Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > Main Dimensions Board



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-07-2017, 09:34 AM   #51
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 277
TwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
Actually, IF you are truly in love, you'd likely have known well beforehand about your loved one's desires to change genders.
You mean that actually being in love implies that both are honest with each other about what they want in life, and willing to share their desires with each other? I've always seen it that way, but I want to be sure that's what you're saying.

Also, the desire to change into something you can no longer appreciate should be a turn-off for anyone, or did you not mean to imply that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
Additionally, IF you LOVE them, you'd love them with those changes.
I've known girls who lost weight on me, and I still loved them afterwards... I just didn't like what was happening to them, and what it said about them as people; that their aesthetics were incompatible with mine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
I feel sorry for those of you who have yet to experience what real love is like.
'Tis better to have loved and lost, eh?
TwoSwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 11:26 AM   #52
jakub
Visitor
 
jakub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Poland
Posts: 140
jakub can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesjakub can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
I feel sorry for those of you who have yet to experience what real love is like.
REAL knowledge and REAL love is reserved for chosen ones, enlightened by touch of Xenu from Galactic Confederacy. You are so mature and experienced - I envy you !

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
Actually, IF you are truly in love, you'd likely have known well beforehand a
Until now I didnt know that "being truly in love" is connected with precognition (or other supernatural powers) :-)
jakub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 11:31 AM   #53
wrestlingguy
"Bitter Old Man"
 
wrestlingguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,627
wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jakub View Post
REAL knowledge and REAL love is reserved for chosen ones, enlightened by touch of Xenu from Galactic Confederacy. You are so mature and experienced - I envy you !


Until now I didnt know that "being truly in love" is connected with precognition (or other supernatural powers) :-)
I'm truly glad to be of help, perhaps you could enlighten me with regard to lust & what it means to you, as maybe I could use a little help with that.
__________________
"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet." ~ Saint Augustine
wrestlingguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 11:37 AM   #54
Kristal
 
Kristal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: K-PAX
Posts: 235
Kristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging inKristal makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
I wrote this in my blog back in 2012 (I won't link it because I think it's agains the rules), but reading this thread reminded me of it, so I had to go back to refresh my memory to see if it was relevant to this thread, and I believe it somewhat is.



I think that women have a much better ability to connect lust & love, whereas men like to keep it separate. Years ago, I'd make a judgment call on that, saying that men should try harder (and really they should), but I also realize that it took a long time to get me to that point, and perhaps some men aren't in the same place in their journey as I am. I do know that my fiancee is going to be undergoing bariatric surgery soon, and for me, nothing will change, definitely not our sex life. She's hot to me for who she is, as much as how she looks.
What a wonderful story. So very well put.
Kristal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 11:43 AM   #55
wrestlingguy
"Bitter Old Man"
 
wrestlingguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,627
wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoSwords View Post
You mean that actually being in love implies that both are honest with each other about what they want in life, and willing to share their desires with each other? I've always seen it that way, but I want to be sure that's what you're saying.

Also, the desire to change into something you can no longer appreciate should be a turn-off for anyone, or did you not mean to imply that?



I've known girls who lost weight on me, and I still loved them afterwards... I just didn't like what was happening to them, and what it said about them as people; that their aesthetics were incompatible with mine.



'Tis better to have loved and lost, eh?
FWIW, I think people generally all strive to "do better", and change comes as a result of that. For me, I've been in relationships where the other person wanted to lose weight. For me, our bodies are the containers we come in. If they thought that losing weight was for their improvement in some way, I was for it. I guess I should add that I've been in really good relationships with women who wore a size zero, to women who weighed over 450. For me (not saying everyone needs or should feel the way I do), while I have a preference for fat women, it isn't a deal breaker if they aren't.

I've been lucky that most of my relationships have been love based. Again, not putting anyone down by saying that I feel sorry for those who haven't experienced a true, loving relationship. I'm just saying that while sex in and of itself is incredible, I think that sex within a loving relationship is unequaled. More important, there are so many other great aspects of a loving relationship over and above the sex that the sex (for me at least) is enhanced because of them.

