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Old 02-02-2015, 08:40 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
Ok I exaggerated.There are usually a few. I do feel I see more BBWs when I go to Target, Walmart, or any grocery store.Though I should admit, because I was married, I rarely went out to the bars, but was still going to stores.
I do already have a married BBW friend who is volunteering her “wing-man” services for me. So I haven’t completely written off going to bars.Which is great because I really want to test my theory, that being seen with a BBW, reveals if another BBW is interested (by the BBW staring or checking me out).I have written about this in a few of the forums here.But no one said if they noticed this happening to them as well.I told my “wing-man” my theory and she said she thinks there is truth to it.
I definitely agree with your theory. Hanging around with a BBW friend, will attract other BBWs... at least that's how I felt when I was single.
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Old 02-02-2015, 10:43 PM   #52
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Default As Rob Schneider would say:

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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
"I always thought of it as a waste looking for BBWs in bars....I am going through a divorce right now, so I haven’t dated in a long time."
Sorry to hear that, I can imagine it must be really difficult. Otherwise, I think it's a little different for women seeking women, in general. Than men seeking women or vice-vera.

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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
"..I do feel I see more BBWs when I go to Target, Walmart, or any grocery store."
Yeah, that's definitely true; there are always a lot of pretty girls at Target. There's actually a thread-topic on this. Challenging, certainly, but..
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:00 AM   #53
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I definitely agree with your theory. Hanging around with a BBW friend, will attract other BBWs... at least that's how I felt when I was single.
More generally, I observed and several friends said they found the same, having a girlfriend seems to make you more interesting to single women Or possibly just safer, so they would be more willing to talk to you, mildly fiirt, etc? I could see part of what you are observing being a similar effect, although partly it could be the 'oh, he may be attracted to people like me?' thing too.
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Old 02-03-2015, 05:15 PM   #54
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...although partly it could be the 'oh, he may be attracted to people like me?' thing too.
That's definitely how I sadly feel when seeing a person with another bbw. I tell myself "look! You could have a chance! It's already proven that they at least don't MIND big girls if not actually prefer them!!"


When i see guys or small girls I find attractive, the same thoughts always go through my head: "Theyre attractive! Do I think I have a chance? I wonder if they've ever been with a big girl. I wonder if they are repulsed by big girls. Probably. What if they LIKE big girls! Doubt it. They could be curious I guess. What if they don't mind? Yeah but how would that first make out/touching party go when they finally actually see or feel me. Or the first time I get naked. Did we already forget the, "um, I actually got to go. I work early tomorrow". God how mortifying was that! Never again. Why am I even worrying? I'm hot! If they don't like me, screw them! Their loss! Assholes."


And then I don't end up trying. It sounds terrible and sad when written out but that honestly goes through my head EVERY time I am contemplating approaching someone or flirting or when someone attractive talks to me. Even if they seem interested, I start feeling like I am somehow tricking them about my size. Like maybe my outfit or the lighting is deceiving and they think I'm smaller than I am. It's unfortunate. But I have had some mortifying experiences that make me cautious and leery now. If they are already with a bbw, all those thoughts don't enter my head at all because I see that they obviously don't mind.


I'm a really confidant person until I actually like someone. Then I'm ridiculously mean and over judgmental of myself because I'd rather judge myself than someone else judge me.
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:38 PM   #55
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...

Yeah, that's definitely true; there are always a lot of pretty girls at Target. There's actually a thread-topic on this. Challenging, certainly, but..
One of my daughters works a Target (I think she's quite pretty). She's also a taekwondo black belt so don't mess with her.
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:40 PM   #56
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Default ^Well, at least that's not without some self-awareness...

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"Someone needs to develop some type of Pick Up Artist advice directed at women because no one ever seems to consider the problem of women who have no game at all.... I have no idea what they're looking for..."
I don't think anyone actually, credibly, hits on someone else without some basis of attraction. Even if for some type of opportunity or material benefit that doesn't really have so much to do with just that person themselves.

