Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > FA/FFA forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-13-2015, 06:22 PM   #1
huge
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7
huge can now change their title
Default FA Frustrations

Do you guys feel like you have a less active dating life because of your preferences?

That's to say, do you find it harder to meet women and take them out? / Feel like you see more thin girls than fat girls?

Also, swinger, single, married, or in a relationship?
huge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2015, 08:00 PM   #2
magodamilion
 
magodamilion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 48
magodamilion can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesmagodamilion can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Yeah I fully agree with that.

I'm an FFA with a completely inactive dating life and I think that's part of it, sheer numbers.

If approximately 15% of the general population is obese and more older people are then younger people, we could estimate that maybe 5% of guys under 30 are BHM's. And out of that small number about 99.999% of them aren't attracted to me or are married or are religious. I wish I could reprogram myself to be into whoever happens to be interested in me (which is barely anyone) but that just isn't physically possible.
magodamilion is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2015, 10:04 PM   #3
Amaranthine
Adamant Anti-Nihilist
 
Amaranthine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 1,437
Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by magodamilion View Post
If approximately 15% of the general population is obese and more older people are then younger people, we could estimate that maybe 5% of guys under 30 are BHM's. And out of that small number about 99.999% of them aren't attracted to me or are married or are religious.
I agree that numbers are a big part of it; when you try to incorporate personal preferences, both physical and mental, it seems as if you're looking at an impractically constricted pool.

* Realistically speaking, you're just not going to be attracted to all BHMs. General appearance comes into play, hygiene, and the fact that people gain weight in different ways.

* Intellectually and personality-wise, you're also just not going to be compatible with many, many people. Regardless of their body. Especially when religiousness is a deal-breaker, though I haven't had much trouble finding fellow seculars online or in school. Then again, I do not live in Texas.

* Insecurity + body issues: FAs probably have to deal with that obstacle more than the average non-FA.

Personally, I've never really been approached by a BHM. Plenty of thin men. Women don't typically have to adopt the role of the pursuer, but I think being an FFA might change that dynamic a bit, in many cases. I'm currently in a relationship; my dating life has actually been, comparatively, very active...except that wouldn't be the case if I hadn't also dated non-BHMs. At times I've definitely wished I had a wider range of attraction.
__________________
"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."
Amaranthine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2015, 09:43 AM   #4
The Orange Mage
♓ Fishy Pisces! ♓
 
The Orange Mage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,282
The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!The Orange Mage keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Being real with myself helped this regards. The various "things" I have narrowed things down over time quite a bit.

First I realized while young I liked fat women. Okay, simple enough. However, I realized shortly thereafter that most women hated being fat and being with someone who liked that aspect of them wasn't going to work.

This point would have been in high school, so as you might imagine, finding a fat girl who liked her body as much as I did was impossible.

Then I got my head out of my ass and realized I was feedist. This had a dual effect because a large percentage of women who identify as feedees love their bodies! However, there are simply very very few feedees out there. I got lucky and hit it off with someone who was.

(Later I would realize I'm trans, which narrows things down further to trans-accepting lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, etc. IT'S BEEN A HELL OF A RIDE LEMME TELL YA)
The Orange Mage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2015, 04:16 PM   #5
choudhury
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 118
choudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this board
Default

Speaking as a male FA, I don't think there is a shortage of BBWs out there. If we're talking about extreme obesity, then yes, but if we mean by 'BBW' all women who are significantly overweight, then the percentages seem pretty good.

My frustrations, back when I was dating (I'm married now), were twofold:

1. A lot of attractive BBWs didn't present themselves as attractive. They had, I felt and still feel, a disproportionate tendency to dress drably, for instance. Low self-esteem is obviously a factor in this, and outward style and expression of low self-regard. Speaking purely a 'selfish' viewpoint, seeing beauty hiding itself under baggy shirts, hoodies, etc., is uninspiring and a bit gloomy, and it's hard to be super-excited about asking someone out when they're radiating indifference to themselves.