And your final point about loving & losing......maybe it's better to have loved and lost (which has happened to me on multiple occasions), but I also think it helps to set a high bar for future relationships, which is good in a lot of ways.
__________________
"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet." ~ Saint Augustine
wrestlingguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 02:53 PM   #56
JustinDulge
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 6
JustinDulge can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesJustinDulge can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

I'm usually a shy occasional lurker on these forums, but I'm compelled to comment because I'm dealing with a similar situation and it's making me feel bad about myself. I'm actually really glad someone posted about this.

My own ex-cheerleader wife is over 400 lbs now and, if I don't say so myself, she's a feeder's dream come true. She's beautiful and SO MUCH BETTER than anything I could have fantasized about when I first started coming to Dimensions in 2004.

Now she needs to lose weight so that we can have kids and so that she doesn't have serious knee or other problems going forward. I knew in the back of my head that this day would come, but I never really figured out how to mentally prepare for it. I want kids, and I want her to be healthy and happy. But that means that I need to shift my mindset toward intimacy in a way that's akin to breaking a really bad habit. Even though there's 4754835 things about her that I consider hot and sexy, they were still satellites orbiting the weight gain concept when it came time to make love, and I'm scared I won't be as good in bed as we want and she deserves because I'm so used to thinking about weight gain.

I think me and the OP are dealing with something similar: we LOVE our wives, we want the best for them AND us, but we're having trouble shifting our mindsets and expanding our horizons so that we can be as intimate as we should be and want to be. I don't feel at all like my wife is betraying me with wanting to lose weight - rather, *I* feel like I'm betraying *HER* by being so difficult to go with the flow. I need a way to let go of those feelings and let my intimacy evolve.

WrestlingGuy hit the nail on the head with his point of loving a person over a fetish. I love my wife like crazy and she is my best friend - now I just want my lovemaking to be evidence of that regardless of the changes in her size and my anxiety is getting the best of me when I try to do this.

Any further advice from someone that's experienced getting over this hurdle that's not "go see a therapist" would be greatly appreciated. God I hope I got my message across the right way. Thanks for reading this and being honest and considerate.

JD
JustinDulge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 03:36 PM   #57
happily_married
Happy to be part of Dims!
 
happily_married's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Virginia
Posts: 829
happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!happily_married has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustinDulge View Post

Any further advice from someone that's experienced getting over this hurdle that's not "go see a therapist" would be greatly appreciated. God I hope I got my message across the right way. Thanks for reading this and being honest and considerate.

JD
I think you did just fine explaining yourself.

Here's the thing: you love your wife and that's a good starting point. You want her to be happy and healthy and be able to carry children, and so on and so forth. My suggestion is this: TALK TO HER! Seriously, if you are nervous about her weight loss efforts then talk to her about it.

But honestly I think if you genuinely love her and she's genuinely happy with her progress you'll be fine. A few years ago my wife steadily dropped from ~335 down to 206. I hope this doesn't sound cliche, but seeing her happy was more than enough for me to put aside my own personal preference. Now all the weight is back (and then some) and I'm still happy. And if she turned it around again I'd be happy still. It's the person who makes me happy, the weight is secondary.

You may surprise yourself by how able to support her you are. Give it a shot. But if you're worried, tell her. Let her know her preferences and needs are important to you, but that you wouldn't change a thing about her if you had the final say, and that as she changes you're willing to change too but like her, you're going to need patience and understanding.

I hope this helps. Best wishes. Oh, and one last thing: when my wife lost weight, her figure was enhanced. She already had a small(ish) waist for a 330+ pound woman combined with a nice big butt. When she lost weight she lost more in her waist than her butt. Now here's the best part: when she gained all that weight back, her proportions were better. Her figure at ~365 now is far better than it was at ~335. Just a fun fact for you.
happily_married is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2017, 07:51 PM   #58
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 277
TwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
FWIW, I think people generally all strive to "do better", and change comes as a result of that.
I think this is the main reason people try to change, though some people, sadly, no longer make the attempt to improve. Mostly, when I have a problem with someone, it's because I disagree with their understanding of an "improvement."

