Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BHM/FFA



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-08-2015, 03:35 PM   #101
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,428
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
People need to realize that long term relationships are essentially economic in nature. If one or both parties to a relationship are dead weight the relationship is likely doomed. If a person wants to be part of a long-term relationship the first step is to ensure that they bring something to the table.

The best way to increase one's marketability is by getting an education and/or a career.
Sometimes I really wonder if we are of the same species, so different are our takes on things.... or possibly you are using 'economic' in a very broad sense to indicate all the things that one brings to a relationship (warm hugs, a willingness to clean the cat's litter box, an awesome carrot soup recipe....).

If we really want to look at relationships through an economic lens, I’d look at ideal communism—“from each according to their means, to each according to their need.” As with all cases of ideal communism, that only works if everyone involved is more interested in making the association work than in what they can get for themselves.

Mind you, even from a selfish point of view, it is possible to think you contribute more to the relationship than does your partner, but to also feel all the richer for being in that partnership! It is the wonders of specialization, division of labour, and efficiencies of scale. Two people pulling together consume less resources while generating more output that two individuals going their own path. So I guess we can thank Adam Smith for putting economic theory around something people have known since before modern humans evolved.
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2015, 04:11 PM   #102
tankyguy
 
tankyguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NS Canada
Posts: 519
tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
If we really want to look at relationships through an economic lens, I’d look at ideal communism—“from each according to their means, to each according to their need.”
Forget that noise. Laissez-faire Objectivist relationships for the win.
tankyguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2015, 08:25 PM   #103
Xyantha Reborn
- Actually Very Tame!
 
Xyantha Reborn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,647
Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.Xyantha Reborn has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I rewrote this post like five times! Why do the intertubes hate me today? GAH!


Be relentless and open. You are worth it! There are so many guys looking for a long term relationship...but keep in mind that marriage or its equivalent for some guys (and girls) is terrifying. They see their uncles, buds, brothers get screwed over financially and emotionally.They see them forced into having children that they didn't really want, then having to pay support to barely see them. They fall for a girl only to have her throw him aside. Some guys also see it as a sexual limitation. "It's like eating pizza for the rest of your life" ....."

The right guy will be like "pizza? forever!? THATS AWESOME! I LOVE PIZZA!"

And you will love him loving pizza. Literal pizza, not figurative pizza.



I agree with bringing something to the table; it doesn't have to be equal. In fact, if it is long term, it probably wont be.

I edited my guy's essays until 2am in the morning when he NEEDED that for school. He bought me a computer when I was so poor I couldn't afford it. The government sent him a tax assessment with a shifted zero (omg) and I helped him through that stress. He helped pay my car loan. Suddenly I had a way better job and I started paying down his debts. Our financial status and availability have fluctuated, with each of us bearing up when the other needs it. I can almost guarantee my income will exceed his...but that doesn't matter, because all of our money is pooled anywho.

I think if we are going to involve economics, the law of diminishing return comes into effect. If your partner is not 'trying' (fixed input) there is a tipping point in the relationship where you are no longer receiving the same benefit, no matter how much energy you throw into it (increased input).

In my experience the older men are generally more inclined to settle down. I married a guy 10 years older because his maturity matched mine, and he was done with his party years.

Be honest about what you want from the relationship up front; if he isn't interested, let him bolt.
Xyantha Reborn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2015, 08:51 PM   #104
lucca23v2
Curves for miles
 
lucca23v2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NYC!
Posts: 2,011
lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Xyantha.... I so wish I could rep you for that comment! Since I can't right now.. I will put it on my "people to rep" list so that when it comes back up.. I will remember to rep you!

That comment hits the nail on the head.
lucca23v2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2015, 09:07 PM   #105
tankyguy
 
tankyguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NS Canada
Posts: 519
tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!tankyguy has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn View Post
They see their uncles, buds, brothers get screwed over financially and emotionally.They see them forced into having children that they didn't really want, then having to pay support to barely see them. They fall for a girl only to have her throw him aside.
That's the dark side of marriage. Often, people forget women can take advantage of men too.


Xyantha knows the score. The LTRs that work out are ones based on egalitarianism and mutual support. People stay together when they compliment the other person and their goals.
tankyguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2015, 09:34 PM   #106
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Sometimes I really wonder if we are of the same species, so different are our takes on things.... or possibly you are using 'economic' in a very broad sense to indicate all the things that one brings to a relationship (warm hugs, a willingness to clean the cat's litter box, an awesome carrot soup recipe....).

If we really want to at relationships through an economic lens, I’d look at ideal communism—“from each according to their means, to each according to their need.” As with all cases of ideal communism, that only works if everyone involved is more interested in making the association work than in what they can get for themselves.

