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Old 05-19-2014, 09:12 AM   #1
AbbyJoyful
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Default BBW modeling made me feel like crap

Don't know why I open this topic - maybe to warn other women who consider BBW/fetish modeling, maybe just because I want to share my story and what could happen when you do BBW modeling.

I used to hate my body, when I was younger. Finally I ended up visiting BBW parties, looking at pictures of hot BBWs like PlumpPrincess, Mandy Blake and Beccabae. Step by step I started to like my own body and I learned to love it eventually.

When I met my ex, it got better and better. He loved BBWs and told me almost every day how beautiful I was. He made great pictures of me and told me all the time I should do BBW modeling for BigCuties. I liked the idea very much, and after months of consideration, I took the plunge and mailed BigCuties. They were interested in me for some guest modeling, but not to be a "real" BigCutie. I was disappointed and thought, well, I'm just not pretty enough. I knew my face wasn't that pretty as the other girls on BigCuties, and also I wasn't that young anymore (most guys seem to be interested in teenage girls or women in their early 20s, not in someone almost 30 lol)

Still I wanted to do BBW modeling and I searched for various options. Eventually I found a great company that design websites for BBW. So I mailed them, and a few months later my own paysite was in the air. How proud I was!

I started to promote my site in BBW communities and forums. I arranged some members, but not very much. I didn't receive much positive respons on my promotion comps, very often I didn't receive respons at all. I started to doubt, what did I do wrong? Other BBW models got lots of comments, and lots of people looked at my topics, but almost no one responded.

Finally I ended BBW modeling for another reason (some people found out about it and it got me in trouble) but I felt like absolute crap. Worthless, ugly, old, not good enough. I thought before I was pretty, but that changed a lot. I can't stand myself anymore when I look in the mirror. I feel a bit depressed, and ugly most of the time. I learned a lot from my very short adventure in BBW-paysite land, but NEVER EVER again
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Old 05-19-2014, 09:41 AM   #2
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You do look wonderful, and I'm sure you're a very nice person.
However, you shouldn't depend on others to validate you. There are too many models out there to be doing it for that.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:46 AM   #3
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Looking for your own self-worth via porn or sex sometimes feels right at the time, but it's an illusion that eventually crashes and burns, and badly so at that. And it often damages lives irrevocably in the process.

I'm glad you wrote this, and gladder still that you learned something important, and shared it. That's something you can feel good about.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:20 PM   #4
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I am so sorry you feel that way Abby. I can tell you that I agree with your ex, you are beautiful. We have actually had similar experiences. I grew up hating my body, then learnt to accept it through looking at other big, beautiful women out there and eventually started my own 'modelling' on youtube. I never showed my face though as I always thought I wasn't pretty enough and people would be repulsed. But let me tell you, your face is gorgeous and you are definitely not old. People tend to be more interested in the famous paysites like big cuties, that is probably why you didn't receive so much attention rather than there being anything wrong with you at all.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:28 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyJoyful View Post
Don't know why I open this topic - maybe to warn other women who consider BBW/fetish modeling, maybe just because I want to share my story and what could happen when you do BBW modeling.

I used to hate my body, when I was younger. Finally I ended up visiting BBW parties, looking at pictures of hot BBWs like PlumpPrincess, Mandy Blake and Beccabae. Step by step I started to like my own body and I learned to love it eventually.

When I met my ex, it got better and better. He loved BBWs and told me almost every day how beautiful I was. He made great pictures of me and told me all the time I should do BBW modeling for BigCuties. I liked the idea very much, and after months of consideration, I took the plunge and mailed BigCuties. They were interested in me for some guest modeling, but not to be a "real" BigCutie. I was disappointed and thought, well, I'm just not pretty enough. I knew my face wasn't that pretty as the other girls on BigCuties, and also I wasn't that young anymore (most guys seem to be interested in teenage girls or women in their early 20s, not in someone almost 30 lol)

Still I wanted to do BBW modeling and I searched for various options. Eventually I found a great company that design websites for BBW. So I mailed them, and a few months later my own paysite was in the air. How proud I was!

I started to promote my site in BBW communities and forums. I arranged some members, but not very much. I didn't receive much positive respons on my promotion comps, very often I didn't receive respons at all. I started to doubt, what did I do wrong? Other BBW models got lots of comments, and lots of people looked at my topics, but almost no one responded.

Finally I ended BBW modeling for another reason (some people found out about it and it got me in trouble) but I felt like absolute crap. Worthless, ugly, old, not good enough. I thought before I was pretty, but that changed a lot. I can't stand myself anymore when I look in the mirror. I feel a bit depressed, and ugly most of the time. I learned a lot from my very short adventure in BBW-paysite land, but NEVER EVER again
This is one of the reasons why I left the "community". Here we have a normal woman made to feel worthless by the very same people that's supposed to be "accepting".

