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Old 05-16-2017, 01:23 PM   #1
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Default BHMs: How did you get comfortable posting photos with skin?

Are any of you able to share what journey you had, if any, to get to a point where you're comfortable with sharing pictures of your body here?

I found this place by going down a rabbit hole that started with "Hey maybe losing weight isn't gonna fix shit unless I'm happy with myself to begin with." That led me to start reading up on fat acceptance, which led to the discovery that BHMs/FFAs are a thing, which ultimately led me to this forum.

Accepting myself and my size has been a lifelong fight, and I always believed that the women in my life were attracted to me in-spite-of my weight/size/body, and were just so happy/relieved with my personality that they could ignore my body in favor of that.

I'm currently in an ethically-non-monogamous relationship with my partner ('cause we both agree that there's just so much damn pretty in the world to limit yourself to just one person), and she has always been intense and loud about how she really truly finds my body to be sexy, and isn't with me in-spite-of anything, and that she's positive that the women who show interest in me feel the same. She constantly tells me that I'm the full package in every way, and I 100% believe her but I also 100% do not understand it. I just kinda count myself lucky as hell on that one, but I'm learning to get over it slowly.

A big part of this was depression, which I've gotten under some control over the past year with a good doctor and good meds. A lot of this past year has been full of surprising ups, like recognizing that maybe my negative self-image is just so intensely strong that I've lost all proper perspective on how I actually appear to the opposite sex (or to the same sex and anyone on the gender spectrum; I swing straight but I'm not a Kinsey 0 by any stretch of the imagination).

I'm on an upswing but I'm not quite there yet, or at least not quite when it comes to showing a bunch of skin. My partner has offered to take photos of me in the poses/places that she finds me to be the sexiest, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with it. I'd be really interested to hear what got any of you to that comfort zone, 'cause I think it's really brave and amazing that you're able to do this sort of thing, and I'd like to be one of those guys sooner rather than later.
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Old 05-16-2017, 02:35 PM   #2
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Learn to love yourself first.Accept what and who you are.
If your lady friend says you are sexy then accept that compliment don't shoot her opinion of you down in flames.
I know depression is a common thing now but honestly quit being so hard on yourself.
I have one friend and he is constantly putting himself down because of his weight.
I get sooo pissed at him because he is a very handsome guy and he could get a girl with no problem he just won't put in the effort.
He sits around feeling sorry for himself because he doesn't have a GF or wife but he won't get out and interact with people.
If you have always been overweight then you have "bought into" the negative mind set and you need to work on that.
I had one female co worker that was overweight and she was always complaining about being fat.
She asked me how come you always seem so happy all the time being as big as you are?
I told her I learned to love my body and accept that I will always be fat and thats OK.
You don't have to show a lot of skin in pics if you don't want to. I think pics with clothes on are sexy too.
I choose not to show a lot of skin these days because I don't feel the need to.
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Old 05-16-2017, 03:44 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squarebrickjaw View Post
Are any of you able to share what journey you had, if any, to get to a point where you're comfortable with sharing pictures of your body here?

I found this place by going down a rabbit hole that started with "Hey maybe losing weight isn't gonna fix shit unless I'm happy with myself to begin with." That led me to start reading up on fat acceptance, which led to the discovery that BHMs/FFAs are a thing, which ultimately led me to this forum.

Accepting myself and my size has been a lifelong fight, and I always believed that the women in my life were attracted to me in-spite-of my weight/size/body, and were just so happy/relieved with my personality that they could ignore my body in favor of that.

I'm currently in an ethically-non-monogamous relationship with my partner ('cause we both agree that there's just so much damn pretty in the world to limit yourself to just one person), and she has always been intense and loud about how she really truly finds my body to be sexy, and isn't with me in-spite-of anything, and that she's positive that the women who show interest in me feel the same. She constantly tells me that I'm the full package in every way, and I 100% believe her but I also 100% do not understand it. I just kinda count myself lucky as hell on that one, but I'm learning to get over it slowly.

A big part of this was depression, which I've gotten under some control over the past year with a good doctor and good meds. A lot of this past year has been full of surprising ups, like recognizing that maybe my negative self-image is just so intensely strong that I've lost all proper perspective on how I actually appear to the opposite sex (or to the same sex and anyone on the gender spectrum; I swing straight but I'm not a Kinsey 0 by any stretch of the imagination).

