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Old 11-18-2014, 01:55 PM   #1
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Default fetishes and the FA

Ever since I was young I have been drawn to fat women. I never understood it ive never been able to explain it and ive never wanted to have it any other way. When I think back though I feel as if one of my fetishes may have influenced my interest in larger women.

I know there are quite a few fetishes that are attached to fat admirations that include but are not limited to: Feederism, giantess, smothering, belly fetish, and vore. Also fat admiration can and often does exist independent of any of these fetishes. But in my case I feel as if the fetish maybe the cause of my admiration.

I am really into belly fetish and vore and they with my fat admiration seem to work together in some strange impossible sexual fantasy. So do you think that your fetish may have inspired your fat admiration or that your love of fat men or women exist independently?
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Old 01-01-2015, 02:40 AM   #2
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I think my fetishes have effected my attractions. I have always loved big bellies. I've also recently learned that I like taller, slobbish ssbbws. I don't need the tallness and slobbishness to be satisfied, but fatness and laziness definitely get me going.
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Old 01-01-2015, 01:32 PM   #3
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
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Old 01-01-2015, 03:22 PM   #4
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
oh, thanks for that.
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Old 01-03-2015, 06:49 AM   #5
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
Definitely, I don't have a fetish for big comfy cuddles, that's part of my preference for big women. Once the passion of the fetish subsides it's all about being together
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Old 01-03-2015, 08:09 AM   #6
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I wrestle with how I categorize my own fat admiration. So many people here say it is a preference, maybe it is and I just see it differently. To me a nerdy brunette with glasses is my strongest preference in a woman. Missing any of that is not a deal breaker in a partner.

I would not start a relationship with a women who is not a BBW or SSBBW, unless she was the most interesting woman in the world (probably related to the Dos Equis man). Maybe its just so strong of a preference for me that I don’t see it as a preference. Conversely, if I was in love with a BBW who wanted to lose weight for health reasons I would 100% support her and it would not be a threat to the relationship.

I wrestle with it, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter how I categorize it.
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Old 01-03-2015, 10:26 AM   #7
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I wrestle with how I categorize my own fat admiration. So many people here say it is a preference, maybe it is and I just see it differently. To me a nerdy brunette with glasses is my strongest preference in a woman. Missing any of that is not a deal breaker in a partner.

I would not start a relationship with a women who is not a BBW or SSBBW, unless she was the most interesting woman in the world (probably related to the Dos Equis man). Maybe its just so strong of a preference for me that I don’t see it as a preference. Conversely, if I was in love with a BBW who wanted to lose weight for health reasons I would 100% support her and it would not be a threat to the relationship.

I wrestle with it, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter how I categorize it.
Disregarding the terminology, you have a good attitude. There is nothing wrong with using weight as a starting point for potential relationships. You have to start somewhere. Once you get to know a person, things can change.

Now, regarding the terminology: I know there are clinical scientific definitions of the word "fetish", but too often, "fetish" is simply a word used to belittle other people's sexual preferences. We are better off not worrying about it. (To me, this is exactly like the words "religion" and "cult"; if someone doesn't like your religion, it's a cult.)
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Old 01-03-2015, 07:41 PM   #8
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
Thank you, Dromond.
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Old 01-09-2015, 04:00 PM   #9
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Preference implies there is a choice in the matter and for me there really isn't. Im not at all attracted to thin women. Ive tried trying to see past it and enjoy them for being who they are, but literally NOTHING sexual was going on. I tried twice and ended up finishing them off and feeling shallow about myself.

I admire and envy those who have seen all women sexualy and CHOSE bbw (or BHM for that matter as my girlfriend is one of them).

I am only attracted to fat as a fetish and its related sub-fetishes like weight gain, lazy lifestyle, immobility and loss of control (eating wise, toilet accidents etc) and i enjoy enjoying them, but sometimes i do think im missing exploring other things because they are not 'fat' related.

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Old 01-10-2015, 01:21 PM   #10
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
A distinction without difference.
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Old 01-10-2015, 06:46 PM   #11
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A distinction without difference.
That is probably the most accurate way for me to view it.
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Old 01-10-2015, 09:02 PM   #12
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A distinction without difference.
Obviously I don't agree.
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Old 01-10-2015, 11:45 PM   #13
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A distinction without difference.
Not necessarily, though at extremes the two converge -- and this community is in large part an outlier that's centered closer to that convergence area than not.
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Old 01-11-2015, 07:11 AM   #14
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I am not trying to rub anyone the wrong way, but to engage in conversation. I am not trying to tell anyone else how they tick.What I am writing about is just about my attraction to fat women, no side fetishes.


