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Old 08-30-2017, 10:21 AM   #26
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I have a perspective to add from the point of view of my story.

In Something's Gotta Give, I set out to do a weight gain story that brings realism to a fantasy situation--that is, the classic gorgeous Freshman-15 protagonist who gains an unrealistic amount of weight in a short time. Dare I reveal it here, but in trying to bring realism to the scenario I have had to keep a number of devices in mind, but there is one device that is more important than all the others in the story:

Kelly's fat (size, weight, etc.) is one of the characters in the story.

Why? I didn't set out with that idea. But it's the idea that reflects reality. Kelly's fat (weight, size, etc.) affects everything about her life: her relationships, her finances, her direction in life, her friends, where and how she sits, what and where and how she eats, what she wears and how and where she shops, her role at parties and in her job, a ton of things not even broached yet--everything. Kelly even has to relate to her own fat as she grapples with the changes in her body and therefore her life.

This is just the way it is. Look around this site at all the things people say about their weight or weight in general. It runs the gamut of life.

So if someone is looking to date you, whether or not you are fat is a part of the equation. So this woman's idea that she wants to not have to point out her fat? Well, anyone she dates will have to relate to her fat, so whatever she has to do to faithfully represent herself she should do, to a reasonable degree.

I have a lot more to say along these lines, but I thought this idea might be relevant for discussion.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:23 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by BigElectricKat View Post
So, if you lost weight for some reason (medical/health, illness, stranded on a desserted island with nothing to eat but fish and berries for 10 months) and you were no longer fat, would you be upset if your loving, adoring FA suddenly didn't want to be with you anymore?
It's a provocative question, as Tad and others have pointed out, but it's also a fantastic one for exploring the boundaries of some of the ideas expressed.
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Old 08-30-2017, 11:14 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by StrugglingWriter View Post
It's a provocative question, as Tad and others have pointed out, but it's also a fantastic one for exploring the boundaries of some of the ideas expressed.
I guess to me that the question sets up a false equivalence. Perhaps better was if you'd gone on a few dates, then something happened keeping the two of you out of touch for a while during which time you lost a weight, and you made contact again and the FA who had been so eager to get to know you was no longer so interested.

Once a relationship has some substantial history to it, hopefully it no longer depends on any one factor, even one as big as sexual attraction. For a longer term relationship to fall apart just because some of that attractiveness (from one partner's POV) goes away is going to cut deeper because it suggests that all the rest, things you likely thought were real connections and meant something, apparently didn't really matter much.
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Old 08-30-2017, 11:31 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by StrugglingWriter View Post

So if someone is looking to date you, whether or not you are fat is a part of the equation. So this woman's idea that she wants to not have to point out her fat? Well, anyone she dates will have to relate to her fat, so whatever she has to do to faithfully represent herself she should do, to a reasonable degree.
You raise a lot of good points but I only partially agree with this conclusion. A fat woman's weight may indeed influence every facet of her life but it may not define her as a person. In this regard I can see why the author of that article just wants to be treated like a normal woman. Her weight is part of who she is, but it isn't WHO she is. When someone approaches her with "I love fat girls!" Or even a less blunt version of that it sends a message they define her differently than she defines herself. It's not surprising she'd reject these guys. While I maintain Loopy's critique about physical attraction is fair, the writer's idea that some men will pass on a person with whom they're otherwise a great fit, and will do so over weight, is a true observation. I can see why that would be frustrating to her and others who are wired like her.
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Old 08-30-2017, 11:48 AM   #30
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But it can't be uncommon to have one or more parameters. If you were super religious you might relate only to those of your faith. Would it be so odd to hear somebody say "I could never sleep with anyone that voted for Trump" or "I grew up with an alcoholic parent, I won't go near anyone that drinks" or "I hate kids so if you're a single parent that's a dealbreaker." The writer seems to have too much self esteem...IOW she wants to bypass men who dislike fat women because she's sure once they get to know her, they'll overlook her size.
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Old 08-30-2017, 04:23 PM   #31
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I'm not willing to be 'accepted' when I could be loved or adored.
Best thing ever!
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Old 08-30-2017, 04:57 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by Blockierer View Post
In my experience it's much easier for FAs and for those who are fat to find the right partner online, preferable in a website for FA/BBW (e.g. Dimensions forums, ..). I met my wife online. I placed an ad with full body pic and stated that I wanted a fat woman from 300 lbs to . We are in relationship for 14 years now. I'm very proud of me that I was able to realize my dream of having a fat wife. If fat admiration is a fetish then I we both are very happy with this fetish.