Mind you, even from a selfish point of view, it is possible to think you contribute more to the relationship than does your partner, but to also feel all the richer for being in that partnership! It is the wonders of specialization, division of labour, and efficiencies of scale. Two people pulling together consume less resources while generating more output that two individuals going their own path. So I guess we can thank Adam Smith for putting economic theory around something people have known since before modern humans evolved.
The reality is that marriage has historically been an economic transaction. For a short period -- and only for the fortunate -- the idea of purely romantic love flourished. Today the hard reality of North American life dictates that to live even a moderately comfortable life most couples require two incomes. The economic imperative has returned.

Studies show that the emotion most toxic to a relationship is contempt. If one party to a relationship is not pulling their weight its likely this toxic emotion will rear its head. Thus a relationship of equals striving together is the most stable kind of relationship.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2015, 01:34 AM   #107
ODFFA
Ainsi sera...
 
ODFFA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The country below Nambia
Posts: 1,277
ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
That's the dark side of marriage. Often, people forget women can take advantage of men too.


Xyantha knows the score. The LTRs that work out are ones based on egalitarianism and mutual support. People stay together when they compliment the other person and their goals.
Absolutely, this. People do often forget that women take advantage as well. I have a very good guy-friend to whom this happened. His girlfriend was my best friend at the time. Mind you, this was minus the marriage and the children, but he got screwed over nonetheless.

Also, I was married. For.... 3.5 years. We lived in England. I thought we were coming back to SA for a short vacation. The day after we landed, he asked me for a divorce. I never got to say goodbye to my life in England and have been back in SA ever since. Surprisingly though, our divorce was finalised within a few months of all that and was quite amicable.

So, make no mistake, marriage terrifies me too. Matter of fact, *if I ever get married again, it will be anything but rushed. But I'm under no illusion of women being the only ones who get fucked over. For the record -- not that I think anyone assumed this, but it's worth saying -- my question wasn't really "Are there any nice men in the world?" I know loads of truly fantastic blokes. It really was just "Is it realistic to want a monogamous LTR as a human being?" And, granted, the question was born out of the difficult feels

But yes, what all of you have said is extremely helpful and they are things I really needed to be reminded of <3

Last edited by ODFFA; 01-09-2015 at 01:35 AM. Reason: Perfectionism
ODFFA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2015, 09:30 AM   #108
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn View Post

... They see their uncles, buds, brothers get screwed over financially and emotionally.They see them forced into having children that they didn't really want, then having to pay support to barely see them. They fall for a girl only to have her throw him aside. ...
This is exactly why people must consider the economic factors.

The strongest marriages are where both parties are educated and are invested in their careers. This creates a strong incentive to stay together for two reasons (only one economic). The economic reason is obvious -- when such relationships do end both parties suffer hence an incentive to stay together. A fringe benefit is that when your significant other has a challenging career he or she is much more likely to remain an interesting vibrant person who'd be hard to replace -- again an incentive to stay together.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2015, 03:19 PM   #109
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,428
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
This is exactly why people must consider the economic factors.

The strongest marriages are where both parties are educated and are invested in their careers. This creates a strong incentive to stay together for two reasons (only one economic). The economic reason is obvious -- when such relationships do end both parties suffer hence an incentive to stay together. A fringe benefit is that when your significant other has a challenging career he or she is much more likely to remain an interesting vibrant person who'd be hard to replace -- again an incentive to stay together.
Mac--would you care to moderate your wording, in deference to anyone who is not in this situation but who thinks that they have a mighty strong relationship? Or, heck, whose parents or grandparents didn't have this sort of relationship but lived a love story that could make you weep?

Simply adding "In my opinion" or even "In my experience" in front of a lot of your posts would make them go down a lot more easily. The really universal statements certainly get my back up when you assert something that is counter to my experiences, and I suspect that this is true of a fair number other people, too, based on responses that I see to a lot of your posts.

You are a smart, educated, experienced, guy, but that doesn't mean that you are omniscient--so it would be polite of you to allow for that in how you say things online (in person, of course, is quite different due to the presence of tone of voice, body language, etc).
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

Last edited by Tad; 01-09-2015 at 03:20 PM. Reason: clear up some wording.
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2015, 10:02 AM   #110
LeoGibson
Slangin'
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Houston
Posts: 3,343
LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.LeoGibson has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
The reality is that marriage has historically been an economic transaction. For a short period -- and only for the fortunate -- the idea of purely romantic love flourished. Today the hard reality of North American life dictates that to live even a moderately comfortable life most couples require two incomes. The economic imperative has returned.

Studies show that the emotion most toxic to a relationship is contempt. If one party to a relationship is not pulling their weight its likely this toxic emotion will rear its head. Thus a relationship of equals striving together is the most stable kind of relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
This is exactly why people must consider the economic factors.

