listen?

Exactly. What's the point.
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Old 07-12-2013, 05:58 PM   #14
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Exactly. What's the point.
Well I'd think that it's a pretty natural response to being accused of violent abuse and fantasies of such.
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Old 07-12-2013, 06:59 PM   #15
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Ironically, BlackJack, some of the signs of a batterer are isolation and segregation. Feeding a woman, or a man, to the point of total immobility, in my eyes, is a form of battery. When you immobilize a person, keeping them "boxed in" or trapped into their home, then yes, I see it as just another way of isolating for your own personal sexual fetish.

So yes, I see it as a form of abuse.

But you're right, "they are the ones who can say STOP."
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Old 07-12-2013, 08:09 PM   #16
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Ironically, BlackJack, some of the signs of a batterer are isolation and segregation. Feeding a woman, or a man, to the point of total immobility, in my eyes, is a form of battery. When you immobilize a person, keeping them "boxed in" or trapped into their home, then yes, I see it as just another way of isolating for your own personal sexual fetish.

So yes, I see it as a form of abuse.

But you're right, "they are the ones who can say STOP."
I understand your point of view, and I don't disagree; but I fail to see how this relates to consensually expressed immobility fantasies, or how this is a matter of greater prevalence with regard to fat fetishism specifically than to other fetishes that have a similar, isolating extreme point. I likened it earlier to some of the more extreme elements of BDSM, and I stand by that parallel.

Admittedly, there is a difference in the physical impact, and the fact that it is more lasting than just being tied up. There, extreme weight gain is unique.

The important thing to note, though, is that I'm predominantly addressing relationships where this is something consensually pursued through role play and occasional indulgences- these would be the majority of relationships that I'm aware of where immobility was a sexual fantasy of one or both of the partners. Relationships where immobility is a goal are ones of which I'm incredibly wary- but not any more so than I would be wary of relationships that have a focus on other similar extremes.

Abusive relationships- those where one partner is fattening the other against their will, especially for the purpose of their own sexual pleasure- I'm not attempting to defend at all. But despite the sensationalist headlines they make, they don't make up a significant portion of feedist relationships; I would wager that the frequency of abusive feedist relationships is not significantly higher than abusive relationships in general, and to base your opinion of all feedist relationships (and in particular those that incorporate, in some way, the concept of immobility) on the most extreme examples of abuse is just as absurd as basing your opinion on any relationship by the most extreme ones.
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Old 07-13-2013, 12:36 PM   #17
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Abusive relationships- those where one partner is fattening the other against their will, especially for the purpose of their own sexual pleasure- I'm not attempting to defend at all. But despite the sensationalist headlines they make, they don't make up a significant portion of feedist relationships; I would wager that the frequency of abusive feedist relationships is not significantly higher than abusive relationships in general.
What has always concerned me about the relationships that you speak of in this quote is how covert they are. How many people do any of us really know that engage in the "one sided" fattening? In my years in this community, I knew a few. Most of them work under the radar for a myriad of reasons, most important of which is it keeps them from being discovered by the next person. That ability to engage in this while undercover is not restricted to the fat community, it happens in BSDM as well. So when we say the numbers are small, I'm betting that we don't really know the frequency of it, or it's severity, since not only are those doing the deed very quiet about it, but the "victims" often are as well, since they don't want people to know how submissive/gullible/naive they were to engage the person to begin with.
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Old 07-13-2013, 02:21 PM   #18
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What has always concerned me about the relationships that you speak of in this quote is how covert they are. How many people do any of us really know that engage in the "one sided" fattening? In my years in this community, I knew a few. Most of them work under the radar for a myriad of reasons, most important of which is it keeps them from being discovered by the next person. That ability to engage in this while undercover is not restricted to the fat community, it happens in BSDM as well. So when we say the numbers are small, I'm betting that we don't really know the frequency of it, or it's severity, since not only are those doing the deed very quiet about it, but the "victims" often are as well, since they don't want people to know how submissive/gullible/naive they were to engage the person to begin with.
Well said, and entirely true. But the point I was trying to make was that this isn't restricted to the fat community, or even fetish communities in general; and so it can't really be treated like an issue specific to us (like it has been in this thread) but rather a larger problem, on a societal level.

Discussion of abusive relationships must be looked at in this context, especially when it comes to relationships in communities. By treating all relationships within a particular community as though they are abusive, a great disservice is done to every member of that community*.

Put simply, to judge everyone within a group by the worst of them is a bullshit policy that doesn't do much good to anyone, and although the number of covertly abusive relationships is higher than is reported (for lack of a better word), there's no way for it to be as high as we might be led to believe.

*I use the term "community" here rather loosely. What I mean by it is basically a group of people who all identify as fat, or who have an attraction or appreciation for those who identify as fat. I feel like this is a pretty important distinction to make for this discussion.
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