2. I had my own self-esteem issues, and being an FA made it harder. It was as if there was an extra layer of confusion/insecurity, centred in having unfashionable preferences, added to the fairly normal confusion and insecurities of being a single young person. That said, FAness wasn't the main problem. But it didn't help my confidence any to have my tastes be regarded by male friends or associates as 'weird' or 'disgusting.' (The latter being a word I would NEVER use regarding the body of any woman).
choudhury is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2015, 05:39 AM   #6
lille
 
lille's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 1,131
lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by choudhury View Post

1. A lot of attractive BBWs didn't present themselves as attractive. They had, I felt and still feel, a disproportionate tendency to dress drably, for instance. Low self-esteem is obviously a factor in this, and outward style and expression of low self-regard. Speaking purely a 'selfish' viewpoint, seeing beauty hiding itself under baggy shirts, hoodies, etc., is uninspiring and a bit gloomy, and it's hard to be super-excited about asking someone out when they're radiating indifference to themselves.
Along with self esteem, you need to factor in the fact that fat women are told they cannot wear the same fashionable things as thinner women, and that their choices are much more limited because fewer stores sell fashionable clothing in plus sizes. And some of the places that sell plus sizes just sell larger versions of smaller clothes, instead of designing things meant to fit and flatter larger bodies. Even if they want to dress well, it's harder than it would be for a thinner woman.
lille is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2015, 02:00 PM   #7
choudhury
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 118
choudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this board
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lille View Post
Along with self esteem, you need to factor in the fact that fat women are told they cannot wear the same fashionable things as thinner women, and that their choices are much more limited because fewer stores sell fashionable clothing in plus sizes. And some of the places that sell plus sizes just sell larger versions of smaller clothes, instead of designing things meant to fit and flatter larger bodies. Even if they want to dress well, it's harder than it would be for a thinner woman.
That's a good point. And I've never understood this. If 1/3 of the population is overweight, that is a huge market (excuse the pun). Why don't retailers supply nice clothes to that under-served demographic? It seems like they're leaving profits on the table for no reason other than fat-phobia.

The flip side of this is that you do see BBWs now and then presenting themselves very stylishly. I was knocked out a little while ago by a twentysomething BBW in a bookstore who was wearing a really stylin' fall jacket and scarf and just looked gorgeous. So, some BBWs do find ways to present themselves attractively. I still think a disproportionate number prefer to take the "what's the use?" approach, and - from the "FA frustration" standpoint - that's really too bad.
choudhury is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2015, 07:55 PM   #8
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by choudhury View Post

The flip side of this is that you do see BBWs now and then presenting themselves very stylishly.
There'$ probably a rea$on for thi$. BBW's tell me that really nice clothes in large sizes are disproportionately more expensive than in misses' sizes, even taking into account the fact that they require more material. This may be changing as businessmen slowly come to realize how much demand there is for style in larger sizes. At least we can hope.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2015, 08:50 PM   #9
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,428
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

This will overlap somewhat with lower self-esteem, but only in part: some fat people really prefer not to be noticed. Presumably because their experience is that being noticed brings bad things more than good things. This will tend to result in clothing and general fashion choices meant to camouflage and fade, rather than to stand out and reveal. Not good for FA that want to see those fat bodies, but it may be making life less stressful for the person inside the clothes.
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist

Last edited by Tad; 01-15-2015 at 09:10 PM.
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2015, 09:09 PM   #10
Marlayna
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,278
Marlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
This will overlap somewhat with lower self-esteem, but only in part: some fat people really prefer not to be noticed. Presumably because their experience is that being noticed brings bad things more than good things. This will tend to result in clothing and general fashion choices meant to camouflage and fade, rather than to stand out and reveal. Not good for FA that want to see those fat bodies, but it may be making life less stressful for the person inside the clothes.
Very perceptive.
Marlayna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 01:54 AM   #11
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by choudhury View Post
That's a good point. And I've never understood this. If 1/3 of the population is overweight, that is a huge market (excuse the pun). Why don't retailers supply nice clothes to that under-served demographic? It seems like they're leaving profits on the table for no reason other than fat-phobia.

The flip side of this is that you do see BBWs now and then presenting themselves very stylishly. I was knocked out a little while ago by a twentysomething BBW in a bookstore who was wearing a really stylin' fall jacket and scarf and just looked gorgeous. So, some BBWs do find ways to present themselves attractively. I still think a disproportionate number prefer to take the "what's the use?" approach, and - from the "FA frustration" standpoint - that's really too bad.
There is a whole fatshion world out there where fat girls have to go out of our way to find awesome clothes. But that's just it. We have to go out of our way. Nice fashionable clothes have to be curated like museum pieces because they are so hard to find. Not every girl (even skinny ones) is into fashion to begin with. Some girls are girly girls and some prefer to dress more masculine and some like a mix of both.