But so what? If someone is (just-initially) attracted to you? Or, conversely, that it does not (so readily) appear to be the case? Or you to them? That's not what really matters or should, to you.

I say, instead of getting hung-up on the issue of whether or not someone is responding to you, or how, or what it means; it's better to more immediately concentrate on who they are. Getting to know them, their attitude, their point of view. Where they are coming from and where they're headed. What their own personal story means to you, aside from anything beyond the most immediate connection. I mean, why are you attracted to them? If you even are...

Once you get a better handle on these types of things, and just with respect to that specific person; then, maybe, you're a little bit inside their head. Then you can more meaningfully interpret the nuance in whatever it is they're putting across. (If there's even any substance to it at all; or, perhaps, maybe more than you can realize just straight-away.)

Of course, I don't really mean anything about withholding your own feelings: Like, I don't mean, per se, that you shouldn't tell someone (or otherwise telegraph) how much you really like them. Or, conversely, how you find them, sort of, shy or aloof. By all means, relate those types of things whenever or however you feel most comfortable with it. However, I do mean more about just about yourself, holding yourself back from projecting too far into any kind of situation, in what expectations you set up for it.

Likewise, I don’t really mean anything about patience, about giving people more of your own time or attention than they actually deserve. If you’re not getting something out of an exchange in proportion to what you feel you put into it, I think that should speak for itself. Just be sure it’s not yourself, your own instincts, you’re losing patience with.

As then, in that case, maybe it's time to re-calibrate a few things, outside of the situation-itself.
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:53 PM   #57
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Default Heh...

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"One of my daughters works a Target (I think she's quite pretty). She's also a taekwondo black belt so don't mess with her."
I wasn't even the one who started that thread... But, yeah, there is something to it, some sort of metric involved...

Natural Food stores/Co-Ops as well. But, like I said, you have to be the type of guy/girl who's either good at approaching or approachable-yourself.



Here, I will do mago a solid or two:

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Originally Posted by magodamilion View Post
"...BHM's at my work one is gay the other is married...I'm taking a class right now where there's one I'm very attracted to but he's Christian and Republican which I just can't do."
Can't really dwell on that too much...

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Originally Posted by magodamilion View Post
"There was the guy whose roommate I used to be friends with. I asked him if he wanted to hang out over the weekend more then once he kept saying no so I backed off."
Either not-attracted or not-enough attracted for it to sustain whatever type of relationship he assumed you wanted. Which, honestly, is really on him for just making assumptions. Unless, maybe, you did or said something which might've supported such an impression.

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"There was one at a bar who I talked to til the place closed, he gave me his number and his facebook. I thought it was super promising til the next day I see on his facebook that he's engaged. So he basically led me on for no reason."
Heh...Well, not really for "no reason" at all. Definitely-interested. In something. Just not the same thing.

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Originally Posted by magodamilion View Post
"There was a guy at a bar who I approached. He bought me a drink we talked for like five minutes then he walked a way as soon as his people wanted him to so I couldn't even ask for his number."
Possibly-attracted, but maybe you said something which telegraphed either physical or relational incompatibility. Maybe just being kind or polite. Or maybe just a bit demure. This is your target-area, for more & better practice.
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Old 02-05-2015, 12:45 PM   #58
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For the single FFA's you should really consider dating a gamer. I know so many big guys that are single by choice or fate. It's like Nerdvanna for an FFA
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:07 PM   #59
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Default ^Wait, that doesn't make sense...

A guy who's single by-choice is a challenge for someone who wants to be in a relationship, because he doesn't really want to be in a relationship.

Conversely, saying a guy's single by-fate would suggest that there's something seriously wrong with him; which, therefore, would make any kind of relationship (with him) less desirable.