It is an argument over definitions (to me). Are all FAs the same?Dimensions has shown me that there are many people who are FAs like me.It has also shown me that in this small community, there is a wide variety of feelings/beliefs on the same topics.
I personally do not see my fat admiration as a choice.As a pre-teen and teen I wanted so badly to be attracted to thin girls. To fit in. I thought something was seriously wrong with me.My first few girlfriends were all thin and athletic.I was sure if I experience dating thin girls I would realize I like them.But anytime I would see a BBW, they would instantly consume my attention, to the point I knew there was no point in lying to myself.


Though I am not gay, to me explaining what gay people go through (before coming out) is the perfect analogy to what I went through.I have read other people saying that too, but not often and not on Dims (I think).I am saying that if a popular thin super model was standing naked in front of me, she would have to do a lot of overtly sexual things to start getting me turned on.On the other hand, take the last random BBW you saw in public, put her in non-sexual clothing, and I would instantly be getting turned on.To me being with a thin woman, would be me pretending… or me being unfair to the thin woman because I would always wishing she was something she was not.Like a gay person dating a straight person.

I am guessing to most FAs it is a choice.I can never tell you a point in my life where I felt I was free to make the choice.The only way I would refer to it as a preference is if I was sugarcoating explaining it to a person, who I would be worried would freak-out about it.
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Old 01-11-2015, 09:32 AM   #15
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
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A distinction without difference.
I think you're both right, to a degree. It's a complicated issue, but I see fat appreciation as a continuum: whether it is a matter of preference or a fetish depends on how much emotional energy you have invested in it. For example, imagine you have moved (for whatever reason) to a city in which all the women are slender*. If you date the available women and find yourself in a satisfying relationship with one of them, your fat appreciation is a preference. If you cannot bring yourself to date anyone because none of the women is fat enough for you, I would call that a fetish.


*Boston in the 1970's was like that. I dated several slender women...and then I met a BBW visiting from California, packed my bags, and followed her to LA.
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Old 01-11-2015, 09:41 AM   #16
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I personally do not see my fat admiration as a choice.As a pre-teen and teen I wanted so badly to be attracted to thin girls. To fit in. I thought something was seriously wrong with me.My first few girlfriends were all thin and athletic.I was sure if I experience dating thin girls I would realize I like them.But anytime I would see a BBW, they would instantly consume my attention, to the point I knew there was no point in lying to myself.

Though I am not gay, to me explaining what gay people go through (before coming out) is the perfect analogy to what I went through.I have read other people saying that too, but not often and not on Dims (I think).I am saying that if a popular thin super model was standing naked in front of me, she would have to do a lot of overtly sexual things to start getting me turned on.On the other hand, take the last random BBW you saw in public, put her in non-sexual clothing, and I would instantly be getting turned on.To me being with a thin woman, would be me pretending… or me being unfair to the thin woman because I would always wishing she was something she was not.Like a gay person dating a straight person.

I am guessing to most FAs it is a choice.I can never tell you a point in my life where I felt I was free to make the choice.The only way I would refer to it as a preference is if I was sugarcoating explaining it to a person, who I would be worried would freak-out about it.

I am guessing you don't know many FAs. Why do you think most FAs have a choice? Nearly all of the FAs I've met say the opposite. They tell me they were either born this way, or developed their preference at an early age. They are not aroused by thin women any more than you are. Many of them wished they could date thin women and "fit in", exactly as you described.

I agree with your analogy to someone being gay. But that is described simply as a "sexual preference", so why can't being an FA also be a sexual preference? I think it is. The problem with the word "fetish" is that it has a lot of unnecessary and negative psychological baggage that doesn't apply to most FAs. I don't understand why someone would want to adopt an inapplicable negative word (unless perhaps they want to punish themselves with guilt, or present some sort of "bad boy" image to the world).
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Old 01-11-2015, 10:18 AM   #17
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Well it's more effective in contemporary terms to describe whether you are straight, gay, or bisexual as a sexual orientation rather than being a preference. The latter implies you have some degree of control over it, and I'm sure most of us don't agree with that. Being an FA is a conundrum though, because I think some of us believe we can influence our preferences. Not manually control, but influence. I know I can based on my actions. I feel like being an FA is even more complicated because there are so many factors that go into it. Size, shape, features, acceptance level, and more can have an effect on who we are attracted to. Those factors can affect my preferences, but they don't change my orientation.