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
For me, I've been in relationships where the other person wanted to lose weight. For me, our bodies are the containers we come in. If they thought that losing weight was for their improvement in some way, I was for it.
To me, the body is fully half of my identity as a person. I'm not pure spirit (yet) possessing my body like a ghost. It's a part of me; the only part of me that has "parts" properly-speaking.

In a way, I envy your ability in this area. It might make my life easier if I could do the same, but my feelings about aesthetics are much too strong and firmly-established to bend in this area. While I, too, can imagine myself in a relationship with someone who is losing weight, that only goes to a point, and if her desire were to be thin, in any sense, then her aesthetics would conflict much too sharply with mine, and any relationship between us would be unsympathetic at the very least, and that's just not what I'm looking for, nor, when you get down to it, do I think she should settle for that either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
For me (not saying everyone needs or should feel the way I do), while I have a preference for fat women, it isn't a deal breaker if they aren't.
The truth is, I've always seen fatness as prettier than thinness, ever since I was a child; sometimes aggressively so, in response to the uniform message of the culture. For that reason, while I can imagine myself in a relationship with a thin woman, at least in theory, I can never imagine myself in a relationship with someone who doesn't grasp the value of fatness. This aesthetic is much too close to my core. People tend to creep me out if they overtly go against it, meaning that I shy away from them, and deeper relationships (even friendships) just don't develop with them. I think this is partly because I'm worried that if I get too close to them, they'll end up hurting my feelings by accident.

For instance, there's someone in my workplace who I've been avoiding for literally months, ever since she spooked me by remarking that she thought I'd lost weight. I don't wish harm on her, or even dislike her in other ways, but I don't want to put myself in that kind of situation if it can be helped. That's what I mean when I say people's aesthetics can just be incompatible. Right now, that's where I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
And your final point about loving & losing......maybe it's better to have loved and lost (which has happened to me on multiple occasions), but I also think it helps to set a high bar for future relationships, which is good in a lot of ways.
Oh, believe me; I have about four such bars, only one of which is even partly physical in nature.

Also, I guess I'm still not 100% sure whether you think people in love will be fully honest and open with each other. I think they have to be, or you can't love the person, due to not really knowing who they are. This is why I went into some detail about my own experiences and the barriers I'm faced with socially. It feels like every month, I see some depressing article about how so-and-so lost weight, or Miss Blahblah, who'd previously seemed proud to be fat, has made a documentary about how she changed her mind, and so did all her buddies, and now they're determined to be thin, or how Mrs. Nwh, after years of being fat, lost hundreds of pounds on a whim, then dropped dead almost immediately afterwards. I want to know if love, in your mind, safeguards people against these kinds of deceptions and misleading impressions of one another. I always try to be open and honest with people, and not be afraid of what they'll think of me. Do couples in love still have to worry about this, or does their love for each other give them stronger reasons to behave honestly and keep their word?
TwoSwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2017, 05:47 PM   #59
quantumbits
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: US, OR
Posts: 43
quantumbits has said some nice things
Default

I think there's this odd thign happens when I see woman and consider a relationship. I always either look at he skinniest or the fattest and that's who I think would be best. Why? Because appearance takes a backseat. I'll choose the uglier one. I'll choose the one makes me look past her appearance. It forces me to see the person, not the body.

EDIT: When it comes to fat fetish, think I'm on the lower end. Slightly above average BMI for americans.
quantumbits is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2017, 07:51 PM   #60
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 277
TwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by quantumbits View Post
I think there's this odd thign happens when I see woman and consider a relationship. I always either look at he skinniest or the fattest and that's who I think would be best. Why? Because appearance takes a backseat. I'll choose the uglier one. I'll choose the one makes me look past her appearance. It forces me to see the person, not the body.
That's curious, alright. Don't get me wrong; if I like someone, I spend time sharing (or at least trying to share) hobbies with them, experiences, learn as much as I can through penetrating, yet subtle questions about their lives, and from their answers, and their behavior after this, I can deduce a lot about who they are on the inside.

The problem is that if we're talking about a romantic relationship, that's going to have to involve some kind of physical contact at some point, and though I regularly hug my thinner relatives, I always do so through secretly-gritted teeth. Let's just say that the experience would be an immediate and total turn-off, even if the person were my best friend.

