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Old 06-26-2013, 10:20 PM   #1
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Default When your partner gains unintentionally

A few months ago I came out and told my boyfriend that I was gaining weight intentionally and as I suspected and to my good luck he was turned on by it. We enjoy occasional stuffing sessions and he feels very invested in my gain, and helped me put on some recent poundage. It's opened a new and wonderful chapter in our relationship and I have never been happier. But because we've been eating big meals he has started to put on the pounds too and what was once a paunch/middle aged spread is now a rounding gut. I've been honest with him and told him I would love it if he gained but he's said he is not into it and I told him that was fine. He isn't happy he has put on as much weight but I haven't been tricking him, he has been eating more and enjoying some of the high calorie foods I've been eating. Now he is annoyed about his gain and says I should have warned him or told him to stop, but I had mentioned it to him that if he ate like me he would get fat - also as he began to put it on I told him how hot I thought it was! I never lied or played it down when he asked: "do I look like I've gained weight?". We've not fallen out or rowed about it but I don't want to be blamed any time he puts on a pound. Looking back I was as honest about it as I could be with him. If he loses the weight now I'll be fine about it (sad but fine!) but he hasn't changed his eating habits so right now I don't see it happening and of course, he may gain more if he continues. Has this ever happened to anyone and if so how do you handle it?
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:54 PM   #2
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GainingGloria:

Over the period of time you and your boyfriend have been together, how much weight have you gained, and how much has he gained?

Are you the "food preparer", perhaps making him think that you are "forcing" him to gain, based on your chosen menu? (I'm not saying that this is true, as I don't know, but just trying to "get into his head" to understand why he might be acting as you have described.)
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Old 06-28-2013, 06:34 AM   #3
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Categories are always artificial, but sometimes they can give us some mental hooks to hang ideas on, and help us talk about things more clearly.

When it comes to liking fat and when it comes weight gain and when it comes to over-indulgence/stuffing/feeding, I think it can be helpful to break it down to three categories:

- you like it on people you could be sexually attracted to (typically the opposite gender)

- you like it on people you are not sexually attracted to (typically your own gender)

- you like it on yourself.

People can have one, two, or all three of those. It can be really puzzling when you are dealing with someone who shares some of your likes in this regard, but not others. It is like someone who loves the same sort of music as you, except that they really don't like your two favourite bands--you could understand people who don't like that sort of music not liking them, but how could someone who does like a lot of the same music not like them?

You obviously are at least the first and second of those categories (and I'd guess a fair chance of the middle one too). Your boyfriend might only be the first. This is pretty common with FAs (of either gender); they find fat to be masculine or feminine (whichever they aren't!), and so they love it on a partner but see no appeal on themself. (it is like most women who like a beard on a man not wanting to have a beard themselves).

(I may add some more personal experiences later....this post is long enough already!)
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Old 06-28-2013, 12:33 PM   #4
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Thanks both for responding and apologies in advance for the lengthy response, just want to give the background as clearly as possible.

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Originally Posted by lawriesv View Post
GainingGloria:

Over the period of time you and your boyfriend have been together, how much weight have you gained, and how much has he gained?

Are you the "food preparer", perhaps making him think that you are "forcing" him to gain, based on your chosen menu? (I'm not saying that this is true, as I don't know, but just trying to "get into his head" to understand why he might be acting as you have described.)
My weight has been fluctuating but I have gained around 30lbs. He won't tell me what he's gained (I so know he knows!) but if I were to guess I'd say in the last 2/3 months he's gained about 14lbs. I find it a little hard to judge as the weight has mostly gone to his middle. I'm not really the food preparer, he prefers to do that (and brings home a lot of treats for me to enjoy that he'll frequently enjoy too) but I was thinking about it and maybe he felt he wouldn't be eating so much if I wasn't gaining. I think he wants to have his cake, eat it too and not have the cake go to his hips

Tad I think that's a really good way of breaking it down. I think you are right, my boyfriend seems to be only in the first category. And ultimately that is fine for me. I have a privilege many feedees don't have and that's to be in a relationship where someone has accepted this side of my life completely and actively takes part in it. But that said, there's going to be more food around now that I'm actively gaining and he is going to be around that as long as he wants to be my feeder. And I can't stop him from eating if he wants. I understand the annoyance a bit, for a while I didn't want to gain anymore but everywhere I turned there seemed to be food and calls of "Eat up!" and my willpower is terrible, so I gained. And I still had no one to blame but myself. Since I told him I wanted to gain weight there is more food, and now we are living together so ultimately we are eating together. And I think part of the annoyance he has with the gain is that my response was that it was his responsibility. I might have a feeder and a family who have practically thrust food at me since I gained, but I feel my weight gain was my choice and I am responsible for it.

