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Old 12-24-2014, 11:14 PM   #1
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Hey All.
So my wife and I are together for 10 years at total ans marries for 4 years now. She was a bbw when we met and has been gaining some more over the years she is till a bbw now.

A few weeks ago, she decided going for the surgery, which we talked throughly over it about the pros and cons, benefits and risks etc for both herself myself and our relationship. Anyways the outcome was:
She was going to have it done.
I was going to experience how I feel about her look and try to not loos my interest on her.

But if you want the truth, both she and I now that I am an fa who wants more meat in my lady not less and every pound she loses will have a negative effect on me.

So though she understood and felt that inside, at the moment she was concentrated on her surgery and now she went through it which I respect totally. I am with her to support her and ease her process. I wish her to have a healthy body. Which our 2.5 year old baby girl deserves a healthy mother either.

In the contraversy I am not sure how can I continue a relationship where I am physically not attracted to anymore. sex and physical attraction importance percentages for couples may differ for each relationship. But in ours it had a big part I guess. I am both hapy and sad right now. Anyone that has one through this path, what have you felt?
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Old 01-01-2015, 04:03 AM   #2
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Hey All.
So my wife and I are together for 10 years at total ans marries for 4 years now. She was a bbw when we met and has been gaining some more over the years she is till a bbw now.

A few weeks ago, she decided going for the surgery, which we talked throughly over it about the pros and cons, benefits and risks etc for both herself myself and our relationship. Anyways the outcome was:
She was going to have it done.
I was going to experience how I feel about her look and try to not loos my interest on her.

But if you want the truth, both she and I now that I am an fa who wants more meat in my lady not less and every pound she loses will have a negative effect on me.

So though she understood and felt that inside, at the moment she was concentrated on her surgery and now she went through it which I respect totally. I am with her to support her and ease her process. I wish her to have a healthy body. Which our 2.5 year old baby girl deserves a healthy mother either.

In the contraversy I am not sure how can I continue a relationship where I am physically not attracted to anymore. sex and physical attraction importance percentages for couples may differ for each relationship. But in ours it had a big part I guess. I am both hapy and sad right now. Anyone that has one through this path, what have you felt?
I have two main thoughts on this. You will like my first thought more.

1st I was a surgical technologist for a few years. You can look this up yourself, but what no one talks about is that the 5 year prognosis, that average person will gain most or all of the weight back! WLS is a huge money maker for the industry.

2nd I am a FA going through a divorce. Your wife is attempting to improve her health, and that is the reason you want to leave her. I could give you a long lecture on this but one word will suffice. Awful! But I am sure there are others who will relate to you…
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Old 01-01-2015, 11:35 AM   #3
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I have some experience in this area. My wife had WLS and lost 349 pounds (522 to 173). Our relationship is obviously different -- but you adapt. Sometimes I do miss her old body but there are lots of things we can do now that we couldn't before (both in and out of bed).

One thing many people do forget is that WLS is just the start. After major weight loss there is often a need for reconstructive surgery which cost tens of thousands of dollars and is not covered by insurance.
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Old 01-01-2015, 07:07 PM   #4
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One thing many people do forget is that WLS is just the start. After major weight loss there is often a need for reconstructive surgery which cost tens of thousands of dollars and is not covered by insurance.
This depends, of course, on how much weight is lost. In the office where my wife worked, three women had WLS, but I don't recall any of them having to have reconstructive surgery. Then again, I don't believe any of them lost more than 100 pounds. Of the three, one gained back all her weight (plus some) within a year, one elected to have WLS a second time (ouch!), and the third, after having her stitches collapse and spill food into her abdominal cavity, nearly killing her and necessitating further surgery, remained thin, possibly out of fear.
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Old 01-01-2015, 07:19 PM   #5
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350 lbs. That's amazing.

Is her quality of life much better?



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I have some experience in this area. My wife had WLS and lost 349 pounds (522 to 173). Our relationship is obviously different -- but you adapt. Sometimes I do miss her old body but there are lots of things we can do now that we couldn't before (both in and out of bed).

