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Old 11-02-2014, 07:55 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
Yes, there are women who date larger guys. However, they have to be the right kind of big guy (i.e. football lineman type). For guys who are just fat (as opposed to big and strong) pickings are pretty slim.

And even the right kind of big guy looses his game if he gets too fat. Relatively small gains or losses can make a big difference. At 280 pounds I attracted a few females -- at 300 pounds not so much.
Honestly it really depends on the person. Most people I've come across just tend to appreciate others as a whole though, never seen anyone like 'He's perfect apart from [insert undesirable feature/trait], so therefore I can't date him'. As I said, I know girls who have gone with big guys and are definitely not FFAs, but just love them for them.

Yes you will find women out there who exclusively date slimmer guys, but you got a lot who don't really mind either, and find the likes of personality and the ability to connect the most important features. Usually having a desired body type is just the cherry on the cake really.

It's a pretty diverse world out there, literally someone for everyone I reckon.
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Old 11-03-2014, 04:01 PM   #27
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Sorry for slight delay in reply. Had a pretty heavy Halloween night and have been recovering/lazing around ever since

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Originally Posted by Goreki View Post
Not at all. We're a bunch of smart arses and intellects, but we mostly mean well.
FF is freaking brutal. Stories or spank bank material only. Those bhm/FFA pay dating sites are a crock. Ok Cupid.. Well I got lucky there once, but it's like a full time job to form a decent connection with anyone.
I am going to check out fetlife now though. I didn't know about it before.
Fetlife is great for BBW women (if you are one I dunno) as there's a group for all kinds of things related to it. It's rubbish if you're a fat man, which i surprising given it's a fetish site.

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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
But here's the thing...FFAs are people too. With personalities and desires and feelings, who are generally in high demand, and don't like feeling like an abstracted end-goal. I'm sure there are plenty of people who want the same exact thing that you do; so, to us, it can seem a tiny bit entitled if you're hitting up every single site possible when you're not having any luck on the ones you've already found. It'd be nice if you could magically and easily find the exact kind of relationship that you're looking for...but that's generally in the realm of 'too good to be true'. And you made it sound a lot less like it was about any specific fetish - at least one that would require an FFA - when you said you might as well just lose weight, even though it doesn't bother you.
It's not that I'm entitled to anything. What I'm surprised at (perhaps my OP didn't express it) is that given the vast amount of tastes catered for online and given the vast amount of people on the planet with access to the net you would've thought there would be more places to connect FFAs and BHMs. Not only that but sites that don't look they were designed by a blind and drunken moron with a taste for early 90s colour schemes and that you don't have to spend a fortune to access let alone post. I was merely asking if I've missed any.

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Originally Posted by Amaranthine View Post
For the record, I don't even know of any actually active BHM/FFA centered dating sites, or I might have mentioned them. But you've seriously found all the best resources I know to be available. I'm really not trying to criticize your goal here. Would casual dating be nice? Sure. But the fact of it is that you're just looking for something that's generally much harder to find than casual dating with...a girl that doesn't specifically like fat men. As an FFA, I've mostly given up on the notion of casual dating. For one, I'd still have to like them a fair bit personality-wise anyway. And two, there's a high risk of having to deal with either horrible incredulity/bad self-esteem, or them wanting a more serious relationship because they've found someone genuinely attracted to them. This tends to be very difficult in any given restricted geographical area.

So really, best of luck. Like Goreki said, we're just trying to help. Not make you sound like a complete idiot. But if you immediately react negatively when you think you've been misunderstood instead of calmly expressing what you actually meant, it's really really unattractive and it's not going to help your goal.
Yeah that's a fair enough point. Guess I was just kinda frustrated.

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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
Actually, I get that you felt ganged up on. In fact, I also get how we can come off as cliquey. I think a lot of us are, at times, a little.... weary of the kind of question you asked. Which isn't your fault, just, too many people have in the past taken a "woe is me" approach, and we're perhaps quick to jump on anyone we get the slightest tinge of a similar vibe from. And I absolutely agree with what Goreki said about our humor and tendency toward giving very open, detailed opinions or asking probing questions.
I really didn't mean to come off as 'woe is me' I hate that shit too but it is frustrating at times.

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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
Before I say anything else, the situation you mentioned in your post before last sounds remarkably shitty. I have an idea of how it feels when you're unable to be with the person you want to be with, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all that.
Thank you for these kind words. Yes it is a shitty situation but not much I can do. Fortunately her illness is not life threatening but there's no cure for it and not a very good chance she'll make a full recovery. So more shit for her than me really! Pah! Life sucks some times.