I'm curious. Do your feelings about a person actually change while you spend time with them? This rarely happens to me (basically only when I learn about some quality of theirs that I was previously ignorant of,) and I'd be interested in learning more about how this phenomena effects others.
TwoSwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2017, 09:59 AM   #61
khrestel
 
khrestel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Finland
Posts: 104
khrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going on
Default

There's been posts telling people have been able to support shrinking wifes because seeing them happy makes up for the possible loss in appearance. Women often tend to feel more attractive and for many that leads to more sexually active after loosing weight if they've been unhappy to begin with. Also getting rid of some health problems might boost their sex drive. It's easy to see how that makes up for lost weight even for a well seasoned FA if the loss doesn't otherwise change the said person too much.

But what if one doesn't get a happier wife?

In my case, all my husband got was a wife who isn't enjoying anything anymore. Ugly woman with loads of loose skin who isn't able to feel the least bit attractive. Which means no sex. A wife who's never home cause she has to live at gym. Woman who carries her own salad to social functions because there's still 25 lbs to loose to make doctors happy (the same 25 lbs that have been there for almost two years so those salads aren't effective). I've changed and not the least bit to "happy" direction. So if my husband happened to be a poor FA who'd be forced to watch his beloved curves melt away the same time the person he loves becomes uptight, obsessed and unhappy... I'd easily understand if he was here complaining. I would gladly divorce myself if it was possible. I hate not being able to get turned on by anything anymore.

In OP's case change isn't as drastic but it seems there isn't any upsides to make up for the losses. It won't necessarily get any easier if you wife doesn't learn to enjoy herself in a way or another.
khrestel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2017, 03:48 PM   #62
wrestlingguy
"Bitter Old Man"
 
wrestlingguy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,627
wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.wrestlingguy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by khrestel View Post
There's been posts telling people have been able to support shrinking wifes because seeing them happy makes up for the possible loss in appearance. Women often tend to feel more attractive and for many that leads to more sexually active after loosing weight if they've been unhappy to begin with. Also getting rid of some health problems might boost their sex drive. It's easy to see how that makes up for lost weight even for a well seasoned FA if the loss doesn't otherwise change the said person too much.

But what if one doesn't get a happier wife?

In my case, all my husband got was a wife who isn't enjoying anything anymore. Ugly woman with loads of loose skin who isn't able to feel the least bit attractive. Which means no sex. A wife who's never home cause she has to live at gym. Woman who carries her own salad to social functions because there's still 25 lbs to loose to make doctors happy (the same 25 lbs that have been there for almost two years so those salads aren't effective). I've changed and not the least bit to "happy" direction. So if my husband happened to be a poor FA who'd be forced to watch his beloved curves melt away the same time the person he loves becomes uptight, obsessed and unhappy... I'd easily understand if he was here complaining. I would gladly divorce myself if it was possible. I hate not being able to get turned on by anything anymore.

In OP's case change isn't as drastic but it seems there isn't any upsides to make up for the losses. It won't necessarily get any easier if you wife doesn't learn to enjoy herself in a way or another.
First, I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappy, and not enjoying anything.

I always wonder how many people diet or get weight loss surgery because of pressure from those close to them. While I'm not saying that it's happened in your case, I do know people who have done so, and ended up unhappy not only with their personal appearance after significant weight loss, but because their partner no longer found them attractive.

So may I ask, have you also spoken with others who feel the same way you do?

I've had several partners who have undergone WLS, or have lost a lot of weight due to dieting. While I posted previously about this, the fact that it's not an issue for me isn't something that simply came naturally.

I think it was a process of personal growth for me. I can't say I was always able to do that, and there were some hard lessons that brought me there.

Hopefully with time everyone will come to see that while our initial attraction to people is what bring us together, it should be who we are that keeps us together. It's really helped me in my current relationship, and I consider myself blessed to have reached a point in my life where love trumps lust in my relationship.
__________________
"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet." ~ Saint Augustine
wrestlingguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2017, 04:35 PM   #63
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 277
TwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by khrestel View Post
There's been posts telling people have been able to support shrinking wifes because seeing them happy makes up for the possible loss in appearance. Women often tend to feel more attractive and for many that leads to more sexually active after loosing weight if they've been unhappy to begin with. Also getting rid of some health problems might boost their sex drive. It's easy to see how that makes up for lost weight even for a well seasoned FA if the loss doesn't otherwise change the said person too much.
Well, for the FA, these are emotional considerations. Appreciation of appearance, or appreciation of happiness, or even sharing in the happiness of another person can all be positive emotional factors, and their strength, as emotions, will be mainly person-relative.

