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Old 07-14-2015, 08:53 AM   #1
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Default First Date Ideas for SSBBW

So, I met a girl online. She's about 5'9" and over 400 lbs. I have to be honest, she's the first girl this big that I've dated. Am I going to have to take moving around a lot into account? I haven't met her in person yet and from her pictures, I wouldn't say there would be any problems. I've known girls about her size throughout my life and they seemed fine with moving around.

Sorry if this is coming across as insensitive in any way. I just don't want to make any problems for her.
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Old 07-14-2015, 09:26 AM   #2
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If she has no knee problems, she should be pretty active. I would just tell you to suggest ideas to her and see how she feels. A casual walk is always a good thing, just keep in mind you may want to choose a path that will have plenty of places to sit along the way.
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Old 07-14-2015, 09:50 AM   #3
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People/bodies vary a LOT. If she has always walked quite a bit, then she may be fine for fair distances--but if she doesn't normally walk a lot she might tire rather quickly.

On the other hand, size will for sure be something to take into account. She may or may not need a seat-belt extender in any given car (and in some cars with narrow seats and fixed console in the middle might have hip space issues), will likely have issues with many chairs that have arms, likely won't do well in restaurant booths with tables bolted to the floor (depending on how much space between bench and table), etc. Any given issue will depend a lot on where she carries her weight and the particular chair, bench, etc.

If you are thinking of a movie or performance, check the theatre out ahead of time to look at seat width and whether the arm-rests can be lifted up. Restaurants check if there are chairs that are either quite wide or have no arms, and when you make your reservation you might want to specify that you want that (and not a booth).

For generally moving around, don't plan on going far or fast--she might be up for it, she might not, and you don't know. So have plans for chances to sit and chat, for example, and not be tight on time (i.e. no "We take the train into the city, which gets there at 8:11. The concert hall is a mile away and the show starts at 8:30, but if we hurry we should make it on time." Then again, given things like heels, you should never plan that sort of rush on a date unless you know it will be OK).

If you plan on driving somewhere and have any concerns about the fit of your car, you could always suggest that you meet there (let her drive herself), or take a cab. If there is a walk you thinking of, look at how to break it up (i.e. stop at a bench with a view to enjoy the scenery and talk for a while, or stop off for a coffee, or whatever).

One last thought: I'd communicate your plans, rather than surprising her. You don't have to tell her all that you've thought through or checked out, but you can say things like "I like this theatre, it has the new stadium style seating" or "It is a nice restaurant, but kind of casual--I don't like places where I feel like I shouldn't touch anything for fear of breaking something delicate." And communicate it as suggestions, not a fixed in place plan. That way she won't be too anxious about being able to fit/keep up, and she has a chance to flag anything she thinks might be a problem ("Hi Sally, here is what I was thinking we could do on Friday. Perhaps meet at the Starbucks at Main and Franklin, then after that we could drive to the new MondoPlex movie theatre--I love it because it is so comfortable! After the movie, if we are up for it, we could walk down to this nice dessert place in the same complex, its just a few minutes away. If you have other ideas, I'm wide open to them--let me know what you'd like to do!"

Having said all of that, this is all second hand knowledge from being around this place, combined with common sense. I've not been that size nor been with someone that size, and I obviously don't know her. For that matter, I haven't had a first date in over 20 years So hopefully you'll get some responses from the younger generation, and perhaps some of the BBW
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Old 07-14-2015, 05:17 PM   #4
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Do something in her city/town/neighborhood. Go to places she's been before. A first date would be a bad time for a size related surprise.
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Old 07-15-2015, 12:02 AM   #5
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You may want to have a look at this thread:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=40247

There you can find a lot of helpful advice!
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Old 07-15-2015, 12:27 AM   #6
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Thank you for your advice, everyone!

And firefly, that thread is gold!
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Old 07-20-2015, 06:35 AM   #7
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Good job on digging up that thread, Firefly!

Mel, good luck on the date! If you learn anything useful to others, hopefully you'll come back and add the suggestion to one of these threads
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Old 07-24-2015, 11:01 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
If you are thinking of a movie or performance, check the theatre out ahead of time to look at seat width and whether the arm-rests can be lifted up. Restaurants check if there are chairs that are either quite wide or have no arms, and when you make your reservation you might want to specify that you want that (and not a booth).
If you are thinking of a movie, don't! It's the worst place to go for a first date because you can't get to know each other.

I like something like bowling (a little bit of competitiveness). Beer/wine or food (cheese) tasting can be fun as well (providing she drinks). You can talk about what they like/dislike about each drink/food so there is always conversation going on.
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Old 07-24-2015, 11:20 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enter_Witty_Name View Post
If you are thinking of a movie, don't! It's the worst place to go for a first date because you can't get to know each other.

I like something like bowling (a little bit of competitiveness). Beer/wine or food (cheese) tasting can be fun as well (providing she drinks). You can talk about what they like/dislike about each drink/food so there is always conversation going on.

This is good advice. Those sound like great first date ideas!
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Old 07-27-2015, 11:05 AM   #10
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@mel, that's kind of you to be considerate on what to do for the first date. Alot of good ideas above....my two cents I would suggest maybe no surprises either on the first date so that she can know how to dress or know what to expect.

I've had instances in the past where people had good intentions to "surprise me" which would end up involving lots of walking far distances which i wasn't appropriately dressed for ( was in a dress and heels etc).

All the best on your date
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Old 07-27-2015, 12:14 PM   #11
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Pizza!

Small venue music in a park. (Maybe bring wine, cheese, crackers, chocolate)

Dessert!
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Old 07-28-2015, 10:17 AM   #12
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A charascura
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Old 07-28-2015, 12:07 PM   #13
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A charascura
As in a Charascuro art show?

or did you mean churrascaria (restaurant)?
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Old 08-13-2015, 10:57 AM   #14
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So how did the date go?
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Old 08-13-2015, 06:20 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMel View Post
So, I met a girl online. She's about 5'9" and over 400 lbs. I have to be honest, she's the first girl this big that I've dated. Am I going to have to take moving around a lot into account? I haven't met her in person yet and from her pictures, I wouldn't say there would be any problems. I've known girls about her size throughout my life and they seemed fine with moving around.
I'm probably too late with my suggestions, but here goes: Start with a simple lunch or dinner date. And, assuming she's not new to the area, let her pick the restaurant, some place where she feels comfortable (with both the location and the seating). If you have to pick, be sure you check it out carefully. You want a place with close parking, very few (or no) stairs, chairs with no arms, lots of room between the tables, etc. She might not need all that, but it can't hurt. Also, why don't you just drive separately and meet at the restaurant? In addition to avoiding any problems with her fitting into your car, I think that arrangement makes both parties feel more comfortable on a first date. If the date goes well, you'll learn her limitations (if any) and what she likes to do. You'll have plenty of time to plan other things later.

By the way, that's exactly how I met my SSBBW wife twenty years ago: our first date was dinner at a restaurant chosen by her, to which we both drove separately.
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