Clothing manufactures cite the expense to make larger sizes as the reason they don't offer them. Some bullshit about having to buy new sets of equipment and new patterns, and new fit models, not just more fabric as cost prohibitive. There was recently a petition going around to old navy because a woman noticed the men's plus size pants cost the same as straight sizes but that women's plus size pants cost twice as much even tho the sizes for plus size men and women were comparable. Old Navy said the cost was higher for plus size women's clothes because of the cost of production was higher for reasons I stated above. So the kinds of clothes we'd like to wear often just don't exist, or if they do they cost too much. So we end up wearing what fits and what is affordable. Because fashion rules dictate that fat girls should only wear certain kinds of clothes the choices are sometimes drab. A girl cannot live in poly-cotton blends alone.

Some fat girls do prefer comfort over style. Some days I wear super cute dresses and some days I wear a tshirt and a pair of jeans. I really hope on the days I'm wearing a tshirt and jeans that dudes don't think I'm not trying, cause on those days I'm really not thinking about what a dude is going to think. I'm just thinking that I'd really like to wear a doctor who tshirt and a pair of jeans with my addidas that day cause I feel like it.
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 03:56 AM   #12
fritzi
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Middle of nowhere
Posts: 314
fritzi knows EXACTLY what's going onfritzi knows EXACTLY what's going onfritzi knows EXACTLY what's going onfritzi knows EXACTLY what's going onfritzi knows EXACTLY what's going onfritzi knows EXACTLY what's going on
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by olwen View Post
Clothing manufactures cite the expense to make larger sizes as the reason they don't offer them.
From my observation it at least in part has to something to do with it that fashion companies prize image almost as much as they do profit.

I'm a size 14-16, meaning I can shop at the upper end of regular sizes and at the lower end of real plus-sizes.

With regular sizes at the begin of the season, you find like 5 pieces of a style stocked in size 4-8, 4 items in size 10-12 and only 2 items in size 14-16. At the end of the season the picture mostly is 4 pieces size 4, 3 pieces size 6 and 1 piece size 8 as leftovers on sale.

This isn't a one-off, but a regular pattern you'll find in most stores. To me it seems that fashion retailers are more keen on maintaining their image of making fashion for thin, trendy, chic women than for the actual shopping demographic. And it can be assumed that the bigger the size, the more potentially image damaging it sees to a fashion company. For a business perspective I don't get it...
fritzi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 07:57 AM   #13
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fritzi View Post
To me it seems that fashion retailers are more keen on maintaining their image of making fashion for thin, trendy, chic women than for the actual shopping demographic. And it can be assumed that the bigger the size, the more potentially image damaging it sees to a fashion company. For a business perspective I don't get it...
After thirty years of attempting to teach business majors, I seriously doubt that American industry is run by the brightest crayons in the box.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 09:42 AM   #14
loopytheone
Administrator
 
loopytheone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Robinhoodland
Posts: 3,350
loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

The talk about clothes and stuff is very interesting to me. Especially as I am a BBW and have noticed that people can treat me very differently depending on the way I am dressed.

Most of the time I dress I dress in trainers, sweat pants, a men's t-shirt, no bra, no makeup, and just brushed but not styled hair. This is normal for me because this is how I feel comfortable. But often, when dressed like this, I get disregarded and ignored.

The other day I was going to view a flat and so had to look 'responsible' and so went out in makeup, hair up and styled, long skirt, boots etc and the way I am looked at and responded to is very different. I am taken more seriously by people when I am dressed like that. I find it pretty frustrating as I find being done up like this seriously uncomfortable, like I am in drag or something. It doesn't seem fair I get treated so much better when I look that way.

It is also frustrating to me that so many people negatively judge a woman for not wearing 'nice' clothes. There is even some of that on this board, with the implication that unless a woman is dressed stylishly then she has low self esteem, or she is trying to hide herself, or she has given up on life. That's kinda a horrible thing to assume/put on someone when you think about it, isn't it? I mean, it hurts to think that people think I have 'given up on myself' just because I'm fat and prefer the style of clothes that I like.

