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Old 07-31-2017, 01:29 PM   #1
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Default Should I tell my wife

I've been married for five years and love my wife very much. Since I got married I've become extremely attracted to BBWs but my wife is far from that. I have never cheated on my wife and don't intend to start but I don't know if I should tell her about this or continue to keep it a secret.
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Old 07-31-2017, 02:23 PM   #2
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Something that you have to decide for yourself, obviously. But my take would be probably not to do so. Basically this is your issue, and it is up to you to manage it as best as you possibly can and not put the stress on her.

The only exception, to me, is if this is such a problem that it is ruining your sex life, in which case I'd think talking to a sex therapist might be the route, and all you'd initially need to tell your wife is something like "Look, I've got stuff stuck in my mind that is messing me up sexually. I thought I could just ignore it and be OK, but obviously things haven't been going well in the bedroom. I think I should talk to a therapist who maybe can help me sort through it. I don't really want to start talking about it all until I talk to a therapist, but I promise you that it isn't anything dangerous or criminal, just my brain chasing itself down a rabbit-hole I can't seem to get out of."

But if you are managing the sex life OK, I'd be inclined to accept that we don't always get what we want, focus on all the parts of your wife that do turn you on .... and maybe let her know that she doesn't have to diet for your sake
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Old 07-31-2017, 03:29 PM   #3
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I agree with Tad: find a way to deal with this yourself so that you don't do damage that may take a lot of time to repair. If your wife is far from a BBW and always has been since you've been together, if you go telling her you prefer something she's not, look out!

Look for a way to rekindle the attraction that brought you to her to start with. Go back and reminisce on the good times you had early on and all things about those moments that made them so special. Don't throw that away just because a preference for BBWs has emerged. Do what you need to do internally to work this out. It would be far better than raising the issue with her and potentially damaging your relationship.

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Old 08-01-2017, 02:31 PM   #4
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Keep it to yourself because you need to sort out your feelings.
Is this a fetish or fantasy you have or something else?
If you go telling her you wish she was fat you are in trouble.
If she feels you aren't attracted to her as she is now she will go find someone who is.
There are plenty of men that don't care that she is married.
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Old 08-01-2017, 05:18 PM   #5
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If you don't want to have trouble in your marriage, keep it to yourself. Count your blessings that your wife loves you and is a good person. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.
Let's say she gets turned on by a body-builder muscular type of man, just as an example, and you're not, would it make you happy to hear it?
You married her, she didn't force you, did she? Be thankful that she's healthy and faithful, that should matter more than a big body.
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Old 08-01-2017, 05:39 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Timlovesbbws View Post
I've been married for five years and love my wife very much. Since I got married I've become extremely attracted to BBWs but my wife is far from that. I have never cheated on my wife and don't intend to start but I don't know if I should tell her about this or continue to keep it a secret.
I am curious, you didn't know you were attracted to fat women until after you got married? I feel like there is an interesting story there.
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Old 08-01-2017, 08:11 PM   #7
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I'm curious too.
Maybe he had a chubby GF in the past who knows for sure.
Maybe he is feeling the "7 year itch" 2 years early because they aren't as sexually active like they were in the beginning.
There is another story in here somewhere.
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Old 08-02-2017, 05:20 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Timlovesbbws View Post
I've been married for five years and love my wife very much. Since I got married I've become extremely attracted to BBWs but my wife is far from that. I have never cheated on my wife and don't intend to start but I don't know if I should tell her about this or continue to keep it a secret.

I agree with everyone else. That would be the most hurtful thing a man can tell his wife, girlfriend ok, but wife mmmmm that would hurt her. Maybe you can ask her to gain a little weight maybe? I don't know im not expert im just throwin some opinions to you! Good luck!
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Old 08-02-2017, 03:48 PM   #9
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Default The truth shall set you free

Keeping something like this a secret from your life partner is not conducive to a healthy or happy relationship. Eventually you will have to come clean, one way or another. My feeling is it's always better to be honest, tell the truth and own it, no matter what it is. Let the chips fall where they may and deal with it.

I would agree with the posters here who have said that you should work it out on your own, figure out what it is you really want. I would just say that you should do it quickly and let your partner know what you've learned about yourself, because the longer you keep something like this secret the more it will eat away at you, and your relationship.