This question could be the topic of another tread. But I have serious concerns that the thread will have no contributions.
Yeah it's a shame that FA 'issues' remain underexplored. But how many times have we seen people even here on Dimensions scoff at the idea that we have much social stigma to overcome and it is just 'in our heads'. That's a great picture of you and your wife! You both look very contented.

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For clarification: I am pro-fat dating sites. I really like Feabie. The example she used was WooPlus, which is a fat version of the hookup app Tinder. Which leads me to think WooPlus might not be the best way to get into a relationship. Some people (or many, I am not certain) do try to make the jump from hooking up to then dating. She was probably leaning away from Feabie, due to Feabie pushing itself as feeder/feedees first, FAs BBWS (FFAs BHMs) secondly. WooPlus maybe effective, but I am suspicious.

Before using Feabie, I was on Match and OkCupid. I was contacted by a lot of women. What did they have in common, they completely ignored that I stated I wanted a plus-size or fat and fabulous partner, whatever the options were on each site. I would say for every fat woman that would contact me, I would say 20 thin women would send PMs. It is possible that some of these women may have been using picture of when they were thinner, but if so none of them made that distinction to me. A lot of people say online dating is loaded with fat people. That has not been my experience.

To me the big advantage of a fat dating site is that the fat women who join have mostlikely already decided they would like to date a FA. I don’t have do a subtle dance of properly breaking it to whoever I am talking to, after spending time getting to know the person. There is a lot more to a relationship than just having a fat partner, but I want to search a pool of fat people for a partner.
Very interesting about your experiences with thin women hitting you up on the more mainstream dating services.

I think you have the right mindset when you say "There is a lot more to a relationship than just having a fat partner, but I want to search a pool of fat people for a partner." And like you say, it is best to look in a venue where hopefully the women are more receptive to a man who prefers their body shape.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:27 AM   #33
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..Before using Feabie, I was on Match and OkCupid. I was contacted by a lot of women. What did they have in common, they completely ignored that I stated I wanted a plus-size or fat and fabulous partner, whatever the options were on each site. I would say for every fat woman that would contact me, I would say 20 thin women would send PMs. It is possible that some of these women may have been using picture of when they were thinner, but if so none of them made that distinction to me. A lot of people say online dating is loaded with fat people. That has not been my experience.
That's my experience too. My online search for a fat woman started in 2000. I got lots of messages from women that were not really fat. Most of them had less than 200 lbs. So I started to state in all my ads clearly that I wanted a woman in the range of 300 lbs to *smile*. The effect was that I rarely got messages. I confirm what FF wrote, online dating is not loaded with fat people.
It took me 3 years to find the woman of my dreams. I'm definately a lucky guy.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:40 AM   #34
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Yeah it's a shame that FA 'issues' remain underexplored. But how many times have we seen people even here on Dimensions scoff at the idea that we have much social stigma to overcome and it is just 'in our heads'. That's a great picture of you and your wife! You both look very contented. ...
Yes, there is a social stigma having a fat partner. For some FAs it takes years to be able to ignore all these prejudices. Unfortunately, some FAs stay in the closet forever.
Thanks for the compliment. I posted this pic because I want to demonstrate that fat love is possible and completely normal.
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Old 08-31-2017, 06:56 AM   #35
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Yes, there is a social stigma having a fat partner. For some FAs it takes years to be able to ignore all these prejudices. Unfortunately, some FAs stay in the closet forever.
Thanks for the compliment. I posted this pic because I want to demonstrate that fat love is possible and completely normal.
Yes, there is definitely a stigma to having a fat partner. In some circles it's elevated if your fat partner is a fat wife! On a fitness forum I frequent a few of the members we're talking about how it's ok and fun to bang a fat chick from time to time. When I mentioned being married to one I lost major credibility with a lot of the members. One even told me, "dude it's okay to f*** fat chicks but you're not supposed to marry them!" It's not a big deal to me though. I've found I actually have come to embrace the stigma, as I've shared elsewhere here on Dims.
Your pic definitely is a good one. There's nothing abnormal at all about living a beautiful woman!
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