Just a thought for you all.
loopytheone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 10:10 AM   #15
YoJoshua
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 32
YoJoshua can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesYoJoshua can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
This will overlap somewhat with lower self-esteem, but only in part: some fat people really prefer not to be noticed. Presumably because their experience is that being noticed brings bad things more than good things. This will tend to result in clothing and general fashion choices meant to camouflage and fade, rather than to stand out and reveal. Not good for FA that want to see those fat bodies, but it may be making life less stressful for the person inside the clothes.
I have found this to be true as well. There was a woman I knew who deliberately "kept herself at a high weight" because when she did, men looked right past her, and that's how she wanted it. When she lost weight and men started coming at her with sexual energy, ie "I would tap that" she didn't like it. She also said being fat was a way to make people get to know her, to "look past" her body. I don't think she had an idea that there were guys who would like her BECAUSE of her high weight. This was a long time ago, and one person doesn't represent everyone but it was illuminating for me personally. Everyone always makes blanket assumptions about why someone is big but there are so many, many different nuances and reasons, some biological, some emotional, some sexual, or all the above.
YoJoshua is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 10:25 AM   #16
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by huge View Post
Do you guys feel like you have a less active dating life because of your preferences?

That's to say, do you find it harder to meet women and take them out?
...
When I was dating I would see lots of attractive large women. However, I usually encountered them in situations were it would be inappropriate to approach them. Women -- fat or thin -- generally don't like being approached by a stranger while they're trying to get their grocery shopping done.

In situations and at places where women are generally more open to being approached (i.e. bars, pubs, clubs, parties) large women are a rarity. In effect, by staying home, many large women take themselves out of the dating pool. BBW events ameliorate this situation for a certain demographic only.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 10:30 AM   #17
YoJoshua
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 32
YoJoshua can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesYoJoshua can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
When I was dating I would see lots of attractive large women. However, I usually encountered them in situations were it would be inappropriate to approach them. Women -- fat or thin -- generally don't like being approached by a stranger while they're trying to get their grocery shopping done.

In situations and at places where women are generally more open to being approached (i.e. bars, pubs, clubs, parties) large women are a rarity. In effect, by staying home, many large women take themselves out of the dating pool. BBW events ameliorate this situation for a certain demographic only.
I have to disagree with this, while respecting your experience and loving the word "ameliorate"...

Grocery stores in my opinion are some of the greatest places to make conversation with attractive strangers! I love to cook and I find so many women are ready to "assist" you when you say, "I am trying to make this lasagna, but I don't know if I should use frozen spinach or fresh..." etc.

I am talking about true conversation, not conversation with a subtext of "The whole reason I am talking to you is to get you to come home with me and take your clothes off."

YoJoshua is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 11:24 AM   #18
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Maybe some people can get away with approaching random women. However some of us are more likely to get pepper sprayed than to get a phone number.

If you're a guy and you fit a stereotype of what a "bad" guy looks like you have to tread very lightly.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 12:43 PM   #19
FatAndProud
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,888
FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.FatAndProud has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
Maybe some people can get away with approaching random women. However some of us are more likely to get pepper sprayed than to get a phone number.

If you're a guy and you fit a stereotype of what a "bad" guy looks like you have to tread very lightly.
You suck at asking women out, we get it. You're married so don't worry about it. However, don't be jealous of other men that have the big brass balls to ask a woman out, regardless of her weight. Grown men need to grow up. Ugggghhhhhhh.
FatAndProud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 05:08 PM   #20
bigmac
 
bigmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Redwood Coast
Posts: 10,364
bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!bigmac keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
You suck at asking women out, we get it. You're married so don't worry about it. However, don't be jealous of other men that have the big brass balls to ask a woman out, regardless of her weight. Grown men need to grow up. Ugggghhhhhhh.
While I didn't and wouldn't accost women on the street I did manage to hook-up with my fair share of females. Indeed many more than most of the guys with "balls" you reference. Propositioning women on the street is actually the polar opposite of what it means to be a grown-up.
bigmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 06:44 PM   #21
Yakatori
Hard to say, really...
 
Yakatori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: "Empire State of Mind"
Posts: 2,349
Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

Yeah, she might be projecting here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by FatAndProud View Post
"...don't be jealous of other men that have the big brass balls to ask a woman out, regardless of her weight...."
Not any kind of pick-up artist; but, just based on my own personal observation of compare and contrast amongst peers: The guys who're actually most "successful" at this, it's not because they have such a great deal of confidence or fight. Although, maybe just a bit more than average. Either just when it comes to this or in general.

It really has more to do with how they don't really have so much invested in talking or negotiating with any one person. They literally approach hundreds if not thousands of people in the course of a week's time.