However, to some FAs, the loss may be more devastating. He might not be able to appreciate her physical beauty anymore, and might feel hesitation over every instance of physical contact with her from that point on. Worse yet, he might feel alienated, as his wife derives enjoyment from the very thing that makes him feel empty.

In such situations, having a wife who is miserable over still not losing enough weight, in her estimation, would be almost as alienating, because he would know that her misery is incompatible with his. but in the times of his greatest sadness, he might be able to pretend that she feels such anxiety, not because she can't distress him more, but because she too is unhappy with how things have turned out. He might at least imagine that they could have a common sorrow to share.

Believe me; the impact of finding someone who has a beauty that's not seen once in a thousand people, then learning that she can never appreciate it as you do is a nightmare I've experienced many times in my life, and I just have to walk away and let it play itself out. I hope such people will be happy, even if I can't share in that happiness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
Hopefully with time everyone will come to see that while our initial attraction to people is what bring us together, it should be who we are that keeps us together. It's really helped me in my current relationship, and I consider myself blessed to have reached a point in my life where love trumps lust in my relationship.
Attraction isn't everything. Sympathy and common motives matter more. I would have an easier time dealing with a fellow FA, even if they were thin themselves.
TwoSwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2017, 08:50 AM   #64
khrestel
 
khrestel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Finland
Posts: 104
khrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going onkhrestel knows EXACTLY what's going on
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
I always wonder how many people diet or get weight loss surgery because of pressure from those close to them. While I'm not saying that it's happened in your case, I do know people who have done so, and ended up unhappy not only with their personal appearance after significant weight loss, but because their partner no longer found them attractive.

So may I ask, have you also spoken with others who feel the same way you do?
I dieted for doctors who tried to force me to have WLS so it was pressured for sure. My partner never appreciated my larger form, I'm the FA in this family, so in this particular case I don't know if we're both as displeased with my appearance as I am.

I've never spoken with others who feel the same as I simply because I've never met anyone who wouldn't rave about the wondefulnes of their weight loss.
khrestel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2017, 12:34 PM   #65
quantumbits
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: US, OR
Posts: 43
quantumbits has said some nice things
Default

These kinds of posts make me sad. I know we shouldn't care how someone looks. It shouldn't matter. But that's why I've always felt guilty being more sexually attracted to thicc or heavier girls. I want to see everyone as equally attractive. I've had crushes for all types of girls, but sexually they're not equal. I grew up christian. I'm not a christian now, but I still believe in doing the right thing and trying to avoid indulgences. That's what bigger girls are to me, an indulgence. It's selfish.

I think as we get older we learn to dedicate ourselves to others, not ourselves. When you look at all the people who live a long time, they're usually not selfish. They work hard and they don't complain about small things.

What's important? Appearance is not important, unless it's impeding your health. Maybe if you start to think about appearance, it's time to look at yourself, at what you're doing, at your values. What important things are you doing?
quantumbits is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-28-2017, 02:38 AM   #66
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 277
TwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by quantumbits View Post
These kinds of posts make me sad. I know we shouldn't care how someone looks. It shouldn't matter. But that's why I've always felt guilty being more sexually attracted to thicc or heavier girls. I want to see everyone as equally attractive. I've had crushes for all types of girls, but sexually they're not equal. I grew up christian. I'm not a christian now, but I still believe in doing the right thing and trying to avoid indulgences. That's what bigger girls are to me, an indulgence. It's selfish.
For me, it doesn't end there. It's not enough to recognize that your motives have elements of selfishness to them. You also need some equally-strong motive for continuing on, without your desire, or you'll be prone to strong temptations that will get the better of you. I'm at the point in my life where seeing fat girls is like a breath of fresh air; a relief, a joy, and an inspiration in my work, but aside from the possibility of a better afterlife, with more of the things I like and care about in it, I have no other strong motive, which is comparable to that. There just isn't anything else that I care about that much.