Even though I identify as bisizual, I still think I would be more willing to date a thin woman even if my FA tendencies were more pronounced, than my peers are willing to date even a chubby woman. That's my biggest argument against a difference in designation between those who are attracted to thin partners, and those who aren't.
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Old 01-11-2015, 12:24 PM   #18
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Well it's more effective in contemporary terms to describe whether you are straight, gay, or bisexual as a sexual orientation rather than being a preference. The latter implies you have some degree of control over it, and I'm sure most of us don't agree with that. Being an FA is a conundrum though, because I think some of us believe we can influence our preferences. Not manually control, but influence. I know I can based on my actions. I feel like being an FA is even more complicated because there are so many factors that go into it. Size, shape, features, acceptance level, and more can have a effect on who we are attracted to. Those factors can affect my preferences, but they don't change my orientation.

Even though I identify as bisizual, I still think I would be more willing to date a thin woman even if my FA tendencies were more pronounced, than my peers are willing to date even a chubby woman. That's my biggest argument against a difference in designation between those who are attracted to thin partners, and those who aren't.

Yes, IMHO one part of a person's brain can override another. Example (that doesn't involve size): when I was about 21 I invited a girl I'd met back to my apartment. After it became clear that we'd be hooking up I asked her about birth control -- she said don't worry I can't have kids. Some deep primitive part of my brain switched off my libido. The last thing my conscious brain wanted was to have a baby with this girl so this should have been good news. However, the more primal part of my brain was saying don't waste your time with this one. After a few minutes my conscious brain prevailed and the evening continued as planned.

My point is that -- at least to some extent -- it is possible to override deep seated preferences.

With regard to weight -- I've enjoyed having sex with very large women -- however, when it came to longer term relationships my primal brain and conscious brain reached a compromise -- mostly mid-sized BBWs.
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Old 01-11-2015, 07:33 PM   #19
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Yes, IMHO one part of a person's brain can override another.
If it couldn't, AA would never have gotten off the ground. Thanks for making the point.
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Old 01-12-2015, 06:39 AM   #20
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I have to say that for me personally, preference isn't really the right word for it. I have a preference for dark hair and for shorter people but one of the most attractive and gorgeous person I have ever met was over six foot with platinum blond hair. And I don't feel like I am 'missing out' on anything by being with someone tall or blond etc. But if I was going out with somebody skinny? Well, yes, I would feel that I was missing out to a certain degree because I'd always be wanting to touch and feel and be with a chubbier person. I can be attracted to skinny people with awesome personalities but long term I'm not sure it would work out because I'd always be looking longingly at bigger people.

In conclusion, I wouldn't say that preference or fetish are really the right words to use for me personally as neither really explain that, you know?
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Old 01-12-2015, 07:59 AM   #21
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Fat appreciation is not a fetish, it's a preference. If you have fetishes attached to it, that's a different issue. But fat =/= fetish.
Right, that would be a fat fetish..... but "FA" is used generally enough, with little enough definition, that I think people will take whatever interest in fat they have and say "Ah, at last--I have a term for what I like!" Some of those people may have a fat fetish, but call it fat appreciation.... and people sometimes expect that others who used the same label feel the same way.

It is a bit like the word “shy.” Some people who call themselves shy are simply quiet introverts, not apt to push themselves into a busy conversation, while others who may use that term have near crippling social anxiety, and various things between and around those terms. (maybe this happens less than it used to, as anxiety and social anxiety become terms in more common use, but I think this is at least somewhat still the case). Shy just became the catch-all description for anyone who was ‘backwards about being forward.’

So there is a split between what the term should mean, and how people actually use it. Welcome to the English language!


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I have to say that for me personally, preference isn't really the right word for it. I have a preference for dark hair and for shorter people but one of the most attractive and gorgeous person I have ever met was over six foot with platinum blond hair. And I don't feel like I am 'missing out' on anything by being with someone tall or blond etc. But if I was going out with somebody skinny? Well, yes, I would feel that I was missing out to a certain degree because I'd always be wanting to touch and feel and be with a chubbier person. I can be attracted to skinny people with awesome personalities but long term I'm not sure it would work out because I'd always be looking longingly at bigger people.

In conclusion, I wouldn't say that preference or fetish are really the right words to use for me personally as neither really explain that, you know?
Loopy, I’m familiar with that sort of experience myself. In trying to describe my feelings, years ago, I termed it that I have a number of ‘hot-buttons.’ That is, features (physical, mental, emotional) that tended to grab and hold my interest. The more of those hot-buttons someone hits, the more I’m apt to be interested in them (granted, some cause me to respond more strongly than others).