One thing many people do forget is that WLS is just the start. After major weight loss there is often a need for reconstructive surgery which cost tens of thousands of dollars and is not covered by insurance.
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Old 01-01-2015, 08:13 PM   #6
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350 lbs. That's amazing.

Is her quality of life much better?
WLS is of course major surgery and therefore not without side effects (in my wife's case frequent and major heartburn and some malnutrition issues). However, her quality of life is indeed much better. When you're over 500 pounds everything is a struggle. Now she can live a (I hate to use the word) "normal" life. An example -- a few years ago we vacationed on the Oregon shore. She was about 400 pounds at the time. Strolling down sidewalks or around the aquarium was not a problem -- but she couldn't walk on the beach -- the soft sand was too difficult for her to walk on. This summer we spent many weekends at the beach where she frolicked in the surf with our two little girls.

A sad commentary is the fact that she gets treated much better by people now -- by her family, at work, and even when interacting with strangers. She has a job (child protective services) where she often has to deal with angry people -- she likes to joke that its been awhile since she was called a "fat fucking bitch" -- angry clients now have to settle for just "fucking bitch".
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Old 01-02-2015, 11:27 AM   #7
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I'm sure it brings her a lot of joy that she's able to do so much more with her kids.

As far as society goes, I doubt it's going to catch up anytime soon when it comes to attitudes about fat. Sad but true.


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WLS is of course major surgery and therefore not without side effects (in my wife's case frequent and major heartburn and some malnutrition issues). However, her quality of life is indeed much better. When you're over 500 pounds everything is a struggle. Now she can live a (I hate to use the word) "normal" life. An example -- a few years ago we vacationed on the Oregon shore. She was about 400 pounds at the time. Strolling down sidewalks or around the aquarium was not a problem -- but she couldn't walk on the beach -- the soft sand was too difficult for her to walk on. This summer we spent many weekends at the beach where she frolicked in the surf with our two little girls.

A sad commentary is the fact that she gets treated much better by people now -- by her family, at work, and even when interacting with strangers. She has a job (child protective services) where she often has to deal with angry people -- she likes to joke that its been awhile since she was called a "fat fucking bitch" -- angry clients now have to settle for just "fucking bitch".
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Old 01-07-2015, 11:07 PM   #8
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I have two main thoughts on this. You will like my first thought more.

1st I was a surgical technologist for a few years. You can look this up yourself, but what no one talks about is that the 5 year prognosis, that average person will gain most or all of the weight back! WLS is a huge money maker for the industry.

2nd I am a FA going through a divorce. Your wife is attempting to improve her health, and that is the reason you want to leave her. I could give you a long lecture on this but one word will suffice. Awful! But I am sure there are others who will relate to you…
Thanks for your reply. Thinking on your post, I think the nature of the bbw fantasy already includes the unhealthy part. For sure it is possible to be healthy with some additional weight on but when compared to the "should be" bmi limits, it is healthy to be thin. So, as mentioned on my post, I am happy that she will be a person with better health, but I doubt if the physical outcome may not fit my likes. So it is not like there is black and there is white. And in addition, there are various other tones of gray. And this situation includes both happiness and sadness, which is the part that confuses me.
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Old 01-08-2015, 02:44 PM   #9
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Thanks for your reply. Thinking on your post, I think the nature of the bbw fantasy already includes the unhealthy part. For sure it is possible to be healthy with some additional weight on but when compared to the "should be" bmi limits, it is healthy to be thin. So, as mentioned on my post, I am happy that she will be a person with better health, but I doubt if the physical outcome may not fit my likes. So it is not like there is black and there is white. And in addition, there are various other tones of gray. And this situation includes both happiness and sadness, which is the part that confuses me.
Interestingly its people who are moderately overweight who live the longest. So it is indeed to possible to be at least moderately fat and healthy. Also, its best to avoid major surgery if possible. Thus I'd submit that its better health wise to eat well, be active, and maintain a not too fat weight than it is to gain lots and then have WLS. However, since its impossible to go back in time I've increasingly come to the conclusion that WLS is a viable option for the severely overweight. That said the results of WLS and the side effects thereof (up to and including death) are still being minimized by many in the industry.