(and yes, I speak from experience.)

I would also be very curious how it is you had no idea about this desire until you'd already been married for five years. I mean, you must have had some inkling before - no?

Regardless, something like this doesn't have to ruin your marriage. If you have a truly strong and loving relationship with your wife, and you are able to be open and honest with one another in all ways, including all of your sexual desires and proclivities, then you should be able to share this as a fantasy that you'd like to play out with her and nothing more.

Maybe she's not a BBW, but the imagination is a powerful thing; maybe you can have some fun with food play, feeding one another some sweets or something, rubbing her tummy and feeling how full she is, if that's something you're into. Maybe she can put a pillow under her shirt and you can pretend it's a big belly - or heck, maybe she'll even put on a few extra lbs for you. You won't know if you don't talk to her about it.

But you gotta know what you want. If you want to be happy and make your marriage work, then commit to it fully and do whatever it takes. If your eyes are looking elsewhere, BBWs or not, there is probably an emotional reason why more than a sexual one. Something is missing, and you need to figure out what it is. There is no reason why having some fun and playful fantasies about fatness should dissolve a strong and healthy relationship.

Follow your heart, it will never steer you wrong.
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Old 08-02-2017, 08:32 PM   #10
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Thank you for everyone's responses. I was never attracted to bigger women until my wife and I had a baby and she gained some baby weight (bigger boobs butt and legs) and I found her incredibly sexy. My wife is one of those people with a fast metabolism and she lost all the baby weight in a couple of months and is now 150 pounds and 5ft 6in. She eats whatever she wants and doesn't really gain weight only after we had a baby.

After she lost the weight I started looking at porn with larger women and learned that I found BBWs very attractive. I never really used to look at porn before and only look at it once or twice a week now. I still am attracted to my wife even though she isn't larger. I love her very much and we still have a good sex life. I'm still not sure on if I should tell her but that's how I came to have a BBW fantasy.
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Old 08-02-2017, 08:54 PM   #11
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Thanks for sharing that, OP. It really does offer some solid insight into your thought process and how this preference developed. I would still tread lightly though. It's one thing to have a sort of "awakening" when you develop a preference for something specific but if your wife isn't that something specific it's still probably a bad idea to go there. The other thing is she may view it as a ferish and if she's not outright hurt/pissed she may be alarmed by it. You know her, we don't. If you do find you can't keep it inside one way to go about raising the issue is to mention how appealing she was to you at the height of her pregnancy. Look for the right opening for this, obviously don't just blurt it out. Depending on how she reacts you can determine if it's safe to proceed. If she's genuinely curious you may be able to share more about how you developed a preference. Again: that's if you aren't able to resolve the matter on your own. You're about to walk through a minefield and probably shouldn't of you don't absolutely need to.
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Old 08-03-2017, 09:24 PM   #12
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This is a tough one. Glad that you love your wife and the sex is good. If it ever gets to the point where that part of the relationship derails and you are wandering or only getting it going with a big gal fantasy in your head.. then it is time to do something about it. I think a lot of people have their fantasies, really isn't most porn fantasy. I've never had a handsome plumber try to ummm clean my pipes.... so with that being said. Your private fantasies can be just that. When you act on them that is when it gets to be a problem.

I have to also say that I have seen a progression quite a few times, where the admiring of fat women starts with a focus on big boobs or butt, migrates to larger tummies and legs, then to bigger and bigger women. I think our tastes evolve as we have new expierences.

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Old 08-04-2017, 10:36 AM   #13
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I was in a relationship with a bbw for 4 years. Initially, I didn't want to date her because she was smaller than I would have ideally wanted in a partner. I had been involved with ssbbw briefly before her and would have wanted to continue seeing larger women. My ssbbw dating options are limited in this city. She was, however, the best choice I had at the time and in my dating history.

I know no one is perfect and that we sometimes don't get all we want in a mate. She had a lot of great qualities but I never quite got over the fact I preferred bigger women. I never admitted it to her because I was scared to put the relationship in jeopardy. It was my longest relationship and I felt it could have headed to marriage especially at this later stage of my life. I thought I was compromising but it might very well have been more settling. I felt something of a strain because I wasn't completely honest with her or myself. I'm sure it revealed itself to her in some ways.