I'm wondering if it's best to just lay it on the line and say "From now on, if you eat with me I can't be responsible for you putting on weight." Or whether we need to eat differently, which would be hard and tiring to pull off. Theres a little part of me that wondered if we didn't say something now so that we are both clear and happy about things that he could continue and get really fat and then blame me - but that feels a little like my imagination running away with me. Arrrgh, I dunno

Sorry that was long and I hope I made sense
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Old 06-28-2013, 02:55 PM   #5
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my situation isn't really the same as yours (my wife is more of a foodee who doesn't mind being of a certain size, but not 'too big' and is not really an FA of any sort, while I'm all three types of FA), but I do have that experience with a partner who likes to eat and can easily gain weight when around me. Which is not to say that what (eventually) worked for me will work for you, but I'll offer it up anyway.

My suggestion is two part.

With regard to his eating, I suggest you need to make it clear to him that you are perfectly fine with the weight that he is at, and would be perfectly fine, or even more than fine, if he gained more. That you don't require it, you don't ask it, you'll even be supportive if he takes steps to lose weight, BUT that to you, it will never feel like a bad thing if he has seconds, or has a big helping of dessert, or has a snack, or whatever. So that he's going to have to police his own eating if he wants to reign it in. Basically that asking you to watch it is asking the wolf to watch the sheep.

On a broader front, I'd suggest looking at ways that you both can get more healthy. Being more active, healthier food choices, cutting back on salt and sugar, etc. (yes, you can do all of this and still gain weight!). Two things happen with surprise weight gain: one is you are shocked by how you look, how clothes fit, and so on, and may want to change that. The other is that you can feel a loss of control, which is also scary.

Focussing on a healthier lifestyle can help restore a sense of control, is honestly probably healthier than focussing on weight loss but may allow him to achieve his goal....but if the weight doesn't come off easily for him, he may yet get to feeling OK around his current weight, because the healthier lifestyle does make one feel better physically as well as more in control (and having that virtuous "I'm taking care of myself" feeling). Perhaps if he knows he is being healthier he won't worry as much about his weight (or maybe he will....but it is still a good thing to do).

Just my suggestions, your mileage may vary, no warranty express or implied, use at you own risk, advice void where prohibited.....
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Old 06-29-2013, 06:44 AM   #6
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Tad,

