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Old 07-17-2014, 02:10 PM   #1
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Default Seeking FA Dating Advice

I am new to the world of FA. I am dating a man I really care for and he is an FA.

I donít consider myself a BBW but I am curvy and a size 16. I am comfortable with my chubby bits being touched and I am willing to bring food into play (such as him feeding me treats as foreplay).

I wonder what Iíve been doing all these years dating non FA men. I want to start off on the right foot so here are some questions for yíall.

What can I do to embrace his FA side?
What are some doís and doníts for dating an FA?
Any other advice for someone in my situation?

I know that there is more to a person than their sexuality but I am looking for FA specific advice.

Thanks
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Old 07-17-2014, 03:01 PM   #2
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Hi InformationSeeker, and welcome to the boards. Posts by new posters sometimes get flagged for moderator approval (this is an anti-spam measure), which is why you might have noticed you couldn't see your post right away.

Anyway, interesting question, and I'll give it some thought (and for what it is worth, this FA is quite happy with his size 16 wife )
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Old 07-17-2014, 11:05 PM   #3
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Howdy Ms. Seeker and welcome to Dims. It sounds to me like you are already off to a very good start.

What can I do to embrace his FA side?
You can embrace his attraction by loving your curves and knowing that he finds you to be incredibly beautiful just the way you are. You said you are comfortable with having your fat bits touched and even with using food as foreplay (which sounds more feederistic than simply FA, but that's a whole different subject). This is good, as long as you are really comfortable doing it. I know it may be a little shocking that a man finds the parts of you that society says are unattractive to be very attractive indeed, but he is not lying to you. If it takes a little for you to warm up to it, its okay. Communicate with him and be honest, that is critical. Also, enjoy yourself. If you like to eat, enjoy it, if you like to dress a little bit more revealing that society says a lady of your size should, do it and flaunt it and he will melt for you. Dating an FA can be license to have a lot of fun as long as you feel safe and comfortable doing it. Your self-esteem is the most important factor in this. If you hate your body (not saying you do) and he loves it, he will be emotionally crushed. Check out the FA Guilt thread for some examples. Do what you need to do to love your body and that is the best possible thing you can to do embrace his FA side.

What are some do’s and don’ts for dating an FA?
I pretty much covered the basics of the DOs in the first question. Some major personal don'ts for me are self-negativity. I understand that you have been told your whole life that you are not beautiful but I see you as beautiful and hearing you call yourself ugly, etc., not only hurts my heart for your sake but tells me that my attractions are not valid or real, or basically that I am lying to you. I understand it is far more complex than simply that but that's how it feels. Focus on the positive things, not the negative ones. Another DONT is don't ever do something that puts your health or happiness in jeopardy for the sexual gratification of another. I am not saying your partner would ask that of you but it is a good rule of thumb to live by.

Any other advice for someone in my situation?
Basically just enjoy being worshiped by a real man that loves your curves and doesn't expect you to hold yourself to an impossible standard of beauty created to profit off your suffering. You seem to enjoy dating an FA, keep enjoying it, everyone deserves to be loved by someone that finds them to be incredibly beautiful or attractive.
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Old 07-18-2014, 12:21 AM   #4
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I'll give it some thought (and for what it is worth, this FA is quite happy with his size 16 wife )
Thank you, I look forward to your reply and it's heart warming to see how happy you are with your wife
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Old 07-18-2014, 12:33 AM   #5
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H
Dating an FA can be license to have a lot of fun as long as you feel safe and comfortable doing it. Your self-esteem is the most important factor in this.
Thank you so much for your reply! I really can see how much my self esteem plays a huge role in our mutual enjoyment of him being an FA. I will keep this in mind when I am with or without him.

I like the idea of having a license to feel differently about my body. In a very twisted way it's like having permission to feel good physically at my current size (twisted because I should be able to feel this without a man telling it to me, but as you mentioned women are constantly told how they should look).

Very insightful! Thank you again
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Old 07-18-2014, 01:06 AM   #6
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Thank you so much for your reply! I really can see how much my self esteem plays a huge role in our mutual enjoyment of him being an FA. I will keep this in mind when I am with or without him.

I like the idea of having a license to feel differently about my body. In a very twisted way it's like having permission to feel good physically at my current size (twisted because I should be able to feel this without a man telling it to me, but as you mentioned women are constantly told how they should look).