Keep in mind, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who has spent his whole life loving things that others hate, and there's frequently no point of common interest; no area where I think we share enough in common that my help will be accepted or desired. The only exception is with charitable donations, where those people don't need to actually know me in order to benefit from my actions. Aside from that, what others consider a good deed, I would often think of as a horrible crime.

Quote:
Originally Posted by quantumbits View Post
I think as we get older we learn to dedicate ourselves to others, not ourselves. When you look at all the people who live a long time, they're usually not selfish. They work hard and they don't complain about small things.
My muse is not, and cannot be a small thing. It's too central and too important.

Quote:
Originally Posted by quantumbits View Post
What's important? Appearance is not important, unless it's impeding your health. Maybe if you start to think about appearance, it's time to look at yourself, at what you're doing, at your values. What important things are you doing?
Sympathy matters more to me than appearance, in a relationship sense, but that's not available either. Also, it's not just about appearance. Shape, texture, softness, etc, are all things that are different from how they appear, and all are part of my only strong motivation in this life. I can look at my values all I want (and I do, on a frequent basis,) but none of that will make me happy when confronted by the fact that none of what I want is compatible with what this transitory, secular, sinful, thin world offers.
TwoSwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-29-2017, 05:27 PM   #67
Super Fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 166
Super Fan can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesSuper Fan can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesSuper Fan can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Modraneth, OMG that is a bad situation, but it is a far better situation than if she was in a car wreck & fire and lost one arm both legs and half her face and looked like the worst nightmare imaginable. Sometimes if you know how much worse it can be, the severe tragedy that actually happened seems better. You could tell her the truth, "Yes your terrifyingly horrible weight loss is a huge turn off and a sexual tragedy, but I thank God you didn't get even more horrifically messed up in a bad car crash with a fire."
Super Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-31-2017, 02:25 PM   #68
jakub
Visitor
 
jakub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Poland
Posts: 140
jakub can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesjakub can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by quantumbits View Post
I know we shouldn't care how someone looks. It shouldn't matter.
Who said that? This is pure BS.
jakub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-02-2017, 11:11 AM   #69
quantumbits
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: US, OR
Posts: 43
quantumbits has said some nice things
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jakub View Post
Who said that? This is pure BS.
We shouldn't because beauty is skin deep. And my comment is regarding the OP. If you were with your special someone for several years, after making a vow to be with her through bad and good, and she lost so much weight she's skinny, would you stay with her, or would you be honest with her? If you love her, you'll not sweat small stuff. You'll not hide thoughts.

Some wives have dealt with transvestite husbands (go to 3:20 for great example):

Love is powerful. A husband coming out as transgender, after decades of silence:
quantumbits is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 02:40 AM   #70
TwoSwords
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 277
TwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 clubTwoSwords is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by quantumbits View Post
We shouldn't because beauty is skin deep. And my comment is regarding the OP. If you were with your special someone for several years, after making a vow to be with her through bad and good, and she lost so much weight she's skinny, would you stay with her, or would you be honest with her? If you love her, you'll not sweat small stuff. You'll not hide thoughts.
I wouldn't abandon her, because I want to keep my word, but as I've said before, I would be inconsolable, because the whole of my passion is bound up in that type of contact, so the only way we could find commonalities at that point would be by mourning her loss together.
TwoSwords is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Amazing Expanding Wife - by EpsilonCool (~BBW, ~~WG, Pregnancy) EpsilonCool Weight Fiction General Archives 2 01-11-2015 09:01 AM
The Best Thanksgiving Ever - by FANed_Fox - (BBW (mult),Eating Fantasy,Romance, ~SWG) Britt Reid Weight Fiction Multi-part General Archive 8 12-05-2011 03:16 PM
Abundant Alison - by auusiefa63 (SSBBW, Erotica, ~XWG) aussiefa63 Erotica Archive 19 09-29-2011 11:36 AM
Does Weight Watchers Really work- a personal opinion Russell Williams Main Dimensions Board 170 01-12-2007 12:39 AM
Experiments in Revenge JP. Special Interests Archive 5 03-12-2006 02:30 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:15 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.