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Old 04-28-2014, 05:53 PM   #151
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Well then ... if he wasn't your type then that would make him a smart consumer -no harm no foul



Depends on what both men and women are shopping for....
shopping human beings period is socially dysfunctional
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:56 PM   #152
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So who here had the talk with the owner of the LA Clippers that started this thread?
Sterling didn't start the thread but he sure did post in it

I guess to many it would be okay to ask someone not to bring a black person along too--in order to appear white and delicate. it really shows just how out of touch people are here when it comes to cultural reality and what prejudice actually is. need to even ask--you're prejudiced.
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Old 04-28-2014, 07:10 PM   #153
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shopping human beings period is socially dysfunctional

If so every bar and nightclub in the world is a sign of the demise of civilization.

Finding a romantic partner is sort of like buying a car -- you strike the best deal possible give your resources.

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Old 04-28-2014, 07:22 PM   #154
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Default But, wait a second...

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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
"...need to even ask--you're prejudiced."
If there's no moral or practical difference between merely asking versus needing to ask versus needing to know, then why phrase as such?

I thought that, before, you were saying even the consideration as such is racist prejudice.
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:29 PM   #155
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shopping human beings period is socially dysfunctional
pretty "strange" outlook on life
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Old 04-28-2014, 11:04 PM   #156
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If so every bar and nightclub in the world is a sign of the demise of civilization.

Finding a romantic partner is sort of like buying a car -- you strike the best deal possible give your resources.
nope. just a sign of an immature mind if someone thinks going there is the answer to everything. if a person thinks they can buy and sell a relationship they are already really lost. it's not a deal anybody can make. it's really silly if anybody thinks people will predictable and never change. nuttier still to think much can be truly known about anybody from a few minutes at a bar. a bar is a place to have fun. that's all it is is. it doesn't answer any existential questions. it doesn't fill anyone's dark hole of emotional needs. it's just a place where people drink dance and maybe have sex later. relationships happen wherever people come together in a group. a bar just happens to be one of those many potential places. besides i though that NO ONE talked to fat people at bars because we are soooo unattractive. lol
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Old 04-28-2014, 11:05 PM   #157
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If there's no moral or practical difference between merely asking versus needing to ask versus needing to know, then why phrase as such?

I thought that, before, you were saying even the consideration as such is racist prejudice.
they don't have to be mutually exclusive
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Old 04-28-2014, 11:17 PM   #158
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pretty "strange" outlook on life
pretty strange to think that bringing a shopping mentality to humans is normal. but i guess the slave auction block looks kinda okay to a lot of
people . people are not products.
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Old 04-28-2014, 11:40 PM   #159
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http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/02/06/online-dating-encourages-_n_1256750.html

Online Dating Encourages 'Shopping Mentality', Warn Experts
The Huffington Post UK Kyrsty Hazell
First Posted: 6/02/2012 15:05 Updated: 6/02/2012 15:05

Online dating has not only shed its stigma but could be killing the romance of dating by making singletons more selective and superficial with a 'shopping mentality' attitude.

Researchers from the University of Rochester in New York, discovered a boom in lonely-hearters taking advantage of the convenient and never-ending access to potential partners by 'shopping' around when looking at online profiles.

However, the pitfall of this dating convenience is that those who compare hundreds of possible dates, adopt a 'shopping mentality'.

These attitudes cause the online dater to become increasingly judgmental and picky, with their prime focus being exclusively on attractiveness and interests - just like they would if they were shopping for items on the web...


Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr told The Huffington Post: "Romantic checklists have always been a hazard of singles searching for love.

"These are the checklists we carry in our minds about the qualities or attributes a person "must" have if we're going to have a date with them. Internet dating comes along and simply intensifies this checklist mindset - leading to the shopping mentality highlighted by this study.

"Because a single can flick through Net profiles so quickly they start scanning for these immediate attributes and get sucked into thinking that the "next" person might have everything on their checklist. Where do you stop?

"The bottom line is such a mentality holds singles back from being open-minded about someone they might unexpectedly fall in love with."

"It is my belief however not that our expectations are too high, but that it would benefit us to be slightly more open minded to the fact that what we think we might want, isn't always the thing that is 'right' for us...

The study, commissioned by the Association for Psychological Science, analysed more than 400 psychology studies and public interest surveys to uncover the full picture of the online dating industry that attracts around 25 million users around the world.

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Old 04-29-2014, 04:19 AM   #160
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nope. just a sign of an immature mind if someone thinks going there is the answer to everything. if a person thinks they can buy and sell a relationship they are already really lost. it's not a deal anybody can make. it's really silly if anybody thinks people will predictable and never change. nuttier still to think much can be truly known about anybody from a few minutes at a bar. a bar is a place to have fun. that's all it is is. it doesn't answer any existential questions. it doesn't fill anyone's dark hole of emotional needs. it's just a place where people drink dance and maybe have sex later. relationships happen wherever people come together in a group. a bar just happens to be one of those many potential places. besides i though that NO ONE talked to fat people at bars because we are soooo unattractive. lol
A person with a dark hole of emotional need sounds like a person to be avoided at all costs.
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:17 AM   #161
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Default Let me try this again.

