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Old 07-29-2015, 08:58 AM   #1
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Default Staring

Do you ever inadvertently make people uncomfortable by staring or become uncomfortable when someone stares at you?

I have to admit I'm terrible about this. If I see a big, lovely man when I'm out and about somewhere I almost always end up staring at him (appreciatively , of course). Sometimes he doesn't notice, but sometimes he does and looks a bit uncomfortable. Smiling almost always relaxes him, and so does a friendly greeting or bit of conversation. I've even made friends this way on occasion, but I still feel guilty about making someone uncomfortable for even a short time. I can't seem to help doing it, but then people in general interest me. I'm the kind of person who enjoys striking up conversations with strangers to pass the time on airplanes, in waiting rooms, queues, etc. Only if they seem amenable to it, though; I try not to be too annoying.

In an effort to be fair, I've attempted to consider this from the flip side. When a man that I don't know stares at me, it usually doesn't bother me unless he looks hostile, makes an inappropriate comment about my body, or starts to follow me about, although that kind of thing doesn't happen too often. But then I'm pretty unremarkable physically: 5'7" or so, nondescript brown hair, brownish eyes, medium size, so I don't really stand out in a crowd. Unless I'm staring at someone.
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Old 07-29-2015, 09:15 AM   #2
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When we met, your staring didn't bother me at all. Then again, the attention was flattering to me. I do sometimes stare if I see a woman I think is lovely, especially if she's got a soft and round body. I do try to not stare fixedly, as that is bound to creep people out. But if you get caught stealing an appreciative glance, most people don't seem to mind that. At least in my experience.
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Old 07-29-2015, 09:24 AM   #3
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Honestly, when someone stares at me with appreciation it doesn't bother me. (I tend to blush and it always shows stupid sensitive skin!)

It is when people look at you like *How can someone be that big* kind of look that gets bothersome. When it is like a *wtf* kind of look.

The other day I was sitting in the train and this guy was staring at me hard but I could not read his expression. I don't know if he was thinking wtf? or she is cute, or she is my next victim, it was weird. It wasn't a blank stare because he registered that I saw him, he just stared harder.. Very weird. But then again, it is NYC.. so.. lol
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Old 07-29-2015, 09:39 AM   #4
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I know I'm bad for this sometimes, typically one of those situations where it is just in passing, but doesn't pass as quickly as expected. Like I'll be biking, see someone on the sidewalk ahead and look at them, expecting to be past them momentarily -- then the light turns red in front of me, I have to stop, and forget to stop looking at them until it has probably been too long. Or getting to the cash in a store just as someone is getting their change, then instead of leaving they decide they want a lottery ticket. etc.

I tend to find people fascinating, and the less generic/mainstream in looks, the more interesting. So sure I'm more apt to look at bigger people, being an FA, but if I see a girl rocking along on a skateboard, a woman in a sari, an older person with brightly coloured hair, a guy in make-up, etc, I'm more apt to look at them for longer, trying to read something of 'their story' in what I can see. I get curious!
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Old 07-29-2015, 10:58 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Dromond View Post
When we met, your staring didn't bother me at all. Then again, the attention was flattering to me. I do sometimes stare if I see a woman I think is lovely, especially if she's got a soft and round body. I do try to not stare fixedly, as that is bound to creep people out. But if you get caught stealing an appreciative glance, most people don't seem to mind that. At least in my experience.
I'm so sorry--apparently it's even worse than I thought! I thought it was more of a problem with random strangers than people I meet intentionally. I'm really glad it didn't bother you too much. I should probably make a list of other people to whom I owe an apology now: Tim, David, Josh, Troy, Levi, Eric, Bob, Mark, Gene, produce manager at the grocery store, etc., etc...

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Originally Posted by lucca23v2 View Post
Honestly, when someone stares at me with appreciation it doesn't bother me. (I tend to blush and it always shows stupid sensitive skin!)

It is when people look at you like *How can someone be that big* kind of look that gets bothersome. When it is like a *wtf* kind of look.

The other day I was sitting in the train and this guy was staring at me hard but I could not read his expression. I don't know if he was thinking wtf? or she is cute, or she is my next victim, it was weird. It wasn't a blank stare because he registered that I saw him, he just stared harder.. Very weird. But then again, it is NYC.. so.. lol
LOL at "my next victim." It's hard to tell sometimes what people are thinking.

