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Old 08-14-2015, 08:38 PM   #1
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Hi, I'm Cindy, I'm 24 and I'm a feeder.

I'm in a relationship and I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months.

I have known about his fetishes for a while, he's into some things I never even knew about, some pretty off the wall things. Nothing bad or harmful just different.Out of respect for him I won't say what they are.I was ok with all of his fetishes, they are fun.

I told him about mine and he wanted me to show him and open up about it, I didn't want to at for fear he might leave me. Over time he talked me into feeding him and playing with his belly and it was a blast for both of us, now he's got a bit of a tummy..( he's at 147 and he's 5 foot 10 inches tall)

All of a sudden he's decided he wants to live a healthy life style. Eating right working out, all of it. He told me he wants to stop my fetish but keep doing his.... He spent so long trying to get me to feed him and be myself...but now that I am he decides he wants to stop. I'm really hurt and confused but I can't fault him for wanting to be healthy..it is his body...but why get me to open up, and then push me away?
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Old 08-14-2015, 10:05 PM   #2
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Eight months together with no marriage and no kids, seems like it could be worse. If you care enough to stay without the fetish stay. Otherwise reconsider your options. Just my two pennies.
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Old 08-14-2015, 10:30 PM   #3
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I do want to say with him...I just..I don't know.. the change of heart was just very sudden..

I know this might seem silly, but thank you for replying. I've always seen these communitys online but I was never brave enough to talk to anyone...
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Old 08-14-2015, 10:34 PM   #4
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Every type of human relationship is predicated on communication & compromise, ultimately culminating in cooperation, pardon the alliteration.

It sounds like you have trouble with communication, him with compromise. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it & he expects a one sided exploration of sexuality - then you might have to cut your losses & eat the proverbial shit sandwich.

It sucks the big one, but thus are vicissitudes of love.

You should tell him that you are unhappy with him rejecting such a significant part of who you are, and that you discussed it with a bunch of strangers on the internet & we all agree that fat people rock (even those who are only 147 lbs, apparently). Tell him that if he wishes for you to continue to shove his home-made Adventure Time action figures into his, uh, body whilst simultaneously punching him in the nutsack & humming Yakkety Sax, then he needs to allow you to feed him delicious & deadly food until he dies of a coronary embolism. Anything less would be gauche.

Now, as a feeder are you trying to see him gain weight? Or would you be happy just to feed him anything, including his precious gluten-free tofu & quinoa kebobs? Because that is a possible compromise.
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Old 08-14-2015, 10:40 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Kitsune View Post
I told him about mine and he wanted me to show him and open up about it, I didn't want to at for fear he might leave me. Over time he talked me into feeding him and playing with his belly and it was a blast for both of us, now he's got a bit of a tummy..( he's at 147 and he's 5 foot 10 inches tall)

All of a sudden he's decided he wants to live a healthy life style. Eating right working out, all of it. He told me he wants to stop my fetish but keep doing his.... He spent so long trying to get me to feed him and be myself...but now that I am he decides he wants to stop. I'm really hurt and confused but I can't fault him for wanting to be healthy..it is his body...but why get me to open up, and then push me away?
It might be the physical change of his body prompting the response. If he's 147 AFTER gaining weight, then he must have been pretty thin to begin with. Was he into working out and being healthy before?

Are you sure he was genuinely enjoying it as much as you perceived him to be? As in...you're certain he wasn't just playing it up because he knew it would make you happy? He might have...underestimated what would happen in the process of indulging your fetish, even though he went into it with good intentions. I mean, there's those people who love food but try to limit themselves because they think they should; that's the type of person who might open up to an opportunity to indulge more, especially when their partner likes it. The enjoyment overshadows any issues they might have with the physical change.

But then there's that other camp of people who, well, they're just not motivated in the same way towards food. They don't need to exert self-control because the desire simply isn't there, even if they do enjoy the experience of good food. I fall firmly within this class, and even though I personally understand how fat/eating can be super erotic/sexy, if a partner was into feeding, I'd be like..."You know, I really love you. But I feel like I'm going to puke and I don't want to buy new pants. I really really like the pants I have." It's just completely without reward, except for the happiness of your partner.

And, well, maybe he does love food but just doesn't want to be fat. There's too many possibilities.

I'm not really trying to give any advice here; others have given some good input. I'm just trying to make his reaction seem less extreme/mysterious. I had a guy do the same thing to me (in a pretty harsh way) and I felt so awful about myself that...well, I joined Dims. I completely get how shitty it feels to be coaxed into opening up, only to get rejected for it. Just, with fetishes that impact someone's overall life, people can react strongly when it's not something they expect/have encountered before. I hope you can talk about it, though, and work out how you both feel.
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Old 08-14-2015, 11:10 PM   #6
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No he wasn't into working out before. He was really skinny when I met him. He loves food though and has very little self control around it, I took him to Out Back Steak House before he knew about my fetish, he lost control and stuffed himself silly, I'd never seen anyone eat that much( in real life). He's turning 30 soon and I think the new weight has made him worry about his metabolism slowing down on top of me feeding him...