You did the right thing, its too bad things ended up worse than better.
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Old 05-19-2014, 04:48 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyJoyful View Post
Don't know why I open this topic - maybe to warn other women who consider BBW/fetish modeling, maybe just because I want to share my story and what could happen when you do BBW modeling.

I used to hate my body, when I was younger. Finally I ended up visiting BBW parties, looking at pictures of hot BBWs like PlumpPrincess, Mandy Blake and Beccabae. Step by step I started to like my own body and I learned to love it eventually.

When I met my ex, it got better and better. He loved BBWs and told me almost every day how beautiful I was. He made great pictures of me and told me all the time I should do BBW modeling for BigCuties. I liked the idea very much, and after months of consideration, I took the plunge and mailed BigCuties. They were interested in me for some guest modeling, but not to be a "real" BigCutie. I was disappointed and thought, well, I'm just not pretty enough. I knew my face wasn't that pretty as the other girls on BigCuties, and also I wasn't that young anymore (most guys seem to be interested in teenage girls or women in their early 20s, not in someone almost 30 lol)

Still I wanted to do BBW modeling and I searched for various options. Eventually I found a great company that design websites for BBW. So I mailed them, and a few months later my own paysite was in the air. How proud I was!

I started to promote my site in BBW communities and forums. I arranged some members, but not very much. I didn't receive much positive respons on my promotion comps, very often I didn't receive respons at all. I started to doubt, what did I do wrong? Other BBW models got lots of comments, and lots of people looked at my topics, but almost no one responded.

Finally I ended BBW modeling for another reason (some people found out about it and it got me in trouble) but I felt like absolute crap. Worthless, ugly, old, not good enough. I thought before I was pretty, but that changed a lot. I can't stand myself anymore when I look in the mirror. I feel a bit depressed, and ugly most of the time. I learned a lot from my very short adventure in BBW-paysite land, but NEVER EVER again
Abby,

I am so sorry you feel this way! First let me tell you how beautiful you are! You are adorable, cute, and not at all "old" looking. I started modeling at the end of last summer (2013). I did it for the extra money and at first, really enjoyed it. I was getting positive attention, and it made me feel beautiful and sexy. My husband took my pictures and as I started getting more and more attention, our marriage began to suffer. I went through a period where I hated the modeling, my body, the men and their comments, and most of all, I hated myself. The extra money certainly helped but I wondered if it was all worth it. I took a few weeks off when my father died and the rest of my family began to smear my name because they found out I was modeling on the side. I was embarrassed and wanted to crawl under a rock and hide forever. It was my husband who told me not to be embarrassed about anything. Being fat is not an embarrassment...but mean, hateful people are. Long story short, I still model. I do it for the extra money. I have met a lot of wonderful people while on this journey, and I have also learned to not worry (or care) what other people think.

Also, I choose to do classy photos. I do what makes me feel comfortable. I'm not comfortable with eating sets, or degrading myself in any way. I think it all depends on the person. Best of luck to you and don't forget...you are BEAUTIFUL!!! And, you have done nothing wrong by modeling. xo
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:53 PM   #7
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Wow, after reading what you have posted at Curvage, telling people to cut their dicks off, I'm just going to withdraw myself from this conversation and wish you good luck with your rage problem.

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You do look wonderful, and I'm sure you're a very nice person.
However, you shouldn't depend on others to validate you. There are too many models out there to be doing it for that.
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:58 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyJoyful View Post
Don't know why I open this topic - maybe to warn other women who consider BBW/fetish modeling, maybe just because I want to share my story and what could happen when you do BBW modeling.

I used to hate my body, when I was younger. Finally I ended up visiting BBW parties, looking at pictures of hot BBWs like PlumpPrincess, Mandy Blake and Beccabae. Step by step I started to like my own body and I learned to love it eventually.

When I met my ex, it got better and better. He loved BBWs and told me almost every day how beautiful I was. He made great pictures of me and told me all the time I should do BBW modeling for BigCuties. I liked the idea very much, and after months of consideration, I took the plunge and mailed BigCuties. They were interested in me for some guest modeling, but not to be a "real" BigCutie. I was disappointed and thought, well, I'm just not pretty enough. I knew my face wasn't that pretty as the other girls on BigCuties, and also I wasn't that young anymore (most guys seem to be interested in teenage girls or women in their early 20s, not in someone almost 30 lol)

Still I wanted to do BBW modeling and I searched for various options. Eventually I found a great company that design websites for BBW. So I mailed them, and a few months later my own paysite was in the air. How proud I was!

