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Old 11-09-2016, 08:46 PM   #76
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Originally Posted by FatBarbieDoll View Post

... It's just that it is so hard to tell if a guy is truly attracted to me, using me, but not even attracted to me, convinced himself that he finds large bodies to be appealing because he does not think he can get a thin woman, etc. ...


Its actually pretty damn easy to tell if someone is into you. Yes people do indeed sleep with others for less than pure motives (both men and women do this). However, few people can keep up pretexts for long -- and why would they -- if they're not that into you they're not going to expend too much time, effort, or money.

Also, people make compromises all the time -- there's nothing wrong with that. None of us get exactly what we desire. Best we can hope for is a compromise we can live with.
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Old 11-10-2016, 11:33 AM   #77
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took me a few years to get the confidence to be open about my attraction to big women (and in general, at that) but one thing i've noticed is that when i'm in a group of male friends i always seem to be the odd man out. i don't really mind it but it seems that if someone starts that high school-esque joke session about big women, i casually try contest it and then ask what's wrong with big women (and, more accurately, what makes them NOT attractive to you). their answers are even more high school-esque, and it does often make me wonder who among my friends is just too insecure to admit their attraction to big women.

semi-side note: anyone notice how the growing influence of social media has highlighted, perpetuated and exacerbated an underlying insecurity (esp. in terms of what is being called "false masculinity")?
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Old 11-14-2016, 06:49 AM   #78
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I saw a lot of this when I was at school sadly enough.
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Old 11-14-2016, 06:47 PM   #79
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I saw a lot of this when I was at school sadly enough.
Luckily most (but certainly not all) of us guys grow up.
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Old 11-15-2016, 06:31 AM   #80
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Luckily most (but certainly not all) of us guys grow up.
LOL, Glad to hear it. I am a lesbian and I feel it is somewhat common all around, though more so with young men. I was very trim when I started college and put on a few lbs in my 3rd and 4th years, even more so now that I have moved to NYC.

I recall going out with a friend of mine this summer and it was the first time we had gone out with her friends and after a lengthy debate on how I was dressed, I could feel the distance when we were around her peers, where ordinarily she was very warm and embracing. It was such a put off.
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Old 11-15-2016, 06:42 AM   #81
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LOL, Glad to hear it. I am a lesbian and I feel it is somewhat common all around, though more so with young men. I was very trim when I started college and put on a few lbs in my 3rd and 4th years, even more so now that I have moved to NYC.

I recall going out with a friend of mine this summer and it was the first time we had gone out with her friends and after a lengthy debate on how I was dressed, I could feel the distance when we were around her peers, where ordinarily she was very warm and embracing. It was such a put off.
I was well into my 20s before I grew out of being afraid to openly embrace my preference for bigger girls. As I've mentioned to other meme era here, for a long time I dated women who were more conventionally ideal hoping to "cure" myself but beneath the surface I always had that attraction to big girls and wished desperately I could change it. Thank God I eventually just learned to embrace it. I have an amazing wife now and that wouldn't have happened if I didn't outgrow that hesitancy and outright fear of embracing my preference.

What exactly was the debate about how you were dressed? Did she feel you weren't dressed appropriate for your size? That's a thing for a lot of people.
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Old 11-15-2016, 06:53 AM   #82
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...

I recall going out with a friend of mine this summer and it was the first time we had gone out with her friends and after a lengthy debate on how I was dressed, I could feel the distance when we were around her peers, where ordinarily she was very warm and embracing. It was such a put off.

Sounds like some things haven't changed much. When I was young I stayed away from beautiful people venues. I frequented punk and heavy metal clubs where being conventionally attractive usually didn't matter.
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Old 11-15-2016, 06:54 AM   #83
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Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
I was well into my 20s before I grew out of being afraid to openly embrace my preference for bigger girls. As I've mentioned to other meme era here, for a long time I dated women who were more conventionally ideal hoping to "cure" myself but beneath the surface I always had that attraction to big girls and wished desperately I could change it. Thank God I eventually just learned to embrace it. I have an amazing wife now and that wouldn't have happened if I didn't outgrow that hesitancy and outright fear of embracing my preference.

What exactly was the debate about how you were dressed? Did she feel you weren't dressed appropriate for your size? That's a thing for a lot of people.
My outfit was a little snug, but that is not altogether uncommon these days and certainly not the kind of thing that would have cause a problem if we were out with our regular group. I was kind of interested and the whole situation made me really take a step back.
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Old 11-15-2016, 07:01 AM   #84
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My outfit was a little snug, but that is not altogether uncommon these days ...