She ended the relationship 2 years ago even though I might have wanted to do the same earlier. My attraction and interest with ssbbw hasn't subsided at all. I'm even more active in the bbw/bhm community. In fact, I've been considering moving to the U.S. to better my dating options.

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Old 08-07-2017, 10:21 AM   #14
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Thank you for everyone's input. I'm going to continue to keep my fantasies to my self unless the urge becomes more than just a fantasy. I have told her about how I thought she was sexy after she put on some weight but I'm pretty sure she shrugged it off as me just trying to make her feel better. I don't like to keep things from my wife but I don't want to risk hurting her or our marriage. I hope that someday she will be a little more open sexually and we can talk about things like porn and fantasies but until then I'm going to keep this to myself. If anyone has any more input or questions feel free to reply or send me a private message.
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Old 08-07-2017, 12:33 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Timlovesbbws View Post
Thank you for everyone's input. I'm going to continue to keep my fantasies to my self unless the urge becomes more than just a fantasy. I have told her about how I thought she was sexy after she put on some weight but I'm pretty sure she shrugged it off as me just trying to make her feel better. I don't like to keep things from my wife but I don't want to risk hurting her or our marriage. I hope that someday she will be a little more open sexually and we can talk about things like porn and fantasies but until then I'm going to keep this to myself. If anyone has any more input or questions feel free to reply or send me a private message.
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Old 08-12-2017, 08:04 PM   #16
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Just buy her her favorite food, tell her you liked it when she was thick..Maybe she will enjoy eating a lot of he favorites.Maybe she might be a gainer.
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Old 08-15-2017, 04:06 PM   #17
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I don't have an answer as to what you should do. But don't tell your wife you want her to get fat or you'd like her to change in any way for that matter. Remember why you married her in the first place.

It should be safe for you to tell her that while she was pregnant you found the extra bit of weight a bit arousing. Immediately after letting her know that you don't want her to change and that you'd never leave her because of her size.
If you can't say something like that in your marriage then I feel for you.

So you discovered yet another type of women you are attracted to, big deal. Don't bother your women with those details. For all you know she could like BHMs, heck maybe even BBWs herself. Does it matter if she is upholding her commitment to you.

I knew when I took those vows that all those hotties that could have potentially been mine were off limits. That's just how it, that's what makes marriage hard, and that's OK. Don't go risking a good thing because you found some new thing you're into.

Also, lay off the porn. You know how when you get a mosquito bite and you keep scratching it, it's only gonna itch more. Your attraction to larger women will get worse, even more so with the more pornography you look at. So do yourself a favor and dial it back, off if you can.

Your wedding vows were for better or worse; that includes this little hiccup.
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Old 09-05-2017, 01:30 AM   #18
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confess. you may just find that you feel better and there may be a chance she will gain a little weight for you, you just never know. I told my wife and she doesn't actively gain but we have played with feeding and she has gained some weight partly because I think she knows that it not a big deal.
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Old 09-18-2017, 07:47 AM   #19
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the more people keep secrets from the people they are around all the time the more the relationship becomes built of barriers, then when something shakes you up when you get scared or angry and if it happens to both of you the truth comes out.
I'm guessing the reason you haven't told her is because you're afraid of loosing her/ hurting her which I can fully understand its the only reason I've kept secrets but then when you can finally share them the liberation you will feel is amazing, I'm not saying you should drop a truth bomb on her, I say romance her, write down what you're going to say first so if you panic you can just ask her to read your letter, get good at giving foot rubs and massages because this helps you stay in "rest and digest" mode instead of "fight or flight"

she may react poorly at first but that isn't her, that's the conditioning of the media, her parents everything that's told her that self worth comes from not being fat.

you posted this thread so I'm fairly certain you know that it's the right thing to do and I don't want to be too brutal but if you're relationship can't survive the truth being told then is it really a relationship worth staying in? surely she'd want you to respect her enough to tell her how you feel.

I know its hard because everything's told you to feel shame at being attracted to fat people, maybe you were attracted to fat people all along but you buried you're young lust so deep it only came out when it was ok, i.e. when the woman you love embodied your buried lust, this is purely conjecture but as someone who spent a year with a fat partner before I was able to tell her I was attracted to her fat I know the truth will set you free Tim x

I also advise you to find an open mic night and pour some of your feelings out into poetry maximum catharsis brother
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