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Old 08-08-2014, 05:37 PM   #1
TFBA
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1
TFBA has said some nice things
Default Help Me Edit My Weight Gain Story

I have a short (Ish) fictional weight gain story in the making https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...drzNZbi5o/edit This link takes you to my work in progress. Submit comments telling me what to change and what happens next.
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:01 PM   #2
maltesefalcon
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
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Youre pretty far along now but if it's not too late I would change to a third person narrative.

Lessens the I, I, I repetitiveness and makes it easier to add dialogue and scenes in which the protagonist was not present
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