The strongest marriages are where both parties are educated and are invested in their careers. This creates a strong incentive to stay together for two reasons (only one economic). The economic reason is obvious -- when such relationships do end both parties suffer hence an incentive to stay together. A fringe benefit is that when your significant other has a challenging career he or she is much more likely to remain an interesting vibrant person who'd be hard to replace -- again an incentive to stay together.
Well I'll be a cotton pickin' sonofabitch. I'm gonna have to run home and tell my wife of 17 years that we might as well go ahead and split up now. There's no way we can have a long marriage since we don't fit under your parameters for a successful LTR. She has stayed home mostly the entire time of it and runs the household while I work. So since we only have one income our life must be unbearably uncomfortable. Also, since she has a little college and I have none at all, we surely must be doomed. Huh, here it is after all this time and we didn't even realize we held each other in so much damn contempt. Anyone got the name of a good divorce lawyer?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ODFFA View Post
Here’s a question for anyone to mull over with me.

I know that “relationship” means different things to different people and that there are various kinds. I’ve been trying not to get too hung up on “relationship security,” live in the moment and take things as they come. But....I feel I have a lot to give and, to be honest, that scares me. I don’t want to take away any man’s freedom or ever make them feel obligated to be with me. Least of all someone I love. Hard as I’ve been trying to adjust my expectations, I can’t get over the scary-ness of giving so much of myself to someone with the thought that I have no guarantees of still being loved next month, or next week. But also, I struggle with the thought of withholding my affection.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t ask anyone to “promise me forever.” That’s one notion I have no problem letting go of. But I would so much like for a guy to WANT me in his foreseeable future. I fear that an amazing man will walk into my life with the best of intentions, only to find down the line that this one-woman business is terribly unfulfilling.

There are enough other challenges to a relationship without people feeling they have to deny their greatest needs. And I know there are many other reasons why people end things. That kind of trial and error I can live with. There are things about myself I work on and I’m always cognizant of being a pleasant person to date.

I still just wonder if it’s even realistic to want a fulfilling long-term relationship. And sometimes I also wonder why certain aspects of the male/female psychological make-up seem so incompatible. I’m starting to feel like being loved deeply -- albeit through the peaks and troughs -- for any length of time is too much to ask. But, as much as I would like to embrace the realities of life, I’d never wanted anything more. Trying to let go of that is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Well after giving this some thought. I have come up with the notion that in truth, all things in this life are transitory. Our lifespan is not even a blink in the eye of time. We are transitory. The earth itself is transitory, always evolving and changing and will one day be gone and in the history of time, that will be but a blip on the screen. What I'm getting at is that all things come and go. We have no guarantee of how long they actually will last, but to me the goal of this life is to cram it full of love and life experiences. There's no telling what comes next, we all have thoughts and ideas, but we don't know for 100% certainty. So I don't want to sit on the sidelines for this one. There will be ups and downs, good and bad, but they all blend together to make us who we are and it lets us bring a new dynamic to the next relationship after one goes bad.

Now, I'm not saying it is easy, or it won't hurt sometimes. But in my opinion it's worth it to throw caution to the wind and love fearlessly and with abandon. Hope and plan for forever but enjoy the time you do have with the person that you feel that way about and if it doesn't go until the end of your life, then try and look back on each one with fondness and love after a suitable time of healing has passed.

One other thing, and I'm fully aware that it takes both parties feeling the same way, but don't get lazy or give up. That's what sustains a long relationship. There will be times you don't much like each other, they will get on your nerves just by being on this earth, and you will do the same to them, but remember, that too is transitory. Don't give up because it has suddenly gotten harder to love them. As long as they are not abusive or cheating or engaging in some other egregious activity, then hang in there until you reach the other side. When you make it over those rugged mountains and get down into the next valley of your relationship, what you learn about yourself and your partner sinks your bond that much deeper and evolves your relationship to an even stronger and sweeter place. But that is easier said than done, and both need to feel the same way. One alone can't make it happen, although you may go through these times separately, where they are just fine with everything and you can't stand them, I've found that it happens that way more often than the two being at each other's throat simultaneously. But either way, my message is don't give up.

That still won't guarantee that you will make it to the finish line with that person, but as long as you know you gave your best it will make the parting easier over time and make you a better partner for the next person that comes along.
__________________
I was born a rebel, down in Dixie,On a Sunday morning,Yeah with one foot in the grave,And one foot on the pedal, I was born a rebel
LeoGibson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2015, 11:17 AM   #111
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Mac--would you care to moderate your wording, in deference to anyone who is not in this situation but who thinks that they have a mighty strong relationship? Or, heck, whose parents or grandparents didn't have this sort of relationship but lived a love story that could make you weep?