This is something that's changed for the better. 30 years ago (I'm that old ) pretty snug outfits weren't even an option for young BBWs.

I have two twenty something daughters who are BBWs. They have clothing options that just were not available to their mothers.
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Old 11-15-2016, 07:01 AM   #85
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My outfit was a little snug, but that is not altogether uncommon these days and certainly not the kind of thing that would have cause a problem if we were out with our regular group. I was kind of interested and the whole situation made me really take a step back.
Little snug? Blah. Women leave their homes in yoga pants and skinny jeans so tight they look like they're painted on! I personally love it when my wife wears that stuff. When my wife first worked up the confidence to wear skinny jeans and asked how I though she looked my knees went week!

Sorry a friend treated you like that but don't be derailed!
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Old 11-15-2016, 07:02 AM   #86
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This is something that's changed for the better. 30 years ago (I'm that old ) pretty snug outfits weren't even an option for young BBWs.
LOL, in this case it was not deliberately snug, but it was not ill-fitting or tasteless either.
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Old 11-15-2016, 07:09 AM   #87
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Little snug? Blah. Women leave their homes in yoga pants and skinny jeans so tight they look like they're painted on! I personally love it when my wife wears that stuff. When my wife first worked up the confidence to wear skinny jeans and asked how I though she looked my knees went week!

Sorry a friend treated you like that but don't be derailed!
Thank you.
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Old 11-15-2016, 07:46 AM   #88
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Sometimes friends do just drift apart. I’ve had a few cases of meeting up with people who I had been friends with during one stage of school or another, then finding that we just didn’t have a lot in common now that we were no longer sharing classes or activities. That is, we’d gotten along well enough as members of a group, but it turned out that once we weren’t in a group … there just wasn’t a lot there between us.

In other words, just wondering how much was weight related, and how much was just you weren’t part of her new group, and she was more bonded to her current reference group than to an old friend?

Either way, shoddy way to treat you 

As a stranger visiting NYC, one of the things I liked was that it was populous, busy, and diverse enough that people seemed not to fuss much about who else was around them, they were mostly focused on what they were doing, where they were going, etc. But I could imagine that the experience of living there and getting to know people there could give very different results? Do you feel people have more weight bias there than in other places you’ve lived?
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Old 11-15-2016, 08:04 AM   #89
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As a stranger visiting NYC, one of the things I liked was that it was populous, busy, and diverse enough that people seemed not to fuss much about who else was around them, they were mostly focused on what they were doing, where they were going, etc. But I could imagine that the experience of living there and getting to know people there could give very different results? Do you feel people have more weight bias there than in other places you’ve lived?
I am only recently moved to NYC, this past June. Being born and raised in Lafayette, La and then living in Baton Rouge during college, I feel there were a lot more overweight people back home at least by comparison. I don't think the people here are biased, but you can tell they are a lot more conscious of it. It's not typically fat unfriendly though.

I guess to put it in perspective, back home, everyone that I knew had at least one parent that was overweight to some degree and I more than a third of the young women I graduated high school with were over or pretty close to 200 lbs. That is not the case here at all.
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Old 11-15-2016, 08:06 AM   #90
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I am only recently moved to NYC, this past June. Being born and raised in Lafayette, La and then living in Baton Rouge during college, I feel there were a lot more overweight people back home at least by comparison. I don't think the people here are biased, but you can tell they are a lot more conscious of it. It's not typically fat unfriendly though.

I guess to put it in perspective, back home, everyone that I knew had at least one parent that was overweight to some degree and I more than half of the young women I graduated high school with were over or pretty close to 200 lbs. That is not the case here at all.
So you were thin in fatland, then got fat in thinland? You contrarian!
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Old 11-15-2016, 08:17 AM   #91
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So you were thin in fatland, then got fat in thinland? You contrarian!
LOL, something like that

My thin Lafayette days circa Spring 2012. (I am on the right) Followed by, welcome to NY!
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Old 11-16-2016, 07:13 PM   #92
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It is not everyday that "Men Explain Why They Prefer Big Girls" shows up on my Facebook news feed....so it caught eye

Us on DIM already know most of these....but enjoy!! I like #4!
http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/men-...hey-prefer-big
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Old 11-17-2016, 12:24 PM   #93
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Exactly what "Bigmac" said.
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