As to the original question asked, it is a valid question. Races/cultures/ethnicities are different. There might be some things that need to be explained. The best example I can give you for this is the difference of dating a small girl and a big girl. A skinny girls thighs do not rub together so her thighs are pretty much the same color as the rest of her body. On a big girl her thighs are darker because they rub together. Someone not accustomed to dating big women might wonder why that is and the BBW will have to explain. It is the same as dating or having a relationship with someone from a different culture. It might not be something major, but there are differences that will need to be explained. So yes, The original question of "do you date outside of your race is a valid question.

On to the next thing, everyone has a "list" of things they want. The difference comes in how people view that list. If I have 10 things on my list and I find someone that has 4 out of the 10, I am dating that person. Then again, I can find someone I am interested in that doesn't quite fit the list at all but I enjoy their company and will date them.

It is a persons willingness to COMPROMISE and understand that the list is just a LOOSE guideline to what you are looking for. What you find attractive.
There is nothing with having a "list" of qualities you want your partner to have. It is natural.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:27 AM   #162
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
pretty strange to think that bringing a shopping mentality to humans is normal. but i guess the slave auction block looks kinda okay to a lot of
people . people are not products.
So... What do you look for in a date ?- Or - since the thought of "list" or "Preferences" offend you Would you date just about anything that is just walking and breathing...

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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/02/06/online-dating-encourages-_n_1256750.html

Online Dating Encourages 'Shopping Mentality', Warn Experts
The Huffington Post UK Kyrsty Hazell
First Posted: 6/02/2012 15:05 Updated: 6/02/2012 15:05

Online dating has not only shed its stigma but could be killing the romance of dating by making singletons more selective and superficial with a 'shopping mentality' attitude.

Researchers from the University of Rochester in New York, discovered a boom in lonely-hearters taking advantage of the convenient and never-ending access to potential partners by 'shopping' around when looking at online profiles.

However, the pitfall of this dating convenience is that those who compare hundreds of possible dates, adopt a 'shopping mentality'.

These attitudes cause the online dater to become increasingly judgmental and picky, with their prime focus being exclusively on attractiveness and interests - just like they would if they were shopping for items on the web...


Relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr told The Huffington Post: "Romantic checklists have always been a hazard of singles searching for love.

"These are the checklists we carry in our minds about the qualities or attributes a person "must" have if we're going to have a date with them. Internet dating comes along and simply intensifies this checklist mindset - leading to the shopping mentality highlighted by this study.

"Because a single can flick through Net profiles so quickly they start scanning for these immediate attributes and get sucked into thinking that the "next" person might have everything on their checklist. Where do you stop?

"The bottom line is such a mentality holds singles back from being open-minded about someone they might unexpectedly fall in love with."

"It is my belief however not that our expectations are too high, but that it would benefit us to be slightly more open minded to the fact that what we think we might want, isn't always the thing that is 'right' for us...

The study, commissioned by the Association for Psychological Science, analysed more than 400 psychology studies and public interest surveys to uncover the full picture of the online dating industry that attracts around 25 million users around the world.

Read less studies ....
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:31 AM   #163
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....
On to the next thing, everyone has a "list" of things they want. The difference comes in how people view that list. If I have 10 things on my list and I find someone that has 4 out of the 10, I am dating that person. ...
Yes everyone has a list whether they want to admit it or not....the issue then become under what context does folks apply those questions....

I've had BBW ask me in the past regarding racial preferences - I have no problems with the question as all. Now would I consider the individual asking the question to be part of a slave trade or a dimwit... that's just plain fucking absurd.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:51 AM   #164
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The romantic marketplace has indeed changed with the advent of online dating. Some people are indeed tempted to spend way too much time looking for a marginally better deal -- just as some people wastes far too much time and money at the outlet mall or Costco. However, most people adapt to the changing market just fine.

Bringing this back to the original issue. Traditionally both BBWs and black men have suffered in the dating marketplace. In makes some sense that market forces would bring many together.

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Old 04-29-2014, 10:06 AM   #165
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Yes everyone has a list whether they want to admit it or not....the issue then become under what context does folks apply those questions....

I've had BBW ask me in the past regarding racial preferences - I have no problems with the question as all. Now would I consider the individual asking the question to be part of a slave trade or a dimwit... that's just plain fucking absurd.
It is what I said in an earlier post. You have to first determine how the person is asking the question. If they are asking because they want to know if they have a chance with you, then it is a legitamate question. If they are asking because they are looking to see if the woman is easy, then chances are that you already got that vibe from him before the question was asked, so why continue the conversation?

There are legitamte reason to asking things. People just need to back away from their own prejudices and try to really understand why the person is asking certain questions.