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...I tend to find people fascinating, and the less generic/mainstream in looks, the more interesting. So sure I'm more apt to look at bigger people, being an FA, but if I see a girl rocking along on a skateboard, a woman in a sari, an older person with brightly coloured hair, a guy in make-up, etc, I'm more apt to look at them for longer, trying to read something of 'their story' in what I can see. I get curious!
Yes! Someone who understands me. It sounds like you're a lot more subtle about it, though--that's almost certainly a good thing.
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Old 07-29-2015, 11:47 AM   #6
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As a really big guy when someone stares at me I assume that it is not out of admiration and yes a smile helps. I tend to look at someone realize I'm staring then look away and I feel like sometimes it then becomes obvious that I am spending effort to purposefully not look at them which makes them uncomfortable.

I don't know let's all just wear giant sunglasses. B-) (O-O)
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Old 07-29-2015, 01:05 PM   #7
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I probably stare more than I should. Not sure whether or not people notice. I don't tend to notice people staring at me, so I guess I'm just not worth staring at? Not that that is a bad thing, of course.
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Old 07-29-2015, 01:13 PM   #8
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I tend to find people fascinating, and the less generic/mainstream in looks, the more interesting. So sure I'm more apt to look at bigger people, being an FA, but if I see a girl rocking along on a skateboard, a woman in a sari, an older person with brightly coloured hair, a guy in make-up, etc, I'm more apt to look at them for longer, trying to read something of 'their story' in what I can see. I get curious!
This! I'm really interested in my surroundings, like observing people, scenery, things, whatever happens to tickle my imagination. So I've developped a technique in which I rather obviously scan my surroundings, look around a lot and let my glance linger on particularly appealing objects... It mostly works, I've rarely been called out for looking.

Oh yes, MsBrightside, smiling when caught helps a lot.


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I don't know let's all just wear giant sunglasses. B-) (O-O)
An absolute essential. As a dedicated sunglass fetishist I can only second that they are the most important accessory for discrete staring.
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Old 07-29-2015, 01:22 PM   #9
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Honestly, when someone stares at me with appreciation it doesn't bother me. (I tend to blush and it always shows stupid sensitive skin!)

It is when people look at you like *How can someone be that big* kind of look that gets bothersome. When it is like a *wtf* kind of look.

The other day I was sitting in the train and this guy was staring at me hard but I could not read his expression. I don't know if he was thinking wtf? or she is cute, or she is my next victim, it was weird. It wasn't a blank stare because he registered that I saw him, he just stared harder.. Very weird. But then again, it is NYC.. so.. lol
Non-bhm FA here (not much being posted in the rest of dims so I started reading here). How can you tell when someone is staring at you appreciatively? This info would have been so helpful a long time ago. In my teens I am sure I weirded out many BBWs by staring at them.

I tried to approach it like Seinfeld talking about checking out cleavage, “you have to act like you are looking at the sun, you get an idea of where it is but you don’t stare directly at it.”
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:11 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
Non-bhm FA here (not much being posted in the rest of dims so I started reading here). How can you tell when someone is staring at you appreciatively? This info would have been so helpful a long time ago. In my teens I am sure I weirded out many BBWs by staring at them.

I tried to approach it like Seinfeld talking about checking out cleavage, “you have to act like you are looking at the sun, you get an idea of where it is but you don’t stare directly at it.”
When someone is looking at you because they appreciate your looks, there is almost always a smile.. a coy look, then they looks off quickly blushing/smiling, then they keep looking back. They are ok with making eye contact. (Some drool... lol J/K) Then there are some that are a bit more brazen and will say something on their way past you.

To be honest, for the most part, I believe women and children can tell when they are being hugged or touched in an inappropriate way. I don't mean like people grabbing on them or anything like that. But sometimes people put a hand on your arm, or hug you and you can feel it is not sincere and not coming from a good place. JMO

I tend to be a people watcher so I might pick things up easier, or read more into it than I should *shrugging shoulders*
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:14 PM   #11
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Non-bhm FA here (not much being posted in the rest of dims so I started reading here). How can you tell when someone is staring at you appreciatively?
I would suggest this to show appreciative staring.

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Old 07-29-2015, 02:55 PM   #12
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Yes! Someone who understands me. It sounds like you're a lot more subtle about it, though--that's almost certainly a good thing.
Or I'm just less aware of being 'caught.' (never underestimate male obliviousness!)

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I probably stare more than I should. Not sure whether or not people notice. I don't tend to notice people staring at me, so I guess I'm just not worth staring at? Not that that is a bad thing, of course.
Then again, some women can be kind of oblivious too.... you may well not notice, because from what you've said about yourself, I'd guess you don't look people in the eye habitually? (I could be way off on that, if so then I entirely apologize)

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Oh yes, MsBrightside, smiling when caught helps a lot.

....