Very insightful! Thank you again
You are right, it should not take a man or anyone else telling you that you are beautiful to feel that way, it is what you are already. However, if it works, it works! This is kinda corny but true. Be You(tiful).
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Old 07-18-2014, 01:09 AM   #7
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You are right, it should not take a man or anyone else telling you that you are beautiful to feel that way, it is what you are already. However, if it works, it works! This is kinda corny but true. Be You(tiful).
You are very kind and corny is good when it's also correct
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Old 07-18-2014, 07:41 AM   #8
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Warning: massive wall of text incoming! Hit the back-button now or risk being drowned in text (sorry, I can churn out text quickly--being concise takes me a lot longer, and I didn't have time to get to the concise version this morning)

The number one thing is to be true to yourself. Pleasing him is awesome, but first of all you need to be happy with yourself and what you are doing. The whole rest of this is written from the perspective of one FA, suggesting things that I think would appeal to most FA….. but in the end appealing to him is easy—obviously you already do, or the two of you wouldn’t be together So these are all just ‘sugar on top’ options, not meant to say ‘you must do all of this to be a good girlfriend for an FA.’ This is really important--the male sex drive can be pretty greedy, which can kind of overwhelm things. So I’ll say it one more time—take what sounds fun to you, ignore the rest and don’t look back.

I think the number two thing to keep in mind that really he is just a guy, who thinks your body type is to die for. Anything other women might do to flaunt their bodies to a partner is probably all good—so long as it is something that you can enjoy too. Random examples: Wear something that will cling to your curves? Yup. Buy some ridiculous, skimpy, lingerie? Great. Get some massage oil and ask him to give you a full body massage? For sure. Invite him over for dinner, and cook while wearing just a underwear and an apron? Just make sure that whatever you are cooking is something you can put on the back burner for a while……

Basically, he’s attracted to you, to all the bits of you, and the more you are willing flaunt it, the more he can enjoy enjoying it, if that makes any sense. Which is really the same as any guy—most of us want to be able to feast our eyes, fingers, etc on every part of our partner, but know that there are other things to do in life too, and we have to restrain ourselves most of the time. So any time you are willing to give him a very clear “Go ahead, I’m ready to be adored” sign, he’ll probably appreciate it.

Time for one more disclaimer: Saying someone is an FA is a bit like saying someone is a Christian or a lawyer…. There is a lot of variety under that term. I’m assuming that he is pretty straightforward in thinking that generally fatter is more attractive than thinner and lusts after what he is attracted to. Some people get themselves tied in more knots, have darker sides to their sexuality, fetishize certain aspects of things more, or whatever. All of that can complicate things. I'm really not looking at those sides of things in the following.

On the more ‘things that would appeal to the generic FA’ side of things:

- there is a good chance that your chubbier parts are more erotic to him than to you. That is, he might gladly spend ages nuzzling your tummy, which might just bore you. So if you can figure out what you do like in those regions, and how much, and give him some guidance in that regard, then that helps you both enjoy things. For example, maybe you find having a finger lightly stroking your inner thighs feels good, or your like quick light kisses on your tummy, or when things are getting intense you like having your hips held firmly.... Let him know, so that he can enjoy those parts of you in ways that you can enjoy too.

- Tease him with your size and softness sometimes. A hip bump while walking along, grinding your backside into him if he’s standing behind you, sitting on his lap (if you are good with that), if hugging rub your tummy back and forth against him a bit, have him rest his head on your tummy or breasts, etc.

- If you don’t generally wear skimpier clothing, consider times and places where you’d be willing to do so for him. An FA will think you are way sexier in a tank top and short shorts than any thin woman is, and will love a chance to see you showing off what you have…. But obviously this is only good when you can both enjoy it. If that isn’t what you would wear out, consider wearing it in the house/apartment, or to some place where you wouldn’t feel so uneasy. Ditto goes for a two piece bathing suit.

Now a warning. Dating an FA can easily be a fattening experience. Even if it is not intentional on either side. To make a metaphor, all your life you’ve had a strong societal wind trying to blow you towards being thinner, and despite that you are a size 16. Suddenly someone is blocking part of that wind, making it really easy to fairly quickly move ‘up-wind’ (i.e. get fatter).

Eating out with him if you are a bit full but dessert looks good, it is that much easier to go for the dessert. Odds are good that he is apt to make food part of celebrations, because the odds are good that you eating is a happy, celebratory, sort of feeling for him. None of this needs to be evil, manipulative, or bad, it is just that a few more desserts, a few more times where you get a brownie with your coffee when you are out with him, a few more times where you celebrate an occasion with a big meal rather than by going mini-golfing or to a movie (and for that matter, popcorn and a drink more often when you go to movies), can really easily add up to ten or twenty pounds over the course of a year.....each year.

He sure isn’t going to mind you putting on some weight, but you need to decide if you do mind, and make appropriate decisions, set limits and plans, and let him know. This could be “I don’t want to get bigger than a size 16.” Or “I’m going to see how things go for a year but I may need to make changes after that” or “or if I end up gaining weight while dating you, you’d better chip in on the bigger clothes, but otherwise I’m good” or anything in between. And you can change your mind later, of course, but again let him know where your head is at, or even if you don't really know where your head is at but that you are trying to figure it out.