Some of those hot-buttons have a tendency to cluster together sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that they are only found together, and it doesn’t mean that any particular hot-button was ever necessary to what I liked, just that someone hit enough of them over-all. Also, sometimes frequent clusters led me to think one thing about what I liked, that I later realized was not the case. I.E. in younger days I thought I preferred short women. Eventually I realized that actually I liked a number of things that in teenagers, seemed to have been more common amongst the shorter women of my acquaintance: higher hip to height ratio, good posture, and a sassy attitude (I’m not saying those are universal, just that in my formative years I found those clustered in a lot of the shorter girls that I knew).

A fetish, of course, is a whole different beast. It is not a manner of how many things you like about someone, it is an outright requirement for sexual arousal. No matter how many attractive qualities the other person has, without your fetish being engaged, you won’t be aroused.
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Old 01-14-2015, 03:58 PM   #22
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Hi all. First post here.

I'm afraid I've never been someone who analyses things, or myself, too deeply.

I know what I like, what makes me enjoy life, what makes me smile, what I want to pursue.

With regard to sexual preference I realised that overweight women, and the whole concept of gluttony / lack of fitness, really turned me on when I was on my early teens.

It's never been all-consuming, but as I get older it forms a bigger part of my existence.

I'd summarise it thus: if I had the opportunity to get it together with one of a pair of twins. Both very good looking. One is really fit, goes to the gym regularly, muscular, hint of a six pack. The other does very little exercise, eats too much, and as a consequence is flabby and out of shape.

I'd fancy both. Have a great tine with either. But given the choice: curvy soft girl every time. I'd never get bored, never fall out of lust.

It's how I'm wired.
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Old 01-14-2015, 04:37 PM   #23
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Interesting discussion. Frankly, I haven't thought that much about the concept of a "sexual fetish." It does seem to me that the term does some of the work that "pervert" did in a less polite era. No one ever talks about the desire for thin partners as a "fetish." The word "fetish" seems, in part, to be a way of denoting desires that are considered deviant or outside the norm.

This is probably why I tend not to like the term.

But if, by "fetish," we simply mean, a specific pre-requisite for sexual arousal, then gosh, I'm actually not a "fat fetishist." I've gotten hot and heavy with a couple of relatively thin ladies in my time, and arousal wasn't a problem, although they weren't my preferred type. Once you're getting intimate, a lot of other sensual factors come into play and have the desired effect.

Yet saying all of that doesn't do full justice to the extent to which I am wired to lust after BBWs. Are you kidding? Out in public, the only women I'll look at "in that way" are BBWs. When I look at porn, it's BBWs. In my head, it's BBWs. And no, this was in no way a choice - why would I "choose" an orientation that throws me outside the mainstream? Geez, in the pre-internet era, even finding BBW porn was a chore. A lot of frustration and isolation accompanied this "preference."

Fuelingfire is on the right track that being an FA is something like being gay. I don't think it's nearly as painful as being gay often has been - nobody ever tried to make FA-BBW relations illegal, for instance, and I doubt many FAs have committed suicide because they are so torn by the own sexual identity, which still happens to too many LGBT young people. On the other hand, being FA is not nearly as publicly accepted nowadays as being gay is (or so I'd argue). It's still widely regarded as a deviant fetish, where gayness is only seen this way by Neanderthals.

Rambling answer. Sorry.
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Old 01-14-2015, 08:22 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choudhury View Post

...

But if, by "fetish," we simply mean, a specific pre-requisite for sexual arousal, then gosh, I'm actually not a "fat fetishist." I've gotten hot and heavy with a couple of relatively thin ladies in my time, and arousal wasn't a problem, although they weren't my preferred type. Once you're getting intimate, a lot of other sensual factors come into and have the desired effect.
I too have been with a couple of thin women and arousal wasn't a problem. Good thing to since my wife is now under 175 pounds.

I've always been physically attracted to large women but there have been quite a few smaller women who have turned my head over the years. However, the smaller women never seemed interested in me so I pretty much stuck with BBWs.



Quote:
Originally Posted by choudhury View Post
Yet saying all of that doesn't do full justice to the extent to which I am wired to lust after BBWs. Are you kidding? Out in public, the only women I'll look at "in that way" are BBWs. When I look at porn, it's BBWs. In my head, it's BBWs. And no, this was in no way a choice - why would I "choose" an orientation that throws me outside the mainstream? Geez, in the pre-internet era, even finding BBW porn was a chore. A lot of frustration and isolation accompanied this "preference."

...
I've lusted after mostly BBWs but more and more I find myself attracted to thin women too. So if its a hardwired preference can it change over time?
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Old 01-14-2015, 09:10 PM   #25
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If it's "hardwired," then it can't change. It's part of the hardware, like sexual orientation. If your attraction to big people can change, then it isn't hardwired.
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