Thanks so much for your advice. I never thought of mentioning a focus on being healthy before to him and maybe that is an issue he is experiencing that I never thought of. I recently got rapped on the knuckles by my doctor for my gain and while I didn't want to lose any weight I did start eating healthier, taking vitamins, etc because while I like gaining I don't want to be unhealthy. And the loss of control issue - I have experienced that briefly. I do think this also may have been an issue for him after reading your post and taking incidents into consideration.
Your advice is really helpful. I was finding it difficult to communicate to him about it without making him feel bad or angry at an unexpected gain. I'll let you know how it goes
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Old 01-24-2014, 09:31 AM   #7
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Hi GainingGloria!
Your posts are great and you look fabulous. I've really enjoyed your stories.
I've been in a few relationship by now and I have always loved to see girls put on a few pounds, but once I happened to be the one who gained weight while my girlfriend just kept her steady. I was just 19 when I moved with my slightly older girlfriend. I was thin, tall and athletic even if I had just stopped practicing field and track and started focusing more on my studies at college. She was tall too, and quite athletic, even if she was sporting maybe 10 extra pounds from her perfect weight. Living together was great and we were spending many hours at home, studying, etc.. I could tell she was happy to see I was appreciating her cooking, as she used to smile whenever I cleaned my plate and her smile was bigger if I was asking for second helpings. She told me more than once she was happy to see I was relaxing a bit, and polishing off the food she was preparing for us was one big sign of how relaxed we were, together with spending our nights hugging on the sofa.
One of those nights toward the end of the semester she told me she was getting physically more and more attracted to me. When I asked why, she blushed and told me she was in love with my body, particularly with my belly, since it had softened and had started bulging just a bit, and there was no more trace of my previous six pack. She was so embarrassed she couldn't look at me, and I was shocked because I had not even realized I had been gaining weight, and was really weird to hear she was liking so much my stomach losing its tone and definition. I didn't know if I had to be angry, ashamed or what; of course I was also turned on by her confession. So I asked her if she had tried to make me gain weight. Of course she had never forced me to eat, but she confessed she was getting turned on by me polishing off her meals since we moved, and when she noticed I was starting to pack on the pounds she said nothing because she was afraid I could have started dieting, and instead kept serving me hearty helpings, getting turned on every time I finished them.
It has been weird, but it has been nice too. It got part of our play time and we had a lot of fun together. She didn't make me fat, but of course after a couple of years my former six pack was well buried under the soft layer of fat of my starting pot belly. She was so proud of the tangible results of her special attentions on me. Every time our friends joked about how I had filled out she had a great time patting my jiggling weak spot and telling "should I say how good I am at cooking?".
I know this could be considered manipulating, but we both had a lot of fun and we lived gorgeously together. I don't blame her at all for having been subtle at the beginning when I gained the first pounds. Not everything needs to be said within a couple and something is easier to be done than said. Besides, cooking good meals and enjoying a few added pounds on one's significant half is not bad at all. Manipulating a person and force him/her to get morbidly fat is just another thing, as well as manipulating him/her to fit into exaggerated social standards, demanding for sculpted body without an ounce of fat.
Aside from this we split for other reasons. One year later I started dating another girl. We had known each other for many years, so she knew the former "thin, athletic me", then she saw me pile on the pounds with my former girlfriend, and keep them after we broke up. She on her side was pretty chubby too, she was down to 165 pounds, but her weight used to fluctuate between 165 -175 at 5'5", with the biggest share of it on her tits and on her belly. She was pretty playful with my softer spots, her hands were often resting on my belly or grabbing my love handles. She teased me softly for having been a glutton and for having let my flat stomach grow into a small spare tire. She started eating from my plate to prevent me from gaining more, and after knowing my preferences were for bigger girls, she did it even more. She started probing my softness with a finger and saying playfully "six pack rescue in progress!". She liked me no matter of my weight, but she had always preferred muscular guys, and - I think - she wanted to wipe away any trace of my ex-girlfriend. She was pretty determined in everything she did, and put her determination also in helping me losing the weight. It has been really intriguing and intimate. She was digging into her plate, and then helping with mine. "You will not just make me lose weight, you are going to transfer my chub onto you!" I joked, but she just shrugged it off "I've always been chubby, I can stand a bit more..", then she smiled and added "..besides, it's for a good cause" and prodded my belly with the tip of her index.
To me it has been one of the best experiences ever, intimate and empathic, maybe you can try to tell your boyfriend you are ready to help in such a way..
take care and have fun
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Old 01-26-2014, 01:30 AM   #8
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That's such a long and detailed post. Hopefully someone who knows her will read it and tell her about the novel you wrote to her about her post 6 months ago. That way it will not be in vain.
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Old 01-17-2015, 11:05 PM   #9
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Im on the other side of fence. I've had this love and passion for big women with big appetites since i was a kid, and generally encourage them to eat as much as they want (which always turns out to be alot) and they gain weight.
I am a feeder and an FA however most of my adult life was spent with someone who didn't like me being big, infact she bullied me about it.
But what would happen would be that we would be sharing big dinners and snacks and take-outs which would make her gain weight... And so would i - which led to issues which amounted to our relationship ending.

Without a girl by my side, i lost 3 stone without trying just because i wasnt buying tasty things because i had noone to buy it for, but as soon as i got a new girlfriend (who was an FFA anf BHM lover) we both put on weight, and continue to.

You see, as much as im a feeder to her, i eat as much as her. Im told im sexy and am getting more so with each LB and i tell her the same.

Im not trying to gain weight, but by god is it happening! Its accidental, im aware of it, my family and work colleagues have noticed.

I am accidently feeding myself large.

I am liking the way i look more with each extra inch.

As a couple, our quality time together is spent eating and cuddling eachothers increasingly soft bodies.