Ideally, I think, these FFAs are looking for someone who just-happens-to-be single. For the moment. You know, like a well-priced piece of real estate that only comes on the market every once in a while, and only for a very short time.
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:20 PM   #60
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Heh...Well, not really for "no reason" at all. Definitely-interested. In something. Just not the same thing.

Possibly-attracted, but maybe you said something which telegraphed either physical or relational incompatibility. Maybe just being kind or polite. Or maybe just a bit demure. This is your target-area, for more & better practice.
Ha yeah you're right. I don't know if he was trying to cheat on his fiance though just because he gave me his facebook page which clearly said it. Eh who knows how people work.

You're other advice sounded good too in the previous comment, I don't know how to do the multiple quote thing so I can answer bits of it.

And as for what Durin said, yeah I'd date a gamer. I just don't know any. I'm not really into that sort of thing so I don't meet anyone who is generally.

Though that makes me wonder if I should develop some nerdier interests to meet guys instead of just going to bars to meet guys. I'm kind of a nerd but not in social ways that involve interacting with people. Either I spend my time doing stuff I enjoy alone or doing stuff with the specific intent of meeting new people/what my friends enjoy (i.e. going out to parties/bars/clubs).
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Old 02-05-2015, 10:50 PM   #61
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Default Just one guitar, slung way down low...

The whole advantage of going to a bar or other traditional singles setting is built around 1) the sheer numbers of roughly compatible people involved (age, class, interest) and 2) that most people are drinking, at least a little, and are therefore a little less inhibited. So, in aggregate, this factors substantially as a social elixir.

But for people otherwise at the margins (different/distinct look, personality,interests, p.o.v. etc...) this is typically offset by (at least the appearance of) increased-competition. From everything else in the entire environment, that's also placing some demands on their interest's attention. Including their own friends, other people they're out with, that they also have to give some polite consideration to.

(This is unless, of course, going up to an entire group of people and engratiating yourself with literally everyone at once happens to be your forte- in which case it's more probable that you are already, in fact, an actual player. And, in that case, everything else functions as prop or tool in your own performance.)

So, that's why some portion of higher-functioning nerds will actually tend to do bit better just within their own personal, respectful domains of nerd-dom. Like, for one who plays the dulcimer or accordian, maybe there's a good number of people who're like "w-w-wHut's the matter with that guy?" Or " what's such a big deal about him?!" But then, back in the small pond of that particular guy's your own local bluegrass community, it's like he's some sort of rock star or something.

So,maybe, for some of you, it's that you happen to be approaching these guys within their own personal element of rock-stardom. Where're they're necessarily distracted by all that comes with that; and so, therefore, it just requires that much more to maintain their undivided attention. Or, conversely, you just need to find a rock-stardom of your own. From within which you can wield a more direct influence over whatever the social dynamics might be.
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Old 02-06-2015, 07:24 PM   #62
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If you want to dip your toe in Nerdvanna I would suggest going to a convention in your area. Lots of fun people watching and lots of fun things going on.
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:16 AM   #63
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If you want to dip your toe in Nerdvanna I would suggest going to a convention in your area. Lots of fun people watching and lots of fun things going on.
Or a Renaissance Fair. In my experience, they consist almost entirely of BBW's, BHM's, FA's, FFA's, and people who just love smoked turkey legs.
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:43 AM   #64
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The whole advantage of going to a bar or other traditional singles setting is built around 1) the sheer numbers of roughly compatible people involved (age, class, interest) and 2) that most people are drinking, at least a little, and are therefore a little less inhibited. So, in aggregate, this factors substantially as a social elixir.