...
You're absolutely correct that many people from older (or past generations) had relationships were at least one person didn't have salaried work. However, many of these couples worked their butts off.

While I was born in New York City I grew up on a farm in Northern Alberta in an area that wasn't fully settled until after WWII. Most of our neighbors were Ukrainian (apparently Alberta looks a lot like Ukraine). My mom's best friend was a lady who -- with her husband -- had homesteaded the farm directly east of ours. They were born in Ukraine but their families had managed to escape before Stalin totally locked the place down. As a young couple they homesteaded land about 70 miles north of Edmonton. They cleared their land together. They built their house together. For over 40 years they worked side-by-side and built a prosperous farm (although they still lived in the original home they built and drove a very plain 15 year old pick-up). They had three daughters and bought each one a house outside Edmonton when they got married (paid cash). This couple actually loved each other (they were sightly more outwardly affectionate than most old farm couples) but they were also an economic team with each person pulling their weight. Its my opinion that their economic relationship strengthened their marriage.

Unfortunately there are ever fewer avenues outside of salaried work for young couples to pursue. More and more two salaries are need to fund a comfortable life. A stable economic situation is a prerequisite for a stable marriage. Thus the need for both parties to work. Perhaps more importantly when money is tight recriminations fly -- if one or both parties are not pulling their weight the chances of a relationship succeeding are slim.

Thus young people who want a long-term stable relationship are well advised to: (1) get an education/skill/trade/career so they can hold up their end, and (2) hook-up with someone who'll do the same.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2015, 11:32 AM   #112
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoGibson View Post

... Anyone got the name of a good divorce lawyer?

...
Sorry don't do family law -- that's for masochists only!

Also, I need to acknowledge that there are ways to earn a good living without going to college. Having a good trade works. However, these also require years of training (we really need to push apprenticeships more).

Regardless of what kind of training a young person pursues its imperative they do something to ensure their economic viability. People who are not economically are just not marriage material. Historically this used to apply only to men and men could be economically viable by just getting a job at the local factory, steel mill, refinery ... . Those days are over. Today, regardless of gender, if you're not economically viable your chances of founding and sustaining a long-term relationship plummet. That's just a cold hard fact.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2015, 11:44 AM   #113
lucca23v2
Curves for miles
 
lucca23v2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NYC!
Posts: 2,011
lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Bigmac -- what exactly does "pulling your equal weight" in the marriage mean to you?

It is not all about money. There are couples where one person stays home and takes care of the kids and manages the home and everything that goes with that. (ie, shopping, laundry, cleaning, running around with the kids, etc.)
That has as much value as bringing in money into the household. They may not be bringing in money, but they are pulling their weight in the marriage/partnership.
lucca23v2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2015, 12:26 PM   #114
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
Bigmac -- what exactly does "pulling your equal weight" in the marriage mean to you?

It is not all about money. There are couples where one person stays home and takes care of the kids and manages the home and everything that goes with that. (ie, shopping, laundry, cleaning, running around with the kids, etc.)
That has as much value as bringing in money into the household. They may not be bringing in money, but they are pulling their weight in the marriage/partnership.
In most cases there won't even be a home unless both parties work. Taking care of a modern home is not a full-time job (not even close). As far as kids go the best thing parents can do (especially female parents of their daughters) is to model being a self-supporting person with their our career.

This is actually the position of many feminists. A position I wholeheartedly support. A smart partner with their own job and outside interests is someone who's likely to be an interesting person. A person who voluntarily decides to spend all day obsessing over domestic tasks not so much.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2015, 03:01 PM   #115
lucca23v2
Curves for miles
 
lucca23v2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NYC!
Posts: 2,011
lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!lucca23v2 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
In most cases there won't even be a home unless both parties work. Taking care of a modern home is not a full-time job (not even close). As far as kids go the best thing parents can do (especially female parents of their daughters) is to model being a self-supporting person with their our career.

This is actually the position of many feminists. A position I wholeheartedly support. A smart partner with their own job and outside interests is someone who's likely to be an interesting person. A person who voluntarily decides to spend all day obsessing over domestic tasks not so much.
Wow.. really? So the only one that has worth is the parent that goes out to work? So the parent at home tending to the families need means nothing? has no value? Just wow.. how can someone so educated be so obtuse?

A parent at home can encourage a female child to go out and be independent just as much as the parent that is working.

FYI.. cleaning and cooking are jobs last I checked there are maids.. and house cleaning business and lets not forget chefs... just because the person is doing it within the context of being married does not make it any less of a job.. smh..

All that being said.. getting back to the main point of the thread.... You can help someone as much as they want to be helped. My advice is to find a BHM(s) that are confident in themselves. There are many out there. Good luck OP
lucca23v2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:51 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.