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Old 12-06-2013, 04:51 PM   #1
smithnwesson
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Default Some Holiday Eating Tips. . .

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
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Old 12-06-2013, 05:08 PM   #2
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Mashed potatoes should be made with at least 2% milk to be any good. The only people who use skim tend to be dieters, but dieters should not inflict their diets on everyone else, IMHO. It's one thing to skimp on ingredients for you alone. It's another to force your family and friends to eat them, too.

Fat adds flavor, and Christmas dinner is like Thanksgiving dinner, you only eat it once a year. Do it up right.

My Grandma makes oyster stew for Christmas every year. It's very good. I don't think she skimps on the milk. She also makes sour cream raisin pie...it's a good treat.

Last edited by EMH1701; 12-06-2013 at 05:11 PM.
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Old 12-07-2013, 01:52 AM   #3
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I like the taste of skim milk and other low-fat products. I like diet food and food that isn't diet food. But then again I like most food.
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Old 12-07-2013, 04:58 AM   #4
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These are excellent rules to follow, but I think that I should add one more:
Remain stuffed from Thanksgiving until the New Year!
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:46 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EMH1701 View Post
Mashed potatoes should be made with at least 2% milk to be any good.
Public service announcement: if you like fluffy mashed potatoes, warm the milk before you add it. It doesn't have to boil, but it should feel warm to the touch.
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