I'm on an upswing but I'm not quite there yet, or at least not quite when it comes to showing a bunch of skin. My partner has offered to take photos of me in the poses/places that she finds me to be the sexiest, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with it. I'd be really interested to hear what got any of you to that comfort zone, 'cause I think it's really brave and amazing that you're able to do this sort of thing, and I'd like to be one of those guys sooner rather than later.
Honestly a big part of it is coming to accept that most people don't find you sexually attractive, including yourself, and that that is okay. Part of the problem, for me at least, is that what I find sexy isn't what I am. I myself enjoy a wide spectrum of the female form but as a general rule I go for the pixie/waif body type and as a 6'7, 476 lbs. man that's about as polar opposite as it gets. For a long time I couldn't understand why anyone would find me attractive because I don't find fat attractive.

Then I realized something.

I have a dick. I don't find those attractive either....why am I beating myself up over being fat because most people don't find it attractive? I knew there were FFAs out there, I just had to find the right one and be the best me I could be when I did find her (hi rabbit!).

Focus on making yourself the best person you can be from the inside and keep your eye out for opportunity and you'll be ready to grab that brass ring when your horse swings by.
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Old 05-16-2017, 04:14 PM   #4
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Such a great way to put it djudex.
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Old 05-19-2017, 06:34 PM   #5
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Hi Jude! Pst, You also inspire me want to be my best self <3

Square - We used to have many a BHM picture thread and ladies complimented frequently. However, compliments from others arent a cure all for liking your body. Its a process to like yourself and it sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction. Only post what you are comfortable with. If your partner gives you a compliment, accept it no matter what. We wont force you to post anything you arent comfortable with but if you feel like starting, maybe a fully clothed picture wearing an outfit that gives you confidence and see how you feel after that.
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Old 05-21-2017, 11:55 AM   #6
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I know for me posting pictures with skin has been easy after the first one. I found this site, and just went with it. I have never really been complimented on my looks or size in person, so reading them online was an amazing feeling. I am much more confident online. I am very shy in person. It actually became like a drug for me. I got such a rush out of posting pictures, and reading the comments and messages. Sadly most of the messages were from women to faraway from me, but it did lead to meeting someone. She was more of a lurker, and sadly I found out why. She was basically dating at least two other guys from here maybe even more. I know she ended up marrying one. But she did encourage me to post pictures. Having someone that wants to take pictures of you sounds great to me. I always wanted someone to do that, and even pose with me for pictures. Now I only post pictures when the mood strikes me. Plus now at my age I need more than what I got out of posting pictures. I know this isn't a dating site, but honestly any single guy posting pics on here is open to finding someone. If they say their not I don't believe that. All I can say is start slow, and get comfortable with taking pics showing skin. Do what makes you feel good. Even if the pics are only for private use just have fun with it.
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Old 06-11-2017, 02:14 PM   #7
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It really, really helps to find a good outlet, like here or feabie or something, where your body is 100% absolutely somebody's fetish. It builds confidence like crazy having somebody like actively and enthusiastically lust after your man boobs or whatever, haha.
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Old 06-17-2017, 02:34 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squarebrickjaw View Post
My partner has offered to take photos of me in the poses/places that she finds me to be the sexiest, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with it. I'd be really interested to hear what got any of you to that comfort zone, 'cause I think it's really brave and amazing that you're able to do this sort of thing, and I'd like to be one of those guys sooner rather than later.
I've never posted 'skin' online, because it's not something i'm comfortable putting out there. And I'm ok with that. Everyone has their lines.

But, Do the photoshoot. Have fun with it even. Its an opportunity to see yourself from a different perspective. Just because you take some pictures doesn't mean you have to share them with the world at large.

What is important is that you are are making the effort to become comfortable with yourself. That's where the self confidence to 'own' who you are comes from.
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Old 06-20-2017, 08:30 AM   #9
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Honestly it was posting here and getting compliments. Sometimes I do worry I do it too often on Instagram and the like but hey, you only live once.
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Old 06-23-2017, 11:12 PM   #10
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I might just have a really bad case of Impostor's Syndrome, but as an adult, I have found that you just fake like you have whatever it is you need. It eventually comes through as real.
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Old 06-24-2017, 06:17 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hozay J Garseeya View Post
I might just have a really bad case of Impostor's Syndrome, but as an adult, I have found that you just fake like you have whatever it is you need. It eventually comes through as real.
There is a great deal of merit to 'fake it til you make it' as a strategy.
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