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Old 02-05-2014, 12:46 PM   #1
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Angry Mixed Signals?

*deep breath* Here goes: I've had fantasies of being big ever since I was a child. I remember my mother telling me "Hush yourself, that's rude" when a nurse walked by in a doctor's office and I said "man, oh man, is she a fatty!" and trying to explain I meant it as a compliment. I've always been slim (it's been hard at times) but I've also always loved/been envious of larger women, and I never dared to try putting on weight. I've been lurking here on and off for many years (I'm so glad this exists; I'm not alone!)

I feel like I can't gain a significant amount of weight b/c my husband's a rock musician and I'm his obligatory arm candy, but I've been unemployed for three months, and recently suffered an injury, so I haven't been exercising, and I've been staying at home a lot, job searching, eating and drinking. I think I've put on about five pounds in the last month. He always tells me I look beautiful when he comes home, and either brings home dinner, takes me out to eat and says get whatever I want, or fixes elaborate meals with lots of sauces and butter. He berates his ex-wife for being fat, but when I tell him I'm uncomfortable with the weight I've gained (all in my hips/belly, sadly not my boobs), he hushes me and says I've still got a hot bod…can anybody help me out with what he's thinking? I'd like to gain more, but I don't want him telling his next g/f he left me b/c I got fat. :-(
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Old 02-05-2014, 01:16 PM   #2
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First off, you have to consider if your husband is the type of person you really want to be with. If he dumped his ex for being overweight and goes around telling people about this then he is likely a shallow and vain person. You mention being his arm candy... are you feeling supported and loved in this relationship? You deserve to be loved and appreciated for who you are and if you are worried that he will leave you for gaining weight then you obviously aren't getting that.

I might be wrong but I am getting the impression from this post that you are a slender woman who has gained about 15lbs? If so your husband might just appreciate the increase in your curves whilst you remain a relatively slender woman. That is how I read the situation at least, from what you have said.
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Old 02-05-2014, 01:27 PM   #3
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No; he didn't dump her for being overweight; in fact he gained weight when she did in sympathy. He dumped her b/c she cheated & then filed for divorce. He's mostly wonderful. While I've been injured (I tripped over one of our cats and slammed face-first into a nightstand), I haven't been able to eat solid food, so he's been making me "grownup baby food." Lots of rich soups. :-) I was about 90 lbs when we met; now I think I'm about 100-105. Ideally I'd like to be around 150; I think that's a good weight for my frame.
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Old 02-05-2014, 03:04 PM   #4
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1) When you said you've been lurking around here for a long time, you weren't kidding--your previous two posts were in 2006!

2) Why not mention to your husband something like: "You put down your ex for having 'gotten fat,' and I know there is some bad blood there, but here is the thing, I've put on 10-15 pounds since my accident, and you know, I'm in my mid-30s, I'm probably more apt to put on a bit more in the future than to make this melt away. Do you really dislike a bit of pudge on women, or are you just trash talking your ex? Because I need to know how paranoid I need to be!"

Or, if that is too aggressive, when he makes you something rich, say "This is good....but it is really rich. If I end up wearing a size 12 this time next year, I'm blaming you!" He can dodge out of giving a useful answer more easily with this one, but it at least opens the conversation.
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Old 02-05-2014, 04:42 PM   #5
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While I've been injured (I tripped over one of our cats and slammed face-first into a nightstand)
Are you okay now?
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Old 02-05-2014, 08:54 PM   #6
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No; he didn't dump her for being overweight; in fact he gained weight when she did in sympathy. He dumped her b/c she cheated & then filed for divorce. He's mostly wonderful. While I've been injured (I tripped over one of our cats and slammed face-first into a nightstand), I haven't been able to eat solid food, so he's been making me "grownup baby food." Lots of rich soups. :-) I was about 90 lbs when we met; now I think I'm about 100-105. Ideally I'd like to be around 150; I think that's a good weight for my frame.
Hang out with me for a couple of weeks and I'll get you to 150 in no time.
You were attracted to the round form when you were young, so try it out, you may like it. You can always go back to skinny.
Besides, rock and roll arm candy doesn't have to look underweight anymore. It's nice that he cooks for you, I don't think he'll mind a little more lady-stuff to cuddle.
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Old 02-06-2014, 10:32 AM   #7
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Hang out with me for a couple of weeks and I'll get you to 150 in no time.
You were attracted to the round form when you were young, so try it out, you may like it. You can always go back to skinny.
Besides, rock and roll arm candy doesn't have to look underweight anymore. It's nice that he cooks for you, I don't think he'll mind a little more lady-stuff to cuddle.
I am sorry but this is completely misleading at best and simply wrong at worst. The human body gains weight easier than it loses it in almost all cases and once a person gains weight is often impossible to get back down the original size and shape. Often the proportions and amount of body fat in relation to muscle are permanently changed even if all the weight can be lost. So OP, you need to accept that if you gain weight their is a pretty high chance that you will never retain your original figure. Do what it best for you but the human body is not a lump of molding clay that can be changed shape/size at will, bear that in mind.
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:40 PM   #8
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in a different contest it's a similar situation i'm living now...
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:47 PM   #9
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Yes, CastingPearls, I'm mostly OK now, thanks for asking. I finally had solid food last night for the first time in a week! (a burrito--soooo yummy!) Thanks for the kind words everyone. Tad, I think I'm going to go with your second suggestion; I'll think he'll be more receptive to it, and if not, I can laugh it off as a joke.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:35 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
I am sorry but this is completely misleading at best and simply wrong at worst. The human body gains weight easier than it loses it in almost all cases and once a person gains weight is often impossible to get back down the original size and shape. Often the proportions and amount of body fat in relation to muscle are permanently changed even if all the weight can be lost. So OP, you need to accept that if you gain weight their is a pretty high chance that you will never retain your original figure. Do what it best for you but the human body is not a lump of molding clay that can be changed shape/size at will, bear that in mind.
I speak from personal experience, and from a professional standpoint as a (former) certified weight loss management consultant.
You are assuming many things in my post that were neither said, nor implied.
... and that's fine, I'm not going to debate it.
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