Like with that other hot button procedure steps should to taken to make WLS safe, available, and rare.
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Old 01-11-2015, 06:15 AM   #10
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Its really sad to hear you say that you won't want to be with her just because she's going to lose weight especially if u two have been together for that long obviously as friends for a long time, but a semi short time married. I really hope you stick with her and grow to love her personality more and more and learn to love the new woman she will become. Theres also the possibility that she may not get to a skinniminnie size and just lose weight enough to be healthier and more active. And as Big Mac has said, there will be some benefits too so stick it out if you do truly love her. Love is a very hard thing to find and you married her for better or worse, so think about that too. You made commitment to love her through thick and thin, literally and figuratively. Im sure she loves you for WHO you are as a person....not so much your physical form.
I understand you love a larger woman but she will be the same woman you hopefully fell in love with.
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Old 01-11-2015, 06:18 AM   #11
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Hey bigmac, I wanted to say kudos to you for sticking through it...im sure it must be tough but it sounds as if you love your wife for more than just her physical body and for men that like larger ladies, then having yours have weight loss, just means you're a really good man and that is truly very hard to find in relationships. So again, kudos
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Old 01-11-2015, 12:35 PM   #12
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Hey bigmac, I wanted to say kudos to you for sticking through it...im sure it must be tough but it sounds as if you love your wife for more than just her physical body and for men that like larger ladies, then having yours have weight loss, just means you're a really good man and that is truly very hard to find in relationships. So again, kudos
Thanks. She's much happier now -- and as they say -- when the wife's happier everyone is happier!
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Old 01-20-2015, 03:44 PM   #13
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My wife, who has cardio myopathy was also diagnosed with diabetes. She weighed about 250lbs. The long term prognosis for diabetics frightened her and after a good deal of research, she decided to pursue WLS. She had a gastric bypass in May,2013. She has lost 130lbs and is maintaining her weight in the 120lb range. The diabetes is gone, her blood tests are all normal. The weight loss has helped with her heart condition.
In August,2014 she developed a fibrillating heart rhythm, which required hospitalization and it took over a month to cure because her doctors had trouble finding medicine to work. Most have a timed release feature which would not work because of the stomach size reduction and nausea problems. They finally shocked her heart and found meds which have controlled the problem.
While intellectually I still find her fascinating and love her company, physically I find her less attractive than before her weight loss. Because I have been developing mobility problems from an arthritic hip, which I hope to have replaced this year, the affects on our love life have not been so obvious, but I know my sense of desire for her has suffered.
I hope that if my surgery is successful, we will be able to work together to rekindle the intimacy which has faded from our current relationship. Thank you all for allowing me to "vent".
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Old 01-28-2015, 06:17 PM   #14
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I do remember reading some studies saying that a lot of marriages have troubles and/or divorces after one partner has WLS. I had the gastric sleeve back in 2013 and have maintained about a 90lb weight loss. My hubby has always preferred me plus size but understood that my health was at stake and was ok with me having the surgery and supported me greatly afterwards. However, I do have to say that he has warned me not to get 'too small', otherwise he's gonna make me eat ice cream.
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Old 02-01-2015, 11:56 AM   #15
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I do remember reading some studies saying that a lot of marriages have troubles and/or divorces after one partner has WLS. I had the gastric sleeve back in 2013 and have maintained about a 90lb weight loss. My hubby has always preferred me plus size but understood that my health was at stake and was ok with me having the surgery and supported me greatly afterwards. However, I do have to say that he has warned me not to get 'too small', otherwise he's gonna make me eat ice cream.
Joking aside, your husband obviously loves you and not just your size/weight which unfortunately is not always the case for fat women. One's health should always come first to a spouse/SO, anything else is not real love.
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Old 02-03-2015, 05:24 PM   #16
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Joking aside, your husband obviously loves you and not just your size/weight which unfortunately is not always the case for fat women. One's health should always come first to a spouse/SO, anything else is not real love.
Are you saying that most men who are with fat women are just with them because of their size and nothing else? I hope not; that seems awfully bleak.
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Old 02-03-2015, 09:00 PM   #17
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... However, I do have to say that he has warned me not to get 'too small', otherwise he's gonna make me eat ice cream.
It can indeed take some getting used to. I still have an image of my wife as a SSBBW etched in my brain. Sometimes when I see her now I don't recognize her for a split second. A couple of weeks ago we were getting gas -- I opened the hood to check the oil -- when I closed the hood and looked up I saw a small woman taking up only a faction of the space available on our big Mercury's passenger seat. I thought who is that sitting in my car? Then I remembered it was my wife -- very weird.
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Old 02-04-2015, 07:41 PM   #18
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Are you saying that most men who are with fat women are just with them because of their size and nothing else? I hope not; that seems awfully bleak.
Most, no, but this certainly exists and has been discussed elsewhere on the forum before.
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Old 02-07-2015, 06:36 PM   #19
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Are you saying that most men who are with fat women are just with them because of their size and nothing else? I hope not; that seems awfully bleak.
Lots of people -- fat and thin -- are in relationships where the physical component is paramount. Such relationships are always at risk when -- as they must -- people's looks change.
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Old 02-13-2015, 03:43 PM   #20
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my wife also had the surgury and while i liked her plumper, i still am attracted to her and she is much happier. she can now walk further and do things she couldnt before. its really no different than s man who preferred and married a thin woman and she gains weight
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Old 02-19-2015, 03:50 PM   #21
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my wife also had the surgury and while i liked her plumper, i still am attracted to her and she is much happier. she can now walk further and do things she couldnt before. its really no different than s man who preferred and married a thin woman and she gains weight
Exactly!!! I thought my wife was hot when she was a SSBBW. She looks different now but she's still hot. And like your wife -- she's much happier and can do lots of things she couldn't before.