An absolute essential. As a dedicated sunglass fetishist I can only second that they are the most important accessory for discrete staring.
One of the reasons that I curse my eyes getting too dry for routine wearing of contact lenses. The only sun-glasses I can wear most of the time now are giant bug-lenses that sit over top of my glasses, and look completely ridiculous There was definitely something pretty great about strolling along on a nice summer day with a good pair of sunglasses on!
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Old 07-29-2015, 03:00 PM   #13
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Just a reminder.. sunglasses only work if your head does not move. Some people stare and follow the subject. Kind of obvious then..lol
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Old 07-29-2015, 03:15 PM   #14
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I would suggest this to show appreciative staring.
LOL--too bad I can't whistle.

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...One of the reasons that I curse my eyes getting too dry for routine wearing of contact lenses. The only sun-glasses I can wear most of the time now are giant bug-lenses that sit over top of my glasses, and look completely ridiculous There was definitely something pretty great about strolling along on a nice summer day with a good pair of sunglasses on!
Back in the '70's my grandparents use to have those little green lenses that clipped on top of their prescription glasses. I'm pretty sure those are still the epitome of cool.

Seriously, though, a lot of people I know have Transition lenses.
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Old 07-29-2015, 03:23 PM   #15
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Seriously, though, a lot of people I know have Transition lenses.
Heh, literally just came home from the eye doctor 2 hours ago and ordered transition lenses for the first time. I still suspect they will look dumb, but I'm tired of squinting in the sun driving to work in the morning.

Also reminds me of this Douglas Adams passage:
They were a double pair of Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses, which had been specially designed to help people develop a relaxed attitude to danger. At the first hint of trouble they turn totally black and thus prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you.
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Old 07-30-2015, 12:12 AM   #16
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Then again, some women can be kind of oblivious too.... you may well not notice, because from what you've said about yourself, I'd guess you don't look people in the eye habitually? (I could be way off on that, if so then I entirely apologize)
Nope, you were spot on there! I tend to avoid eye contact with people or just generally look away from where the people are, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn't notice people looking at me, if they were.
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Old 07-30-2015, 01:03 AM   #17
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Just a reminder.. sunglasses only work if your head does not move. Some people stare and follow the subject. Kind of obvious then..lol
Thanks for the training note. I will keep it in mind. I have myopia and a business partner taught me the value of sunglasses in the beach.

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Old 07-30-2015, 03:56 AM   #18
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Yes a smile from across the room def helps!
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Old 07-30-2015, 10:22 AM   #19
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I'm so sorry--apparently it's even worse than I thought! I thought it was more of a problem with random strangers than people I meet intentionally. I'm really glad it didn't bother you too much. I should probably make a list of other people to whom I owe an apology now: Tim, David, Josh, Troy, Levi, Eric, Bob, Mark, Gene, produce manager at the grocery store, etc., etc...
I figured you were staring because I was so gosh darned handsome.
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Old 07-30-2015, 12:18 PM   #20
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I check hot guys out all the time. My taste range has changed over the years too which is fun.

I've caught myself staring a few times, but never when they're with their girlfriends. I have a little class. Haha.
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Old 07-30-2015, 12:24 PM   #21
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I stare...I can't help it! Especially if there is motion, like bouncing or jiggling. I also tend to stare if there is a strip of flesh showing, a straining button, or a bulging roll.

I either try to do quick, soft glances (like glancing around absently), or I stare at the ground area like I am thinking, but my upper peripheral vision captures the lovely images before it!

My absolutely favourite, however, is to stare just to the left or right of them by about half a foot with my face ever so slightly turned. When they notice me looking, I blink, turn my face to them, and make eye direct and brief eye contact. It makes it seem as if they were the one who was staring, and I noticed. Not aggressive, just ye standard eye contact.

I am so bad...

And LOL Lucca....
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Old 07-30-2015, 02:43 PM   #22
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In younger (single, not yet a creepy-old-guy) days, I used to like playing the glancing game on the bus.

- Glance at somebody interesting (either directly, or for bonus points via the reflection in the window when it was dark outside)

- As soon as they notice and start turning their eyes your way, glance away. They’ll know you were looking at them, but not sure for how long, and will probably be looking at you for several seconds as they try to figure out why you are looking at them.

- Then look back at them, and they will (at least if Canadian) reliably look away, having been ‘caught’ looking at you.

- Usually they’ll look back at you soon, to see if you are still looking at them, so you can repeat the cycle.

After a few go ‘rounds, or when we’d reached my stop, instead of looking away when they looked my way I’d just give them a smile, then go back to my book or whatever. I’m not sure why anymore, but I loved that game in my university and early working years.
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