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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
Despite the fact that I agree 100% with what's been said about the benefit you might gain from being less FFA-focused in your search, I also get the need for feeling sexually desired by someone in a completely unabashed way. Especially if you'd experienced something like that before, it might feel difficult to "go back." But, for one thing, I personally think FFAs can be "made." Some women might develop the preference for fat due to just being a that-person-admirer initially. But even if there's never a clear-cut FFA distinction made, that's not to say there aren't a fair amount of women out there who'll be more than capable of enjoying you in every way.
This is the crux of it really. The woman I had before did make me feel so attractive, so sexy and so desirable. She crushed that when she fucked off with a muscly psycho but she left her mark. It broke a belief that I could never be attractive, sexy and desirable as a fat man and I want to feel that again, hence why I'm being specific. I haven't exactly been with loads of women but I haven't done too badly either but the only one who actually said I was sexy and actually wanted my body, was really passionate etc (ok too much info!) was the FFA. The rest was just a sort of liking or a tolerance of my body rather than a desire, if you know what I mean.

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Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
One more friendly tip, I suppose: This may feel counter-intuitive if you're on the lookout for sexual hookups in particular, but you may find it helps a lot to not "lead with the physical/BHM factor." Even to an FFA also seeking a sexual connection, people are more approachable when they don't, uh, jump in with the full package right away. So yes, I would do away with the shirtless pics until it becomes part of a natural progression in your interaction with someone (and that depends on each individual interaction).

Having spewed all that forth I do actually have a site you might feel like looking into. I'm not very familiar with it, just vaguely aware of its existence.

http://cuddlyfreeandsingle.co.uk/
Again I need to point out that the whole shirtless thing was a kind of experiment to see what would happen. I'm fully aware of how douchy it is but I wanted to try it anyway because, well, douchebags seem to get laid and here I am pretty much sexless so was trying a different tact. It attracted a lot of spammers at least!

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Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
Incidentially OP, I wasn't trying to upset you so I apologise if I have. I was just saying that is how you came off. You didn't make it clear that you were looking for something casual, and to me personally, dating means 'trying to find somebody to be in a relationship with' rather than something casual, like a hookup.

For men of all sizes, finding casual sexual partners is not easy. And regardless of whether or not a woman is an FFA, they are not obliged to find you attractive because you are bigger. Also, for the sake of the person you are with, please make it clear to them that you are looking for something casual and not a relationship. I know that goes without saying but I hate seeing people get hurt over things like this.

I'd also advise not posting on forums when you are angry/annoyed. Once you post something, it can't be taken back. I used to fall into that trap a lot, but if you ask for help and then get angry and insulting towards the people of the forum for not rushing in with solutions to a difficult question and a situation they know nothing about, then they aren't going to want to help you again in the future.
No you didn't upset me I should just take your advice and not post when in a crappy mood! Again, need to make clear I'm not entitled to anything or expect an FFA to fall at my feet just because I'm fat. I don't know why some people have got this from what I said, all I was asking was for some places to meet FFAs for the reasons I've mentioned in this reply. I haven't met anyone up for a casual thing, probably won't either! But yes I would mention my intentions off the bat if I do as I don't wanna string people along.
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Old 11-04-2014, 04:51 AM   #28
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I did actually write a big reply for this but in for some reason got lost in the ether. Not going to write it out again but would just like to say thanks for the replies .
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Old 11-04-2014, 06:00 AM   #29
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I did actually write a big reply for this but in for some reason got lost in the ether. Not going to write it out again but would just like to say thanks for the replies .
Posts from new users get flagged for moderator approval sometimes. Unlucky you, your long post came up just after I'd last checked the site yesterday. It is up now.
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:33 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by Cookie View Post
Honestly it really depends on the person. Most people I've come across just tend to appreciate others as a whole though, never seen anyone like 'He's perfect apart from [insert undesirable feature/trait], so therefore I can't date him'. As I said, I know girls who have gone with big guys and are definitely not FFAs, but just love them for them.
It's a pretty diverse world out there, literally someone for everyone I reckon.
This. In my experience, women in general tend to be less hung up on physical appearance than men. They are more responsive to the way they are treated. This may or may not be the case for any individual, but I have found much truth in the proverb "Men are seduced through their eyes, women through their ears."
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Old 11-04-2014, 10:14 AM   #31
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This. In my experience, women in general tend to be less hung up on physical appearance than men. They are more responsive to the way they are treated. This may or may not be the case for any individual, but I have found much truth in the proverb "Men are seduced through their eyes, women through their ears."
Exactly, we're not as shallow as we're all made out to be. :P I think everyone wants to be treated right in a relationship too, regardless of gender.
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Old 11-04-2014, 02:51 PM   #32
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I actually like my men about 600lbs or so & yes i'm a ffa who likes the huge hanging belly aprons to the knees!
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