Most of us choose spouses we find attractive -- but we have to acknowledge that their looks will change -- WLS or not. A person how expects their spouse to remain the same is setting everyone involved up for disappointment.
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Old 02-21-2015, 07:34 PM   #22
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Most of us choose spouses we find attractive -- but we have to acknowledge that their looks will change -- WLS or not. A person how expects their spouse to remain the same is setting everyone involved up for disappointment.
That's very true.
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Old 03-04-2015, 12:21 PM   #23
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I'm not native English speaker so please excuse any mistakes

I believe some people here are "bisizual" - they can be turned on by ssbbw or bbw or regular sized person. Not everyone is like that. For some folks thin vs fat is like different gender. Judging people by this or saying they are shallow because of that is shallow :-)


Who will stay in intimate relationship when significant one will flip his/her gender?
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Old 06-09-2015, 10:09 PM   #24
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My wife had WLS two months ago - gastric sleeve, specifically. At her heaviest she weighed 368 and she is now down to 285. She is very proud of losing this weight, and she has a lot more energy.

For that, I am happy for her, simply because I fear she would have died without WLS (she has PCOS and a heart condition that took her father's life.) I love my wife dearly.

I can accept that she won't be as big as I would like, just as I can accept that she's not my physical type (I prefer black women and my wife is white; I also prefer taller women and she's only 5'7".) I can also be attracted to women who are not heavy but I cannot be attracted to skinny women.

WLS won't be a reason I would leave my wife.
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Old 10-07-2015, 10:57 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by zeitsevbass View Post
I am not sure how can I continue a relationship where I am physically not attracted to anymore. sex and physical attraction importance percentages for couples may differ for each relationship. But in ours it had a big part?
Some guys who prefer the extreme sexual thrillingness of fat are lucky enough to have some kind of fetish or other sexual preference besides fat, if your one of these guys hopefully your wife can get into your #2 & #3 favorite sexual thing to do.

If that does not work, do what I did before I came out of the closet to date super fat women, look at some fat girl pictures get excited then imagine your wife at that thrilling weight as you have sex with her thinner than you desire body. - Remember not to call your wife by the model's name or you're in big trouble.

WLS very often is a long term failure, so you have a good chance that your wife will be getting back to being super hot in the future. -- good luck
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