Every day i wake up looking forward to the next knowing we will both be fatter, and each time we are intimate, we look forward to a better time than the last.
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Old 02-04-2015, 07:17 AM   #10
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I understand your point very well. I have always been a FA and when I met my girlfriend eight years ago I was below 200 pounds and quite athletic. She was around 280 and quite shy and self cautious about her weight. With me she gradually felt more relaxed and packed on the weight and I accidentally did too though a fraction of what she has gained. We treat ourselves to big restaurant dinners 3-4 times a week. I am currently 230 pounds and I love it though I don't plan to intentionally gain more. She has recently hit the big 400. She has tried to lose, but all her attempts failed because dining out is such a an exciting element of our relationship. Of course she eats a lot ore in general than I do
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Old 03-09-2015, 03:13 PM   #11
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For what it is worth....here is a different but similar situation or story:

I am an FA and very into weight gain on women especially my wife. She happens to have a sweet tooth and when she is gaining a Big appetite. She is 5' 3" and Beautiful curvy woman who was weighing a bit over 200 Lbs. several years ago and over the last few years had lost weight and was around 165 Lbs or so.

I would constantly dream of her gaining weight again and reaching her old weight or even more. There were many times she would start snacking and eating more and I would get so excited. I brought home some extra treats when I went shopping Ice cream, cookies, chocolates etc. and she even commented on how nice it was that I picked up some snacks. She said "you even picked out better stuff than I get." She continued to snack at a fast pace....so I continued to buy more and more with her excited each time she saw I picked more up.

This went on for a couple of months and I started noticing her gaining some weight....although it wasn't as much as I expected. All of a sudden I noticed that I started feeling a bit bloated myself and realized that I had been indulging in all of these snacks as well which I don't normally have a sweet tooth. I weighed myself at the gym and realized I had gained 14 Lbs. I became kind of turned on and decided to see how much more weight I could gain. I believe it was because of a void or lack of my wife gaining weight for so long I began to try Intentionally gaining weight myself.

I not only realized how much more I could eat now but how I almost needed fattening deserts after each meal not to mention fattening snacks in between.
On top of my way bigger appetite I now was trying to stuff myself to the maximum, after a huge Mexican lunch and a desert and then I would drive thru a fast food restaurant and get multiple milk shakes. My belly stayed distended and stuffed to an abnormal size all the time.

The new focus of my weight gain interest became having my wife notice how Fat I was getting even more than the few Lbs. she was gaining every couple of weeks. I would try and get her to notice how big of a gut I was getting by wearing t shirts that were now to small for my huge belly.....in fact all of my T shirts were to small but I didn't dare by any size XXL. My wife didn't mention anything even after another 10-15 Lb gain. I decided "I will show her" I started stuffing more and more and was astonished by how much I could eat and never really get full. My wife started even making way larger portions for me at our dinners and I didn't know what to make of it so I decided to play into it and would ask for seconds in which she would come back with another huge full plate. This continued stuffing along with my wife continuing to make me larger and larger portions really did a number on me.
My Gut was so huge and full and was totally obvious but still my wife said nothing. I began to think to myself that maybe my wife wanted to make me Fat and she liked the new fatter "Muscle Chub" me. I would do many things to draw attention to my huge fat gut. One time leaving for work I pulled her in for a kiss and our lips couldn't touch until a made an extra effort with my Big Gut pushing her back a bit and then she lunged forward again pressing into my massive gut. Still she didn't say anything.

My mind began to race with different ideas she may be thinking or wanting.

1. does she want me to keep getting bigger so she feels alright getting bigger?

2. Is she all of a sudden totally turned on by me fatter, even though she used to not like it.

3. does it make her more comfortable if i am fatter than her

4. does she have a feeder side and she wants to see how far or fat she could get me.

5. Or does she just keeping feeding me bigger and bigger portions because she sees I devour them so easily and is simply waiting for an intervention when I get absolutely huge.

I never came to an answer and after gaining some 45 Lbs. she only made a few comments when she happened to be a bit intoxicated that poked fun at not only my big gut but the softer pecs that I developed that I wasn't even aware of until she palmed them and shook them after gently caressing and shaking my huge distended belly mentioning she didn't remember me having all this stuff many years ago.
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Old 03-19-2015, 12:58 PM   #12
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That's such a long and detailed post. Hopefully someone who knows her will read it and tell her about the novel you wrote to her about her post 6 months ago. That way it will not be in vain.
Why do you have to be so snarky? Who cares how old the post is? If you don't want someone to comment on a post, even if it's months or years later, then DON'T POST ANYTHING EVER!

I for one prefer to exercise freedom of speech not exorcise it.
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