Intuitively, they seem to know precisely just how much to put into a relationship as to barely maintain it. But, again, it's more about volume; against the odds of such a wide pool, they're practically guaranteed to "get lucky" with a (relatively) much more consistent frequency.
Yakatori is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2015, 06:59 PM   #22
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post

The other day I was going to view a flat and so had to look 'responsible' and so went out in makeup, hair up and styled, long skirt, boots etc and the way I am looked at and responded to is very different. I am taken more seriously by people when I am dressed like that.
This applies just as much to men as to women. I get a WHOLE lot more respect when I'm wearing a coat and tie; when I'm in a three-piece suit with a gold watch chain peeking out of my vest I can pretty much call the shots. And this also ties in with what the other posters have said about meeting women. I enjoyed considerable success back in the day, and I attribute much of it to the fact that I dressed the part: crisp shirt, freshly pressed slacks, hair washed, freshly shaved, just a hint of after shave. In other words, I projected an image of cleanliness and responsibility that would make most Boy Scouts look louche. I truly believe that clothes make the man (or woman) -- at least in the eyes of most of the world.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2015, 01:43 AM   #23
Yakatori
Hard to say, really...
 
Yakatori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: "Empire State of Mind"
Posts: 2,349
Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!Yakatori keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default So what is right? And what is wrong? Gimme a sign...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
"Maybe some people can get away with approaching random women. However some of us are more likely to get pepper sprayed than to get a phone number.

If you're a guy and you fit a stereotype of what a "bad" guy looks like you have to tread very lightly.
"
This is a bit of a cop-out; because, as YoJoshua is beginning to touch-upon, you're conflating a whole series of intermediate steps that most people manage to negotiate without talking or thinking about it too much.

I mean, just for a second, hypothetically, take it out of a dating or sexual context. And into networking. Or sales. Obviously, you're undercutting yourself to just walk up to anyone you have no previous history with only to ask them for something, anything, straight-away. (And yet, there ARE people who succeed in doing precisely that, just about every day). No, first you have to introduce yourself.

And then you have to give them at least some opportunity in order to reciprocate. To articulate or somehow telegraph a language or set of terms through which the two of you can continue to relate towards each other.

And then it can gradually progress beyond the scope of that original introduction, or whatever terms contained therein. To the extent that the other party is allowing it. For which you, of course, consider it to be out of your hands.

Except, it really isn't because, among a myriad of other things, their decision is at least partly based on how you are behaving toward them. Generally, if you are attentive, polite, considerate, etc...people you are approaching will more so tend to mirror that behavior. And, to some extent, in contrast with...how they truly are, or what they're feeling, or what they think of you or your proposition. Although, again, at this particular stage, you shouldn't yet even be entering into any of that..

Because, at this point, it's about getting in sync, learning each other's respective pace and adjusting accordingly. Giving only as much as they will readily take and, simultaneously, listening to and hearing them, being demonstrative of all of that.

Obviously, some people are real good at all of this. They do it in a way that just makes it all look so simple. They read people & establish report in a relatively quick & efficient process. Still, it doesn't change the basic fact of how there are discrete steps involved.

Once you fully appreciate that, & commit to it; only then can you really begin to go on about how receptive someone is or isn't to whatever you're selling. And, of course, after you repeat that process a few thousand times over; okay, then you have some better idea of the innate marketability of some particular product.

So, yes, it’s fair to say that many woman, if not most people-in general, don’t like being approached by strangers. (Does anyone? What’s your reaction to seeing an unfamiliar number on your caller-ID? It’s a nuisance, an imposition, etc… ) However, the very object of the exercise in an introduction is to be able to move past that phase relatively quickly. In that sense, virtually every human relationship begins the same way, between two strangers meeting as such.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
"...In situations and at places where women are generally more open to being approached (i.e. bars, pubs, clubs, parties) large women are a rarity. In effect, by staying home, many large women take themselves out of the dating pool. BBW events ameliorate this situation for a certain demographic only."
You’re right in that there are situations where it's not really appropriate to ask someone out or hit on them. Probably many fewer where a simple, polite introduction is either frowned upon, or otherwise necessarily viewed within a context of some suspicion.

However, it bears mentioning here that where lots "shy guys" tend to go wrong is in the idea of just perpetually looking at someone, staring & then looking away, without any word at all. Honestly, that frightens people, is more (vaguely) threatening in general, worse than any ham-handed type of approach. Really, that is a case of a shy person doing what's easiest, less-painful, etc...just for them. And necessarily at the expense of the feelings, comfort, etc...of the person they're dealing with.

Seriously. If you see someone who you find more than mildly physically attractive, or even if they’re just a bit odd or different-looking, and you think you just might be a bit tempted to stare; instead, force yourself to first say something, like "Hey, how's going?...