...
And lets not forget the most important point. People go to bars and clubs to socialize. At these establishments women are going to be much more receptive. On the street women generally don't like sexual attention -- at a club they'll be upset if they're not being noticed.
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Old 05-04-2015, 07:45 AM   #65
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I went out 3 times with my BBW wing woman.I believe my theory is correct, and I was noticed by more BBWs when accompanied by a BBW. Though of the girls I talked to we had personalities that clashed with mine. I only went out 3 times though because I was impatient and joined match.com. and within a week found a (ss)BBW within an hours drive that I really hit it off with.I personally would encourage anyone who is having a problem meeting people to join a dating site.There is a filter, at least on match, for body type preference. Plus people can see your preferred body type preference, so people would know right away that you prefer “big and beautiful” or “a few extra pounds”.Just don’t be creepy.This wasn’t meant as a plug for that site, just letting people know, cause I had no idea.
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Old 05-13-2015, 06:21 AM   #66
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Natsuki: I think that sites like this have seldom been very good at pulling in non-FA BHM. There are some, but I think at first blush the sites seem to be about male FA and BBW, and a lot of fat guys that might be looking for a place keep on looking (pure speculation on my part....maybe fat guys who like thin women are just less apt to go looking for web sites catering that feeling?) Whatever the reasons, I'm strongly suspect that many, probably most, bigger guys share the general preference for thinner women.... how you connect with them, however, I can't say.
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:03 PM   #67
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Default Seriously...

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"...sites like this have seldom been very good at pulling in non-FA BHM. There are some, but I think at first blush the sites seem to be about male FA and BBW, and...suspect that many, probably most, bigger guys share the general preference for thinner women...."
I will go out on a limb here: People, in general, don't really have a type. There are certain traits or criteria they look for. But, as with purchasing decisions, a lot of what gravitates the seeking of personal relationships in one particular direction or another also has a lot to do with a (then) more noticeably-absent, deeper, & perhaps even unconscious, repulsion of things we know we don't like or want to avoid?

So, each connection between any given two people is sort of unique in terms of being specific to where those particular people are in themselves and life in general at that particular point in time.

Although, I would be curious to see the results of a poll here, but not using the labels per se; just asking "How many of you would consider, all things being equal....dating, connecting with this type of person.." So, that said, I would predict that most of the Fat guys here would at least consider dating a more thin or averaged sized woman, assuming other criteria lined up (personality, interests, etc...) even if they wouldn't necessarily be as inclined to approach such a lady.

EDIT: Here is a poll, for what it's worth.
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Old 06-24-2015, 07:24 PM   #68
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FFA frustration: I go to a small private college which is unbelievably dominated by tan fraternity athletes. I think I've seen two or three larger men on campus, and even they looked like stereotypical Greek life jocks. The only men I've found attractive in body and personality are taken. The joys of being a sapiosexual adipophile nerd. The worst part is that a surprising number of men (and women) I've met lately have told me I'm pretty or made advances, none of them my type. It's like pouring salt on a wound. Anyway, I'm such a shy voyeur I probably wouldn't be able to approach a man I found attractive, but would just stare from the shadows like the creepy person I am. What I wouldn't give for a sexy, smart BHM...

On the funny side, another FFA frustration is that whenever people around me talk about gaining weight or binge eating I just kind of zone out and have to pretend I can still hear what they're saying. Or when an SSBHM especially is in the vicinity I have a really hard time paying attention to anything else.
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Old 06-25-2015, 07:25 AM   #69
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FFA frustration: I go to a small private college which is unbelievably dominated by tan fraternity athletes. I think I've seen two or three larger men on campus, and even they looked like stereotypical Greek life jocks. The only men I've found attractive in body and personality are taken. The joys of being a sapiosexual adipophile nerd. The worst part is that a surprising number of men (and women) I've met lately have told me I'm pretty or made advances, none of them my type. It's like pouring salt on a wound. Anyway, I'm such a shy voyeur I probably wouldn't be able to approach a man I found attractive, but would just stare from the shadows like the creepy person I am. What I wouldn't give for a sexy, smart BHM...