And before people go off, having a pleasant conversation with someone doesn't mean that they want to date you. It just means that you are having a pleasant conversation. You can't just go by the.. "Well if they are talking to you they are obviously interedted in you.." That is not always correct. Some people just like having pleasant conversations with people and have no romantic feelings towards the person.
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:14 AM   #166
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Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
As to the original question asked, it is a valid question. Races/cultures/ethnicities are different. There might be some things that need to be explained. The best example I can give you for this is the difference of dating a small girl and a big girl. A skinny girls thighs do not rub together so her thighs are pretty much the same color as the rest of her body. On a big girl her thighs are darker because they rub together. Someone not accustomed to dating big women might wonder why that is and the BBW will have to explain. It is the same as dating or having a relationship with someone from a different culture. It might not be something major, but there are differences that will need to be explained. So yes, The original question of "do you date outside of your race is a valid question.

On to the next thing, everyone has a "list" of things they want. The difference comes in how people view that list. If I have 10 things on my list and I find someone that has 4 out of the 10, I am dating that person. Then again, I can find someone I am interested in that doesn't quite fit the list at all but I enjoy their company and will date them.

It is a persons willingness to COMPROMISE and understand that the list is just a LOOSE guideline to what you are looking for. What you find attractive. There is nothing with having a "list" of qualities you want your partner to have. It is natural.

Yes, every person looking for a mate has at least a general idea of what they're looking for and what they are not looking for. Grown-ups understand that we'll never get everything we want. We all settle for good enough. That isn't a bad thing.
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:26 AM   #167
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When I was dating, online dating sites made things a lot easier than I thought it would be. Yes, there is a bit of a shopping mentality (looking over profiles, see what attracts or repels you) but the trade off is the ability to filter through the prospects that are out there. It made life easier to put it right out there about having kids or preferring BBWs. It saved time and headaches for all parties involved.And when I was asked if I would date outside my race, I had no problem with it at all.
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Old 04-29-2014, 11:10 AM   #168
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When I was dating, online dating sites made things a lot easier than I thought it would be. Yes, there is a bit of a shopping mentality (looking over profiles, see what attracts or repels you) but the trade off is the ability to filter through the prospects that are out there. It made life easier to put it right out there about having kids or preferring BBWs. It saved time and headaches for all parties involved.And when I was asked if I would date outside my race, I had no problem with it at all.
and I find that interesting. It is the same question. No one takes offense to the dating site asking the question becasue people understand inherently that it is not being asked in a negative way. Hoewver, if an actual person asks the question, they jump to that person is being racist. Why not instead take it in the same context as they did when the dating site asked?

IJS
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Old 04-29-2014, 11:18 AM   #169
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and I find that interesting. It is the same question. No one takes offense to the dating site asking the question becasue people understand inherently that it is not being asked in a negative way. Hoewver, if an actual person asks the question, they jump to that person is being racist. Why not instead take it in the same context as they did when the dating site asked?

IJS
I am with you...not everyone is coming at you with some sort of negative motive. They just want some clarification before they get invested. I got asked frequently I would date a black woman. I never saw it more than what is was...a simple question.
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Old 04-29-2014, 11:52 AM   #170
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Its like 99% about penis size. guarantee.
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Old 04-29-2014, 12:55 PM   #171
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Its like 99% about penis size. guarantee.
That would be my guess as well. lol..

I guess it would be along the same lines as women wondering if his "ex was better in bed" ... who knows. Come to think of it, Would a woman ask if that type of a question. Was your ex better in bed than I am?

Hmmm.. I wonder...
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:24 PM   #172
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Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
That would be my guess as well. lol..

I guess it would be along the same lines as women wondering if his "ex was better in bed" ... who knows. Come to think of it, Would a woman ask if that type of a question. Was your ex better in bed than I am?

Hmmm.. I wonder...
I've had an ex do that. It shocked me when she asked it.
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:59 PM   #173
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A person with a dark hole of emotional need sounds like a person to be avoided at all costs.
for sure. a humanly disconnected list is a huge dark hole of need.
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:10 PM   #174
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When I was dating, online dating sites made things a lot easier than I thought it would be. Yes, there is a bit of a shopping mentality (looking over profiles, see what attracts or repels you) but the trade off is the ability to filter through the prospects that are out there. It made life easier to put it right out there about having kids or preferring BBWs. It saved time and headaches for all parties involved.And when I was asked if I would date outside my race, I had no problem with it at all.
i don't think the writer meant that people had to develop a shopping mentality if they used a dating site but that it could encourage it. i think they meant the temptation was there not to be open to different kinds of people and different experiences.

so what if some awesome juicy fat girl did not consider herself BBW because she doesn't like labels or she didn't even know what one was or didn't even need to know? what if she didn't even think that being fat was the most important thing about her though she liked her looks? maybe she was into something that interested her and that is what she focused on in her profile, so she never posted on something like a BBW site? you or some other guy would never have the chance to meet her. that stuff can also cause people to miss out. i know a whole lot of women like that. no wonder a lot o guys think there aren't any here they are or they aren't interested in what they are interested in. their search is too narrow.

i'm not trying to be facetious when i say that that might be why people weren't aware that there are a lot of fat women out there who love horror movies. maybe people are not confident that they can just meet people of their type doing what they like to do anymore.
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:23 PM   #175
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list or no lists. any way you slice it a white guys having to ask a white woman if she has ever dated a black man before he can decide to date her is messed up and prejudiced.
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