Or, "Excuse me, ... as you're walking past. Or even as a guy interacting with other guys, just a simple verbal acknowledgement delivered in the appropriately warm, relaxed tone can be very disarming.

Also, I can appreciate the point of how for lots of guys, perhaps most average guys, that approaching women in the type of situations where it’s more expected feels easier, more comfortable. However, again, that something seems-easier, more comfortable, ect… is not really the same as it being advantageous. And so, hypothetically, for whatever group of people tends to take themselves out of that kind of milieu (night club, singles-event, mixer party, live music venue, etc…) it doesn’t really reduce the level of opportunity for connecting with them as such; but, in actuality, widens or broadens the range of it.

Of course, if you're not prepared to take advantage in those kind of situations, then it probably makes no difference either way...
Yakatori is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2015, 03:11 PM   #24
choudhury
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 118
choudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this boardchoudhury carries a lot of weight on this board
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
The talk about clothes and stuff is very interesting to me. Especially as I am a BBW and have noticed that people can treat me very differently depending on the way I am dressed.

Most of the time I dress I dress in trainers, sweat pants, a men's t-shirt, no bra, no makeup, and just brushed but not styled hair. This is normal for me because this is how I feel comfortable. But often, when dressed like this, I get disregarded and ignored.

The other day I was going to view a flat and so had to look 'responsible' and so went out in makeup, hair up and styled, long skirt, boots etc and the way I am looked at and responded to is very different. I am taken more seriously by people when I am dressed like that. I find it pretty frustrating as I find being done up like this seriously uncomfortable, like I am in drag or something. It doesn't seem fair I get treated so much better when I look that way.

It is also frustrating to me that so many people negatively judge a woman for not wearing 'nice' clothes. There is even some of that on this board, with the implication that unless a woman is dressed stylishly then she has low self esteem, or she is trying to hide herself, or she has given up on life. That's kinda a horrible thing to assume/put on someone when you think about it, isn't it? I mean, it hurts to think that people think I have 'given up on myself' just because I'm fat and prefer the style of clothes that I like.

Just a thought for you all.
Well, people should certainly dress however they want.

I have two thoughts about this, though...first of all, 'comfort' is as much about what we're used to as something intrinsic to a piece of clothing or style of self-presentation. Often people describe dressing down as 'comfortable' for this reason, rather than because there is something physically uncomfortable about wearing more polished clothes (although I'll admit this isn't true of high heels, say). But 'comfortable' becomes a less convincing rationale (to the extent that a rationale is needed) when it's just rooted in the fact that I feel weird when I dress in a stylin' way, because I'm not used to it. Lots of things feel weird when we're not used to them, but it doesn't follow that we're better off avoiding them because of that.

The other thought is that the thread is called 'FA frustrations,' and one of my personal frustrations as an FA is that a much smaller per centage of overweight women present themselves in the polished, stylish manner that I personally fine appealing. I'm sure lots of guys don't care if their lady dresses in sweat pants and sneakers, with minimal care given to their hair, etc., just as I'm sure many women don't care if their guy goes around in similar attire. But I personally tend to be a little more put together myself; I actually enjoy looking kinda sharp; and I find the same quality attractive in women. And for better or worse, yes, I do tend to think that self-esteem is one reason why so many fewer BBWs appear not to bother as much with self-presentation. Not the only reason, but one reason.

Self-presentation is not the same as going 'girly,' incidentally - at least not in my book. I described a woman wearing a fashionable jacket and a scarf (I forget if she had on a skirt or whatever). It was the 'together' and tastefully statement-making way she presented herself that attracted me, not high heels and ruby red lipstick or something. Ultimately, an aesthetic sensibility is what I seem to be talking about.
choudhury is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2015, 03:48 PM   #25
Marlayna
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,278
Marlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

I only like very comfortable clothes, but they have to be clean and unstained, or else I'll look sloppy, and that says to people that I don't care about myself.
For some reason, people treat you better when they see you care.
When I was single and going out "man-hunting", I'd dress to the nines; sexy clothes, high heels, and an hour getting my hair and make-up just right.
Now that I'm a married woman, I rarely put that much time and effort into my "presentation"... I guess I pulled a bait & switch on him.
Marlayna is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Midwife Frustrations..Not high risk just fat! truebebeblue Health Forum 13 03-28-2012 04:05 PM
Dating and love frustrations! truebebeblue BBW Forum 19 03-29-2010 07:16 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:41 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.