I started to promote my site in BBW communities and forums. I arranged some members, but not very much. I didn't receive much positive respons on my promotion comps, very often I didn't receive respons at all. I started to doubt, what did I do wrong? Other BBW models got lots of comments, and lots of people looked at my topics, but almost no one responded.

Finally I ended BBW modeling for another reason (some people found out about it and it got me in trouble) but I felt like absolute crap. Worthless, ugly, old, not good enough. I thought before I was pretty, but that changed a lot. I can't stand myself anymore when I look in the mirror. I feel a bit depressed, and ugly most of the time. I learned a lot from my very short adventure in BBW-paysite land, but NEVER EVER again
G'day Abby,

I am very sorry you had a negative experience with bbw modeling, you are very very pretty; i guess (from my observations) it can take time to establish a name for yourself. people finding out about you modeling is unavoidable. i really enjoyed looking at your updates.

Kind Regards, Dave c
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Old 05-22-2014, 10:59 AM   #9
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i think you stopped modeling for the same reason people stopped posting their pics here. people spent a lot of time criticizing, comparing, trying to pit women against each other talking about why they weren't their type instead of being encouraging loving and appreciative. porn is a ruthless business. it's not about beauty but domination. people can't dominate you very easily if they don't make you feel insecure somehow first. being able to makes them feel powerful.

maybe you can try the arts. you might want to be an artist's model. i enjoyed/enjoy that a lot. you can enjoy being appreciated for being beautiful and you don't come across as many lowbrow ignorant types.

regarding what the guy said about you talking about cutting penises off even a lot of guys here believe there are some who do need it at least slammed in a door for some of the vicious stuff they say and do that makes all guys look bad by association.

thanks for posting. be happy. keep being true. keep being you. (((HUGS)))
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Old 05-23-2014, 10:51 PM   #10
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Abby, I can totally understand how it is this happened to you and I suppose I might be just reiterating what others have said.

It's ironic that the beauty and success of the BBW models helped you realize that you're a beautiful and unique woman in many ways including your body, but it was looking for the same success that has torn that down again. It's not wrong for you to be angry or hurt. The business side of the industry meant you didn't need to just be beautiful (which you are), but also competitive. And I think that was the real problem. It took you from "Am I beautiful?" to "Am I as beautiful as SHE is?" and no woman wants to feel put into competition. She needs to know she is accepted, by herself before anyone else. A woman must be made a priority, not an option.

The wounds from that are going to hurt for a while, but Abby, just remember that a woman's worth can't be weighed on a scale any more than it can be counted in website hits or dollars. You are priceless.
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Old 05-24-2014, 05:33 PM   #11
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Since when did almost 30 seem 'old'?

Really? I will be 31 soon and I feel great.

Almost 30 is FAR from old. And even then, a lot of these guys are into the MILF or mature look anyway.
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Old 05-25-2014, 02:42 AM   #12
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Yeah, I get hit on by younger boys all the time. I'm 25, going on 26. I always laugh because there's nothing attractive about baby boy skin and all their Justin Bieber hairstyles.
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Old 05-26-2014, 06:28 PM   #13
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Default Wait, do you mean:

Literally every Justin Bieber hairstyle is a no-go?
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:24 PM   #14
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Pretty much.
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:27 PM   #15
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Perfectly understandable.

Because Bieber.
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:34 PM   #16
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Default 2011 AMAs?

I dunno, I think he looks kind of kind of classy here:
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Old 05-26-2014, 07:42 PM   #17
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Attachment 114753

This is presentable.
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:58 AM   #18
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Sorry that modeling made you feel like crap. It's a really tough industry to be a part of, especially when you're still new and people are testing you to see whether you're in it for the long haul or not.

Since I don't know too much about you/your career as a model, I apologize for the really generalized advice/statement I'm about to make, and if it in anyway offends...

Rather than measure your beauty by the number of comments you get on posts, measure it by the money you make. There will always be people out there who purposefully bully people in forums, on twitter, Facebook, and youtube. But if they aren't paying your bills, they aren't worth getting upset about.
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Old 06-03-2014, 06:40 AM   #19
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Rather than measure your beauty by the number of comments you get on posts, measure it by the money you make.
I feel like this is still kind of a not-so-great sentiment, though, because it's keeping a person's self-esteem based so heavily on how well they're able to sell their appearance. It's toxic to measure one's beauty or worth by how much money one makes, even as a model.
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Old 06-03-2014, 08:33 AM   #20
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I feel like this is still kind of a not-so-great sentiment, though, because it's keeping a person's self-esteem based so heavily on how well they're able to sell their appearance. It's toxic to measure one's beauty or worth by how much money one makes, even as a model.
Agreed, especially given that beauty is so very subjective. Success in modeling has little to do with beauty or confidence, but more so on a mix of marketing ability, presence and a pinch (or two) of pure luck dashed together with being in the right place at the right time.