So the final piece of advice about dating an FA: fat is not bad, immoral, or anything like that to him. If you don’t want to get bigger, if you do get bigger but then want to lose it, etc, just tell him what you want and make sure he clearly accepts and supports it, but please don’t ever phrase it as “Obviously I’m too fat, that is really gross, and I have to change these evil habits.” He’s never apt to view fat that way. If you are losing for your own comfort, health, or general satisfaction, he should be happy to help you be happy, just don’t ask him to make that fat = immoral association that much of society likes to make.

Actually, maybe that should be advice piece number one and only—don’t load fat with moral meaning, just enjoy his lustiness for your body, and when you feel like it, help rev that up in the ways that should be pretty apparent.

Good luck, and have fun ;-)
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Old 07-18-2014, 08:45 AM   #9
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The number one thing is to be true to yourself.

I think the number two thing to keep in mind that really he is just a guy, who thinks your body type is to die for.

And you can change your mind later, of course, but again let him know where your head is at, or even if you don't really know where your head is at but that you are trying to figure it out.

If you are losing for your own comfort, health, or general satisfaction, he should be happy to help you be happy, just donít ask him to make that fat = immoral association that much of society likes to make.
Wow, I am blown away by how thorough your response is!

I think you bring up two very important points: I cannot ask him to see fat as immoral and communication about my comfort level is key. These are things I will keep in mind and reflect on alone. I agree that my eating is easier around him.I will spend some serious time thinking about what I am comfortable and happy with for my own size.

I liked the general things I can do to appeal to him and I was nodding while I read them because I do most of the them already and see a few I will try out.

I will continue to be true to myself and keep learning about this community to take the things I like and leave the things I don't.

Thank you so much for your response, your perspective is very valuable
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Old 07-19-2014, 08:46 AM   #10
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So the final piece of advice about dating an FA: fat is not bad, immoral, or anything like that to him. If you donít want to get bigger, if you do get bigger but then want to lose it, etc, just tell him what you want and make sure he clearly accepts and supports it, but please donít ever phrase it as ďObviously Iím too fat, that is really gross, and I have to change these evil habits.Ē Heís never apt to view fat that way. If you are losing for your own comfort, health, or general satisfaction, he should be happy to help you be happy, just donít ask him to make that fat = immoral association that much of society likes to make.
All of Tad's post is good advice for the OP, but I think he really nailed it here. Fat hatred is THE number one turn-off for all the FAs I know. To me, the sexiest quality of a fat woman, far beyond her specific weight or measurements, is her self-confidence and acceptance of her body, because that is the opposite of what I see everywhere else.

And try to remember, as Tad also mentioned, every FA you meet will be completely different, just as every man is different, or every woman. Don't expect all of us to be alike. Being an FA is only one part of a person's personality. If you find a really compatible guy, only a small part of that compatibility will be related to his being an FA. Conversely, if you meet the wrong guy, it's NOT because he's an FA. He's just the wrong guy for you.
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Old 07-19-2014, 10:38 AM   #11
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To me, the sexiest quality of a fat woman, far beyond her specific weight or measurements, is her self-confidence and acceptance of her body, because that is the opposite of what I see everywhere else.
Thanks for your reply. It's a very good point that self confidence and body acceptance is the opposite of what you see everywhere.
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Old 07-29-2014, 07:40 PM   #12
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Two things in your favor:

1) He's open that he's an FA

2) You're trying to understand it

Do you know how great that is? Imagine the relationships where a guy isn't open about his preferences, or one where he is and his partner just steps back in shock/disgust/horror/confusion.

So, the openness of both of you is going to be such an asset going forward in any obstacles you face.

In that same regard, I recommend keeping communication about it open. If it's something that interests you or you want to understand better, he may be flattered to get to explain it to you. It never hurts to take an idea and say "would you like it if..."

And if it's something you do want to be part of your relationship, remember you can always draw a line between public and private. You can privately be more open about your size and make your size a bigger part of how you flirt with him without making it your public identity.

Best wishes.
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Old 07-31-2014, 03:53 PM   #13
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Great answers everyone. The only thing I would add is that he REALLY does find you sexy - probably off the chart. Believe it. So many big girls hear the words but have been conditioned by others to really not internalize it. Like the Penningtons ad says (and BTW I personally think is one of the hottest ads I've ever seen) "Reveal Your Inner Goddess"!!!

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Old 08-01-2014, 06:29 PM   #14
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Another thing you might want to find out is what things turn him on whether or not you want to do those things or not.

Signaling openness is a big deal.
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Old 11-18-2014, 02:00 PM   #15
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confidence is key
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