On the funny side, another FFA frustration is that whenever people around me talk about gaining weight or binge eating I just kind of zone out and have to pretend I can still hear what they're saying. Or when an SSBHM especially is in the vicinity I have a really hard time paying attention to anything else.
As most people in college are 20ish, you are more likely to see thin people there. When people are closer to 30ish they usually are a bit heavier. You will see in most campuses that most of the people attending are thinner. I remember the frustration as well.
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Old 06-25-2015, 09:59 AM   #70
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I used to go out 'into town' and away from the university zone, just to see more fat people. Between the age, some of the socio-economic factors that impact both fatness and going to a college like that, and probably some self-selection.... I'm not suprirsed to hear that it is a rough spot for FAs.

ETA: I should add, I did end up meeting my wife at the University. She was pretty thin at the time but somehow hit a bunch of my hot buttons anyway, and I decided that some casual dating couldn't hurt, if only to build up my dating skills. Then we just really hit it off, I realized that I didn't do 'casual' well and worried about how this could interact with my FA0ness...... then I discovered that she was walking about 1.5 hours a day plus had a part time job that was quite active but was only eating about one to one and a bit meals a day, that she loved food and had a huge appetite when she did eat, and after a bit more time I met her rather fat parents, and I decided that the FA side of me would probably be fine if I was just patient--and that part all worked out.

So I guess I'm saying even when things look pretty 'thin,' there can be hidden possibilities
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Old 06-25-2015, 11:30 AM   #71
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Yes it does! The greatest challenge to me is to be a BHM and a FA who likes SSBBWs.
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Old 07-02-2015, 07:53 AM   #72
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For various reasons, some no-doubt related, my wife’s weight is up to an all-time high, and her libido is down to an all-time low. Combine that with Summer clothes that show the latter development in a lovely fashion, and

(eta: there are all sorts of more practical concerns in here, but I was just venting about the frustrated libido part of things--it is not my biggest concern in life at the moment, but it is nice to have a place where people could understand that aspect of it)
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Old 01-10-2016, 12:40 AM   #73
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A young man had a crush on me.

Not sure why, because I am 40 to his 20. Maybe a first time FA thing?

He says to me "You are pretty fat."

Then blushes and stutters "I mean, you are pretty and fat."

He then begins to apologise awkwardly.

I just smiled and said, "I know I am fat. That's okay, but in the future if you like a girl just tell her she is pretty."

He was so young, I was just trying to coach him. I hope I didn't do the wrong thing.
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:43 AM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deannie View Post
A young man had a crush on me.

Not sure why, because I am 40 to his 20. Maybe a first time FA thing?

He says to me "You are pretty fat."

Then blushes and stutters "I mean, you are pretty and fat."

He then begins to apologise awkwardly.

I just smiled and said, "I know I am fat. That's okay, but in the future if you like a girl just tell her she is pretty."

He was so young, I was just trying to coach him. I hope I didn't do the wrong thing.
Sounds like you were very sweet to him! Bless him, I know I have had some really young guys hit on me and it is kinda amusing.
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Old 01-10-2016, 11:35 AM   #75
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happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deannie View Post
A young man had a crush on me.

Not sure why, because I am 40 to his 20. Maybe a first time FA thing?

He says to me "You are pretty fat."

Then blushes and stutters "I mean, you are pretty and fat."

He then begins to apologise awkwardly.

I just smiled and said, "I know I am fat. That's okay, but in the future if you like a girl just tell her she is pretty."

He was so young, I was just trying to coach him. I hope I didn't do the wrong thing.
I had a few moments like that when I first started dating BBWs. I was 24 or so. I had one woman ask me why I wanted "a girl like her" which, in the context of her question, meant "why do you want to date a fat girl?" Before thinking of how to word it, I blurted out, "I like fat girls." Oh, gosh, I was dumb. I learned how to answer that question (which I encountered in some form or another many times) in such a way that I was true to my preferences but conveyed that I valued each individual for her own merit, and not just because she was fat. I could have used a coach, but I eventually got it right!
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