Abby, if you're still reading (I see you're on timeout but I know some folks still read the forums even if they cannot post) my advice as a former BBW model is to listen to your inner voice. As I said above, beauty is subjective. Looks can and do change. The only one who can truly make you feel like crap is yourself. I too failed as a BBW model. Did that failure hurt? Hell yes. But I learned some very important life lessons as I failed. Some about others, but the most important things I learned were about myself.

I hope someday you longer feel like crap.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:21 AM   #21
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I feel like this is still kind of a not-so-great sentiment, though, because it's keeping a person's self-esteem based so heavily on how well they're able to sell their appearance. It's toxic to measure one's beauty or worth by how much money one makes, even as a model.
So very true. This is something that's always turned me off the idea of web modelling. I would be the type to get outrageously self conscious and upset if I was basically failing at my job of being seen as desirable and beautiful. It's toxic, indeed, and I am excessively prone to self destructive behaviour in the middle of a toxic situation.

I think those who do model, and have done it for years, are some very strong women for the kind of things they endure. Very strong and very cool.
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Old 06-04-2014, 03:48 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
I feel like this is still kind of a not-so-great sentiment, though, because it's keeping a person's self-esteem based so heavily on how well they're able to sell their appearance. It's toxic to measure one's beauty or worth by how much money one makes, even as a model.
I won't disagree with this being a not-so-great sentiment at all; it isn't the best mindset on a personal level. It's toxic to measure self worth based on anything that you can't control directly, ESPECIALLY based on the responses (or lack there of) of anonymous internet strangers.

My not so well worded point is even some of the girls who have been doing this for years rarely get comments on things, but they're still out there doing their thing.

As a model, I receive more negative comments than I do positive ones, but it doesn't stop me from being successful in my business.
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Old 06-04-2014, 05:23 AM   #23
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I would think these days are a terrible time to try and be a paysite model due to high competition and the sheer number of models. You either gotta be fat as hell, really conventionally attractive, really-special-shaped, or have some kind of gimmick or niche to make it.
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Old 06-12-2014, 10:18 PM   #24
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I'm the writer of the most viewed story in the Dimensions Library, by far. There are lots of reasons for this, particularly the length (my average is probably about 2000 views per post of continued story). Regardless, the story has remained popular for over three years now.

My story features a long, slow gain (in installments, not long in time-lapse in the story--it's still a ridiculously fast gain) of a traditional weight gain fiction heroine (blonde ex-cheerleader, yeah, yeah), but it also features extensive character development, plot twists, and distinct stylistic elements. It's a fairly cerebral read, although there's plenty of what passes for erotica for those of us weight-gain-fetish-inclined.

Despite the massive number of reads, I get few comments. Every now and then I get positive feedback, but rarely, and rarely is that feedback all that extensive.

Other library writers write stories and get a prolific number of effuse statements about them. I usually find those stories compelling as well, but they are not the drawn-out, more cerebral reads mine is.

Does this affect me? A bit. I would love effusive praise. Wouldn't anyone? But my story doesn't appeal in that way. But I still know that it appeals: my hits are in the six figures, and every now and then I get some nice feedback.

From what you've described, you had some interest. You also noted that your modeling appeal doesn't fit the typical profile. I'm sure it would be wonderfully flattering to get the effusive praise some of the other models get. But the appreciation you got was a bit different. But it was still there. I've seen people get disparaging comments. It doesn't seem that you got that about your work.

Everyone's right, as well as you: despite what people say, modeling as an experiment can't be expected to boost your self-confidence.

Why do I write? Because I have to. I have an idea I want to get into print, despite the sometimes agonizing labor. I get some appreciation from others for that, but that appreciation wouldn't be enough to sustain the effort for long without being compelled to write. If you want to make pictures, do it. Make them quality. Learn from people who do it how to best be an appealing model in style and personality, then do what you can in your particular niche to the best of your ability. But if it's a self-development experiment, your appeal would have to be extremely high to give you the boost you appear to be looking for. There are plenty of attractive people in this world who don't turn out so appealing when placed on stage or digital media. I hope you choose to focus on the good feedback you got, put the rest you didn't get in perspective, and look to real-life accomplishment for a confidence boost.
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Old 06-13-2014, 02:42 AM   #25
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it sounds to me like the poster just kind of expected everything to happen without much effort being put in--- i don't put much effort in promoting my modeling either, but i've always looked at modeling as a way to to have fun and look at the cash as a bonus
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