For me it's both, I get a thrill out of feeding him and then watching him grow..I don't want to make him so big he can't move or is really unhealthy I just want a nice tummy to play with. However he might think I want him to be immobile... I mentioned a fantasy about him being that huge and maybe it scared him. Wasn't asking for him to let me make him that huge, but maybe he took it that way? I like to act out my fetish but I don't want to be unrealistic about it or hurt him, I do love him after all.
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Old 08-15-2015, 06:18 AM   #7
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You guys definitely need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about this. Talk to him about what caused his change of heart, explain where your fantasy/reality line lies so that he understand that you don't actually want to go to extremes, talk aboit how only indulging his getishes and ignoring yours makes you feel, and see if you can reach some sort of compromise.

My ex was on the thin side and was an athlete. He knew about my attraction to fat and we agreed that he would put on a little weight, but only to the point where his athletic performance wasn't affected. We kept feeding to a minimum and engaged in a lot of fantasy so that over the 2.5 years we dated he only put on 30lbs.
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Old 08-15-2015, 08:06 AM   #8
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Old 08-15-2015, 08:51 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Kitsune View Post
He told me he wants to stop my fetish but keep doing his....
To be honest this is the only part that has bells ringing in my head. It could totally be that he is scared to gain weight and his metabolism will slow down, (which by the way, no matter how well you eat as you age your body will either gain or lose regardless of your diet) many people think this way.

However, it can be an indicator of something more serious like:

A) He is incapable of compromise or he lacks the want to compromise, or
B) He is not as interested in your mutual sexual satisfaction. (ie, he only cares about himself getting off)

I can't tell you to leave or stay because I don't know the full story. What I can say is, a relationship has to fulfill both parties. If only one persons needs are being met in the relationship then it will create resentment. No one wants to be in a relationship where they are not valued or where they are being used or taken advantage of.

**If it is that he is only worried about the weight gain, discuss it with him and maybe suggest that you try the feeder thing with low-fat foods(desserts), he will put on some weight, but not as drastic. it will be a slow gain which more people are comfortable with.** Just a suggestion.
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Old 08-15-2015, 01:10 PM   #10
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I have to say that my initial reaction is the same as Lucca's. It sounds to me like he wanted to be 'open' and 'honest' about these things so you would indulge all his kinks and maybe introduce him to other things he likes. But he only wants the ones he likes and has little interest in what matters to you.

If I'm reading this situation right (and I may not be!) then those type of people can be manipulative. Either way, I'd not want to be with a person who showed so little regards for my needs and interests or for honesty.
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Old 08-15-2015, 01:17 PM   #11
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To be fair to the guy feeding is different from many fetishes in that it can have long term health consequences, so may be the only one there is a reason to stop.
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Old 08-15-2015, 07:32 PM   #12
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I'm with Lille on this: You need to have an open and honest talk with him. Find out why the sudden change of heart, and let him know that it hurts you to have him suddenly turn down something you enjoy without even a word as to why. After all, you indulge his kinks, and if you wanted to stop one or more of them, you'd tell him why, yes?

Once you have that out in the open -- assuming all goes well -- then you can figure out where you're going from here. But you can't figure out where you're going without a clear idea of where you are right now.
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Old 08-15-2015, 07:56 PM   #13
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Agree with all the above on talking openly.

Beyond the communication portion, there is also a time, a place, and an amount for everything.

One of the hardest things about liking heavier guys is that our fetish (insert whatever word is preferable here) isn't limited to the bedroom. If he was into S&M, imagine you being forced to wear the gear to the store to buy groceries. The more the weight, the more extreme the gear. Maybe you'd be ok wearing fluffy handcuffs, but would you be willing to go out in a ball gag and assless chaps? That is how I find men react to the amount of weight...and it is highly individual and varies a great deal. So maybe it got a little 'much' for him. Too intense, too fast, or too much.

Now, that being said, it actually sounds like you have two separate fetishes. One if the belly/weight, the other is the stuffing and belly play. To some extent they merge, but they aren't necessarily the same. What I mean is, if he gained weight slowly but never wanted to do a stuffing session, would that be ok? Vice versa, if he was ok with an occasional stuffing but didn't want to carry weight, would that be ok? Or do you want/need both?

Many of us are faced with this type of thing, except maybe it is weight loss later in the relationship after YEARS of being relatively ok with it. Ultimately, you need to decide how important that portion of your sexuality is at this point.

Talk to him, figure out the why and where of his reluctance. See if he is willing to participate at all...and if not, think long and hard about his fetishes, and if you think it is fair that he gets gratification where you do not. Maybe you are willing to do that, maybe not.
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Old 08-15-2015, 08:04 PM   #14
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I told him about mine and he wanted me to show him and open up about it, I didn't want to at for fear he might leave me. Over time he talked me into feeding him and playing with his belly
Is it possible that since he had to talk you into acting on your fetish he may be under the impression that you could take it or leave it?
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